The Ex-Wife and the Toyboy

"What is it they say?" Eileen teased from the rim of her coffee cup, "You're only as young as the man you feel."

She watched, at ease, as her ex-husband squirmed. It was an art form well-practised by her, to pick up on his discomfort. The flicker of a tense smile, a shake of the head, a shift in his seat. His thumb and forefinger went up to stroke the edges of his moustache. She was surprised she hadn't picked up on the marriage-ending affair earlier. Maybe she had and chosen to ignore the signs. After all the majority of their marriage was based on half-truths as it was.

She rested the cup down, wiping the lipstick from the edge. "So that makes you…barely legal,"

He became suddenly animated then. "Jesus Eileen you make me out to be some sort of pervert!" Brendan's brow softened when he saw the look in her eyes that meant she was teasing.

There was a pause between them where she didn't keep eye contact, but started shifting her skirt a little straighter. "Twenty-five, eh? It's a wonder you can keep up with him."

Although she smiled, her eyes prickled with a bitterness, one that was difficult to explain unless your husband had also ditched you for a gorgeous young man. She'd watched a documentary on it once – My Husband is Gay – probably on one of those Sky channels. Oddly enough it was a night shortly after a very strained phone conversation with Brendan, where he confessed that this momentary lapse in sexuality was now a full blown relationship and this toyboy was moving in with him.

She remembered pouring herself a large glass of wine after that call, using some words to describe him she'd later regret and phoned her friend to make light of it. Laughing was stopping the very stupid tears that shouldn't have been there after everything he'd put her through. Of course, when she'd caught him all those years ago half naked and entwined with Ste she should have expected the day where he confirmed he was gay. But it was different when it could be put down to a phase or a night time habit, but a relationship? Living together! All those years spent married wondering why he was so distant and blaming herself, all those times she tried to please him. It was a strange feeling, knowing you could never have been, or never were the person they had wanted. Not like you'd wanted them anyhow.

The love and affection for Brendan had long been displaced by pain and anger and she too had moved on, but it was always difficult to see the father of your children with someone else, wasn't it? Especially when their new love's presence and role made you feel so severed from his old life; this new alien life he lived. They had the boys to show for their marriage of course, a lasting piece of a period in time which felt so false now, but even they seemed to have adjusted to their dad's new life.

"Can I ask you something?" Declan had said one evening as he made a rare attempt to assist with the dishes. She'd given him the nod as he looked cautiously from side to side. He was picking up on his father's nervous habits. "Is it all right if I ask Da to the party?"

The infamous birthday party. Not a milestone one, but he'd worn her down and she'd promised. Just a church hall and veggie sausage rolls, on the condition he and his friends take it easy on the booze. She'd anticipated the question about Brendan's invite and like all the queries that were thrown at her about him - from the boys, her friends, her parents – she answered placidly.

"It's your party. Of course you can invite your Da."

Declan rested the crockery down before the next question. "And Ste?"

It even took her a moment to register who he meant, after all that's not what Brendan called him and she herself usually resorted to referring to him as you know who or that boy, but when it dawned on her, she was sure Declan picked up on her hesitation.

"Only if it's all right with you mam," he said in a way she would have found sickeningly patronising if he wasn't her lad, "He's actually pretty cool,"

Well he would be, she'd thought, he's barely out of his teens himself and his wee little'uns run around like scallies (so she'd heard/guessed). No wonder Dec liked this lad who was more of a mate than anything resembling a parental figure.

And that was how she'd ended up here, sat outside a café in Belfast with her ex, the day before their eldest son's birthday party. Stephen, the infamous, had taken the hint and was exploring the shops looking for gifts for his own children and their mother. That was another weird one. Ste and his ex, Amy. She couldn't ever imagine Brendan and herself larking around like Will and Grace, perish the thought.

It wasn't Brendan, or Ste, that she gleaned all these nuggets of information from, it was mostly her boys that would report back to her. Nothing conspiratorial, although Padraic was definitely a mummy's boy and wasn't such an ardent Ste fan as Dec, but she'd often overhear the boys talking over tea or on the phone.

She sensed that whilst the boys were happy, and in Declan's case very keen, to spend time with Ste – their father was still on edge to combine the two areas of his life he had spent years separating. There was a part of her - a tiny part - that sort of hoped he was suffering. That maybe domestic bliss with Ste wasn't all it was cracked up to be – after all hadn't he spent most of their married life on business? Maybe he wasn't cut out for that life.

"Listen Eileen, I was sorta thinking of giving tomorrow night a miss. You know, I've seen Deccy, he's had his present…" Brendan said, avoiding eye contact as he sat forward in the seat.

She scoffed.

"What?"

"Brendan Brady, you never fail to disappoint. How can you even consider letting your son down like that?" The table clattered as her hand hit it in exasperation.

"Give it a rest will ya? He ain't gonna want me there anyway is he?"

"He fucking invited you," she snapped and then, knowing it was the heart of the matter added, "And Ste in case you've forgotten. Or is that the real reason, eh? I thought you'd wanna be there showing off your little boy toy!"

He stood up, seat flying back with force. "Yeah and you wonder why I ain't keen on sticking around."

It was at that moment, just behind Brendan that Eileen saw two familiar faces, one of her son and the other, fractionally taller without the Irish paleness. To distract from their row, Eileen stood too and greeted Declan, shooting a quick glance in Ste's direction before settling on a simple but colder hello.

"Why aren'cha at school Dec?" she asked as he pulled up a chair beside her and next to Ste.

"Free period," Dec said with a brief roll of his eyes.

"So you just bumped into each other did ya?" Eileen asked, perhaps it coming out a little more accusatory than she meant it to.

"I text Ste. I figured yous all be in town."

Eileen smiled briefly and then her gaze flicked to Brendan, who sat sullenly after their outbursts. She watched as Ste picked up on this – and his tight smile – and gave Brendan the space to work through his discomfort. Credit where it was due, he was smart in picking up the signals too.

The tension at the table was briefly dented by Declan who tried to smooth things over by inviting Ste to be the centre of it all, if he wasn't already.

"Ste show Da what you got for Lucas, I used to have one," he encouraged.

Shyly Ste relented and fished between shopping bags. Eileen noticed that the lad clearly hadn't got used to the benefits of living with a man who earned copious amounts of cash by unsavoury means; all the carrier bags were the unmarked, flimsy kind. During her marriage to Brendan, one of the few benefits was a budget that bought designer gear for her and top range toys for the kids without difficulty. With a twinge of sadness she realised Brendan wouldn't need to compensate his lack of love for Ste with his wallet, like he had done with her.

"Oh yeah! It's mint!" Ste exclaimed as he brought out a Scalectrix set from one of the bags, "What d'ya reckon?"

Brendan smiled softly, taking the box into his hands. "He'll love it. I remember Dec used to curl up in bed with those damn cars in his hand,"

"Speaking of cars…" Declan piped up and he exchanged a broad grin with Ste, followed by a wink. He'd been hinting at a car for his birthday for months. She'd told him no chance, not until he'd finished school. She was, of course, half expecting super dad to sweep in and buy him a completely inappropriate car.

"You ain't be giving him any joyriding tips have ya Stephen?" Brendan teased affectionately.

Eileen's eyebrows raised. "Joyriding?"

"That's what Ste did when he was my age," Declan said before quickly realising he probably shouldn't have.

Eileen watched him blush, ears to cheeks. "Well I did some stupid things in the past…"

Brendan, who'd clearly had enough of the scrutiny, began to wind things up, cutting off Ste's embarrassment and throwing some notes on the table. "The past is the past and the future is approaching, speaking of which…kid we're heading off and we'll see you tomorrow for what I hear is the party of the century," he reached across to give Declan a hug. He touched Ste's shoulders briefly, and cocked his head. "Stephen?"

"I'll be in touch, yeah?" Eileen said, shooting Brendan a look that he understood clearly. The don't fuck up your son's life again look.

x

It wasn't until the next afternoon that she heard from Brendan. And not out of choice.

Of course the fucking caterers had let her down. That's what happened when you tried to cut them down on the price. So the platter of food she expected to arrive at the house at midday never showed and they feigned ignorance when she called, um-ing and ah-ing until they hung up when she unleashed a tirade of abuse down the phone. Michael tried to soothe her, but he knew better to leave her to stew and swear. He suggested driving to the local cash and carry to pick up a few bits, but her annoyance made her revert to old tactics. She called her ex-husband and asked him to pile on the pressure in the only way he knew how.

"Just give 'em a fright," she said flippantly.

He sounded distracted on the other end. Muffled. "And have them give my boy food poisoning?"

"Well what do you suggest we do Brendan? I'm not letting him down."

There was a pause on the other end and it took her a moment to register why Brendan was so absent minded in their conversation. There was the distinct sound of wet mouths meeting and she was tempted to hang up on him in frustration.

"I've had a brain wave," Brendan said, breaking away from what was obviously Stephen's mouth, "I've be round in an hour, gotta do something first. See ya."

She was poised ready to have another go but after hearing him give a distant dirty laugh on the other end he had hung up before she got the chance. Fuming was an understatement. But before she had the opportunity to text and tell him where to shove his brain wave, Yvonne had arrived to do her manicure and St. Tropez.

x

The third coat of Marine Paradise blue was drying on her toes when the doorbell chimed. Yvonne answered it and Eileen wrapped her dressing gown defensively tighter as she spotted the arrivals.

"Well then," she began, scowl directed directly at Brendan and not to his sheepish boyfriend who was loaded with bags beside him, "What's the grand plan of yours?"

Brendan turned to his left. "You're looking at him,"

She'd heard the stories, knew of his business. Poncy Paninis or whatever it was. Heard Declan rave about some veggie curry the precious Ste had made at the weekend as he played with a Quorn burger she'd just cooked, whilst Paddy shrugged. But as she looked at him now, weighed down with bags of food she doubted his ability to peel an onion let alone feed a party full of hungry teenagers.

"Hiya!" Ste said as if no one had noticed him. As if it wasn't awkward enough that he was stood in what had once been the home Brendan had bought for their family.

Ste must have noticed the way Eileen kept her arms crossed in front of her because with a cautious smile he said, "I know what you're thinking, but I've catered for loads of parties, me."

Brendan touched him on the arm. "I'll show you through to the kitchen,"

"Hold up," Eileen said, standing up and causing Yvonne to smudge a streak of blue between Eileen's toes, "We haven't even talked about the menu,"

Ste handed one of the shopping bags to a bemused Brendan and fished in his pocket for where he had written on a scruffy piece of paper. "I spoke to Declan on the way 'ere and he said…" Ste peered at the paper and his pace slowed, "Veg-git-table curry, kebabs, wraps, nachos. And then I thought I'd do some cheesy chips or something, you know for the fussy eaters,"

"Well people are expecting party food,"

"I'll put some crisps in a bowl just for you Eileen," Brendan said dismissively and led the way, leaving Ste apologetically smiling and following behind.

X

Eileen fretted throughout her so called pampering and when she'd shooed Yvonne home and out the way, she headed in the direction of the kitchen before heading upstairs to do her roots. There was no burning sounds or shattering crockery, so that at least was a relief.

Just for a moment she stood there, peering in the doorway without making her presence known.

"You don't need any help?" Brendan asked Ste, as he stood a little distance away from the bubble of chaos around the chef.

Ste grinned. "From you? I don't think we can afford any disasters today."

"I weren't offering. I was going call Eileen's little househusband," he mocked. Eileen wasn't going to lay into him for that, she was starting to see that perhaps Brendan viewed Michael in a similar way she viewed Ste.

Ste rolled his eyes. "You could go and help him decorate the church hall,"

"I'm a party guest not a fucking party planner. I leave that to the missus," he shot Ste a look and corrected himself, "Ex-missus,"

"Er'ya, you wanna be useful, try this," Ste said, approaching Brendan with a steaming spoon of curry. He blew on it softly and reached up to feed it to him. Brendan sucked the spoon clean and gave his approval, leaving Ste laughing a little. Before he escaped back to the stove, Brendan had skirted his fingers underneath the hem of Ste's shirt and kissed him on the mouth.

The intimacy startled Eileen and she headed for the stairs leaving them to it. She could tell herself a thousand times that Brendan was gay and in a relationship with Ste, but he was always such a cold man in public that the physical evidence of this was a rare sight to witness. She wondered whether she had ever seen him as relaxed as he seemed to be just there with Ste.

X

The party had, despite all setbacks, turned out to be quite a success. The girlfriend of one of Declan's slightly more unsavoury friends – Ashanti-Lee (stupid name Eileen had thought) – had vomited down herself and said boyfriend before nine, but that was due to smuggled booze rather than anything she'd had at the party. Eileen had quickly rounded up the rest of the liquor and topped up her own plastic cups with it through the night.

She'd spent much of the night with Michael and their own friends watching the kids have a good time, harassing the DJ for endless requests and flirting with the girls. She gossiped as Declan made eyes at a girl from his class and secretly hoped he'd go and ask her for a dance. There was a moment in the evening where her eyes met with Brendan's across the room and they shared a look of pride about their eldest.

Brendan had kept an unsurprising low profile all night, perched on a chair with a tumbler of whiskey and in reachable distance of the food table where his boyfriend helped serve. Eileen had gone for a second helping of the curry and ended up alone at the table with him.

"You liked it then?" he'd grinned. She wasn't sure she'd met anyone that smiled as much as he did.

"Yeah it was nice," Eileen replied, perhaps less enthused than reality.

"Declan looks like he's having a great time," Ste said with a nod in his direction. Eileen watched them wave to each other.

"I hope so." Eileen received her refilled plate back from him. "How much do I owe ya for all of this?"

Ste shook his head, "Nah don't be daft. I wanted to. You should be well proud, he's a great kid,"

"Thanks," Eileen said awkwardly. "He thinks a lot of you as well,"

Ste shifted on his feet, avoiding her gaze for a moment. "I really appreciate you letting me come n'that. You know, what with everything…"

Eileen shook her head a little. "You know after everything that's happened with me and Brendan, he's still a big part of my life and if you want him well…good luck to ya." She picked up some nachos. "I even saw him smile."

As Eileen headed back to her circular table she watched as her ex sidled up to Ste, probably to quiz him about the conversation and to wolf down another kebab. Couples around her formed and swayed to an Adele track – Declan and the pretty brunette included – and she clutched Michael's hand to pull him onto the dance floor. From the corner of her eye, she saw Brendan – who she was pretty sure would be loathing this entire night even more now - stand beside Ste and fix him with an intense stare which to all intents and purposes was his slow-dance.

Michael nuzzled her into a cuddle and asked if she was okay and really, yes she was.