Authors note: This is my first fanfic - I have only just recently discovered the amazing Rookie Blue (no, I have not been living in a cave, just New Zealand). The second series just finished screening here this week and I am distraught - I adore Andy and Sam so much. I felt compelled to write about the events of S2Ep11 and I know this is way behind everyone else but this is still fresh in my mind and I just had to get it down.

While I have seen most of the second series I have only seen snippets of the first (thanks YouTube) so there's a good chance I've made errors relating back to the first series. Please forgive me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

Andy watched as the ambulance pulled away from the Alpine Inn and for a brief moment she seriously thought about running after it and banging on the door to get the driver to stop. It would make good sense to get in the back with Traci and catch a ride to the Barn. It would make extremely good sense to get the hell away from the Alpine Inn.

But she couldn't. The urge to turn around and go back inside the bar, to see Sam again, was so much stronger than anything else, including the warning look Traci had given her and the nagging voice in her head telling her that going anywhere near him again would be very stupid.

Seeing him in the bar tonight had been such a shock it had taken all her composure not to throw herself into his arms. Oh God, when he'd smiled at her, when he'd flashed those dimples and those perfect teeth, it felt like her heart would burst out of her ribcage, it was pounding so hard.

The last three weeks without him had been pure agony. The timing could not have been worse. It had taken the unexpected and shocking death of that songwriter woman she'd pulled from the burning car for Andy to realise just how short and precious life was. She should not save the good candy for later. She wanted it now. She wanted Sam now. Who knew what could happen tomorrow?

Finally, as she stood in the woman's apartment, looking at all the belongings she'd never come home to, Andy accepted that her feelings for Sam could not be denied any longer. Two long years she'd pretty much kept them on ice; no more.

And finally, finally, she'd done something about it, leaving him that garbled voice mail. Then she'd headed over to his place, her insides churning with a combination of nerves and excitement at the thought of trying to make things work with him.

But he wasn't there, and when she learned from Best the next day that he'd gone undercover much sooner than expected she wanted to cry with frustration. She'd blown it and it would probably be weeks, months even before she saw him again, before they had a chance to talk about what was going on between them. In the meantime she ached for him like she would a missing limb. Work felt flat and empty and it just wasn't the same sitting in the squad car with anyone else. When she thought about all the hours they'd spent next to each other – talking, laughing, learning to trust one another, becoming close – she wanted to kick herself for not truly appreciating it. For not cherishing those times, and for not truly cherishing him. Her days were now hollow without him.

So for Sam to be in the bar tonight… it had to be fate, right? It had to mean something. When she found herself sitting across from him at the table while Traci and Jamie Brennan played pool it took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to lean over and press her lips against his.

She felt like she could drown in those deep brown eyes of his as they made small talk, staying in character. She'd found herself thinking if only he really was a guy called JD and she was Candace who worked in insurance, they could give in to this obvious chemistry between them and just hook up. Just spend the next couple of hours together. People who met in bars did that all the time. Why couldn't JD and Candace?

And even after she'd said goodbye, and she'd gone with Traci to try to score some drugs, that thought continued to nag her. They were playing roles – why couldn't they just take that role playing to another level? Just for tonight. It was entirely feasible that Candace could be so into JD that she might go back and make him an offer he couldn't refuse. Why not?

The more she thought about it the more she wanted to do it, and as she and Traci stood waiting for the paramedics she realised she had to try. The last time she'd felt this incredible sense of urgency and desire was the night of the blackout, after she'd killed the kidnapper. Then it had compelled her to march over to Sam's house and push him against a wall so that she could kiss him and satisfy the hunger for him that was eating her up.

Of course that had ended in disaster, and the words, it was what it was had haunted her ever since. Whatever it had been back then, now it was something all-consuming, something she could no longer ignore. She was in love with Sam and she had been for a very long time.

If she was being honest with herself, she had to admit the attraction to Sam Swarek had been pretty much instant. Even before she knew he was an undercover cop, when she thought he was a murder suspect, she had looked at him and thought, "wow". As she had rolled around on the ground with him after bringing him down in a tackle, the way he had looked at her with those mesmerising heavy-lidded eyes, as he told her he was on the job (how the hell was she supposed to have known what that meant?) tugged at something deep inside her chest.

She ignored it; hey, the guy was a possible killer. He may have been damn good looking and incredibly sexy to boot but chances were he'd just shot someone. She pushed those thoughts aside and got on with the business of cuffing him.

When she found out who he was she could barely bring herself to look at him. She'd really screwed up big time. Her first day at work and she'd arrested an undercover cop. Good going McNally. And then later that day, in the Penny, when she'd tried to apologise by offering to buy him a drink and he'd brushed her off… well, it was clear they were never going to get along.

But then they'd been partnered up and despite the fact that he clearly was not happy at first about having to train her there had still been this undeniable attraction. It had taken her by surprise when she'd gone after him in the parking lot to ask about what was going to happen to his informant, Emily. One minute they'd been standing there talking; the next their faces were so close they almost kissed. She had no idea how that happened; it was like there was some kind of magnetic pull between them.

Somehow, she'd been able to stop. It was not a good look, kissing her training officer on the second day on the job. The day after she'd arrested him and blown his cover. Not good at all.

Sam seemed just as surprised as her that they nearly ended up in a clinch, and he'd quickly stepped back and said he was happy to disregard. "You're not my type," he'd reminded her.

Well, he wasn't her type either.

But Luke was. Or so she'd thought. Luke Callaghan was Mr Charming, Mr Popular – a vast improvement on all the losers she'd dated in the past. He was so perfect, he'd seemed too good to be true. Hah! If only she'd known.

And as for Sam, well he may not have been her type but he quickly became her mentor and then her friend. That was all, she'd tell herself, and then there would be times when his eyes would meet hers, and he'd give her that little smile of his and it would feel like a thousand tiny butterflies were partying in her stomach. And then she'd think, "What the…?" Why was she feeling this way about Sam?

Sam was not like anyone she'd ever met before. Sam was way cool, without even trying to be. Sam was popular too but he earned his popularity without having to lay on the charm with a shovel. Sam was straight up, a damn fine cop, and as she'd eventually come to realise, a good guy all round. But he put up barriers, and it was hard to get close to him. While Luke was open, easy to reach and to read, Sam was a closed book.

Luke had been the safe choice. But all the while, even after she'd chosen Luke, Sam kept getting at her, like a splinter buried deep in her skin. Despite the frustrations of working with him – and there were many – she understood how lucky she was to have him as her TO. He nurtured her, he challenged her, he protected her, he showed her how to do her job and be the best cop she could be. It was Sam she went to for advice about work, and Sam from whom she sought wise words about life. And it was Sam she had turned to after she'd killed that guy. Sam who she wanted to comfort her, hold her, love her.

And yet she had gone back to Luke. Big mistake. Huge mistake. And she had wasted so much time because of it.

Well Luke was history, and she knew now that she wanted Sam to be her future. Seeing him again tonight had made her realise that she would walk across hot coals for him. And here was her chance. Traci could go with the comatose girl to the hospital, she could stay behind. And Candace could go make JD an offer he couldn't refuse.

As she stood outside the bar in the cold, her hands jammed in her pockets, she sighed. She knew it was a bad idea, that Sam was in the middle of an undercover operation. That guy with him, his boss Jamie, he might be the target for all she knew. Who knew what she could be walking into if she went back there.

But as she pulled her hands out of her pockets and rubbed them together to keep them warm she suddenly remembered her old high school English teacher, Mr Delany. He'd been obsessed with that Robin Williams movie, Dead Poets Society, and quoted a line from it over and over. Carpe diem. Seize the day.

She could hear Mr Delany's voice now: Don't waste an opportunity. Do it now. Carpe diem.

Well, the time had come for her to seize the day.

As the ambulance disappeared around the corner, she took a deep breath and walked back into the Alpine Inn.

Coming up:

Once they got into the car he turned to her. "Jesus McNally, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't… I just wanted… oh Sam, you know what I want."

It was dark in the parking lot and she couldn't make out his expression. She heard him sigh as he turned on the ignition and backed out of the space.