Soi Fon's got it Bad!

A/n: So it's been... What, two years since I'm updated my fics... I'll update all of em in due time... I think. anyways... My first Bleach fanfic! xD It has been staying on my computer in ages (well, a year and a month-ish to be exact...

Warning: Spoilers for Bleach the 3rd Phantom... well, not ALL of them is true, though... Oh, and OOC Matsuri Kudo?

P.S: I personally think that Matsuri Kudo is a pervert. What? She's the Peeping Tom!

Oh, and yeah, 3rd Phantom Universe... hmm... I suggest getting the Sub Undubbed ROM.

2nd Warning (Well, actually 3rd): Un betaed yet... Feel free to point out mistakes

It stands as one shot... dunno if it somehow changes. I haven't watch/Read bleach for ages...

p.p.s: Reuploaded because ff net thinks the summary is offensive. There's even more stories' summary that's even worse! Whatever though, I think I got the message and the lesson. I guess I should read the guideliness more carefully.

Edited Summary: Kudo Matsuri is bored so Kotōmaru suggested his master to tease the cold second squad captain. And Karma is really something, indeed. YoruSoi.

p. : This is the old version, if someone has the newest version, I would be eternally grateful. :/

Matsuri Kudo stared at the stacks of paperwork that was piled on her desk. She was exhausted and bored, and the paperwork did not help at all.

She groaned, as she read the reports she just written awhile ago... Only to have her eyebrow raised since she couldn't even decipher what the hell she has written.

The new captain of the fifth division sighed. She accepted the captain position because her twin, Fujimaru Kudo, who was done away with during the battle with Arturo Plateado asked her to. And now, the time traveler shinigami yawned.

'I'm bored. Kotōmaru, what should I do?' She talked to her own Zanpakuto's spirit.

Kotōmaru, who now appeared as a big badass white furred sabre - toothed tiger with dragon wings and dragon tail, looked up from Matsuri's lap.

'Do your task.' Kotōmaru said, before tried to sleep again.

Matsuri pouted. "Nu-uh! My fingers got cramped... or something!"

Kotōmaru yawned, before flashing long sharp canine fangs.

The new captain could swear that she saw a light bulb on top of her zanpakutou spirit's head.

'Let's tease Soi Fon-taichou!' Kotōmaru eagerly suggested, making Matsuri furrowed her eyebrows.

"Well, all- WHAT?" Matsuri asked, bewildered. She was not ready to die today!

"Why?" She asked out loud, her eyebrow rose at her zanpakutou spirit's antic.

'Hmph, Master Matsuri, I'm disappointed that you failed to grasp what I mean.'

Matsuri just rolled her eyes. "Please enlighten me, Oh Great Kotōmaru-sama." She mocked.

Kotōmaru then flashed a recorder that seemingly popped out of nowhere and giving his Master a Cheshire grin; and Matsuri took a few minutes before she grins back in understanding.

Oh, it will be fun, all right.

Matsuri stood and walked out.

"Momo-chan?" She called for her fukutaichou.

"Hai, Kudo-taichou?" Hinamori asked, since she knew her taichou is busy because Matsuri also has to handle the 9th division affair for the time being until they can find a new taichou for the 9th division. The taichou for the ninth division after Kaname Tosen was Fujimaru Kudo, who was killed during the previous epic war.

"I'll be out for a bit, ok. I will see you later." With this, Matsuri Kudo shunpoed all the way to the second division leaves a confused Hinamori behind.

-
The second division is... Creepily empty, but Matsuri knew better than to think that there is no one around. It's the stealth squad after all, but she got talents at sneaking around.

Matsuri walked in, and she sensed eyes on them. She tried not to smirk.

'This could be fun!' Kotōmaru beamed. 'I thought it's not permitted to sneak up on captain?'

'We'll enlighten 'em, all right!' Matsuri grinned inwardly, before taking a stance and seemingly disappeared out of thin air, leaving some bewildered ninjas aka shinigami from second division blinked and get out from their hiding.

"What? Where is Kudo-taichou?"

"Why is she even here in the very beginning?"

"Why does she have two zanpakutos on her sides?"

A cough was heard and all of them gulped.

"Ku-Kudo-taichou!" They all stuttered as they saw an annoyed blonde haired captain who now gripped her zanpakutos.

"I thought you know it better than to sneak up on a captain." She replied nonchalantly, making the second division shinigami sweating bullets in fear.

They gulped as she saw the shadows in the captain's face and the two zanpakutos neatly placed on her side. Kotōmaru and Ryūjōmaru, two different types of zanpakutos, which were quite... unusual. Kotōmaru was more of a power type that is amazing for zengetsu and Ryūjōmaru is a speed type, a perfect combination with Hakuda technique. And it's zanpakutos, not Shikai.

"We-we're so sorry Kudo-taichou!" They begged and bowed low, because they just received shocking news few weeks ago that Kudo-taichou and their taichou were old friends, and they think Kudo-taichou is as scary as Soi Fon. Which is wrong. Big time. About the Kudo being scary, that is.

"Fine. Get lost!" Matsuri replied harshly, but that was actually an act.

The ninjas immediately get away out of her sight, and Matsuri, noticed this, grinning at her Zanpakuto.

'That was so great Master!' Kotōmaru animatedly gave her a thumb up and a wink.

'Thank you so much Sir!' Matsuri replied, giving her zanpakuto a big grin, a thumb up and a wink in return.
-

"SOOOOOIIIIIIIII FOOONNNNNN!"

The loud screech made the captain who was being called winced.

Soi Fon stared at her paper work, then looked up to meet face to face with a rather cheerful, blue eyed Matsuri Kudo, the captain of the 5th division and acting captain of 9th division.

"What is it, Kudo-taichou?" Soi Fon growled, stressing Matsuri's title in hopes that the blonde haired captain will be more formal, especially in her division.

"And it IS Soi Fon-taichou!" She stressed her title. "... Or Sōshireikan-sama!" Soi Fon added, making Matsuri raised an eyebrow in return.

Soi Fon growled, trying to make Kudo stop acting all too friendly around her, so her cool and feared image wouldn't falter.

"Cut that crap, we're, like, friends, right?" Matsuri stated, and Soi Fon just deadpanned.

"Oh oh and by the way, you were soooo adorable when you asked us whether we want to be your friend or not..." Matsuri giggled, as image of young Soi Fon, in Stealth Force's uniform asked them to be her friend with an adorable blushing face.

"Be my friend or... I'll... arrest you!"

Matsuri chuckled as she remembering the memory and looked at the present Soi who has changed a lot but at the same time has not changed at all.

Soi Fon sighed. "Well, yeah," She paused. "But, why does the captain of the 5th squad stand here in front of me? Is there something important that I need to know?" Soi Fon's tune turned all serious and business-like.

Soi just stared at the blond captain who tilted her chin to think.

Her stare then fell to two Zanpakutos that were placed neatly on her right and left side. She guessed that the one with red sheath is Kotōmaru, while the blue one is Ryūjōmaru. She wondered why the zanpakutos have two names since they're actually one soul. Or something like that. She also wondered if Matsuri Kudo can use both Zanpakuto's released form at the same time.

'Su-zu-me-ba-chi!' Kotōmaru called, in a sing song tune.

Suzumebachi just popped out and sat on Kotōmaru's white furred head. The Sabretooth Tiger didn't seem to mind.

'What is it?' Suzumebachi growled, then pouted childlishly.
Suzumebachi doesn't like it when she doesn't know something, especially now the fifth squad's captain's zanpakuto are giving her a mysterious grin.

'Well...' Kotōmaru then whispered something to Suzumebachi, and she nodded furiously.

Soi Fon, looking at this, has a bad feeling that the Zanpakuto spirits were scheming something.

Suzumebachi looked at Soi Fon and grinned evilly. 'Let's go, Kotōmaru!' She announced, and off she goes, Kotōmaru not too far behing her.

Soi Fon snapped. "What are you planning, Kudo! And why the hell are you here!"

'And what the hell is Suzumebachi planning?' Soi Fon wanted to add, but hold her breath.

"I'm bored and you're bored too." Matsuri started by stating the obvious.

Soi growled. "So you're here just to state that?"

Matsuri just smiled sheepishly.

Soi just stared at her unfinished paperwork and sighed. She was actually bored to death, and before the blue eyed captain's coming, she was busy day dreaming about her Yoruichi-sama.

Matsuri noticed this; then grinned evilly.

"'Sides, I know that you'd rather talk to me rather than doing your work, but of course, I know that you'd rather continue your daydream about your Yoruichi-sama!"

Soi Fon jumped from her desk, and Matsuri quickly flash stepped in fear of being Nigeki Kessatsu-ed.

"Sorry Kotōmaru, but... Kokyū Ryūjōmaru!" Matsuri Kudo eyed Soi Fon-taichou as she used her Ryūjōmaru's bankai version, a tiger's head envelops her right shoulder and grey strips of cloth cover her forearm. Her Ryūjōmaru blade is now entirely composed of blue energy and a cape of the same color as the cloth drapes her back. Two slivers of energy float next to her right shoulder, and a disc next to her right.

"Mwahahahahahaha!" Matsuri laughed evilly as she quickly shunpoed away from the furious squad 2 captain. She was not too worried about Soi's speed and accuracy, since Kokyū Ryūjōmaru give her enhanced speed, making her speed increases greatly, able to leave at least 1 afterimage of herself behind in a battle.

Soi stared at the empty office, then to the paper work on the desk. She went out and saw Omaeda, munching ricecrackers.

"Omaeda, don't you dare to touch my paperwork!" Without even waiting for a reply, Soi Fon shunpoed away, chasing after the enigmatic Matsuri Kudo.

With Suzumebachi and Kotomaru...

'So what is the project's called again?' Suzumebachi asked, after they found a rather secluded place to discuss.

'It's called 'Team YoruSoi'! Our main projects is to make Yoruichi-sama and Soi Fon-taichou together!' Kotōmaru answered eagerly. 'Well, they already are, I think, but they're not out from the closet... yet!'

'I'm sure Soi Fon's gonna be more fashionable for her Yoruichi-sama if we succeed, and we can go shopping at the real world!' Shizumebachi has stars on her eyes, already daydreaming about shopping with her wielder. Kotomaru just nodded enthusiastically. "Oh and by the way, my master is using my Ryūjōmaru bankai. I wonder why... and what happened!" Kotōmaru replied Suzumebachi's earlier question about why the dragon wings and dragon tail dissapeared.

'And, our first step is... to have recruits of course! Let's go, Kotōmaru!' Suzumebachi laughed maniacally. Before she dissapeared. Apparently, her master is using her zanpakuto's shikai mode. Kotōmaru, knowing this sighed, and wonder what Matsuri has done until Soi Fon-taichou need to release her shikai.

"I will kill you Matsuri! Jinteki Shakusetsu, Suzumebachi."

Matsuri gulped. In Ryūjōmaru bankai version, she was pretty confident since she has enhanced speed and evasion, but now... 'I reallllyyyy don't want to die today!'

'Kotōmaru! Can you hear me?' Matsuri asked her zanpakuto, slightly panicked as she dodged Soi's attempt to stab her with her Suzumebachi.

'No I can't.' Kotōmarureplied instantly, and Matsuri deadpanned. 'What were you doing, Master Matsuri?'

'Soi Fon's gone mad! That's why I think teasing her was NOT a good idea at all!' Matsuri replied, as she blocked Soi Fon's left punch with her right arm.

'What are you going to do with it then?'

"Screw it, I'll change bankai version!" Matsuri flew high, before went back to her unbankai version and... "Ryūkyū Kotōmaru!"

All of the blue energy changed into reddish pink colour, and the tiger head on her right shoulder turned into a dragon head on her left. On her right shoulder is a piece of gray fur. The blade itself also seems to be composed of a bright pink energy.

"Yeeeeaaaahhhhhhh! Ryūkyū Zesshō!" Matsuri yelled as her enlarged sword's bankai mode hit Soi Fon's Shikai. Soi flinched before she gritted her teeth, in an attempt to not look weak. But Matsuri's zangetsu technique was just too strong, so she flash stepped back. She can't afford to have her zanpakuto accidentally broke in mock battle.

"Phew." Matsuri sighed, as Soi Fon's shikai went to its wakizashi mode and strapped on her waist. She dropped her bankai and raise her hands.

"Truce." Matsuri and Soi said at the same time, before they both giggled. Well, only Matsuri giggled, and Soi Fon was trying to reinstate her 'I am not amused' face. "Oh and by the way, Soi. There is something I want you to hear." Matsuri said, as she took a small recorder from her hakama pants pocket.

"You were looking for me, Soi Fon-taichou?" Matsuri Kudo asked, when she entered the second division captain's office.

Soi Fon looked pissed and ready to kill someone, and Matsuri gulped. She hopes the younger girl was not calling her to kill her because she has been praised by Yoruichi Shihoin that her hakuda can be as good as the short tempered black haired captain (with a very very very incredible uber great miraculous effort, Soi Fon said).

"You're late!" Soi Fon shouted, and Matsuri's eyebrow rose.

'Late? But...'

"Where have you been?" The short tempered captain's gripped her Suzumebachi now and Matsuri is seriously wondering what have she done wrong, since after she got message from the stealth squad, she shunpoed all the way here.

"I'm sorry!" Matsuri replied, fearing that she will get homonka-ed by the annoyed captain, but she has to admit that she is quite annoyed herself.

"So what can I do for you, Soi Fon-taichou?" And Soi Fon, hearing this, smiled slightly.

"Matsuri-san, I want you to work for us as Omaeda-fukutaichou's aide for a while." Matsuri, hearing this, blinked.

'An Aide? But...' The blond haired shinigami's eyes narrowed. 'Wow I'm back and I immediately got the 3rd seat position at second squad... even for a while... That's not normal, but then again... Omaeda-fukutaichou is so... incompetent I guess... Maybe she is stressed out?'

"Omaeda-fukutaichou's aide?" She repeated.

It seriously sounded so... weird but... Matsuri then smiled. Maybe she need time to relax because the Seireitei have been weird lately.

"That's right. I thought of taking a little vacation." She said, and the slight smile that was on her face seriously makes Matsuri wanted to drool. Or squeal.

'Soi Fon-taichou looks so... cool and adorable!' Matsuri hold herself and instead of squealing like a fan girl, gritted her teeth for a bit.
"That would leave us shorthanded here at squad 2, so I would like you to fill in." Soi Fon continued, and Matsuri nodded.
'It makes sense I guess... So Soi Fon-taichou really just a tad bit tired and need a little vacation... I was kinda worried she turned weird like Shiro-chan that was just asked me out a few minute ago... or Kyoraku-taichou that actually done his paperwork...' Matsuri shivered remembering all the weird things about her captain friends. "Or Mayuri that somehow turned machosist. Or Kuchiki-taichou who went all 'my orders are official..'. or...'
Soi Fon looked at her blonde friend who twitched her eyes.

"Oi! Matsuri!" Matsuri blinked before she coughed.

"I don't mind. What are you doing on your vacation?" She wondered, not afraid to voiced out her thoughts since she and Soi Fon are friends... no matter how weird Soi Fon's method on asking her to become her friends were.

Soi Fon's eyebrow furrowed for a bit, and with the smile in her face, cannot help but make Matsuri seriously want to squeal since the black haired captain now looked like bishies she often read in mangas.

Matsuri opted into biting her inner lips instead.

"I'm going on a trip with Yoruichi-sama." With this Matsuri's urge to squeal dissipated.

'Wait... What?'

"A trip? At a time like this?" Matsuri wondered if she had just heard the wrong stuffs. Soul Society is in danger and she wanted to take a trip? Well, she personally doesn't mind, but...

"I thought it'd be the perfect time since she is in the soul society." Soi Fon answered, and Matsuri smiled sadly.

She remembered that back then, Soi Fon seriously admired her 'Yoruichi-sama' and since she is a captain and Yoruichi lives in the world of the living, Matsuri guessed that they need some quality time together.

"I'm so looking forward to this! It'll be just the two of us, journeying together!" She said excitedly, and Matsuri could see that she has hearts on her eyes, and her face flushed. And the young captain daydreamed. Probably about what she and her Yoruichi-sama will do on vacation.

'Wow, Soi Fon's got it... BAD.' Matsuri thought as she recovered her jaw from dropping.

Soi Fon coughed, trying to regain her normal composure but failed.

"Sooo... While I'm out, I'm counting on you to became Omaeda-fukutaichou's aide." Soi Fon replied, but Matsuri still managed to hear the excitement in her voice.

Matsuri smiled. She might as well talked a tad bit more since Soi Fon seems like she's in a good mood with the prospect of relaxation, since Yoruichi always gushes about her little bee not knowing how to relax.

"Has Yoruichi-sama already agreed to go?" Matsuri asked, curious.

Matsuri called Yoruichi 'Yoruichi-sama' (in front of Soi Fon, at least), to humor her and Matsuri was quite sure that she won't spare her if she called her Yoruichi-sama with... 'Improper name'.

Too bad she was not prepared on what the commander of Onmitsukido will say next.

"She wouldn't reject my love now, would she?" Soi Fon smiled coolly, and Matsuri's jaw dropped for the second time, as the stoic captain's blushed a bit.

"LOVE?" Matsuri choked.

The captain of the second squad frowned at Matsuri's response.

"Why are you so surprised?"

'Why you ask! You- Yoruichi-san... you want to be in THAT kind of relationship! Well... I don't mind, but... It's just so... unlike her...' Matsuri's eyebrow furrowed. 'I mean, at least I think she'll be blushing and all, not reacting like this! Although... The image of Yoruichi and Soi Fon together is very... hot, but... Still, something is off...'
"... Soi Fon..." Matsuri muttered, after ending her mental reasoning.
"Hmm?"
"Is that really you?" Matsuri finally asked, curiosity get the best of her.
Soi Fon rolled her eyes. "Do I look like Unohana-taichou?" She answered question with question sarcastically.
"Riiiiight."
"...Why?"
"Just checking." Matsuri added, still feeling something's off.

'Maybe being captain has gone to her head.' Matsuri assumed.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Soi Fon then flash stepped to her own room, leaving the suspicious Matsuri Kudo alone with her thought.

"And that's it... Cute, don't you think, Soi Fon?" Matsuri ended her retelling with a huge evil grin as she flashed the recorder.

Soi Fon blushed deep red, her entire skin's color is red.

"Pre-preposterous!" She yelled, then growled. "I should had deal with that... doppelganger myself!"

The new captain of the fifth division giggled. "C'mon, it's not that bad, isn't it?"

The captain of the second division growled and was too preoccupied to notice a faint reiatsu.

The blue eyed captain smiled, then flash stepped, away from the second division, after she placed the recorder under the nearest tree.

"Damn!" Soi Fon cursed. "Oi, Kudo, do you think you can-" Soi Fon turned around since she actually want to ask the cheeky captain to dispose of the recorder, but instead, she found herself face to face with a very... exposed and sexy Yoruichi Shihoin, who is no doubt just transformed back to her human form.

Soi Fon gulped.

"Yo-Yoruichi-sama!" She stuttered, and after looking at anywhere but her former mentor's body, she realized that Matsuri Kudo is nowhere to be seen.

Soi Fon mentally reminded herself to assassinate the blonde haired captain for not noticing her that her Yoruichi-sama is here.

"My, my, little bee..." Yoruichi purred, amused at Soi Fon's liveliness.

Back then, just before Yoruichi's about to jump into her protégé's room, she sensed Matsuri's reiatsu flared up from Soi Fon's office and the new blue-eyed captain winked at her before flash stepped away in her bankai, Kokyū Ryūjōmaru. And her lil bee looked occupied before she chase after the blonde haired captain, so she opted to chase after her and watch her pacing after she transformed to her human form (with Matsuri pretend she knew nothing of course).
Soi Fon's nose bleed.

"Awww, how cute!" Yoruichi hugged her, and Soi Fon went rigid as a board, since she realized that Yoruichi is nude.

Soi Fon gulped.

"You know, Soi. I still remember the day we meet Matsuri Kudo-taichou." Yoruichi stated.

Soi Fon groaned. She blushed at the memory. She remembered full well how her Yoruichi asked her to ask Kudo twins to be her friends.

Yoruichi smiled before kissed Soi Fon on her cheek. "Wanna reminiscence about that again?" Yoruichi nuzzled her head at Soi Fon's neck.

"Won't hurt, I guess..."

Yoruichi smiled slyly.

"But before that, Yoruichi-sama!" Soi Fon coughed, "Put some clothes on!"

Yoruichi pouted. "Aww, no fun. Well, sure, I guess."

Yoruichi then walked away Soifon, as sensually as possible, before turning back and blew a kiss to the blushing captain.

"On the second thought... I think reminiscence can wait." Soi Fon lick her lips hungrily as she grabbed her mentor and kissed her senseless.

...

Epilogue.

"Matsuri Kudo!" Soi Fon yelled as she opened the door to squad five's office.

"That's my name, don't waste it." Matsuri replied, eyes still planted on the paperwork that is due today. 'Just three more of it and then I can relax.' Matsuri sighed happily, before she increased her work pace.

In few moments, she finished her paperwork without any disturbances, because Soi did not disturb her.

"What is it, Soi Fon?" Matsuri asked before she drank a glass of cold chocolate milk prepared by Momo Hinamori, and licked the forming milk moustache with her tongue.

Soi looked disturbed and Matsuri just took a bite of her favorite fruit, apple, without even caring. Soi then just dead panned and said, "You promised me something."

Matsuri just hummed and giving Soi her full attention.

"And you keep your promise, right?" Matsuri just stared, unsure where this conversation will lead to.

"Of course."

Soi Fon just grinned and Matsuri almost choke on a piece of apple. "Well..." Soi started as she rubbed her hands, excitement shown on her silver eyes. "Now you take care the squad two for the time being while I'm taking days' off to go on a vacation with Yoruichi-sama!"

Matsuri just stared... and that's what she all did.

"Tachiharae, Kotōmaru!"

Soi Fon, realized this, immediately on guard.

"Who are you and what are you doing with Soi Fon!" Matsuri shouted, as she released her Kotōmaru's shikai, to clash blade with Suzumebachi in her sealed state.

"I am Soi Fon." She dead panned. "Oh and while you are taking care of squad two, please do my paperwork too... and re-do Omaeda's paper work since there are always crumbs of rice crackers- you know, the same brand of the one he gave you when he first met you. Oh and don't forget about Onmitsukido. The training schedule is on my office as well as my schedule. Well, then, take care!" Soi Fon said in a rush then shunpoed bringing a black suitcase with her.

"Well... that was a shocker." Matsuri stared, still unable to understand what just happened.

'No Shit.' Kotomaru muttered, stated the obvious.

Matsuri stared at the pile of paperwork mountain in Soi Fon's desk that can bring the one in Shiro-chan's office in shame.

"Hahaha... oh wow..." Matsuri's eyebrow twitched before she entered the office, and stared at the brochure on the desk. And Soi Fon even got a "Best Spot for Ah-Mazing Holiday" guide book on her table.

"Oh and by the way, Kotōmaru?" Her zanpakuto spirit just hummed in response.

"Does that means I have to do her Omnitsukido's duty as well?" Kotōmaru turned his head to his master. 'Of course.'

Matsuri faceplanted on the table.

Kotomaru just grinned and he flapped her dragon wings a few times before... 'Just do it Master, you won't get any of them done that way.'

Matsuri turned to look her Zanpakuto Spirit, her head still on the desk.

"Just let me rest in peace." Matsuri replied sardonically before she close her eyes.

'Roger.' Kotomaru mocked salute before... "All Right! Let's do this!" Matsuri jumped and then stood, fire on her eyes. "Just you watch, paperwork!" She took a pen and pointed at the paperwork.

'Um... Master?'

"Yes, Kotomaru?" Matsuri wondered, as she started doing the paperwork.

'I guess this is Soi Fon-taichou's schedule, and I think she expected you to do it her way.' Matsuri stood up to take the schedule from his paw. Matsuri's eyes bulged as she stared and...

"I'm gonna nuckin futs." Matsuri replied still wide eyed and then fainted with a loud of Form

A/n: If you're playing bleach the 3rd phantom... YOU seriously HAVE to make Soi Fon-taichou at the team... The Nigeki Kessatsu is awesome... if you can land it of course! xP ... but there is glitch with nigeki kessatsu's accuracy, so its best to not take the flash tangeki path and not adding any acc point to nigeki kessaatsu. Sure Evade is more awesome anyways... Oh! And by the way, in this fic, if Soi released her Shikai, Suzumebachi dissapeared, but when Matsuri released her bankai, just parts of Kotomaru/Ryuujomaru dissapeared. Its the most awesome zanpakuto. xD .! SQUEEE! Oh, and Kotomaru called Matsuri as Master instead of Mistress... I do it in purpose because Mistress sounds kinky (wow, thats just random). xP

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