Title: If Only Life Was Like A Goldfish Cracker

Author: Jeh-Peng

Rating: T

Genre(s): Romance, Hurt & Comfort

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: Karkat shares his thoughts with his Matesprit, John.

Main Character(s): Karkat Vantas, John Egbert

Pairing(s): JohnKat, Kinda past-GamKat

Warning: Character death, Cursing, Angst, OOC-ish, AU-ish

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck. It rightfully belongs to Andrew Hussie. I also don't own Goldfish.

A/N: So I was online, as usual. Then, this commercial came up for Goldfish and an idea was born. I would have used Gamzee for a GamKat Fic, but it seemed like John's personality fit better and Gamzee...uh...well, you'll see. Anyways, on with the story~!

Crimson pupils stared hard at the small fish-shaped cracker held between his ashen fingers. A small smirk at the thought of Eridan. He'd probably shriek and faint if he saw Karkat eating that. Stupid fucking seadwelling hipster.

A sigh escaped him as he continued to snack. Crushing the food between sharp teeth. It had been weeks since a certain incident happened and Karkat only wanted to forget. Too bad everybody else had other plans.

He managed his depressed condition for well over an hour, and John was starting to get worried. He had only ever come to know a few sides of Karkat. The Cancer was either yelling, crying, or watching a RomCom and cuddling. He was never this silent before.

Hesitantly John approached his lover and close companion, unsure on whether the company of another was what the small troll needed right now. Tentatively, his lanky arms wrapped around a thin waist. A slight frown as he spoke.

"Hey, Karkitty... What's the matter? Are you okay? Need something?"

There was no response. Karkat only gave a light tremble. Shakily, he turned to face John, but almost immediately looked away. He spoke an incoherent mutter.

"Hmm? What was that? I couldn't catch it." His frown only deepened as he received no response.

"...I said, stop that, John."

"Stop what?" He held Karkat a little closer to his chest. A fear started to grow. Perhaps it was about that event.

"Stop fucking frowning."

"Huh?"

"Gogdamnit, John! Why can't life just be like a fucking Goldfish cracker-thing!" The troll angrily waved the small treat around for emphasis.

John cracked a smile. Trying hard to fight giggles."What're ya...haha..talking about?"

"Fuckass, I'm trying hard to move on...but all you nooksniffers won't let me..." His voice quieted down with each word. John had to strain to listen, but he managed to catch every word. His laughter died.

"Karkat, what's the matter? What did you mean with the Goldfish?"

"Just...why? Why the Fucking Hell can't you all just let go and smile back at me?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~FLASHBACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gamzee was going insane. He was becoming more and more undone each day. Karkat was really worried.

All the other trolls had confronted him about it. Tavros even. Because Karkat was Gamzee's best friend. And the leader. He was the one who got the final say in all decisions regarding anyone, especially the Capricorn. He agreed that something had to be done.

But the Cancer didn't know what that was. Any which way he looked, the only option was to kill his Moirail. Nothing else would trolls knew how hard this would be. Karkat was somewhat isolated from all the others, aside from Gamzee. Sollux was more like an acquaintance. They tolerated and irritated each other every now and then, but Karkat couldn't find comfort in the hacker.

Gamzee's homocidal tendencies were beginning to leak through, and no amount of anything could suppress it. No shoosh-paps or nothing.

Karkat had to act fast. Imprisonment could only buy time. But time was something they never had enough of. He had to do what was right. With his sickles at the ready, Karkat confronted his best friend. Red tears welled up as he took every step. Gamzee gave him a crooked grin.

"What's up, best friend?" His voice was scratchy and distorted. Karkat inwardly shuddered.

"Hey Fuckass...I-I just want you to know that no matter what, I'll always be your Moirail. I'll always fucking think of you and...and admire you and everything."

"Aww. Now ain't that motherfuckin' sweet? You all up and came here to tell me how much I motherfuckin' mean to you. Well, I love you, too Bro."

Karkat looked around the ominous room. The smell was rather unpleasant. It was chilly and there were colorful splatters on the wall. A gruesome sight for the smaller of the two. He really hoped that was paint. But, he knew it wasn't.

Gamzee was scratching at the old floor absent mindedly. His fingers were bleeding profusely but he didn't even flinch.

He raised a scrawny arm high while the Capricorn diverted his attention. His tears poured down his flushed cheeks.

"I love you, Gamzee. I'm sorry."

Said troll turned at the faint whisper of his name. And Karkat really wished he hadn't. Those purple eyes held an intense murderous intent in them as he eyed Karkat, stronger than he had ever seen in them. Yet, at the same time, they were surprised, scared, betrayed, and understanding. As if the old Gamzee was still there.

It was killing the Cancer even more than he had thought. He let out a broken cry as he felt the spinal cord snap under his sickle. He nearly threw up as he heard the muscle tear and saw his friend's body rip apart, purple blood spilling out.

His knees gave out under him and he landed in the warm purple puddle. He vomited as he felt the liquid caress him from underneath and the torn body touched his own.

He cried and yelled, clinging desperately to the mangled body of the one he loved the most. The others had been awaiting Karkat's return all day. He had left at dawn and it was late evening now. Even the humans were waiting with them. They decided to check themselves, Karkat could be dead for all they knew.

They all were overwhelmed with what they saw. Some wanted to cry, others wanted to heave. The room smelled horribly rotten and the sight of the body was no better. But there was Karkat. Leaning over that body. Hugging it, crying on it, papping its face as if to comfort it. He seemed so fragile and alone. Some turned away, others were frozen to the spot.

Weeks had passed since then. Karkat was trying hard to recover. He didn't want to remember it each day, yet he'd never forget. Every time he saw someone, he'd manage a quiet 'Hello' and a weak smile, hoping they'd understand. But they would only give him sympathetic frowns and pitying gazes. It only served to worsen his situation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~END~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

John felt a pang of guilt. He was one of those people. Ever since then, even though the two were intimately involved, he didn't really smile as often. Thinking he'd make Karkat feel bad if John could be happy and Karkat couldn't. He felt said troll shake as tears and gasps escaped him.

"Everybody...even that fuckass Strider pities me...Why...? Why can't you all just smile back at me when I do!"

"All your fucking frowns only make it harder to forget and move on!"

John couldn't take much more. He hated it when Karkat was like this, even though this was his first time seeing this side of the other.

He snuggled Karkat into his chest and turned the smaller so the two could face each other. With his thumb, he wiped the crimson tears away.

"Karkat, come on Love, look at me..."

"...Why?"

"Because I'm a Goldfish."

Karkat's crimson eyes widened. He looked up and saw a gentle smile on the face of his lover. He punched John's shoulder. Hard. Though it only caused the other to erupt into laughter.

"Hehehehe...Ow...What was that for Karki-"

Before he could finish the rest of his sentence, he found a pair of soft lips melding with his own. Those lips unlatched themselves and the owner of said lips was flushed and panting.

"That was...for being such a fuckass." His blush deepened, if possible and a gentle smile appeared on his face. "...That was for...being you..."

"Karkat, you're seriously...the cutest fuck I've ever met..." John murmured as his lips found their way to the Cancer's neck.

"Mmhaahh...Sh-shut up, fucker..."

"Yeah, I love you, too, Karkitty."

END

A/N: Hey, Jeh-Peng here! I'm writing my first Homestuck fanfiction, well, my first fanfiction in general. I want to thank you guys for reading this! I'm sorry if it was kinda really bad. It's, like, 2 in the morning and I'm tired because I had a lot of tests and I'm hungry. So yeah, here was my piece of crap excuse of a fanfiction. Anyways, thanks a bunch for reading! Hope we meet again sometime in the future~!