Deadpool Paints a Circle

By: Elecman99

(The story begins at midnight in the Hidden Leaf Village. The local pink haired girl, Sakura, is just sitting on the roof of her house, staring at the moon because she thought it might help her fall asleep… as you can see she's not the brightest star in the sky.)

Sakura: It's no use… I just can't seem to fall asleep; then again, staring at a bright full moon while lying on top of the hard roof shingles of my house DOES seem like kind of a dumb idea in retrospect. I seem to be coming up with a LOT of those recently. Wait, who am I talking to? Great! Now I'm stupid AND crazy! That's just wonderful! As if I wasn't crazy enough with my whole "inner-me" thing.

Inner Sakura: KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS!

Sakura: Shut up, inner-me! I told you, "I'm not killing anyone else!" It took me forever to find a safe place to hide the bodies of my mom and dad and it took me even longer to fully convince everyone that they went on a second honeymoon… for ten years… forever… WHY DID YOU MAKE ME KILL MY PARENTS?

Inner Sakura: They wanted to take your secrets!

Sakura: I don't have any secrets!

Inner Sakura: BECAUSE THEY STOLE THEM! THEY HAD TO DIE!

Sakura: You're insane!

Inner Sakura: I know you are but what am I?

Sakura: Well played, inner-me!

Inner Sakura: NYA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

(Suddenly a strange sound catches her ear from the distance)

Pssssssshhhh!

Sakura: Hmm? What was that?

Psssssshhh!

Sakura: There it is again! It sounds like some sort of… hissing noise. It seems to start and stop at regular intervals. I'd best check it out!

Inner Sakura: AND KILL IT!

Sakura: … Maybe!

Inner Sakura: BAH!

(Sakura then leaps off the edge of the roof… only to realize that it's a two-story drop down into an open trash can.)

Sakura: WOW! I did NOT think that through!

Inner Sakura: YOU ARE TEH STOOPIDZ!

Sakura: Okay! Let's just hope no one heard that… or saw that… Now to get up before I'm noticed-

(As she attempts to stand, up she feels an incredible amount of pain in both her legs.)

Sakura: F*** ME IN THE A**! THAT F***ING HURTS LIKE SH**!

(She then swiftly clasps her hands over her mouth)

Inner Sakura: Subtle!

Sakura: And BOTH my legs are now broken! Crap! No Problem. I'll just heal that up with some medical jut-

(As she starts to form a hand sign, she feels the same pain she felt in her legs in her wrist)

Sakura: AAAAAAAHHHHHGGGH! CO** SUCKING MOTHER F***ING WHORE!

(She then swiftly clasps her hands over her mouth again)

Sakura: I've GOT to stop being so loud when I'm in pain. (She looks at her wrist) Of course my wrist is broken as well! Wait! (Wiggles fingers) I can still move my fingers, so I could still do the Jutsu… but it would HURT… a LOT!

(She pauses for a moment and then sighs. She then reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a kunai)

Sakura: For the safety of the Village!

(She then puts the handle of the kunai in her mouth to bite down on. She then performs the hand signs letting out a painful grunt with each one. Mind you she has to do it three times to heal each of her broken limbs so… yea it's going to hurt. Eventually she finally finishes and stands up sweating and panting from exhaustion.)

Sakura: Thank GOD that's over!

Inner Sakura: It probably would've been much less painful if you healed your wrist first… Idiot!

(Sakura's eyes widen upon realizing the idea, and she then falls on her knees and begins to cry.)

Inner Sakura: It's hard to believe yours is the dominant personality sometimes.

Sakura: Sh-Shut up! (She then dries her eyes and stands up) Okay… Now that I've had my little breakdown, I can finally investigate that hissing noise. (She then runs off to investigate the sound)