Ye Old Disclaimer:Harry Potter and associated milieu, characters, and situations are owned by J.K. Rowling and her licensees. This is a work of fan fiction, produced solely for enjoyment. No infringement of rights is intended. J.K. Rowling owns it all; I am just playing with the Story. No money is being made by me in any way shape or form. I do not own any lyrics by Smashmouth or Evenanesance. Full rights are theirs, just using them for back ground.
Betas:
Kenneth, Me, myself, and I. Pretty sure we still managed to get it wrong…
Chapter 15, Coming Together
'Music speaks to a person's subconscious. Sometimes, it speaks for it.'
Excerpt from the Book of Pestilence, Tale of an Ill Touched Man
Harry stood over the sphere that rested on the table. Within it luminescent memory strands seemed to float through the quicksilver that always made him think of light made liquid or wind made solid. Harry raised his wand to his head while inside his mindscape he found the memories he wanted and pulled them free adding the strands to the sphere. So far he had added over a hundred strands and that was more than enough to be going on with.
"What are you doing Harry?"
He turned to look at Katie who had been watching him the entire time. "I hate using the library for a study hall. Too quiet. So, I thought a bit more of a fun atmosphere would be better. Kind of like our common room but not restricted to just Gryffindors. Study tables where people can do their homework and talk about whatever with anyone from any house, joke, blow off some steam and listen to music. At least music different than just what the Wireless plays."
Katie tucked a strand of her long sunshine hair behind her ear while examining the sphere. "Is that some kind of magical jukebox then?"
"Well, kind of actually. It's the hard drive for it."
"Hard drive?"
"Never mind. Its where all the songs are stored. Hey, Neville you got the speakers set up yet?"
Neville held his wand aloft focusing on sticking the box Harry had given him in just the right place. "Yeah, do I have them spaced out right? I tried to do it like I saw at your place."
Harry looked around and smiled. "Nice mate. Prefect. I'm going to put this thing together while you get the last one in place."
"Where did you get this sphere thing Harry?"
Harry who had just taken the cover off an old broken Wireless Radio he had gotten earlier from the Room of Hidden Things answered her. "Promise not to tell anyone?"
Katie smiled. Harry knew she loved secrets, and could keep them to herself like only a few people he knew. "Nicked it from Trelawney."
"You stole one of her crystal balls?"
"Yeah, wasn't hard. She'd taken the piss and was completely out of her skull on that sherry she likes so much. By the time she notices its missing she'll assume that its some divine omen that a Whatsitwhirledingle came in and took it for the purpose of killing me by dropping it on my head on Halloween or something."
He heard Neville bark in laughter and the sound of the speaker falling to the floor behind him. Katie through her head back and laughed as well. "You know she predicts your death even in Newt classes don't you? Jessica from Hufflepuff told me."
"Really? Crazy old bat. I'm not taking her class this year. She can find someone else to kill off. If I can't get it set to a free period, I'm just not attending." Harry replied to her while fitting the crystal ball on top of the spell box for the wireless.
"Okay so you stole one of Trelawney crystal balls but what did you do to make it look like that? What's with the weird quicksilver stuff?" Katie asked him.
Harry finally finished setting it the way he wanted and pulled his wand to begin activating the runes he had inscribed that would allow the device to read the sphere. "It's an ethereal arcaneic-bio mimetic gel that facilitates the translation program I runically developed."
"Um, excuse me? Do you think you can say that in the Queen's English please?"
"I thought I did."
"Then maybe dumb it down for me? I have no idea what you said Harry. Talk to me like I'm five. Use small words."
Harry looked up from his work and smiled at her. "Think of it as brain grease."
"Brain grease?"
"You saw me pulling those ghostly strands from my head right?" after she nodded he continued. "Those are called Memory Strands. Each one is a single song I have heard before taken from a memory of that event. I've filtered out everything else but the music so each strand is a single song and nothing else. The Brain Grease the strands float about in makes it so that the strands can be accessed by the runes I'm activating right now. In a moment I'll power up the ones that turns that information into something anyone can hear, and then send the sound to the speakers Neville put up. Assuming he doesn't break anymore."
"Hey! It didn't break! At least, I don't think it did." Neville commented from the other side of the room causing Harry to chuckle while he worked.
"Damn Harry, where did you learn to do this?" Katie asked him while he charged up the last rune.
"I actually got the idea from Dumbledore's Pensive. I recognized a couple of the runes on the bowl and I experimented a bit over the summer." Harry glibly lied.
Harry fitted the cover back on the wireless and began screwing it all back together. "How did you get the brain grease inside a solid crystal ball? Use a spell to hallow it out or something?"
He shook his head. "No it's still a solid crystal ball. There's no actual substance, no physical body to either the grease or the stands. I've chiseled a few runes on the crystal to create a sort of magical boundary or bubble that keeps it all in there. Again, like a pensive. In theory you can use anything or nothing at all. I just happened to have already stolen the crystal ball when you caught me in the corridor so needed to get rid of the evidence anyways."
Harry smiled when his comment caused Katie to gasp in surprise before she fell to the ground laughing. He heard Neville's laughter and the speaker fall again at the same time. "Oi, if you haven't broken that speaker yet Neville you're going to!"
"Then stop making me laugh you wanker!"
"Prat." Harry mumbled while syncing the speakers Neville had managed to get hung up to the radio.
Neville had finally hung the speaker by the time Harry got every speaker in the room to link into the Wireless. He ran one more diagnostic before nodding that it was done. He set the knobs to shuffle and to play random songs and taped it with his wand to test it out. Immediately sound began blasting from the speakers making him jump and turn the volume down.
It ain't no joke I'd like to buy the world a toke
And teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
And teach the world to snuff the fires and the liars
Hey I know it's just a song but it's spice for the recipe
"Nice!" Harry shouted to the two stunned people in the room. He stood there nodding his head to the tune while both Neville and Katie just looked about the room flabbergasted.
So don't delay act now supplies are running out
Allow if you're still alive six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow there may be a tomorrow
But if the offer's shunned you might as well be walkin' on the sun
Both his companions just stood there until the song finished out and silence reigned. Harry looked at the radio wondering why the next song didn't start up before he realized he didn't have it set up for continuous playing. He looked at the dials again and took the next few moments fiddling with them to get it set right.
"Wow Harry, I've never heard anything like that."
Harry grunted. "I'd be surprised if you had." Especially since I don't even think Smashmouth has been founded yet.
"That's muggle music Harry?" Neville asked him.
"Huh? O, yeah. An American group. Forget their name but I remember I liked a couple of their songs."
Katie looked at what he was doing. "Alternative yeah? I've heard my brother listen to some songs like that while home this summer. He's obsessed with American music. Anything else like that with a beat to it?"
"Yeah, I like music with a beat. Want something you can dance to? I've got a couple of club tracks on here somewhere."
"What do you know about club music Mr. Potter?" Katie asked him playfully.
Harry smiled knowingly while finishing up with his settings. He pointed his wand to the radio and began searching through the song list. "As it so happens Ms. Bell, I know this great club down in London. It's called Club Three. Bit shady but the best music. Owners a wanker but the booze isn't bad."
She shook her head at his antics. "I don't know whether to believe you or call you out as a liar. Not to mention I don't know which one I'd rather you be."
Her comments kept the smirk his face but he didn't confirm or deny anything. Once done he gave one final flick to the radio and the room was filled with a raw techno beat that almost immediately had Katie nodding along to it. She turned to look at Harry. "This is great if you plan on throwing a party in here Harry but I don't know how much studying going to get done if you going to be playing music like this."
Harry shrugged one shoulder while the next song loaded up. "Yeah, I can see that. If you have anything you want me to add, go get it and once I've heard it I can add it to the playlist."
"I'll see what I can do. There are a few songs on the wireless from the Weird Sisters I would love to hear on this set up you have Harry. Do you mind if I bring my wireless down here?"
"Naw, go ahead Katie." Harry watched her leave before commenting to Neville. "Mate, do me a favor please."
"What's that Harry?"
"Go with Katie. I'm going to work on the wards. A dry test run to see if you can find your way back wouldn't hurt. Once I know whether or not they will work, I'll key you back in."
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Her third cup of coffee firmly in hand, Hermione slowly chewed on the mouthful of the sweet roll in her hand. There were only a few people at breakfast this morning as it was Sunday and almost everyone typically had a lie in on these days. It afforded her the perfect opportunity now that she had her blessed coffee to once again put her mind to the enigma that was Harry Potter.
He was a broken man, and there was just no denying it, Harry Potter was a man now thanks to the other Hermione's meddling. Of course, she really couldn't blame any of her prior selves; she was just as guilty of what they had done. If Harry hadn't told her she would have ended up being a part of the cycle herself. Despite him being a man though she found herself very confused by his teenaged mentality. It was almost as if he had to focus himself to be that person, and generally was just a normal disfunctional teen otherwise. Maybe with a few more problems than most and a larger knowledge base to draw from but normal otherwise.
Ahh, memories. She concluded. Of course, the problem was that he gained the mentalities, personality's, memories of all his prior selves, but even with how potent those memories were his body chemistry and current mental development would still be 'this' Harry's. He might have the knowledge on how to do an off the wall back flip, jumping spin kick to the face, but 'this' Harrys body was not in that kind of condition to do it. Same would hold true then for his magic core as well as explain why Harry seemed to flip flop worse than the shoe of the same name. Hermione imagined it had a lot to do with him trying to blend and find some kind of balance within himself. At least this was her theory. She really wished there was someone they could trust to talk to about this but with all the laws and such against time magic, and the Ministry's current stance on anything related to 'Harry Potter' there was just no way they could seek outside help. Which put everything on her.
Hermione looked around to make sure no one was around and pulled out a letter from her parents she had received that morning. In times of trial when she didn't know or understand something not academically related she always sought her Mums advice. Their relationship had sort of been strained over the last few years since Hermione found out she was a witch but this was something between them that had never changed. She reread the letter again. There was not much in there to help with her current situation but there were a lot of details on an issue she had been trying to ignore for the last few days. That awkward morning at Grimmauld.
She could remember every single detail of what Harry felt like, his scent, and how open his eyes were first thing in the morning. No barriers, there didn't seem to be anything between her and his soul. That morning had been haunting her since it happened. The imagery just wouldn't leave her alone unless she forced herself to concentrate on something else. It made her heart race, clouded her thinking, and did things to her insides that were uncomfortably pleasant.
"I've never woken up in bed with a person in it before. However, this isn't the first time you've woken next to someone like this, is it Harry?"
"No."
"We have done…things before though haven't we? You and other Hermione's?"
When Harry described his times with her alternate, Hermione felt a shiver run down her spine and her insides coil. It was an uncomfortable sensation to be jealous of yourself and knowing that person no longer existed. It had shocked her to no end when she realized she was in fact jealous. It didn't help when Hermione vaguely described this issue to her Mother and she agreed that Hermione was jealous of this 'other girl's attention' on her Harry.
Hermione shook her head. She didn't have anything to offer this Harry. She wasn't pretty like half of the girls he'd been with; she wasn't experienced like he was in any of the…activities he's done. She'd only done a small bit of minor snogging with Victor a time or two. Harry'd had sex and no telling how much various exploration with over half a dozen witches. It really didn't matter that it was all in pasts that no longer existed he still had the memories. He didn't need her intelligence anymore either. Harry knew more about magic in all most all its forms than she did now. Harry had always been strong magically but now, now he was a prodigy that could easily outclass Dumbledore at the same age. He just didn't need her. Judging by the way he talked that morning he had grown a lot closer to half a dozen other witches than he ever did or would with her. Besides, with the fact she was the one to send him back each time she would be lucky to just be his friend. Hermione rose from the table and left the great hall just walking randomly through the old school. She didn't know how long she wandered aimlessly about nor had any concept of anything other than her thoughts until she a cough grabbed her attention.
Hermione looked around but the hallway was empty of anyone. Her time with Harry taught her that didn't necessarily mean anything. When the cough sounded again she took notice of the painting next to her. She was beyond surprised at its occupant.
The painting scene was that of what looked like a personal study from the renaissance. The resident of the painting however couldn't have been painted more than fifteen or sixteen years ago. Hermione easily recognized her from the handful of times she had seen her in other photos. Besides, Lily Potter's long mane of vibrant red hair had been her trademark since before her passing and just about anyone would recognize her today by it alone.
"Are you okay dear?" her concerned voice asked.
Hermione sniffed and wiped away a tear on her sleeve. She hadn't realized she was crying at all until Lily had brought her out of her thoughts. "Yes, thank you. I didn't know Harry's mum had a painting at Hogwarts. I bet he would love to talk to you."
Her soft laughter rang at Hermione's comment. "Harry knows. He's the one that hung our Portrait here."
Hermione shook her head. This was yet another point of how far her friendship with Harry had fallen. "Is he okay?" she asked the painting desperately.
The painting seemed to weigh her answer heavily before she replied. "That would depend on your definition of 'okay.' He is unharmed at the moment and plotting mischief."
"What do you mean?"
Lily sat leaning against the desk in the painting while motioning to the small stone block that jutted from the wall next to the painting. "Will you sit with me for a moment? It would be more comfortable for you."
Once Hermione had taken the offered seat Lily moved to sit down on the floor of the study so they could be more eye to eye. She took a few moments to adjust her skirts to her satisfaction and tucked a long strand of her hair behind her ear. "Before we talk about Harry, why were you crying dear?"
Hermione shrugged. "Just a few things I'm going through I guess."
"You can tell me child. Look around, there are no other paintings listening in. I keep Harry's secrets, and would be more than pleased to keep yours as well. I'll not even tell Harry if he asks me. It can be just between us two girls."
Hermione looked around and did indeed notice that all the frames were empty. She didn't think she had ever seen a hallway with so many empty pictures in them. "Where did they all go?"
"I asked them to give us some privacy. You looked like you could use someone to talk too."
"Yes I could. But, I don't mean any offence but you're just a portrait. An echo of the person you were modeled after. I'm not sure if you really could do anything for me or have any real insight into what I am going through."
Lily smiled. "No offence taken dear. I know I am not Lily Potter. I look like her and many of my mannerisms are hers. Much, but not all, of what made Lily Potter who she was has been imprinted on me. I answer to Lily; my husband is James Potter who shares my portrait and we are devoutly loyal to our son Harry. I may not be alive by your standards and whether or not I can help you is not the point. Sometimes people just need someone to talk to. It helps to air out your concerns to another or share your problems. To put words and voice to that which confounds you, and then share that with someone. Haven't you ever had a problem and when talking to a sympathetic ear figured out the solution all by yourself? Maybe it is the perspective of being a portrait, or maybe it's the part of me that is Lily, but I have found that most of the time people already have the answers they seek but just need to give it voice to believe it."
Hermione was tempted. She so needed someone, anyone to talk to. "But anyone could come walking down the corridor and hear us."
Lily smiled reassuringly. "Would you feel more at ease if I told you James was running around keeping watch? He's been looking for a reason to cause mischief since we woke. He will warn us if anyone approaches. If you don't want to talk I would understand but if you do, you can be assured that your secrets are safe with me and no one will hear our conversation."
Hesitantly Hermione asked, "Do…do you know about Harry's…condition?"
Lily kept her reassuring smile on her face and nodded. "Of course dear. We are hung in Harry's privet sanctuary, and my son has his father's habit of talking to himself when he is focused on his work. Portraits hear a great deal, and learn even more."
Hermione gave one final look down both sides of the hallway. Not seeing anyone she started with a few minor worries. It didn't take long before the floodgates holding back her real concerns broke free. During the entire time Lily gave reassurance when needed, asked a few prodding questions to keep the conversation going forward and lent a sympathetic ear to everything. Hermione was going over Harry's reactions of seeing Susan Bones and Daphne Greengrass when Lily raised her hand to quiet her. James Potter rushed into the frame almost tripping over a footstool as he entered.
"Stupid place to put a footstool. Good thing I don't have any bones to break anymore. Sirius would never let me live that down." He commented once he righted himself.
Lily smiled fondly at him. "You're interrupting Love."
James turned to look at Hermione. "Sorry Hermione." He turned back to his wife. "Have you seen Peeves?"
Lily frowned a moment appearing to be lost in thought. "I believe he is currently on the fourth floor looking for firsties. Why love?"
"The headless hunt got bored when people stopped trying to walk through the east corridor so they took off to pick on Nick. Peeves would be perfect replacement. Right now I have the Fat Friar singing lewd Drinking songs over there but that won't hold long." He answered.
"Ahh. Peeves!" she called out to the air. To Hermione's complete surprise he floated through the ceiling holding his hat in his hands and looking sheepish.
"Hello Mistress."
Lilly smiled fondly at the poltergeist. "Hello Peeves it is good to see you. Would you please go with James and guard the east corridor for me?"
James smiled wickedly. "I know where someone stashed a crate of Stink Pellets and a couple of Fanged Frisbees. I would guess from Filch."
His eyes grew to massive proportions when he turned to Lily. "May I?"
Her soft laughter sounded quickly following his question. "Of course you rascal. Do as James says and stay as long as he needs you. Do try not to hurt anyone please."
James ducked down to give Lily a quick kiss. Once he left at a run through the portrait Peeves followed right on his heels. Lily shook her head. "Such a miscreant but I have always been fond of him." Once again she turned her attention to Hermione. "I'm sorry dear. Please continue."
Hermione's curiosity couldn't be sidetracked so easily. "He listens to you… He never listens to anyone but the Bloody Baron. How did you do that?"
Lily smiled mysteriously. "I kept many secrets Hermione. Not all are mine to tell. You were telling me about Harry's reactions to his prior lovers. How does that make you feel?"
Hermione deflated a bit at the question. "Not very nicely. I honestly can't even imagine how hard all this is for him. I just don't know what to do to help him. I don't even know if he would accept my help after everything that has happened. Our friendship is rocky at best and I don't know how to fix any of it."
Lily hummed to herself before she fixed the young teen in her gaze. "Do you love my son? Honestly now." she asked.
"I…I don't know. Maybe."
"You find him fanciable though yes? You are attracted to him?"
Hermione chucked. "Who isn't?"
"Indeed." Lily appeared thoughtful before she asked her next question. "My question is, are you attracted to him?"
Hermione shrugged. "Harry is very handsome. I won't deny I find him physically appealing if that is what you are asking."
"Well, it's not everything but it is important to be attracted to someone you care deeply for. Especially if you have romantic feelings toward that person. May I ask you a few questions that might help you understand your feelings for Harry?"
Hermione nodded her consent. "Would you help him if he asked for it? No matter with what it was?"
"Maybe. I would consider it regardless."
"If you felt he was out of line?"
"I would call him on it of course."
"Do you accept his past? Knowing what you do of it and knowing you don't have all the details."
Hermione thought for a few moments. "Yes. I don't like a lot of it but I accept that it is all part of who he is now."
"Can you see yourself without him in your life?"
Hermione immediately shook her head. "No."
"Does the thought of him with other girls bother you?"
Hermione hesitated but answered honestly. "I don't want it to, but it does bother me a great deal."
Hermione didn't notice it but Lily's face took on a grave appearance. "If someone was about to kill Harry, could you sacrifice yourself for him? I suppose the question really is, would you give your life for Harry?"
Tears slowly fell from her eyes at even the thought of someone killing Harry. "Without hesitation."
"My last question Hermione. If you found yourself in a situation where all options were exhausted and there was no other way, could you kill to protect him?"
Hermione looked at the portrait of Harry's mother. Her mind was completely blank at the stark horrifying aspect of that question but she heard her own whispered reply and knew without doubt it was the truth. "…yes."
Lily slowly nodded to her answer. "Then my dear, there is no question. You are in love."
Her tears did not abate at the declaration when she asked her confidant. "What do I do?"
"Harry is a hard man now. He will not be easy to love. You already know this. The questions you should really be asking yourself; are you willing to throw your lot in with him? Can you love him unconditionally, without reservation, come what may regardless of consequences? How much of yourself are you willing to give to him? Can you totally commit all of your heart to his? Because that is what it is going to take to love a man like Harry."
"I don't understand."
"Harry is a broken man-child. I am not even sure he knows who he is anymore. Harry needs a strong partner who is willing to help him achieve balance. Someone who knows the truth and will love the monster inside him, and the man he wants to be. One who knows when to hold him back and when to give him his leash. Nothing less than total commitment will reach his heart. The one who can do that will be the only one to reside there. You love my son, but can you love him with all of who you are?"
"I don't know…"
Lily waved her arm dismissively. "Of course not. No one can answer that question. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. Besides, it's not enough to love him; he has to love you as well. And the answer of whether he does or not is something you are not going to find talking to me. You would need to talk to Harry and ask him."
"What do I say? I don't even know how to approach him anymore. The last time I forced him into talking to me he put a gun to my head."
"Yes well, from what I understand that was just bad timing. Be honest, be direct. Harry is long past dillydallying. You would be surprised how effective that is with him now. Half the time when people talk to him he searches for hidden meaning in their words. Speak from your heart child. He will respond."
"Thank you Lily. But I don't even know where he is. Most likely he won't show himself until he is ready too. Here at Hogwarts getting him alone is going to take some doing."
"I can help you with that actually…"
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Hermione opened the door that was cleverly pretending to be a wall. She knew without a doubt she would never have found the place without Lily's detailed instructions on how to do so. She was very surprised to hear the sound of a piano playing ghostly about the room.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
The female vocalist's voice was so pure it completely sidetracked her from her mission forcing her to just listen. When the music slowly started ramping up from just the ghostly piano to hitting hard with drums and guitars she jumped not expecting it.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
The alternating voices jarred her as she listened to the lyrics. She had never heard a song speak so clearly to her before.
Now that I know what I'm without (Wake me up) Bring me to life
you can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I've become
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Hermione looked around the room but didn't see anyone inside the room anywhere. The song continued entrancing her with a message that up until that moment seemed murky and hard to understand, but was crystal clear to her now. When she heard the male singer painfully whisper the line 'I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside' it was like someone stabbed her in the chest.
Frozen inside without your touch (All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me)
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
(Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul)
don't let me die here
(There must be something more)
The last line, the way he was painfully screaming, the longing, it choked Hermione up. "Harry…"
Bring me to life (Wake me up) Bring me to life
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I've become
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Suddenly the music died just at the tail end of the last line. Hermione spun around to see Harry standing behind her. A very carefully constructed neutral expression on his face.
"Do you feel that way?" She couldn't help but demand.
It took him a moment before he answered her. "…Sometimes."
Harry sighed while running his hand threw his hair. "Hermione." He waited until her eyes focused on his own. "What are you doing here?"
"I…I came to find you. I wanted to talk to you. About us. And to…give you this."
Harry raised an eyebrow at her statement but didn't reply. Hermione took measured steps to him before handing him the thick roll of parchment in her hands. She watched him as he silently opened the roll and look through the contents. She knew immediately when he pieced together what it was when his body stiffened.
"Hermione. This looks like research for the Time Travel Ritual. Except it's mostly in spell form."
"I told you I haven't had a chance to change it yet."
"Why are you giving this to me?" He asked.
She licked her dry lips. "To destroy. So you know, I can't ever do this again. I can tell you I destroyed it, I can promise I won't send you back. This way, this way you know for sure I can't."
Harry silently stared into her eyes for some time before she noticed is body posture relax. "Thank you." His voice hardly above a whisper. He cleared his throat before he walked over to one of the desks tossing the scroll on to its surface. "What about 'us' did you want to talk about."
"I just…"
"I've told you a lot about my other Shades. You know some of the things I've done and who I've done for the most part. What more needs to be said." Harry inquired after he turned around to face her again.
Hermione nodded in understanding and sunk into thought for a few seconds before asking in a quiet voice, "Harry, why didn't we have anything closer to this Shade?"
Harry blinked. "Er, well, you loved Ron. It was always Ron."
Hermione whispered leadingly, "I chose you once."
Harry nodded and bit back a snarl, "Yeah, and then went right to Ron when he came back. Free will and choice are the only rights we have as people Hermione; it's the one constant in all Shades. I couldn't bring myself to fight for you against Ron. He's an insensitive berk and a twat, but he's been my mate for years and really, he's not all that bad. It's not like he's Draco. Besides, he's what you wanted and that was that."
In a quiet voice she was sure Harry had to strain himself to hear Hermione spoke again. "You wouldn't have to worry about Ron now…"
Harry's breath hitched. "What are you saying Hermione?"
"Harry, will you answer a very personal question please?"
"Depends," Harry answered evasively.
Hermione raised her head to look into Harry's eyes again. "Did you love me in prior Shades? Have you ever loved me in any of your pasts?"
Harry continued to look into her eyes, somehow managing to keep his neutral expression, but his voice gave away his deep emotional condition. Hermione's eyes tracked to his hand when it reached up to rub his shoulder and the unique scar pattern hidden beneath his shirt. "Yes," he answered quietly.
Hermione's expressions soften, and Harry flicked his eyes down to watch her lick her bottom lip before she started talking. When she did her voice was a near-whisper. "Do you still love me? Even with all the different women you've been with?"
"Fiercely," he whispered in reply.
Hermione slowly walked toward him losing herself in his eyes. They were open like that morning she couldn't forget. So open. "I think all the other Hermione's came to the same conclusion in fourth year that I did. I…" Harry's eyes focused on hers, waiting with suppressed interest and a glimmer of hope. She drew strength from it. "I fancy you Harry. I have for a long time. The feelings started after the troll, but solidified in our third year when we rescued Sirius. Last year before the Yule ball I was hoping you would ask me but you didn't. It never occurred to you to ask me. I didn't know if it was because I was too plain or not attractive enough or what the reason was, but I could see that you were not interested in me that way, so I tried to let my crush go. I let Victor take me to the ball and had a pleasant time until Ron started his tantrum."
She let out a deep sigh still keeping her eyes buried in his own, not wanting to lose the openness he was sharing with her. "Later I heard a rumor that you were dating Katie Bell but no one seemed to know anything about it. You two didn't sit together or talk much in the common room, but the rumor was there. Katie is very pretty and I'm nothing compared to her. I saw you and her in the Hospital Wing the next morning after the third task. I knew I lost you then when I saw the two of you together…like that."
Harry frowned but stayed silent. "A few weeks went by when I heard the rumor that you guys were in a snit. I didn't see it, but I did notice that neither of you would look the other in the eye… and you were pretty awkward. I didn't want to say anything in case it embarrassed you. But I had already started to deny I ever felt anything for you by that time. Pushing those feelings deep and trying to forget them."
Slowly she raised her hand to cup his cheek, still keeping her eyes on his the whole time; allowing him to see the truth and raw emotions in her eyes. "Yes, I know about the other people in your past. That is your past Harry. Regardless if it is this past or the other Shades. I don't want to not feel what I do for you. I want to be with you Harry. I need to know if what I feel, what I hope you feel, is real."
"Can you really feel that way for me now? You don't know the half of what I have done, or what I am capable of. The road I walk Hermione, its dark. It's dangerous. And you are not in any way shape or form ready to walk it with me."
"Then it sounds like you have a lot to teach me to get me caught up because Harry, I am going nowhere. If you fight, I'm going to fight, and I want us to be together… because I feel something for you and you feel something for me Harry. It's something far more that I feel for anybody else, and I want to find out where it goes, if you'll let me. I don't promise to always agree with you on everything. I can promise I will be by your side for as long as you will have me."
Harry looked at her with serious eyes; devoid of all emotion for several very long seconds that seemed to stretch for days, but she almost grinned when she saw the hope return to his eyes, as well as a glimmer of something she hadn't seen in him since he'd turned up at Grimmauld; happiness. "Hermione, what I can teach… I don't do Defense Against the Dark Arts anymore 'Mione," he warned, "because I'm more adept at the Dark Arts than in their defense." He leant down and rested his forehead against hers, and both couldn't help but smile slightly when they felt their bodies move towards each other as if it was completely natural, but Harry banished the tenderness aside for the moment. "If you want to find out where this… us, goes, you can't pull punches with this Hermione, because if we're going to do this," he motioned to their bodies that were virtually molded to each other, "then we're not going to do it by halves. This is going to mean something to me, more than you can imagine, so you need to decide what you want more. Me or your innocence."
She raised her head to once again look deeply into his eyes, but he didn't shy away from her piercing gaze or her touch. Finally she stroked his cheek again, and a small smile broke out over her lips. "We all lose out innocence sometime," she murmured lowly, her hot breath washing over his lips as she neared, "I can't think of anyone I trust more in my mind or heart to lose it with."
Harry closed the remaining distance and brought his lips to hers. Almost immediately she felt her knees buckle form the pleasure she was experiencing at her first kiss with Harry. Days could have passed and she would not have cared. "Merlin you can kiss…" she whispered when he reined himself back. Harry's smirk was short lived as he brought his lips back to hers.
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Lily and James looked on at the scene developing before them from one of the pictures Harry had used to decorate the room. Behind them a magnificent scene of a sunset over a lake slowly took place
"You really do think this will heal the wounds both of them carry?" James asked her.
"By the Builders I hope so. I can't lose him again. The last time was just too painful. If he's to die, this time I can only hope it will be on his terms without regret. "
James nodded to her statement and smiled at the question she asked him after a moment. "Was it you that set that song to play as she walked in?"
"Wasn't hard to do once he connected the radio to the Keystone. It seemed appropriate."
"Clever of you."
"I thought so." James stated without a shred of modesty. After a moment of silence between them he turned to her. "Do you honestly think she is strong enough to fix him? The boy is almost as damaged as Tom was. In some ways, he might be worse."
Lily sighed. "We can only hope so. Tom came to us without any moral compass save his own evil code. Thomas Riddle could never have been saved. There was never any love save for himself in his heart. Harry has always been different. Even in his darkest hour he loved others more than himself. If she can reach him neither will be disappointed. No matter how long or short their time together is."
"You know we are breaking half the rules instilled in us by the Builders. We are not supposed to interfere, especially to choose favorites or take sides. I'm not going to even mention the oaths instilled in us to prevent what we are planning to allow them to get up to." James stated.
Lily nodded her head. "And we will break the other half and as many oaths as we need to by the end of this. Not even the Great Four could have foreseen the way our world has fallen. Our primary duty is to protect our children first and foremost. Our reach is limited to here, and the evil that awaits them is far beyond our protective embrace. We need Harry whole to save as many as we can. Not all of our children reside here anymore but that does not mean we love them any less. He is our only hope. The only hope our children have to survive the nightmare that is coming."
Authors Note:
Thank you all for reading and Please Review. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I would also like to thank everyone who added this story to alerts or favorites and for the reviews I have received not to mention how honored I am with the Fav Author hits. You are all appreciated.