What Is Life?

Disclaimer: CBS is the one true master of all things Criminal Minds related. I only wish that we could have Emily stay forever...

Summary: What happens when your whole life is turned upside down?

A/N: This was a little something that came to me and I hope you all enjoy it. It's a bit of angst and drama with a slight touch of smut too. Try not to kill me ok? Possibly a four shot.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

"All our experience with history should teach us, when we look back, how badly human wisdom is betrayed when it relies on itself." Martin Luther -

"Oh God" she moaned, her breath coming out in short pants as he moved within her.

Hotch couldn't believe that this was happening to him, he was here with her. Betraying his girlfriend. That was one thing he never thought he'd ever do. Betray his brunette.

"Jesus, Aaron" she groaned, her short nails digging into the skin on his back of his shoulders.

Hotch felt his heart clutch into his chest as she tightened around him, but he couldn't stop the guilt that ran through him.

Even here with her, he couldn't stop the noise in his head.

Or the voice. Her voice.

Hotch grunted, his brow laced with sweat as he released himself and rolled onto the bed beside her.

Both were panting for air, the bedroom emitted the combined scent of sex and sweat. Looking down at her porcelain white skin, the look in her eyes told him one thing. Love.

He cared about her deeply, but was this love? Was this sex or love? He didn't know for sure.

It should've been a magic moment between the two of them, a bond, a connection but he felt nothing but emptiness.

It wasn't the fact that he was an emotionless robot, words that he's heard to describe him around the BAU. No, he had feelings. But for the woman he was with? He didn't know.

All he knew was that she was a wonderful woman, a good friend, and giving person. Her laughter could make anyone smile. And her smile? That was one of a kind.

But no matter how great the sex was with her, he couldn't stop the gnawing feeling that he's making a mistake each time. But he couldn't help himself.

Ever since he ran into her that day that not long after JJ and Will's wedding, he knew that it was abrupt and brief, but they said their goodbyes.

And he'd been too excited to spend the night with his girlfriend and son. But when he saw her again after she left his life. He felt something, something he couldn't identify.

He didn't know what it was, but it was there. And when he first kissed her, moving a lock of her hair behind her ear, he knew that he was making a choice.

As tough as it was, he knew that this wasn't fair to either woman, but he was torn between the two of them.

Both women held an important role in his life, both were smart and caring, and unique too. But he couldn't stop himself from being with this one behind his girlfriend's back.

There was something that drew him to her, and he knew that it would only take a big wake up call to stop him.

But this woman, was someone who brought something different into his life. He never saw her coming, it was a fluke in life. She was just someone who'd always been a friend.

Did he find her attractive the first time he met her? Sure, he was a man after all.

But the other woman? She

him out of his shell, and he for that he'd always be grateful. She'd hold a special place in his heart for that.

And because she held a spot in Jack's heart too. The three of them when they were together, always had fun.

But no matter how amazing this is, or how wonderful she was, there was still his brunette girlfriend at home waiting for him. She always was.

And he knew he was a world class jackass for betraying a woman who made him feel like it was ok to have a family again. That woman he never saw coming into his life, giving him a second chance at happiness.

As he laid there thinking of the beautiful brunette with the infectious smile, made him feel the stinging pain of betrayal. He did everything to convince her to be in his life, to move in with him and Jack and to share their future together.

But looking down at the woman beside him who losing the battle with sleep, he watched as she moved closer to him wrapping her arms around his chest.

He stilled at the contact, he didn't want this, any of this. But there was no way to fix what he broke. Whether intentional or not, someone was going to come out of this the loser.

And it was all his fault.

"Aaron?" her soft tone spoke, "Are you are you all right?"

'No' he thought, but turned over to look into the soft eyes of his mistress. Mistress, not a word he'd ever use to describe someone like her, but then again he'd never use the word adulterer for himself. But that's what he was.

"I'm just thinking" he told her, watching as she tried to cuddle in closer to him.

"About her?" she asked, there was no hint of anger or hate only questioning, "Aaron, what are we going to do?"

The dark haired man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I don't know."

"Are you going to tell her?" she asked, "You are going to end things with her, right?"

That sent a wave of panic through him. Did he want to end things with her to be with the woman beside him? He didn't think so but if he were honest with himself, he didn't have a clue.

"Aaron?" she repeated in the darkening bedroom, her fingers walking up his chest, "Sweetie, it's best to be honest with her. This is going to hurt everyone, and it's better to get it over with."

Hotch sat up in disgust with himself, "I said 'I don't know', which means I don't know what I'm going to do."

The brunette sat up, resting her head against his shoulder, "I'm not trying to upset you, Aaron. I just think we need to tell Emily the truth, and the sooner that happens the sooner we can be together again."

Hotch shot the woman a look, "Really Beth? I don't think this is the time to discuss if we're in a relationship or not."

Beth pulled back, tilting her head to the side, "Don't you want to be a couple again? Isn't this," she indicated between themselves, "What this is about?"

Hotch turned picking up his boxers, "I think I need a break."

"Aaron?" the brunette frowned, "Don't you love me?"

"I'm still in love with Emily," Hotch zipped up his slacks, "I've never stopped."

That made her narrow her eyes on him, "Then what are you doing here making love with me?"

"I don't know" he muttered, "But I'm going home."

The brunette pulled the sheet up covering herself, "Well, I think it'd be best if we not see each other until you figure out who you want."

The dark haired man knotted up his tie, "I think that's a wise decision" grabbing his suit jacket he headed for the bedroom door, "I never intended for any of this to happen, Beth."

The woman just sat there in shock, she knew that as much she regretted her break up with Hotch after his friends wedding, that this time she wasn't going to lose her man. Not when she was this close to her own happy ending.

Hotch stood silently in front of his apartment door nervous. This always happened since those three weeks ago that he embarked on the affair with Beth.

Dropping his head quietly on his door, he wondered what the hell got into him, how could he cheat on a beautiful woman like Emily Prentiss.

A woman who with one look or quirky quip could make your whole world brighter. Hell her laughter alone made his heart flutter, still does.

"Jackass" he muttered to himself, because that's what he was. Resting his head against the door, he closed his eyes counting to ten.

He deserved everything that the brunette threw at him, and then some.

Berating himself for his behavior was the least of his problems, he was downright afraid.

After all she just gave up everything to be with him, her apartment and her own independence to be with him. What did he bring to the relationship? His emotional baggage and damaged goods? He cheats on her like some lowlife.

Unlocking the door, he quietly pushed in the door and sighed, this was going to be a long night.

Arthur Miller said, "Betrayal is the only truth that sticks."

To Be Continued...

I hope you all were surprised by who Hotch's bed mate was... be on the look out for chapter two.

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