Nothing will ever be the same

It was a rare thing to ever see him angry. He was always passive and always kept to himself, no one ever paid attention to him. It was a rare sight to see him angry, but when he was- he clearly lived up to his own name. Thundercracker. His furious roars would crackle and boom like thunder, frightening mechs to their very core. His eyes glazed over in that crazy almost hungry look- desperately searching to get his claws on the person or thing that would get him angry. Ripping them apart without a single thought. His kill's screams screeching into the night, it only fueled his sadistic anger to see them perish at his claws. yes, it was rare to see this seeker so angry, rare to see any other emotion from him other than annoyance. It was his way of keeping that monster in check- his monster.

So many wondered why he, he of all people had chosen her as a mate. But, as they wondered why he had chosen her, they never openly questioned him nor her. Many had just left it at that, no one wanted to pry into their odd pairing.

She, the daughter of the mech who had started this war. Sarcastic and violent. Nothing like the passive and emotionless seeker. She always broadcasted her emotions, most of which kept mechs away from her- that fear of what she was capable of keeping them away. They never understood how much they balanced each other. She, showing him how to show his emotions and keeping them in check. He, he showed her how to keep them inside. They balanced each other in so many aspects, to many to describe. It had been a mistake when they gave life to a new spark. As much as it was a mistake, they never regretted it. A mistake he did regret was her death. He should have never let her go- she and her father being each other's demise. It was always meant to happen- they both were to kill each other. She had ended the war with the cost of her life.

To say he went a little crazy, was an understatement. He had carried her limp body to his corridors, his head held high, walking past the crowd of onlookers as they parted to make room. He never once sent a glance their way, just kept going and going. To broken to feel anything. Months passed and went and he never came out of the room. Skywarp always making sure his brother- his trine mate was living. Never had Skywarp imagined that one day he would not find his brother in his quarters. The dark walls laughing at him as shadows danced around the room, the light from outside taunting them to come out. He never found Thundercracker. Months of pent up anger were clearly displayed on the walls, claw marks scraped into the metal of Thundercracker's room. A glass chamber held her, grey and dead. The only part of the room left untouched from Thundercracker's pain. A small whimper came from the door. Looking up, he met the wounded eyes of a small sparkling. They both stared at each other, both wondering where their brother and father was. How much pain was he in? Had he gone to kill himself? Leaving them both abandoned? None of them knew the answer to that. The metal child fell to his knees, his arms trying to grasp against the wall as he fell. Skywarp never imagined he would carry a sparkling nor take care of one.

It had matured him more, no longer did he play pranks on the mechs that inhabited the base. He had been too busy taking and raising a sparkling that was not his, but his absent brother's. Skywarp at least owed the femme that, she had been the one to bring his trine closer- closer than they had been since the beginning of the war. Their bond no longer blocked between the three of them, there was no longer that empty void of anguish between them. Sadly, that reconstruction of the bond between the three seekers died alongside the femme. The bond was quickly blocked, first by Thundercracker and Starscream quickly followed. The only part of the bond still open and waiting was Skywarp's. He remembered nights when he would try and feel his brothers- his other halves only to be blocked by unseen walls. Pushed away into a darker abyss that consumed him- abandonment.

As he held the sparkling, all feelings of loneliness vanishing from his system. His full attention on the small shaking bundle in his arms. Holding him, Skywarp looked at the glass chamber and sighed. He thanked her for so many things, things he thought were long out of his reach. For a while, he had been complete- complete with his brothers. More powerful than ever- they had been reunited. They had been a trine again, if only for a few humans years. It had been wonderful.

Now if you looked at them, you would only see a broken family. A missing brother, an abandoned son, a half crazed brother with power, and another who was quietly suffering. Starscream had quickly seized the throne- since both past Decepticon leader and his only heir had perished. Of course, Starscream realized that if her son ever would claim the throne- Starscream would do anything to keep his place. He had strived, worked so hard to get what he deserved. He would not let anyone, not even the son of a brother would take what was his. Starscream would look at the small mech, rancor and blame was all he viewed the sparkling as. It was the child's fault that his brother finally decided to bond to the femme. It was his fault that his trine was again fell into shambles. He felt the scorching pain beating against his spark as Thundercracker severed his part of the bond- it felt only right to close his part as well before Skywarp did that to him as well. It was already painful once. Looking across the throne room. the black tile glistening like blood underneath his peds, he watched as flashes of memories played across his eyes. Thundercracker finally smiling, his deep laugh rumbling inside Starscream's CPU. Her laugh joining Thundercracker's. Skywarp joking around with both of them, Starscream was actually smiling in those moments. Moments far away from prying eyes. She had opened them up again, bringing them together. Their repairing bond was strengthened with her help. It was disintegrated into nothing, washing away like ashes that were dragged back by the ocean's claws as it touched the sand. Nothing would ever be the same. Starscream watched silently as the small mech grew, grew into something he should have been proud of. He hated the child with everything he had within him. He was the reason his life came spiraling down again, crashing down and exploding into thousands and thousands of irreversible shards. Starscream hated him, hated her for bringing that thing into their lives.

Everything would have been different if that thing had not been born. everything would have been perfect- not like this. It even was tearing Starscream's youngest brother further and further away from him. Starscream was alone- alone and powerful. Angry and broken, never would things be the same. Starscream looked away into the darkness that surrounded him, hugging his body as it swirled around him cloaking him in shadows. He wondered where his other brother was. Where was his Thundercracker?

Lost in stars he wandered. His systems on the brink of death. He pushed on, and on, and on. Desperately searching, seeking for something. Anything to help him forget. Make his feel numb. The feeling of being of death's doorstep gave him that numb he desperately wanted, it erased everything from his thoughts. Leaving him nothing more than a body that floated in space. So many times did he just want to let himself fall into death's awaiting jaws, feeling its claws sink into his spark and ravage it until he was left with nothing more than his body lost to the stars. The image if a child, his child never let him fall into his wants. He was torn, wanting to finally feel that peace he so needed, and what was right- not right for him, right for his child. The sparkling did not deserve to have both parents dead- losing one was already too much. He floated into forever, quickly losing track of time, losing the thought of where he was. He wanted to stay there, wallow away into emptiness. Almost like his bond was now, he could not feel his brother- fear held him back from re-opening that bond. Fear of what would come from them, the pain and anger and wonderment of what he was causing his brothers. He feared what they would feel after they saw what was left of the former blue seeker. A former fragment of themselves, of what used to be- dead, gone, lost. His body ached, it screamed for release from the cage that was now his body. Yes, she had shown him how to be completely happy. He was no longer that, he would never be that again.

He would not experience the joy that came with raising a sparkling, his right to feel had been ripped to shreds by her death. He only felt misery. He would never be able to watch his son grow, grow into something like his mother. He would not see roots of both himself and her finally take and sprout into something a wondrous flower inside the boy. He would never see that,never watch or see his trine, his brothers finally come and forgive him for what Thundercracker had caused within them. Finally forgive each other, be complete, as complete as they would be without their third. His spark was faintly glowing now- a sweet voice called out for him. Begging him to turn back, this was not to happen. She, she begged him to stop. He had to live. His spark was stuttering. There were so many things that he needed to witness- the re-birth of their home, Cybertron. The factions joining together, building what was destroyed. A small smile spread against his lips, a fading memory bubbled to the surface of his mind. A smiling femme, a small child, brothers who no longer treated each other like strangers. That had been a marvelous time, a time no one would forget. Nothing would ever be the same. Thundercracker slowly faded, into the dark, with nothing but the image of what could have been- what once was. What he once was- living.

A/N:

Damn plot bunnies! I should be working on my other two stories and my school projects but dang it! This would not leave me alone, finally i gave in and wrote this damn thing. If you're wondering who "she" is it was my OC Shadowblur. In my story "Damaged Silence" will she have thundercracker's kid?...probably not. Sorry. But, after writing this who knows. I never contemplated writing a story where a sparkling is made but now I'm seriously considering it. Who knows, I'll see where my story goes and decide later, it's too late for me right now to make rash decisions like this. It's 12 in the morning and I'm tired. Hope you enjoyed. Review and Review, I know you want too *wink wink*