Chapter 14: Heroes and Broken People

"Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine but I wish I was dead. Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise. No one compares to you I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side."

Lana Del Rey –Dark Paradise

This is my fault, Katara thought.

"This is my fault," Zuko said.

I should have been there, Katara thought.

"I should have been there," Zuko said.

Last night was a mistake, Katara thought.

"But last night wasn't a mistake," Zuko said.

I'm kidding myself if I think this is going to work

"I don't know if this is going to last but I'll do it, Katara, I'll make it work."

What I feel for him has to stop

"You probably think that we should…stop…"

But why does it hurt so much when I even think about doing that?

"But even just thinking about it hurts."

And I can't just stop feeling like this.

"And I can't stop what I feel."

We have to put Toph first.

"But right now, we focus on Toph."

And as Zuko wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face into her hair, she thought only of how they'd reached a stalemate.

Zuko was thinking about Katara. Her hair. Her face. Her voice.

They'd long since broken their embrace. The war balloon sped towards the Fire Nation and they both stood stiffly with their backs to each other at either end of the airship. This air was buzzing with the suppressed emotion.

Zuko turned slowly, his fingers clutching the railing of the balloon so tightly his knuckles had turned white. He watched the water-bender's profile with a protective air. The afternoon sun was bleeding through the fabric of the war balloon and layering on Katara's skin. It didn't look right. Her face was gaunt and her lips tight, a darkness he'd only seen a glimpse of, back when she wanted to flay him alive.

She didn't turn around.

The tension in the air was almost tangible.

He couldn't take it.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly. She jerked her head around, like her thoughts had been millions of miles away.

"Toph," she replied quietly. She was silent for a minute and then she turned around completely. "What if we don't get there in time?" Panic was glinting in her eyes, "What if Azula hurts her? What if I can't heal her?" she was shaking now. Zuko crossed the length of the balloon in one smooth stride and grabbed her by the shoulders. He could see the anxiety in her eyes like blue pools of restless water.

"We'll get there in time," Zuko answered softly, "We have to," and he rubbed her shoulder. She looked very close to tears and turned her head away and blinked furiously.

She was doing it again. Taking the whole weight of the situation on her slight shoulders. What made her feel so damn responsible? Couldn't she see it was his fault? He'd let them go in the first place. He'd been the one to come up with that ridiculous plan and he'd kissed her on the way back.

He was getting that feeling again. That slow bubbling anger that seemed to rise from somewhere deep in his stomach, an anger that bubbled and seethed before rising. An anger that felt less like the dry biting flames he was so used to feeling and more like a boiling ocean.

Katara was shaking. She could feel her shoulders moving by themselves and felt like her own body was disobeying her. Dear Yue she really was losing it. So when the tears began to come, she blinked them away fiercely. God knew this was all her fault, but sobbing wouldn't help.

She finally pulled herself together after some deep breathing and turned to face Zuko. He was looking at her severely, something very dangerous simmering under those amber eyes. He looked away for several moments, his hard look never changing before gazing back at her.

"We need a plan," he said simply. She relished the idea of letting the logical side of her brain take over. To throw herself headfirst into battle and forget completely about the guilt that was driving a wedge between them. To forget what Zuko had told her. And even as she thought about forgetting, his words echoed in her head. But even just thinking about it hurts.

She nodded curtly. "You need to tell me the whole story first," she countered, "Why are we going to a dojo in the middle of a mountain?"

Zuko sighed.

"When I was younger, my sister and I were sent away to live with our firebending master, Sifu Xi, in his dojo," he inclined his head to Katara, "in the middle of a mountain." He paused. "We learned and studied there, no royal treatment in the mountains, lots of sleeping on straw mats and scrubbing floors," he chuckled darkly, "And as is tradition with fire nation royalty, at the age of 13, a child was given a choice. They held before you a blade and a candle. If you picked the blade, you were given further training into the arts of the sword and dagger, and if you picked the candle, you were taught the basics of creating lightning," he explained.

"So you picked the blade?" Katara guessed.

"I didn't trust my firebending," he muttered, kneading his forehead, his eyes fixed on a point somewhere behind her, "It was as tempermental as I was. So I went for the more solid option. So the day after I made my choice, as I was just beginning to duel with my first sword, Azula shot Master Xi full of lightning," Zuko stopped. His gaze was sad and his fingers almost unconsciously drew a trail across his shoulders, as though his dual swords were still fastened there.

"She got away with it of course. So now she wants me to go there, to kill me in the place where she," he stopped and looked up with a little look of surprise, "where she committed her first murder," he finished. Katara blanched.

"That's just twisted," she growled. Zuko had turned away from her but she could feel the heat rolling off from him in waves.

"No. That's Azula," he finally murmured. And Katara had the strongest urge to wrap her arms around the boy and to press her lips to that small place just below his ear and then dot them down and across his entire jaw line before planting one on his lips. She held her hands stiffly at her sides, as this feeling grew stronger in her. She caught Zuko in a similar position and a small smile tugged at her lips, before the pull of guilt wiped it away.

And suddenly, all she could think of was Toph. Toph, so strong and so amazing with beautiful green eyes that never failed to make her gasp when they were accidentally turned towards her. And the possibility that Azula had done the unspeakable, that Azula had killed her, made Katara burn. A strange sensation as though she had so much heat in her, it was uncontainable. As though her entire being was flaming and all she needed to do expel it. It was so strange and unlike the anger she was used to, the anger of a bubbling sea, no this was something new, this was a dry heat, a burning volcano. And so she sat down hard on her bottom and hugged her knees to her stomach, with fire burning a hole in her chest.

It had been three days in the balloon. Even though they each used their bending abilities to the max to add some spurts of speed, when they were huffing and puffing trying to catch their breath, it was wind they relied on and wind could only take you so far. At some point they had entered Fire Nation territory and soon they'd reach the Azraf Mountains. The entire time, Katara seemed to be intent on not coming in contact with him. More than once, she'd jerked her hands or feet back when they'd brushed past each other. They'd talk only to finalize their plans and when to come down to rest. The duo worked together to create a cover of steam and fog to hide the balloon from enemy eyes.

They didn't make idle conversation, or fill the silence with comments and observations. They sat there in each other's quiet, a mutual acceptance of the stillness in the air between them as hidden rage battered them both from the inside.

A heavy guilt made them feel much less like they were flying and more like they were falling, a stone dropping through the sky, plummeting towards certain doom.

Toph must have been down in that torture cell for hours. She could tell by the crick in her neck and back. And as she began to pick herself up, she was shocked by how the hard wooden floor of the ground had been replaced with soft silky sheets and pillows. She let herself fall back onto the bed with a sigh.

Apprehension coursed through her veins as she wondered just how much more Azula would torture her. She felt the bolts of fear drive into her stomach like hot knives. And still, she mumbled into the pillow, "Come on Princess prissy-bitch, I can take whatever you throw at me." Her eyes were squeezed shut though, and a waver in her voice gave away her pain.

"Shh shh, don't let anyone hear you talking like that," a voice hushed her. Why was it so familiar? Taz, she realized.

"And why not?" Toph retorted, her voice still whisper soft.

"Because I've risked too much in the past 5 hours for you to get yourself strapped down again," he replied. She glared at the point in the air where she suspected his face was.

"Explain for the unconscious until-recently blind girl, please," she mumbled through numb lips. Toph heard the shuffling of feet and the restless movements of his hands.

"I gave up," Taz he finally choked out and then sighed heavily, "I've decided not to take orders anymore because…I'm meant for more," his voice was rising in intensity, "I can feel it. Sure, maybe years from now, when all our future generations tell the great saga of the Avatar and his companions, I won't be in it. But I'll know that I played a part in their victory," Toph could almost feel the brightness that radiated from the boy's face as he spoke, "Because you guys have to win," the brightness had faded, replaced with sharp clarity. "You have to. The Fire Lord has this crazy plan of ridding the world of all the other nations. He's going to burn them all into extinction," he was whispering. "I'm not a hero, but I know it's my duty to prevent this massacre of our world's balance," he finished, his hands were gripping the sheets on the bed she lay in.

His breathing patterns sound normal, Toph thought. But he could still be lying. Might be some crackshot plan to mess with my head. And as suspicion and paranoia clawed at her thoughts, somewhere in her chest, some part of her that had been crushed and trodden so many times by dashed hopes, the same part of her that held Aang in such sharp relief, wanted so much to believe Taz.

"Give me your hand," she said quickly. Taz gave it to her without hesitation, maybe thinking it was a gesture of affection. He should've known better. She took his hand with ginger fingers and turned it over. It was smooth and soft and long and slender. An artist's hands. "So why am I here?" she asked, but she focused on his pulse.

"Because I slipped some shirshu sedative into Azula's afternoon tea, so she is almost definitely on the floor of her room, drool flowing from her mouth, probably for the next four to five days," he said gleefully. "Oh! By the way, we've arrived at the dojo. I took the liberty of carrying you from the brig to this room. It's locked of course, but not much security…I could help you, Miss Toph…I could help you escape." His pulse was normal. Toph let go of a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and let what he'd said sink in.

"What?! Hah! Man that takes some major guts. If I could move I'd kiss you full on your mouth," she chuckled to herself. But then the implications of what she'd said made her eyes widen in surprise. And even more surprise when she realized that she would've actually done it. The hand she still held went very still suddenly and she felt the pulse quicken. It was speeding up so fast Toph felt a grin sneak across her lips. She felt a hand press down on the other side of her, and the one she held slowly escaped her grasp and did the same. Toph was at a loss for words.

What the hell is happening?

And then she was inhaling his musky scent.

Soft, lovely, velvety lips pressed against hers, like petals that followed the shape of her mouth with wonderful pressure on just the right places. They stayed there for a moment before beginning to pull away. Oh no you don't. Toph slipped her tongue between Taz's teeth and before she knew it, he was there, cradling her face ever so delicately as she gripped him by the hair smashing his face to hers and ravishing his mouth.

He pulled away first, gasping slightly. "Wow," he said softly.

"Wow's right," she answered equally quiet. And a sudden burst of realization flowed through her. She thought of Aang. Oh with his stupid little crushes on stupid little water-benders. And suddenly, Toph was giving up. It was difficult. She was a stubborn girl and giving up was hardly ever an option. But this time, she decided for the first time, she wouldn't go pining for affection anymore. She'd wanted a lot of things in her life, a lot of hugs and a lot of kisses that had gone to certain poodle-rabbits and water-benders. So didn't she deserve something to make up for it? So even as a tear slipped out of her eye, she didn't even move to wipe it away. And so she shoved aside Aang in her heart to make room for Taz, the boy who didn't hold back.

"Wake up Katara, we're here," Zuko shook her gently by the shoulder. Her eyes snapped open and she began to stand up. Then the proximity between the firebender and herself made her yelp and jump back. The balloon tipped precariously. With a blast of fire from his palm, Zuko righted it again and gave her a funny look. She put a hand of her chest to still her racing heart.

They'd been taking turns sleeping. And when he'd fallen so far into the clutches of sleep, he hadn't noticed when Katara curled up against his warm frame and just gazed at his face. The bold jut of his jawline. The strong line of his nose. The dark shiny scar across his eye and the way he looked almost innocent when he was sleeping. Her pulse would always quicken when her gaze drifted to his lips. Damn it Katara, focus! Time to rescue Toph.

And so dressed in black and signaling each other with hand movements, the two hiked up into the Azraf mountains, slinking from ledge to ledge, before they finally caught the first glimpses of the dojo, nestled into the surrounding trees. So the continued towards it, faces grim and shoulders tense.

The minutes leading up to that moment were a blur, full of warm lips and and soft hands. She'd gotten so used to the feel of Taz in those fifteen minutes that when he swung her onto his back, she could predict his movements with a familiar accuracy. After doing so, he gripped her hand tight, kissing each finger gently.

"I understand that the timing is the most inappropriate," he began and his fingers traced nervous circles on the backs of her hands, "But in the short period that I've known you, I can't stop thinking about you. Your face, it will be forevermore the subject of my dreams and daydreams. And when you spoke to me for the first time, and I saw you for what you truly are…" he stopped completely and his voice was thoughtful, almost sad, "You're a fighter." He reached around casually to pull Toph's legs around his torso tighter. She knew he was incredibly muscled. She'd ran her fingers up and across the planes of his shoulders and stomach enough. And yet he managed to be almost unbelievably tender as he handled her. A flutter danced through Toph's stomach and down her torso.

It was half nerves, half…something else.

And then she felt the movement as they burst out of the room. The sound of guards yelling and a flurry of activity as voices shouted and boots parading around filled the air.

Toph felt Taz's shoulders gently rise and fall as he laughed quietly to himself. He pulled them through the chaos without so much as a single glance backwards. He danced through the soldiers, who were too bewildered by the laughing man carrying the girl across his shoulders, joy etched onto his features. Toph began laughing with him. And suddenly all the activity stopped. The guards watched in eerie silence, as the sight grew even more confusing. The blind girl with the haunting eyes laughed almost maniacally.

It was like the devil itself rode on the man's shoulders.

"I don't understand!" Toph yelled, laughing with her whole body, "Why aren't they attacking?"

"Oh, I may have put some of that shirshu sedative in our stores of rum. The soldiers all must be feeling rather numb and disoriented." He chortled.

"So we're home free?" Toph thought out loud, "We just get of this wretched mountain, commandeer a ship, and we're free. We're free! Taz, you did it! Dammit, you crazy bastard you did it!" A sort of happiness that Toph was unfamiliar with claimed her brain and as Taz climbed down the mountainside, sure-footed and lithe on the rickety paths, her heart blossomed in her chest and the world was suddenly so full of feeling. So very full. And even though almost all her senses had been cut off from the world, and in any other situation, she probably would have felt completely and utterly empty, at that moment, she was brimming to the top, for once in her life, she felt completely and totally overwhelmed by her emotions.

And she realized that this feeling, this total enrapture of her being, was that little thing that they called love.

They were going as fast as they could but Katara had this sinking feeling in their gut. She could almost feel the time running out and all she could feel was the warmth of the sinking sun on her back. It made her skin prickle, like a constant reminder of their time limit. She stared at Zuko's back as they made the climb up the steep paths of the mountain, single file. He turned back suddenly, his eyes searching, and his hand up to stop her.

"Something's wrong."

Katara paused too. She scanned the landscape. The dojo was smoking in several places. It rose up in small plumes and the waterbender felt a small flutter of hope rise in her chest. That was exactly the kind of thing Toph would do. Maybe she was okay. The alternative was too horrible to even contemplate. Then an enormous explosion rocked the mountainside.

Toph was still trapped in her euphoric state of emotion when she felt the ground shake through her grip on Taz's shoulders. They were tense now. All the laughter was gone now. He turned and Toph guessed he was gazing back at the dojo.

"What's going on," she asked quietly. Taz was very still.

"I may not have been as thorough as I would have liked…there is a chance that Azula was not completely sedated…" he was quiet for a moment and then he let out a string of curses and growled, "I forgot to calculate her firebending. She's a godforsaken master. She must've burned through it faster than I predicted. Damn it all." He broke into a run and he was sprinting down the side of the mountain.

"How much further do we have?" Toph interjected.

"Not…much…further…perhaps a mile…or ten," he said over his shoulder between his rapid breaths. Toph rested her cheek in between his shoulder blades, soaking in the feel of the swing in every step.

"If I could walk, we'd be so much faster," she bit out. In her head, she cursed Azula to high heaven.

"Oh, don't you…worry, pretty girl…I'll get you…out of here….no matter what," he assured her. And in a sudden fit of compassion she placed a kiss on the side of his head where sweat was beginning to slick back his hair. A tear of gratitude slid down her cheek and in earnest she wrapped her arms around him as tight as the pain would allow and let his warmth make her feel safe and secure…a feeling she'd denied herself for years. She didn't feel that incessant urge to prove herself strong and or unbreakable. He seemed to know. He understood, and he cared for that one part of her that was so soft and damaged. He seemed to be holding it without delicacy. He was holding that part of her with a grip that made her shudder and squirm.

That's when the air crackled with electricity.

The hairs on Zuko's arms stood up in expectance. His eyes darted around furiously, trying to catch the source of the energy. He knew what he was looking for. And then he found it, soaring down towards them, a figure riding fire down the mountain, propelling through the air. Azula.

Katara saw them first, the man with the girl on his shoulders. It took a moment for her to recognize her. Her hair was in chaotic disarray and the dress she wore was frayed and tattered. But she recognized those green eyes, even when she didn't recognize the expression of bliss that blossomed in them.

She also saw the figure rise up behind them, the fire blazing behind them, and almost like a nightmare, Azula was there, closing in on them, lightning crackling at her finger tips.

Taz was sprinting. He was running as fast as he could but Toph could still taste the static in the air. She knew Azula was close behind. She knew it as well as she knew that she loved Taz. She loved him, his smell, his strange accent, his breathy kisses, and that heavy respect he placed for her. And Azula was going to kill him for it.

"Taz, you have to run faster. I'm so sorry but, you have to. She's going to kill you. Taz," her voice was shrill and desperate. Her eyes were filling with tears and she couldn't help it. She would've have rubbed angrily at the drops that spilled from them if moving her arms didn't hurt so much. She just clung on to the running boy and felt tears blow past her. He added a burst of speed to his pace and she could feel his arms and legs pumping. She could hear Azula's breathing now. It sounded to her sharp ears like the great breaths of a bellow, fanning roaring flames. And then the sound of something rose over the wind and caught her ears.

Azula was giggling.

And that just may have been the most terrifying sound she heard in her entire life.

Zuko saw her first. He was close enough to see that there was a line of dried drool on her chin and her eyes burned with a wild fury he hadn't seen in a long time.

He noticed them afterwards. They were crashing down the paths, a whirlwind in the fire. The boy, because he had to be a boy, maybe 17 or 16, had a grim expression on his face as he tore towards the foothills, and Toph on his back looked so small and so frightened. Rage bubbled through his being and when he caught the glint of tears on her pale cheeks.

Azula's going to pay.

And he willed himself to go faster and make it Toph.

"We're almost…there. Just….a little ways…to go," Taz puffed out. He was still going strong. He never slowed his pace and he never stopped. Toph clutched him even tighter.

"Oh isn't this just pathetic," Azula tutted behind them. "Taz you have been a very disobedient subject. I'm afraid I will have to discipline you," She stopped speaking. The proximity of her voice told Toph that she wasn't far behind. Maybe 20paces away. "Oh stop running will you? This is getting tiresome." She made an impatient noise.

Taz put on another burst of speed. He winded in and out of trees as he raced down the mountainside. He made a sharp turn and ducked under a ledge of rock. He carefully pulled Toph off of his back and laid her down next to him.

"Not a sound, pretty girl," he mumbled and ran his thumb across her cheek. Toph could barely breathe. They felt the heat of the fire that Azula rode blaze over them. The noise of it died down and within minutes the sound of her impatient screams filled the air. Taz took Tophs hands and put them on his face so she could feel his grin stretching across his face. "We're really going to make it!" he whispered.

The stayed crouched like that for god knows how long. Toph ignored the throbbing swollen appendages that were her limbs for as long as she could feel Taz's warmth next to her, she was okay. She could get through the pain. She was a fighter, after all.

An hour passed.

And then another.

They refused to move in fear of discovery.

And when finally Taz swung Toph up around his torso, picking them both up and out of their hiding place, she was facing him and he kissed her full on the mouth. It was needless to say that she responded in full.

"You are so wonderful, Toph. You never deserved any of this," he gently swept his arm down hers. He sucked in a breath at the sight of the bruises.

"I'm okay, Taz, I really am," she replied. "You don't need to get your panties in a knot…I'll survive." Taz shook his head as she finished her sentence.

"No but Toph! You beautiful girl, you deserve so much more than to survive. You deserve to live. To fight! To feel and hear and taste and see! Oh how I wish you could see." He gesticulated wildly. Toph furrowed her brows.

"I don't need your pity okay," She bit out. Taz recoiled from her words and almost immediately felt the warmth between them dissipate.

"I don't pity you, pretty girl…I merely want you to have everything that you deserve….how is it that a terrifying and perverse creature such as Azula can have eyes and see everything and not enjoy any of it…when you deserve to see the orange sun setting over those trees so much more…and to know what I mean when I say you are as beautiful as that sight if not a hundred times more…." Taz trailed off. Toph didn't know how to reply. She wrapped her arms around him and nestled her cheek into his shoulder. She ignored the unbearable pain that seemed to make its presence known particularly during poignant moments such as this.

"Sorry for snapping at you…it's a habit," She murmured against his face.

"One that I hope to remove all need for," he replied. He straightened up and began scanning the trees and skies. "The coast is clear, let's get out of here," he murmured and got a good grip on Toph's ankles. She sighed against his back. She could really get used to this warmth. She nestled into the curvature of his back feeling the beat of his heart through his shirt. It was a lovely sound, strong and bold. Taz said something over his shoulder and his heartbeat was speeding up. Toph hadn't heard him. He stopped suddenly and he pulled Toph off of him and set her down roughly. It hurt. A lot. Something was wrong. Toph tried to gather her wits but her mind was muddled and the pain wasn't helping.

"I want to tell you something," he was looking down, speaking quickly, "I didn't tell you this but, I've studied your exploits with the Avatar for years and I've always wanted to be a part of the force that would one day overthrow the Fire Lord," he was rushing now, "But, I was beginning to lose hope after the Invasion failed. But then, seeing you here? I'm ready to do anything to help maintain balance in the world. I'm ready to die for it," he paused and looked and pressed his forehead against hers, "I'm ready to die for you." He whipped his head around and Toph could feel his pulse skyrocketing. They weren't safe and he knew it. She licked her lips and tasted metal in the air. Azula.

Taz smashed his lips onto her forehead and in one swift movement, pressed something into her hand and shoved her behind him. "You're going to save the world, Toph! I know it, pretty—" Taz was cut off by the crackle of electricity and a soft high pitched giggle. Toph toppled backwards by the force of the blast. She scrambled forward on broken limbs to try and find Taz. The warmth of his body was already a distant memory for her.

She clambered onward to where Taz had been and was very confused when she only found soft dust. "Taz?" Toph whimpered. "Taz, where are you?" Suddenly the feeling of the soft dust was all too familiar. Memories of playing with spark rocks near the dry grasses and the burnt remains of the grass between her toes. And then it hit her.

This was Taz.

Azula had burnt him to ash.

Rage flickered through her head, but the exhaustion and pain and frustration of not being able to act upon it made her cry out. She sucked in a raw breath and the acrid smell in the air made her gag and her already streaming eyes sting painfully.

"Oh god, if he said pretty girl one more time, I think I was going to puke," Azula calmly strutted to where Toph was"Studied your exploits?" Azula took Toph by the torso and flipped her onto her back placing one leather clad knee on the Earthbender's chest, "Sounds like a stalker!" she said in a conspiratorial whisper. Toph lay there, too stunned to answer for once, with a sarcastic remark, and felt her will to do anything and everything ebb away from her. So this is what it's like to die. The agony of it all was too much. Her broken body was a phantom of her broken mind. As she writhed under the Fire Nation Princess's barrage of blows and insults, her mind began to shut down, and Toph, the girl of so much strength who had seen so much hardship, cried out for her mother.

Unbeknownst to her, curled inside her tightly clenched fist, was a White Lotus tile that Taz had pressed into her palm.

A/N: I'm back boys and girls!

Please don't hate me for this chapter. I don't know how I write these things without hating myself to be honest. God I'm some kind of masochist.

ANYWAY.

LONGER CHAPTERS AND QUICKER TOO TIS A PROMISE!

A BIT OF FLUFF AND SMUT TOO PERHAPS IS ON THE HORIZON. STAY WITH ME HERE.