Chapter Five: Man made of More than Iron

"Take all of that away and what are you?"

"Genius, billionaire playboy philanthropist," I replied without a blink. I'd spent thirty years of my life looking up to a man I'd never met, idolizing him…wishing. Though I'd never admit it, the number of times I wish he'd been around instead of my father. And now here he stood in front of me and all I wanted to do was get the hell away from him as fast as my iron suit would let me.

"And I know men who are worth more than ten of you," the Captain replied.

Was he right? That's all that kept swirling though my mind later, when I was trying to get the engine back up, I kept wondering would they be better off without me, could they do this without me. The smart ass side said I was the glue! But another side, the side I blamed my father for said every man was worth ten of me.

Though I'd never admit it, there's nothing that hurts more than to hear your hero say you're worthless. If I'd made a list of things that hurt the most in the world, I'd have to say that would rank right up there with my father not attending my graduation…any of them, and the kidnapping. Funny how two men can leave a bigger imprint on me than a terrorist cell. Or perhaps it wasn't bigger, just…different.

I didn't really think about it, there wasn't a whole lot of thought behind it. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. There wasn't much to flash by, the life of a loner who pretended he didn't care about anyone or anything. All that changed, with the time spent in Afghanistan, with a man who helped him escape, but never got out himself. Maybe I was a narcissist, but not when it counted, at least that's what I wanted to hope for. I didn't fly the nuke through the portal because of everyone in New York city, sure it was a good motivator, I did it because of Pepper. If Pepper had been in this city she'd have been injured or worse. She deserved to be proud if she was going to end up alone.

I felt the last of the oxygen leaving my lungs as I watched the ship explode before my very eyes. I wasn't even aware I was falling. When my eyes shot open and I was staring into the face of the Captain, Muscle Man Demi-God and Green Bruce, I knew I was at least still alive. So why was I still so disappointed.

"Hulk catch Tony," Green Bruce offered. I'd never see him as the Hulk, this creature before me would always just be an extension of the man I considered friend. "Is he alive!" A voice demanded over my headset and I smiled slightly. "Come on kids, lets join the rest of the team," I began try to stand but felt my ribs give an all too familiar ache.

"I carry," And with that, Green Bruce lifted me up and we began to swing from building to building, followed closely by Thor and the Captain.

"Thanks Bruce," I finally managed as we stepped onto the platform.

"Hulk."

I stopped and met his green eyes, they were still Bruce's, "Hulk and Bruce are the same person, just like me and Ironman. So thank you, Bruce." I wouldn't ever let him forget he was a good man, a decent man, if it was the last thing I did.

He set me down as my suit rebooted itself, I groaned as I saw Clint and Natasha's eyes go wide, "We saw you fall," Natasha whispered. I could tell they both wanted to say more, but Clint wasn't an openly responsive man, he and I would no doubt talk later. I just gave Natasha a smile as we moved over to Loki.

"Sir, should I inform Ms. Potts about you."

"Let her know I'm alive, Jarvis."

"As you wish, sir."

Hours later, after we'd eaten, and been treated by SHIELD for superficial wounds, we all headed back to the Stark Tower, "Tony!" I looked up to see both Rhodey and Pepper standing there, looking equally concerned. I hurried as fast I could with a couple bruised ribs and grabbed Pepper in a hug that I hoped would never end. I felt Rhodey clapping me gently on the shoulder. "We've talked about your tendencies for self destructive behavior, but this was about the worst I've ever seen," Rhodey spoke quietly as Pepper and I pulled apart.

"I'm fine."

Rhodey nodded, "Good, because I'm really tired of picking up the pieces of your broken body. Ms. Potts, let me know if you two need anything. Tony, take care of yourself."

"Yes Sir," I gave him a fake salute, before accepting a quick hug from him and watching him head back over to his car. The rest of the team stood behind us, "Come on, then, you guys can stay here until Bruce and I get this thing set up for Thor and Loki."

However, despite my best attempts at concentrating, tonight nothing was really going to get done like I'd hoped, several hours, after everyone had seemingly gone to sleep, I stood out looking at my broken tower and up at the sky. I shouldn't care at this age if my father would be proud, if he'd even give a shit. No one was ever proud of me. I was a playboy. I saw the footage of my time in the Middle East, and I know they were all too happy to joke me being dead and finally getting all that I deserved.

Did I deserve it? I hoped like hell I didn't, but maybe they were all right. "I owe you an apology," a voice startled me from my thoughts.

I turned to see the Captain standing there, dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of slacks looking at least a little more comfortable. "I'm sure I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talkin' about Cap." And honestly I didn't want to hear it, I was past platitudes. Apologies were to appease the other person's feelings, not the one who'd been told off. His apology wouldn't make me hate him less, wouldn't make me wish for a better childhood, it wouldn't change anything, it would just mean he was trying to get rid of his own personal guilt. I could care less how guilty he felt; maybe a little shame would help the Captain. It certainly helped me see my errors. Perhaps that was where the Captain and I differed; he'd gotten everything he'd ever wanted after years of suffering. I suffered for years and then discovered what real suffering was only to discover I was the reason everyone else suffered.

"You saved an entire city, myself, and our team by what you did, and without a second thought about yourself, you must have known there was no way you'd come back, or at least assumed it."

"Are you apologizing because you honestly mean it, or are you apologizing because you just realized I deserve to be here as much as you?" I questioned as I whirled around.

I may not be a super hero without my suit, but I sure as well wasn't a moron, and I certainly didn't need to hear a man who thought the world of himself tell me how tiny I was compared to the rest of the population, I did that plenty on my own.

"Tony, I shouldn't have said what I did, it was wrong."

"No, you shouldn't have. And maybe I shouldn't have said a few of my own things either, but that doesn't make your apology worth any more to me. I earned my right to stand at the side of all of you; maybe you think I'm nothing without my suit. But my suit would be nothing without me. So if you can't handle the idea of me being on this team, too bad."

"Tony…"

"NO!" I shouted, I knew where this was coming from. "I've spent too long letting people like you and my father tell me I was worthless. I'm done." I snapped.

"You aren't worthless, Tony. I'm sorry if I or anyone else ever made you feel that way, it was wrong of me to make a judgment call like that without really knowing anymore about you than your file."

"My file, huh. Talk to Pepper about my file sometime, she'll show you the restricted stuff, and then you can tell me about my worth. If you'll excuse me, I have a building to rebuild." I brushed past him, I wasn't ready to be free of that anger yet, sometimes anger fueled success. It certainly helped me create Iron Man. The Captain could talk to me after he knew the real truth. Once he knew everything, then, and only then maybe he'd considered accepting an apology.