A/N: Not sure if I got the order for the Bat-siblings ages right, but I tried my best! So, here we go!
"This meeting of the younger Bats –an' Babs- will now come to order!" Tim yelled, slamming down the rubber gavel which made an audible squeak.
Jason glared at his younger brother. "Timmy, nobody was talking. You didn't have to call anything to order."
The younger Robin-to-be glared back and pointed the gavel at Jason. "Shut up! I'm in charge of this meeting, so what I say goes!"
"What? Who put you in charge of anything? You're, like, eight years old! If anybody should be in charge, it should be somebody who can actually spell leadership!"
"I can too spell leadership!"
"Oh, really? Prove it."
Tim recoiled a bit, and then straightened. "Um... L-E-I-D-"
"Wrong. Gimme the gavel, nubnuts."
"Wha- NO! It's MINE!"
The twelve-year-old dashed over to Tim's seat and attempted to pilfer the rubber hammer out of his brother's hands. Unfortunately for him, the younger had a much stronger grip than he had anticipated.
"GIMME THE HAMMER!"
"NO! I SAVED MY ALLOWANCE FOR THREE WHOLE WEEKS TO BUY IT ALL BY MYSELF!"
Their fight was interrupted by a high-pitched whistle. "Okay, boys, separate corners!" Barbara yelled, taking the gavel away from the feuding children. Both boys groaned. "But, Babs-"
"No buts. Separate corners, now."
Muttering about how mean the red-head was, both Robins-to-be obliged her.
"Well, it's your own fault. If you two could be civilized like Cassie and Damian, we'd all be happy!"
Cassie, meanwhile, had simply been watching this whole ordeal, the ten-year-old content to quietly hug her Bat plushie and let her adoptive brothers fight over a silly rubber hammer. She didn't quite understand boys, and wondered if this was something important for her to understand.
Damian, on the other hand, was only a year old and thus found the soft, star-shaped cereal pieces (1) to be the most interesting thing in the entire world. At least until something more interesting came along.
"They're not civil; they just don't know how to speak in complete sentences." Jason deadpanned from the southeast corner of the game-room-turned-meeting-place.
Babs sighed, wondering how she got roped into this. Then she remembered that, one, it was for the good of her closest male friend, and two, Cassie had the most adorable puppy-dog pleading eyes ever. "Alright, so if there are no more interruptions, let's get down to business."
"To defeat the Huns?" Tim asked innocently.
"Maybe later, sweetie. No, right now we need to focus on the matter at hand. Can anyone tell me what that is?"
Tim, ever the enthusiast, had his hand in the air immediately. "Ooh, ooh! Is it 'cause big brother an' that really fast guy with the red hair like each other an' we want 'em to go on a date?"
"That's exactly right, Tim. Now, this is what I know from what Dick's told me…"
Three days earlier, Gotham Academy Courtyard…
"BARBARA GORDON QUIT LAUGHING THIS IS SERIOUS!"
The red-head gasped for breath, sides aching from laughing so much. "S-Sorry, Dick, it's just… oh my God, I wish I coulda seen the look on your face, hah-hah-ha!"
The young bird was once again the color of a cherry-tomato, which only served to make him even cuter than normal. "Glad to see that my utter humiliation is so entertaining to you." Dick sighed, holding his raven-haired head in his hands. "What am I gonna do, Babs?"
Barbara took a deep breath, finally calming down from her hysteric laughing. "Well, that should be obvious enough. You're gonna have to let him down easy. I mean, seeing as you only see him as a friend, it'd be wrong to-"
"I like him, Babs."
The red-head froze, giving a wide-eyed stare to the ex-acrobat. "You what now?"
Dick refused to meet her eyes. "I like Wally, okay?"
"You mean… you like him, like him?"
The Boy Wonder snorted. "What are you, ten? Yes I like him, like him!"
Babs blinked, shocked at this sudden confession. "Uh, okay. Wow, didn't see that one coming. So… not to be insensitive or anything, but does this mean that you're, you know, gay?"
Dick's head snapped up, the deep blush looking even redder, if that was even possible.
"N-NO! What the hell Babs, where did that come from?"
The girl raised an eyebrow in a disbelieving manner. "Dick, you just admitted to having feelings for another guy. How does that not make you gay?"
The bird looked down; wishing the ground would open up into a pool and swallow him up like in that one movie Bruce always cries at but says he has something in his eye. "I-I… I'm not…"
"Dick…" Barbara said softly, taking the young superhero's hand, "Sweetie, you know it's okay to admit it, right?"
Present Day, Wayne Manor…
"… And then he just muttered something about needing to go to class, which is a total lie because Mr. Connors couldn't care less if we show up or not, and left. Any questions?"
Once again, Tim raised his hand. "What does 'gay' mean, Babs?"
"It means that you're attracted to people of your gender, Tim."
"Oh… are Dick an' Wally gay, then?"
"They're gay for each other, at least." Jason retorted. "Look, this is fine and dandy and all, but we're kinda forgetting why we're all here today: To get Dick and Wally together so that Dick will stop moping around like Dad does… pretty much in any situation."
Cassie nodded, signing to Babs (2) that it was important to make a plan to help them admit their feelings for each other.
"That's right, Cassie, we do need a plan. And I've got one!" Barbara said, grinning devilishly. She motioned for all of the children to crowd around her, which they did, minus Damian, whom Jason had to get out of the high chair first.
"Okay, so here's what we're gonna do…"
The Next Day, Mount Justice…
"RED ROBIN! DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
Crash! "Oops. Sorry, Di- I mean Robin!"
Dick sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Just his luck that Gotham Academy would have a suspicious science lab explosion, Alfred would be sick and Babs would be at a soccer game on the same day Bruce went up to the space thingy. Now he was stuck with three school-aged kids, all of whom were trained by the goddamn Batman, and one very unhappy baby bat.
At least everyone else wasn't here. He knew that Artemis was out running errands for her mother; Wally, M'gann and Connor were still at school, and he actually wasn't quite sure where Kaldur was, but he assumed it had something to do with water.
"It could be worse, I guess!"
Recognized: 08 Artemis
"… Crap. Okay, kids, quick, hide in the closet!" The eldest of the siblings ordered, somehow managing to shepherd all three mobile children into the coat-hanger laden closet and place the baby into Jason's arms.
"Hey, what are you-?"
"Just- Just stay put, okay? I'll be back soon."
"But-"
"Er, Robin? What're you doing?"
The Boy Wonder spun around, slamming the door shut behind him. "N-Nothing! Nothing at all!"
The archer's left eyebrow rose, her expression saying 'I don't believe you, but I don't really care, either'. "Whatever, crazy. Have you seen Kaldur anywhere? He asked me to meet him today."
Dick tilted his head, and then grinned mischievously. "Oh really? Just you and him, alone together?"
"Yeah, pretty sure. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason. Artemis and Kaldur, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-"
The green-clad girl flushed, rushing over to the younger boy and putting him in a head lock. "YOU SHUT IT RIGHT NOW!"
Meanwhile, in the closet…
"You know, I'm pretty sure Babs's plan didn't involve getting shoved in a friggin' closet!"
"Oh, shut up, Jason. Hey, what's that- Oh, GROSS! DAMIAN!"
As the scent of a freshly soiled diaper filled the small space, Cassie made a choked noise that was the closest to speaking she'd ever come, Damian started to cry softly, Tim gagged noisily, and Jason turned towards the door, shoving the stinking toddler into Tim's arms. "Ugh! There's no way in hell that I'm gonna stay in a closet that smells like Damian's corn-flavored sh-"
Right as he was about to curse once again, the door swung open, revealing a blond girl who appeared to be assaulting their elder brother.
As she was doing this in front of the Bat-siblings, this obviously meant that she was doomed.
First, Jason pushed her off of his brother, and then quickly twisted her arms behind her back, disabling her from fighting back. Next, Cassie delivered a reverse punch to Artemis's stomach, effectively winding her. Finally, whilst she was still gasping for breath, Tim ran up to her and-
"STOP!"
The young Bats froze, turning to their eldest sibling.
"What the hell are you doing? I told you to stay in the closet, not attack Artemis for no apparent reason!"
"But… she was attacking you!"
"In jest! We were just joking around and- Where's Damian?"
"Oh!" Tim quickly ran back into the closet, returning with the smallest bat. "He pooped, by the way," the eight-year-old explained, placing him into Dick's arms.
"… Fantastic." The eldest Robin sighed, and then pointed toward the living room area of the hideout. "Just… go watch Transformers or something."
"Can we watch the one with all the explosions?"
"No."
With that, the trio shuffled away, off to watch a cartoon about giant robots. Dick sighed, and then quickly walked back over to Artemis, Damian still in his arms.
"You okay, Art?"
The half-Asian blonde glared at him. "I just got attacked by a bunch of elementary schoolers. Just peachy, thanks."
"Don't beat yourself up about it. Jason's in middle school."
The archer just groaned in response.
Meanwhile, in the living room area…
When he was sure that Dick and the weird hunter girl were both out of sight, Jason discreetly pulled his Smartphone from his red hoodie's front pocket and sent out a text.
Jason: We had a bit of a rough start, but we're in Mount Justice. I don't think Kid Dumbass is here, though.
Moments later, a new message popped up.
Barbara: Language, Jason. And good work getting in! Once Wally arrives, set Phase One in motion.
Jason: Roger that.
A/N: AND ZE PLAN BEGINS!
Also, this has nothing to do with anything, but THE AVENGERS. GO SEE IT.
My little sister had these often when she was really little. They were delicious.
I can't write out Cassie without a way for her to communicate with others. I've read that many mute people use sign language, and so for the purposes of this story, Cassie knows sign language. As do Dick and Babs.