Sour Patch Kids

Chapter 10

By, the Unlucky-Charm

A/N: Absolutely NOTHING interesting happens in this chapter. Basically, I'm just messing with you guys until we get to the could stuff, you know, build up and all. So, please bare with me through this incredibly boring chapter. I have plans, my friends, huge plans for what's coming next, so do not fret, it will all pay off in the end, I promise you. Anyway, here it is. Please review if you feel like it (please feel like it.)

I like sleep. I really, really do. Tweek doesn't. He really, really doesn't. See the problem? I do. My sister does. My parents do. Especially at 8 am on a Saturday morning, when the Tucker family prefers to sleep in before having to deal with each other for another weekend. So you can only imagine my irritation when the doorbell wakes me up, followed by my mom yelling "Craig, it's your twitchy friend!". Her voice pierces through my ears, it's so screechy and God, I have to get up or else she will NOT shut up.

"H-hey Craig."

As promised, Tweek stood at my door. He had his messenger bag over his shoulder, its only purpose being to transport his thermos around, the rest of the bag is always empty. He barely ever uses it after all, but he always brings it out when he has something of greater importance to carry around in his hands. What I didn't really get was what was so special about a bag of sour patch kids.

"Hello..." I yawned out. He wouldn't catch my gaze.

He held the bag tightly in his hands, his knuckles turning white from clutching too hard. His eyes were shut, as if he was bracing himself for something. But what? Why is he giving me sour patch kids? Sure, they're my favourite sour candy and Tweek knows that I get high on the stuff, but what's the occasion?

"I'm sorry! Please take these!"

"Sorry...?"

Oh yeah... I'm supposed to be mad at him. I cleared my throat and regained my composure, which made me look ridiculous paired with my horrible bed head.

"Right." I took the bag, but he still seemed as nervous as ever. I was so used to being the only one he was calm around, this felt weird and I wanted it to stop. "I forgive you Tweek, but I still think you shouldn't have told him."

"BUT -"

"BECAUSE, let me finish, he told Kyle and now the bastard is using it against me." I rolled my eyes like the whole endeavour was exasperating. "So there. You are forgiven and you might as well come in, since there's no way I'm going to be able to fall back asleep."

I pushed the door open wider and walked to the living room. It was only when I sat down on the sofa that I noticed he hadn't followed me in and was still standing at the threshold, letting the cold air into the house.

"Tweek?"

"Uh... um, Craig?"

"Yes Tweek." I said slowly, hoping it would make me sound calmer.

"S -Stan didn't tell Kyle anything."

"What? Yes, he did. Get in here, I'll explain everything." He didn't move. I sighed and forced a smile, waving him in like fucking Mr. Rogers. "Come on, I'll throw in all the juicy details you love so much."

He seemed to like that idea a little better and, although still hesitantly, walked in and shut the door behind him. He didn't take off his coat, but he did sit down next to me at a normal distance. If he's too clingy, it means something's bothering him. If he's too far away, it means I'M bothering him, so this was just right.

"Right, so the bastard surprised me by treating me to sushi at his place. You know, I hate the stuff, but there was no way I was telling him that. I sucked it up, right? So anyway, Jersey Shore comes up, oh, I almost forgot! His little bro? He's a fucking saint! I swear, I'm going to kidnap him and -"

I had to stop myself because Tweek's giggle told me I was making a fool out of myself. He never laughs at what I say, unless he's being his flamboyant self, which he wasn't at the moment.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You are SOOOOO in love, it's not even normal." He said with a flip of his wrist.

Aaaaaaaand, he was back, just like that.

"What makes you say that?"

"You haven't spoken so much and so quickly ever before, and I've known you for years! It's like... you're not yourself, but in a way, you still are."

"You're not making any sense."

"Oh, like you are! You're all over the place talking about sushi, little brothers and Jersey Shore; you lost me there, Craig." He smiled and winked, and I knew he was joking.

I told him the whole story then and very honestly too. I say honestly because most people embellish stories, making themselves sound like heroes, or playboys, or gods even. I'm not like that. I tell it like it is, so when I got to the part where I was pinning Kyle down with my eyes shut, I told him it was because I was scared shitless of opening them and NOT because I was trying to be romantic. I was expecting him to laugh at me. He did. And when I told him about the short conversation we had while in our awkward position, I expected him to gasp. He did, practically choking on the air he was breathing.

"I know I don't say this often, but that was a good move on your part. I'm sort of proud..." He wrinkled his nose and stared at the ceiling, still trying out the words on his tongue. He was... proud of me. It was an odd thing to hear, especially coming from Tweek.

"Why? 'Cause I chickened out?" I snorted.

"You did NOT! You just proved how amazing you are! It's clear that all Kyle wants at this point is for you to confess and get it over with, but YOU know better! You know when the right time will be and when that time comes, it's going to be perfect! Without the raw fish and hopefully without fucking Home Makeover playing in the background!" He threw his fist out in air, like he had just roared some kind of battle cry. "Plus, you're making him wait. It'll drive him mad! He probably has blue balls for you by now!"

"That is a fancy ass way of saying that I pissed my pants in fear." I said.

"Shush. It's a good thing...but Craig..." He lowered his voice when he said my name.

"...what."

"Um... see, thing is... okay, promise you won't freak out."

"I am not promising anything, but please, DO go ahead." I flashed him a grin that was anything but friendly. My eyes weren't smiling... no, they were definitely not. Glares aren't usually meant to be nice and welcoming.

"Um...right. See, S-Stan really didn't... he didn't tell him anything, Craig. I asked him yesterday night, wh-when you and Kyle were at his place. He said he didn't... so..." Tweek paused and gulped. "I don't know if that changes anything, but I thought I should tell you just in case."

It did. Not much, but it still did change a few things. It meant that I was an open book, very open, written in large print with thick black letters that could be seen from miles. If the Marsh idiot hadn't told him, that only meant he figured it out on his own, confirming my earlier suspicions once again and for good. Kyle knew and as scary as that sounded, I was relieved.

"No more hiding then." Tweek said.

"Hm?" He pulled me out of my reverie, but I still couldn't help the fact that I was staring blankly into the emptiness. My gaze was stuck.

"You can't really hide it anymore. That would just be stupid. He knows, why cover up? You have to keep moving to make it happen. Don't wait for him to ask it of you, do it yourself. Make the move!" Tweek was starting to sound like one of those self help, motivational speeches. Problem was, it wasn't helping me at all. On the contrary, it was making me feel worse.

I felt like those women you see in cheesy movies. The ones that date and date and date, on a quest to find themselves a husband like getting married is the only thing to look forward to in life. Maybe for them it is, but once they DO find that one 'special' guy and they are standing at the alter, staring into their eyes, they get cold feet, mess up, say the wrong name or say 'I don't' instead of 'I do'. That's what I felt like; now that I was so close, I wanted to run away.

"I can't..." I said.

"Can't what?"

"I can't do it Tweek!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard. If I were anybody else, he would have started crying.

"What!? Yes you can! You got this far!"

"I know! But... but, what if I mess up! Or he does! Or we both do! What if this doesn't work out and turns out that it was, after all, just another high school crush! What if he realizes he likes vagina! What if I like vagina! I mean, do I even like dick!? I haven't tried it! Maybe I should and then think about all this! I'm not ready, man!"

That's about when he slapped me, making a stinging sharp pain spread across the side of my face and reeling my head to the side. I didn't know he could do something like that, but it was just a slap after all, girls skinnier than him have managed before, it shouldn't be a surprise that he was just as capable. What WAS surprising was that he had the nerve to do it to me.

"Do you hear yourself? And you call ME dramatic!" He snorted and freed himself from my loosened grip. "Here. Eat these and shut up." He threw me the bag of candy that I had dropped on the floor by the couch.

I felt helpless. And the thought of being helpless next to Tweek, the most helpless person on the planet, made me feel ten times more helpless. So I shut up and ate the candy with the little dignity I had left after that short breakdown. I chewed slowly, not to make any noise and waited, because I could tell he was still processing his thoughts.

"Okay." He sighed. "First of all, you don't like vagina. You stare at girls like they're dogs that just shat on your lawn."

That was true.

"Second, you like dick. I've seen you checking out the Abercrombie models, DON'T even deny it." He held up a hand to silence me when I opened my mouth to argue.

Yeah, that was true as well.

"Finally, this is not a high school crush. Period. No arguing. It's. Just. Not."

"How do you know?"

Tweek eyed me like I was the biggest idiot on the planet. It felt horrible and I promised myself I would never do it to him ever again. Yeah, that was my look, I recognized it. He leaned in slowly, his giant eyes staring straight into mine.

"Because." He hissed through his clenched jaw. "If it were, you would have fucked him when he practically threw himself at you yesterday."

That could also be sort of true... I guess. What the fuck, since when does Tweek make valid points?! This is all coming from the same guy who called me up 2 weeks ago, claiming that his father was an alien disguised in human skin. Then he said something about a Doctor Who episode from the first season, but he had lost me by then.

"Now stop acting like a terrified bride and make your move!"

My hand paused an inch away from my mouth with a green sour patch kid pinched between my fingers.

"Wait, no. I can't..." His dirty look made me rethink what I was about to say. "Okay, you have to help. Don't start saying bullshit like I'm on my own or this is something I have to do myself."

"It is, but I will help. I don't know how, but I will. I shall use my resources!"

"Which are?"

"Stanley Marsh."

"Okay."

"Oh? What's this? Are you not bothered with the fact that you shall be seeking help from Stanley Marsh? Have you grown to like him? Is that it?" He teased me.

"Fuck you, I'm not stupid. I still don't like him, but it's reasonable to... use him, in this case. It's only logical." I paused. "You retard."

Tweek laughed and punched me in the arm, which I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't seen it happen. We watched television for a while. I ate my delicious candy, all of it so that there would be none left for Ruby or my dad. Tweek was texting furiously like his life depended on it, but every time I looked over he would stop dead and stare at me with big doe eyes, waiting for me to turn away again to continue. This happened 6 times before I got fed up and asked him what the hell was going on.

"Nothing." He said and grinned, but I that only made me 100 percent sure that he was hiding something.

It didn't take long for me to find out, though. At about 10 o'clock, the doorbell rang for the second time that morning. I heard my father curse and start getting out of bed, so I rushed to open the door before he got the chance to get downstairs and murder the new visitor.

I had to see his face at school, in the mornings, at lunch, during the classes we shared and I could barely handle that without having to get up and punch him in the face. So excuse me for slamming the door in his face immediately when I was met with Stan Marsh, grinning widely and waggling his brows.

"Hey Tucker."

Slam.

"Craig! Open the door!" Tweek squealed from the sofa.

"Why the hell is Stan Marsh at my doorstep?"

"He's gonna help! You said it was okay!"

"Yes, and when exactly was it that I said you should invite him to MY house right NOW?"

"The sooner the better?" He grinned apologetically and shrugged. The bastard... he wasn't sorry at all.

"Tweek?" I heard from outside. The idiot was still there.

"We can't leave him there." Tweek said as if we had left him in a ditch.

"Why not?"

"Craig!"

"Fine, fine, but I don't have to be nice." I pointed at him, a severe expression on my face.

"Okay, but don't be mean... be..."

"Stoic?"

"Yourself."

"Same thing."

Tweek smirked at me. "Not anymore."

I ignored him, but I knew what he had meant. I was going to disappoint him, though, because what he meant only applies to Kyle and I just opened the door to Stan, FAR from being Kyle. I looked at his unchanged smiling expression, even after I slammed the door in his face. I sighed.

"Might as well you come in." I said for the second time that morning and then, we were three.

/

Marsh's idea of 'help' consisted of him and Tweek discussing my love life without ever bothering to consult me. They went from romantic dinners to walks on the beach and to serenading. I was pretending to be completely distracted by the television, but I was actually listening quite intently to what the two were saying and it suddenly made all the sense in the world why these two got along. Every single over the top, insane idea Tweek came up with, Stan would agree with a stupid grin and lightning fast nodding. When they finally came up with a few plans, I was more than happy to rain on their parade.

"I can't afford a romantic dinner, there are NO beaches in South Park and if you think I'm going to sing, then you two are bigger idiots than I thought." I said, without even looking away from the screen. I didn't actually believe that Tweek was an idiot, but he told me not to be 'mean', so I figured that if I included him in the insult, it wouldn't single out Marsh anymore.

"What? Why not!" Tweek said for the both of them. Stan looked just as disappointed as he was.

"Tweek, did you really believe for a second that I was going to agree to this? You guys don't need to do this, but since you're sort of insisting, I have no choice but to go along with it. So, can you please think of something more..." I tried to look for a word to describe the type of thing I would be willing to do, but nothing came. 'Stoic' and 'boring' aren't really the types of things to do when trying to woo somebody. Jack was anything but boring on the Titanic and Noah wasn't stoic in the Notebook, not that I have ever watched those movies. My sister told me. Really.

"Craig." Marsh completed my thought, smiling at me. I hated when he did that.

"Yeah..." I said, my eyebrows arching slightly. For once in his life, he was right about something. The Marsh kid couldn't have made it sound any better. "Yeah, I like that." I nodded in approval, sparing him the tiniest of smiles.

"Craig?!" Tweek scrunched up his face as if my name was one of a disgusting fungus that grows underneath the feet of fat sweaty people... who smell.

"Yeah. We can't make him do stuff that he wouldn't. It has to be more discreet, normal, not something that says 'I'm trying to make a move on you!' but more like 'this is a date, but you don't know that yet!'"

Marsh's description was perfect. He dumb it down to his level, but it was still spot on. That's what I needed. That's what I wanted to do; it would be easier for me to build up the confidence if everything isn't so mushy and sentimental, but more casual and relax. Besides, Kyle is not a girl, so he should not be treated like one. I doubt, with all my heart and soul, that he would expect fluffy and cheesy romance from me.

"That's right." I jerked my chin in the idiot's direction. "Kyle's a dude, after all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tweek spat at me, crossing his arms over his chest. He was getting pissed off, not because I rejected his ideas completely, but because I was taking Stan's side.

"It means that Kyle's a guy and would feel just as uncomfortable with long walks on the beach as I would. Not to mention fancy dinners and..." I shivered. "Serenading."

"Fine." Tweek said and stood up. "This is gonna be hard as hell. I mean, we have to think of something both of you like and –"

"Fuck me. As long as he likes it, I don't give a fuck." I cut in impatiently. I rolled my shoulders back and ran a hand through my hair. I was tired and all this stress so early in the morning was just exhausting me all the more. All I wanted, at this point, was to get this over with.

"That would have sounded kind of romantic without all the 'fuck' in between." Stan pointed out. I wanted to punch him in the face, but apparently, that's considered 'mean'.

"I'm not very romantic." I smiled at him humorlessly.

"Yes, yes, who cares what you like!" Tweek said, standing up and throwing his hands up in the air. "We need to know what KYLE would like! What KYLE thinks is fun or romantic or cute or whatever!" He sounded fed up and I knew half of it was my fault. I wasn't really being difficult, but I think in this case, Tweek would have appreciated it if I were more vocal and opinionated about this, especially since it concerned me.

"Okay, so Kyle likes studying and school so –"

"He doesn't LIKE that, he's just good at it. It's not like I'm going to take him to SCHOOL for a date. That's just... God, that's just a new level of lame."

"At least that much you know." Tweek muttered under his breath. "Doesn't the kid like calm stuff, like movies and... I don't know, sitting down?"

Sitting down? Really, Tweek?

"He likes to read." Stan shrugged. "But taking him to the library is just as lame as school if you ask me." He shrugged and then frowned in my direction because I had just sat up abruptly, wild strands of hair falling over my face.

"Wait a second." I said and got up to my feet abruptly. I was staring off and probably seemed a little crazy to the two other people in the room, but what they didn't know was that I had just remembered something, something absolutely genius and that could, later on, become essential to capturing Kyle's heart and oh dear Lord that last part was corny, like I'm in some kind of crappy historical romance.

I ran up my room with all the stealth I had in me, not to wake up anybody. I was trying to remember where it was. Where the HELL did I put that stupid thing. I had gotten it a few Christmases ago and thrown it aside because well, I don't read.

After making a mess in my room, I found the damn thing. A thin piece of plastic, tucked between two old CDs that I had stored away in a shoe box. Before rushing down with excitement, I checked if the gift card was expired. It wasn't, which meant my plan could still work. I stampeded down the stairs, not as careful with the noise I was making as I was going up, and stuck the card in their faces.

"Ha!" I said, triumphantly.

"It's a bookstore gift card." Marsh pointed out the obvious, one of his most advanced skills.

"Yes."

"You're gonna... buy him books?" He said it like he was suggesting it himself.

"Yup." I said and sat back down on the couch. "I'll take him to lunch at the small cafe next to the place and then I'll take him to the store and get him whatever he likes."

I set the card on the table, crossed my arms and legs and continued watching my early morning show, its subject still unknown because I'm not really paying much attention.

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"And when, during this date, will you tell him that you have a boner for him?" Tweek asked like a mother would ask their kid when he's going to start studying for his final exam.

"Hey dude, that's Kyle you're talking about." Stan said, frowning slightly as if Tweek's latter statement confused him more than it offended him.

"He's not your daughter, Marsh." I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, and thank God for that." Tweek cut in, waving both of us away, annoyed at how we were swaying from the subject. "Okay, so when are you going to tell him that it's a date and that you have feelings for him and whatnot."

"Ill tell him."

"Yes, but when?" He said, emphasizing the last word.

"I will. When I feel like I should , I will tell him." I turned back to the TV, end of discussion.

What I wasn't telling Tweek was that I had no idea when THAT was going to happen either. Honestly speaking, I would love to just put that off until I really, really had to tell him. In fact, if there was a way of letting him know without me having to tell him in any way, I would go with that. It would be perfect, involving no words whatsoever.

"You could always just randomly kiss him, that could also get the point across pretty well." I looked up at Tweek and Stan, but I knew it was pointless. That hadn't come from either of them. Besides, it's not like they can read my mind.

However, the little voice in my head can do it just fine.

"You sure?" I thought.

"Yup." It responded, but I didn't trust it one bit.

"Hey guys." I addressed them. "Could I just like, randomly kiss him instead?"

It was like fucking Christmas morning. You don't see smiles like that every day in the gloomy, depressing town of South Park where winter never seems to leave. Marsh looked like an excited puppy who was ready to pounce on me at any second now to lick my face, while as Tweek just looked deranged... very, very deranged.

"Of course you can!" He squealed, clasping his hands together.

"Cool, thanks." I ended it before they could ask me more questions or worse, give me suggestions OR even worse... give me a demonstration. Yuck, no thank you.

"What gave you that idea?" Marsh asked. He looked amused and I didn't like it. I don't want Stanley Marsh looking amused in my house. I don't want to be amusing Stanley Marsh in my house. In my house, Stanley Marsh should not be amused... yeah, you get the idea.

"That way I won't have to speak." I grinned at him, but even he could tell that it was all sarcastic.

"Ugh, there's always something behind it." My twitchy friend sighed, like I was the one being the burden here.

Alright, I had enough of this. "Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs and text him for our... date, I guess. You two can show yourselves out. Goodnight." I got up and started power walking to the stairs before either of them could say anything else that might give me a headache.

"Um, sure Craig. Need anything else for your... date?" I had my back to him, but I knew my best friend was full of glee and probably smiling his ass off. It must be hard to giggle while you're talking, but Tweek was managing it just fine, all to my great annoyance.

"Yes. Money and scissors, but I can get those myself, thanks. Goodbye." I ran upstairs before anyone could say anything else. I heard them leave, which was a relief, and went back to my bed. I had a plan that needed elaborating, but I could do that later, after some sleep.

I wasn't kidding about the scissors, by the way. I'm going to be needing them.