Looks like you made it to the end. I know some of you have read this a couple times, and there used to be a completely different, rather generic bonus chatper here. To be honest, the original bonus chapter felt kind of cheap when I wrote it and it feels cheap now. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say then. I think I have an idea this time.

I started this story in 2012. It was my second long fanfiction, my first being Amy the Outcast. When I fist started, I wasn't sure what I was doing, and it showed – the entire first half was basically me attempting to drive a bumper car with little to no understanding of how to work the damn thing. I stopped short, stalled, sputtered, and of course crashed.

Oh my god, how I crashed.

It's been four years since I started the story, and almost three years since I finished it. I didn't expect the whole thing to be forty chapters long, and looking back I wish it had been twenty chapters shorter. I will admit, I'm pretty embarrassed to go back and read it now (I haven't made it past chapter 3). But to be honest, I can't bring myself to take this story down, no matter how mortified I am about the fact that I rewrote Sakuya's opening monologue in the first couple chapters and thought references were instantly funny. Part of that is because one of my friends actually won't let me take it down because she still loves reading it (why, I have no idea, but what can you do). But there is another reason.

This wasn't my first fanfiction, but I'd say it's my most important one for me as a writer. This was basically my training ground, a 40-chapter study in pacing, dialogue, character development and everything else that's crucial to a story. Did that show in the story itself? Maybe, although I doubt it didn't start until the middle or the very end. But what this story really gave me was confidence. Most chapters I posted got two or three reviews, and those meant the world to me. People wanted to read what I wrote. To put this in context, this was when I was first starting to think about writing as more than just a hobby to dabble in, and something I really could do with the rest of my life. Fanfiction was my testing the waters, seeing if I could handle sharing my work. Did it get criticized? Absolutely! But you need critics to point out what you might have missed, and I missed a lot, much more than with Amy. But as this story winded on and got more and more lost, you guys encouraged me to keep going, to see it through to the end.

And I did. In late 2013, I posted the final chapter to How I Became Ayame and signed off on the story. At the behest of friends and my own adrenaline, I attempted a sequel, but I think I knew even as I wrote the first chapter that it needed a break. I'm not sure if I want to continue the plot I had in mind for that one, especially in light of how much what I want in my writing has changed since then.

As a writer, this story makes me cringe, and as a fan of Okami it makes me a bit embarrassed since I don't really feel like I brought anything new to the story. But I still think its existence is important, both because it let me experiment and mess up and have an absolute blast doing so, and because of the reviewers and readers encouraging me to keep going. And I have kept going, and here we are, four years later, with 40 chapters and a rewrite in the works. I do mean a complete rewrite, by the way. Apologies to anybody attached to those four treasures for whatever reason, they're not coming back.

So this is my send-off to the original story. I'm going to keep it up, of course, and continue writing the story I wish this one had been, currently under the working title of Foxglove until I figure out something I like that isn't "Iris". But I just wanted to add this, four years later, as my thank you for the story and for all those readers in 2012 to now who followed me through writing this and cheering me on.

I don't write much fanfiction now besides the rewrite these days - I've been focusing more on my own original stories, and I'm hoping to eventually write a book, although that's going to take much longer than any fanfiction. Thank you for reading this, thank you for enjoying it (or not enjoying it, I wouldn't blame you), and thank you to everyone in 2012 who told me to keep going.

Now go read some better fanfiction.

Sincerely,

Esme

Edit: I've rewritten this thing three times. Save me.