Title: A Question of God
Author: PwnedByPineapple
Summary: Black*Star is determined to surpass God... and he hears that there's a boy in Japan claiming to be just that. Definitely crack.
Rating/Warning(s): T; none

Disclaimer: This fangirl owns nothing.

The pain in Light Yagami's neck had progressed to being quite literal.

He scowled as he walked, rubbing the cramp that had wormed its way into the muscles at the base of his neck and down the back of his shoulder. He knew its origins, of course; he was quite capable of handling many different stresses at once, but even in his case, it was only a matter of time before damage began to show. He was not so mentally weak that it would manifest as emotional suffering, no, but the human body was not so easily guarded, and the subconscious had to dump the stress wherever it could.

School, being Kira, hiding that identity, L and his goddamned schemes... well, Light couldn't deny that it was a lot to juggle at his age.

Light contemplated possible solutions as he made his way towards the hotel where L and the other members of the task force would be. Taking a break was out of the question, naturally; he couldn't very well stop now, because the whole game had a way of sucking you back in, and he couldn't afford to lose focus at the moment. It would have to be a strictly physical solution, then - perhaps a massage. Light was not normally given to pursuing such frivolity, but under the circumstances... it would actually be nice. Anything to get rid of this damned ache.

He had just decided on inquiring after the best salon as soon as he'd reached headquarters when an enormous force struck him in the back.

Light went sprawling onto the sidewalk, and an oath escaped him as he hit the ground, adding a now-killer ache in his back and a nasty scrape on his arm to his sudden collection of pains. He lay flat for a moment, blinking in surprise, before scrambling up and around, wincing. The bizarre sight that greeted his eyes stopped him in mid-movement, and he sat there, astonished, as his attacker let out a crow of triumph.

"And the mighty Black*Star scores the first strike!"

The boy struck a pose. His hair was blue and spiky, and Light could only describe his outfit as some kind of cosplay, outlandish as it was. He seemed distinctly non-threatening in the way that fools usually were, but Light remained wary nonetheless. That blow had been powerful.

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded, beginning to edge away.

The boy noticed and immediately pounced on him, grabbing Light's shirt and holding him immobilized. "I'm the guy who's going to kick your butt!" the boy said cheerily, flashing him a challenging grin. "So prepare yourself!" He released Light and sprang back, pulling out several... yes, those were actually ninja stars.

Light stared. He probably should have been nervous or fighting back or calling for the police... but this was just too weird. Surreal, almost. I can't be dreaming, can I?

No, he thought, after a moment's assessment. He was too aware.

"Who are you?" he repeated dumbly, because while his mind was used to enormous challenges and complex dilemmas, it sometimes had difficulty lowering itself to certain levels.

The boy heaved a great sigh of annoyance, but he gamely delivered another pose, even more ridiculous than the first. "I'm Black*Star, the greatest assassin and ninja in the world! I'm the one who's going to surpass God!"

Light was not prone to habitual swearing, except out of annoyance, and even then he never stooped to vulgar levels. However...

... what the actual fuck?

Black*Star, that can't be his real name, can it? Probably a stupid nickname... But no, the Death Note wasn't with him. Surpass God, what does he mean by that, he can't possibly know anything about me...

Light's growing confusion and nerves were interrupted by the timely arrival of a policeman. "Everything okay here?" the uniformed man asked, striding up to Light and giving Black*Star a suspicious once-over.

Thank goodness. At least the police were useful for something. "This boy attacked me, officer," Light said, accepting the hand that the cop offered to him and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. He winced a little; the ache was worse, and now his arm and back hurt, too. "He said he was planning to beat me up." He flashed the cop a genial smile. "My name's Light Yagami. Soichiro Yagami is my father."

"Is he now?" the policeman asked, eyes widening slightly. "Nice to meet you, then, son. And here now, you..." With this, he turned to Black*Star, who was beginning to look especially annoyed with the interruption, now. The cop gave him a stern glance. "I don't want thugs in my city, y'hear? You're going to come down to the station for a nice little talk, and we'll see if we can't straighten things out. Of course..." he nodded apologetically to Light, "you'll need to come, too, for just a little while, to provide witness."

"It's no problem," Light assured him. Ordinarily he would have been ticked off by the need, but once at the station, he could learn this Black*Star's real identity.

However, it was not to be.

With a sudden yell, Black*Star moved, so quickly that Light saw only a blur. All he knew was that one moment, the cop was standing beside him, and the next, the man was out cold on the cement. Light stared in disbelief; the boy had attacked a policeman. He wasn't just some punk kid acting like a moron - there was more danger here than Light had thought.

He took a few wary steps back, glancing around, but there were few other pedestrians in this area. Judging from Black*Star's expression, the so-called "ninja" was not going to let him leave, and Light had already seen one example of the kid's speed. Damn it. This is just not my day.

"Now stand and fight!" Black*Star ordered him, holding his ninja stars at the ready. "You claim to be a god, and I'm going to beat anyone who makes that kind of claim!"

Light felt his stomach tighten. There it was again... how on earth did Black*Star know something like that? It wasn't possible! Light glanced up for Ryuk, partly out of suspicion and partly because he'd belated realized that the shinigami could write this kid's name down, but Ryuk had mysteriously vanished. Come to think of it, Light hadn't noticed the shinigami at all since Black*Star had first appeared...

"What do you mean?" Light asked hastily, deciding to play innocent. "I never said I was a god. Why would you think that?"

Black*Star snorted in disbelief. "Don't play dumb with me," he said. "I have it from an undeniable source. So get ready, 'cause your ass is about to be kicked!" He crouched down into a fighting position, and Light began to take several more steps backwards.

An undeniable source? What could that possibly be? Light didn't have time to question it, because Black*Star looked ready to pounce at any moment. Though possibly his hesitation meant that he wanted Light to fight back? Light ran with the thought, desperately. "What if I just don't fight you?"

He received his answer when Black*Star let loose a "Yaaah!" and charged.

So Light did the only natural thing: he turned and ran for his life.

Luckily for him, he wasn't too far from the hotel. Light hadn't been aware that he could run this fast, but apparently a desire to avoid pain did that for you. All he knew was that he somehow kept ahead of Black*Star, even by just a breath... and he did it just long enough to reach Matsuda, who was exiting the building.

With a confused tangle of limbs and shouting, Light careened into the unfortunate investigator, who just so happened to be carrying a cup of hot coffee. The liquid went everywhere, Light hit the ground for the second time that day, and Matsuda was not a good cushion.

"Ow," Light moaned, and dignity be damned.

"Light?" he heard Matsuda ask, bewildered, and then, "Oh, God, Light, I'm so sorry!"

That was Matsuda for you, apologizing to the person who'd run into him. Matsuda helped Light to his feet, apologizing again, but any attempt to explain was drowned out by Black*Star's shrill laughter.

The "ninja" had caught up, but he was doubled up on himself a few feet away, cracking up. "You knocked yourself down!" he wheezed, tears in his eyes. "And that guy! What a loser! What kind of god are you, anyway?"

Light, aching and dripping coffee and righteously furious by now, flashed Black*Star a dark glare. "Matsuda," he said, over the much-confused investigator's questions. "That guy is trying to kill me. He's crazy."

Matsuda's eyes flew wide in shock. "What?" he gasped and reached for his belt, pulling out his gun. He aimed it at Black*Star, who took several hasty steps backward at the sight of the firearm. "You're going to have to come with me, sir," Matsuda said firmly. "I'll let the Chief deal with you. He's not going to appreciate you going after his son."

"Hey!" said Black*Star indignantly. "I don't wanna fight you. Just him." He gestured wildly with his ninja stars to Light, who'd by now positioned himself behind Matsuda and more importantly, the gun. It seemed there was a use for Matsuda too, after all, bless him.

"I won't let you!" Matsuda said. "You're under arrest. Don't make me have to hurt you." He held the gun steadily enough, although he still betrayed a tremor at holding it on a kid, no matter how bizarre the kid may have appeared.

Black*Star cackled. "You couldn't hurt me! I'm the great Black*Star!"

"He is crazy," Matsuda muttered. "Light... go into the building and get the others."

Of course Matsuda would hesitate to shoot. Concealing his irritation, Light nodded in agreement and took a step back, reaching for one of the hotel's doors. As soon as he'd grasped a handle, he slipped in and breathed a sigh of relief when the door was closed. Light found the clerk directly within, obviously having stopped at the sight of Matsuda's gun. "I saw you running," the man said in concern, by which he implied that he'd seen the collision as well. How embarrassing. "What's happening?"

"Some crazy kid who attacked me," Light said evenly. "I need to phone a room."

Unfortunately, at that moment, the glass door shattered, and Black*Star came bursting through. Matsuda was gazing in complete shock above his own head, where Black*Star had clearly jumped over him.

Light groaned as he backpedaled. Today was really not his day.

"So, did Light actually make an enemy?"

Light gritted his teeth at L's innocent question, seating himself gingerly on a sofa. The detective was in his customary position in one of the chairs, watching Light with a deliberately childlike expression. Clearly, he was enjoying this.

"I don't even know that kid," Light said wearily.

The scene downstairs had been one of disaster. Thankfully, the other investigators had shown up before Black*Star could seriously injure Light, though Light was now sporting a few extra bruises and an even worse mood. To make matters worse, Black*Star had escaped. When it had become clear that he was outnumbered and in serious danger of being shot, he'd high-tailed it out of there with remarkable speed. Light's father had ordered a search, but so far nothing had come up.

Light was almost regretting how vehemently he'd turned down going to the hospital. Everything ached, and maybe one of the nurses there knew something about massages. But no matter; he'd heal. What was really bothering him was the fact that Black*Star had yet to be found. That meant he was still out there, and Light didn't know his real identity.

Why did today have to suck so much?

"Well, as long as you are okay," L said, the picture of sincerity. Yeah, right. Light could see his eyes gleaming.

Light sighed and let his gaze roll over the room. He was careful not to let it rest on Ryuk, though his glance revealed that Ryuk was definitely avoiding eye contact. This whole thing had something to do with the shinigami; of that, Light was certain. And as soon as was possible, Light was going to do some serious questioning.

Ryuk almost felt bad.

The kid was clearly in a horrible mood; he wasn't too badly beaten up, but still, couldn't have been fun. Ryuk wasn't entirely sure how the information had gotten back to one of Lord Death's students, but it was the only explanation the death god could come up with.

The leader of the death gods had been concerned at the blatant usage of a Death Note on so many criminals, as even a blind reaper could have figured out what was causing such widespread death, and Ryuk had reluctantly answered his call for an explanation. Of course, nothing could be done to stop Light - free will and that whole shazam - but Ryuk had explained the situation so far: Light's determination to rid the world of criminals, his less-than-stable mental state, his battle with L, and of course, his God complex.

And now that Ryuk thought about it... he vaguely remembered a blue-haired kid showing up for some kind of conference with Lord Death after Ryuk's own conference had ended.

Eavesdropping. Of course.

Well, Ryuk thought, noticing Light's black look. If anyone asked, Ryuk was totally innocent. Light could prove nothing, and not a word was leaving Ryuk's mouth about the subject. Though he supposed he could have a word with Lord Death about controlling his students. Ryuk wasn't feeling guilty, no sir, not him, but still... it was the least he could do.

No matter how amusing the debacle had been.