Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc.
Hermione desperately wished that she had run when she had seen Parvati and Lavender coming towards her. Unfortunately, she had thought it below the dignity of the Head Girl to blatantly flee from a pair of her fellow students--even if that pair was infamous for being the two biggest gossips at school.
So it was Hermione's Gryffindor spirit had shone through and she had refused to flee in the face of fear. She was now paying for that decision as Parvati and Lavender had lapsed into their favorite topic: boys.
Once upon a time, long long ago, the gossip twins would have ignored Hermione when it came to their favorite topic. They had pestered her for a while after the Yule Ball, asking her again and again how she had managed to land a date with Viktor Krum. She had consistently ignored them and eventually they gave up.
Of course, Hermione rather suspected that was because by the next term it was apparent that she was no longer in any sort of relationship with Viktor. He was very sweet and had been the perfect gentleman at the dance, but he was just not the one for her. It had been a relief that he had understood that and taken it calmly. It had been an even greater relief that her roommates and the other girls at Hogwarts had stop asking her questions about him.
That relief had been rather short-lived. When Hermione had started dating Harry in the middle of their sixth year, the questions had returned in a deluge far greater than she had ever suffered during those few months that she had been with Viktor. It was downright tiring how every single girl she knew and some that she did not, wanted to know the personal details about Harry Potter. The classical "Boxers or briefs?" was the mere tip of the iceberg.
Harry was worth it though. Hermione would have withstood a flood of questions thrice as great if it meant that she'd get to be with him. It was pure bliss to be able to wake up knowing that he felt the same as she. Whenever she was besieged by the gossips, she just thought of him and everything was okay.
Hermione was startled out of her reverie by Parvati's hand waving frantically in her face.
"Gah!" she exclaimed and gracelessly stumbled backwards.
"Finally," Parvati huffed in annoyance. "I've been trying to get your attention for the longest time!"
Hermione rolled her eyes at Parvati's statement. A long time for Parvati probably meant about fifteen seconds. "So what is it?" she asked.
"If you had been listening, then you'd have known that we were talking about wands." Parvati started giggling and Lavender joined in her expression of mirth. "So," she continued through her laughter, "have you ever used Harry's?"
That had to be one of the most inane questions that they had ever asked her, Hermione thought as she rolled her eyes again. "Of course, I have," she replied shortly.
That reply set off in peals of laughter from her former roommates. The two of them continued to giggle insanely for the next couple of minutes.
Hermione didn't really see what was so amusing about it.
"Oh come on now," she said. "Is it that surprising? Considering how long I've known him, did you really expect anything else?"
That only encouraged them to laugh even harder. After spending the next few minutes waiting for them to recover, Hermione decided that she had enough and started to leave. Her attempt at escape, however, finally convinced them to settle down and the questions started up before she could even rise from her seat.
"Oh don't go, Hermione," said Lavender. "We were just a little surprised that you were so forthcoming about using his wand."
"Yes, yes, we're sorry, Hermione, so please stay. We were only laughing because we would have never thought you'd admit something like that. Besides, we've only begun chatting you know."
Hermione sighed and settled back down into her seat. Hopefully, now that they had gotten a response out of her, they would ignore her and eventually she would be able to make good her escape without either one of them noticing her leaving.
That hope was dashed to pieces with the next words to come out of Lavender's mouth. "So tell us, Hermione, how long is Harry's wand anyway?"
Hermione found her eyes seeking out the ceiling once again at their questions. "It's eleven inches if you must know."
Both Parvati and Lavender's jaws dropped at her reply. "Eleven inches?" Parvati gasped. "Are you certain?"
"Well I didn't exactly stop to measure it at the time as I had more important things on my mind but that's what he's told me and it seems about right to me." Hermione grimaced at her year-mates continuing expressions of disbelief. "Besides, I thought it was common knowledge by now."
"Well we haven't heard about it before, now have we Lavender?" Lavender nodded in agreement before Parvati forged on. "So how many times have you used it?"
"Just once. I mean, it's not something that I'd do all the time. Why would I?"
"But if it's eleven inches . . ." Lavender's eyes glazed over at the thought.
"So what about its length? I mean, sure, it's not like it's hard to use or anything like that, but I've better things to do rather than fool around with Harry's wand. And besides, you really don't think that longer wands are more effective, do you?"
"Oh trust me, they are," Parvati replied fervently. "Shorter wands are just not as satisfying."
That was an odd way to put it. Hermione was about to open her mouth to tell the two that shorter wands worked just as well as longer ones when it hit her just exactly what they were referring to. Her voice caught in her throat and she could feel herself turning red. "Excuse me," she muttered as she got out of her seat. She opted to drop any pretense of dignity she might have had left after her remarks of the last few minutes and literally ran out of the Gryffindor Common Room to seek the sanctuary of her quarters.
****
Harry looked up as Hermione entered the room. Almost immediately, he could tell something was wrong just from the way she carried himself. Rising from his seat, he intercepted her before she could lock herself up in her room and pulled her into a tight embrace. "What's wrong, love?" he whispered in her ear.
"Oh Harry!" Hermione buried her face against her chest. "I can't believe how dense I am at times!"
"Oh, love, I'm sure that's not true," he patted her on the back reassuringly.
"You don't know what I said. I must have sounded like such an idiot!"
"Tell me what happened. I'm sure that it's not as bad as you're making it out to be." She just shook her head with her face still bright red with embarrassment so Harry walked her over to the sofa where they both sat down. He continued to mutter soothing noises at her as she rested her head against his shoulder. Eventually, she recovered enough to find the strength to speak.
"We were talking about wands—or rather they were talking about wands and then they asked me about yours and . . . oh god. I cannot believe I didn't get it." Hermione covered her face with her hands, still mortified by what she had said.
Harry had to chuckle at her. While he could vouch that she was no stranger to bedtime activities, her naivety in the sorts of euphemisms used was charming. Curiously he asked, "So what did you say?"
"Well I said of course I had used it—I mean, you remember back in our first year, right? And then they asked how long your wand is and I said eleven inches and—oh god oh god oh god! I can't believe I was so stupid!"
"Eleven inches?" Harry sounded pleased. "Did they believe you?"
"Oh I don't know! I suppose so considering that I was most insistent but really . . . I really don't care." Then Hermione caught the gist of his question and she lifted her face up from her hands. "And just why do you ask, Mr. Potter?" She fixed her boyfriend with a steely glare.
"I could cut a large swath amongst the witches here at Hogwarts if they believed it and told everyone." A mischievous smirk spread across his face.
"Harry!" Hermione sat straight up away from him and her hands clenched into fists. "And just why would you need to cut a large swath!" she exclaimed, punctuating her words by hitting his shoulder with her fists.
He caught her hands to stop her and then pulled her into his lap, with her facing him. He reached down to grasp her chin and tilted his head down until their noses were lightly touching each other's. "I was joking, love. You know perfectly well that the only witch I'll ever need is with me right now."
With that, his mouth covered hers in a kiss and Hermione spent a goodly
amount of time afterwards having fun with Harry's wand.
Author's note: *sigh* I hope that this wasn't too bad. In any case, please leave a review to let me know what you think. Thanks!