Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man. I'm just using the characters for my entertainment.

Pairings: Lavi/Leenalee, one-sided Allen/Lavi (for now).

Notes: AU. Allen has no scar and a normal arm, Lavi has both eyes, and Leenalee and Road are cousins. Has a heavy reference to drinking and drug usage. Some or most of the characters will probably be OOC at one point or another. You can decide their ages, though I put Allen around 19, so he's still not legally allowed to drink.

More notes: This story started off based off my Tuesday night drinking nights at my ex's house (sadly we broke up after a 7 year relationship because of his stupid reasons…my crush definitely not one of them as he often tried to talk Stacy into dating me…why, I have no clue…). I thought I had made Stacy uncomfortable one night as I had asked him to back off his advances with Ninja because it was making me uncomfortable and jealous since my ex wasn't like that with me anymore and because I had a crush on him. I found out from my boss (thanks Matt for tell on me! DX) that I had apparently made Stacy feel awkward around me because of what I had said; Stacy told me last week, after I had apologized about it, that it wasn't me that was making him feel like that, it was Ninja. She had even broken up with her boyfriend (and she has a kid with this guy) to be with Stacy, but something happened that I didn't catch/don't know about so that he was done with her and didn't want to drink at my house anymore because she would be there…Thankfully though, Ninja and her man are back together! I don't like to see families broken up for a crush…

Also, I say in the Character Roles that Allen's persona is based off of me and I have him around 19…I'm definitely not a minor! Just wanted to toss that out there! Sadly, I'm starting to feel old only being 27...

Character Roles:
Allen is more so based off me as is Road being my conscience.
I guess Tyki would be my friend Matt; he likes to cuddle with me when we crash for the night in a drunken stupor. XD
Lavi would be Stacy, a guy I have a crush on that I work with, who has a crush on 'my ninja', Lyndsay (she's just short enough that I don't see her half the time, so I accuse her of sneaking up on me all ninja like), who would be Lenalee.

Crushed

"Lavi," Allen called once he was standing in front of his friend, practically falling bottom first onto the couch beside the redhead, who still seemed to be deep in thought.

"You, my friend, have had entirely too much to drink tonight."

"Never mind that!" he said, waving a hand in the air a bit too wildly before he slapped said hand on Lavi's back. "Listen, I need some fresh air and I want you to join me."

Lavi knew it was time; Allen was ready to tell him. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to hear what Allen had to say if he had to drink nearly the whole bottle of vodka…

"Sure, let me take another shot then I'll be out," he smiled as he placed a warm hand on Allen's knee, squeezing it gently before he stood and took the few steps back into the kitchen.

The teen had almost launched himself into Lavi's lap just from him touching him innocently; he was so drunk and desperate that he didn't care, but he managed to restrain himself.

He stood, walking as straight as he could to the front door and opening it before he walked out to the railing and leaned against it, letting the cool night air caress his face as he inhaled deeply, trying to take in a few moments of peace of mind before his world could potentially crash down around him.

Allen stood there and waited a couple minutes, slightly worried that Lavi had either forgotten about him in his drunkenness, or that he and Lenalee were making out in a corner of the kitchen.

"Sorry," Lavi said another minute later as he shut the door behind him, taking a spot on the railing, though he was turned so that his elbows were propping him up on the top bar and he was facing his apartment door. "I had to fend off Tyki," he grinned lopsidedly as his gaze fell to his distant looking friend. He couldn't help but admire the way the city lights reflected off Allen's face or the way his hair danced in the breeze.

"It's okay," Allen said, not looking away from the city below. He sighed a minute or two later before he turned his body to look at Lavi, who returned the gesture.

"Lavi…" he began, his voice trembling enough that the redhead caught it as olive green eyes locked with vulnerable silver ones. "There's no simple way to tell you, so I'll just say it…" He shut his eyes tight, his fists balled at his sides for some form of concentration and support. "I'm in love with you."

Those olive green eyes widened considerably as he stared at the blushing and scared teen before him.

"Allen…" he breathed, not moving, nothing more falling from his lips.

Tears started slipping from behind closed eyelids, his nails digging into his palms before a sob finally escaped his lips at the silent rejection. He turned and reached for the door handle and had just turned it when his eyes snapped open.

He turned to gaze down at his free hand, his wrist caught in a still shocked Lavi's grip. "Let go," he said weakly, his gaze falling to the pavement at his feet.

"I won't," Lavi said, though he loosened his grip fractionally. "You said you wanted to talk."

"And I told you what I had to say," he murmured as his hand slid from the door handle.

"Allen, why did you wait so long to tell me this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he hiccupped as he restrained his sobs. "I've known for ages that you like Lenalee; I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I didn't want to lose you!"

Lavi sighed as he gently grasped his friend's shoulders, turning him to face him. "True friends don't run away when they're told something like this," he said softly as he titled Allen's chin up so he could see the broken expression the other wore. "I never expected for a guy like you to fall for me," he admitted.

"So what now?" Allen mumbled, his gaze anywhere but at Lavi's face even as the redhead's grip remained on his chin.

"Honestly," Lavi started with a slight chuckle, releasing Allen's face as he pulled him into a hug, crushing the teen to his chest and petting his hair. "I have no idea."

"Then just tell me no already so I can get over this," Allen cried as he grasped tightly onto Lavi's shirt, burying his face completely into the chest he was pressed against.

"I can't do that just yet," Lavi said, noticing how Allen began to struggle to free himself. "I need a little time to think about this. So I won't tell you no just yet."

The silver haired youth stopped trying to break free and broke down completely in his arms. This wasn't a pain he had been expecting, nor ever wanted to experience again.

"Let's go find Road," Lavi said, once again taking Allen by the shoulders and moving him back slightly from his body. He knew that his friend would want to be with her after this ordeal and no one else.

Allen nodded weakly, his heart pounding in his chest as Lavi took his hand, though his expression remained the same as he was led back inside.

Road was waiting expectantly on the couch for them with Miranda, while the others were still in the kitchen laughing and having their own fun. She was up and at Allen's side within moments with a sympathetic expression as she whisked Allen down the hall to console him, throwing a slight glare back at Lavi.

The redhead felt miserable, to say the least. It only made sense now that all the pieces and hints fell into place; he should've seen the signs sooner. He hadn't meant to break Allen's heart, he was his best friend after all. He had just never thought of the younger teen that way…

xoxoxox

"Please, Road, just let me go home," he begged the girl he was clinging desperately to, trying to fend off his sleepiness. "I can't wake up next to him again! I just can't!"

"As soon as everyone else is gone, I'll walk you next door," she soothed, running a hand through his hair as she gently rocked them on the bed. "I don't want any of the others to see you like this, and I know you don't either."

She had a point, but just being in this too familiar apartment that had become his second home was too much for him at the current time.

"Why does this have to hurt so much?" he murmured against her neck as he began playing with the tips of her hair. "Why do humans feel such strong emotions?"

"I don't know," she admitted, noticing a dead weight easing its way onto her shoulder. "You know if you fall asleep now, I won't be able to wake you…"

"I know…" he breathed, his eyelids completely closed and his hand falling from her hair. "But I'm so tired…"

Road had lost the battle; there was no getting a drunk and passed out Allen home on her own. If she were to ask for help, everyone would want to know why Allen wasn't just crashing in Lavi's bed like he did every other time.

'Maybe I can get Lavi to help me…as much as I don't want him touching Allen right now,' she thought as she gently tucked Allen in on the bed. 'All I can do for now is let him rest…'

xoxoxox

xXx Lavi's POV xXx

I should have seen the signs, should have caught the hints…but I didn't. And now my best friend is paying the price for it.

Even if I had caught on and figured it out, would he still be hurting like this? Would I have stopped pushing the issue? Would I have let him continue pining after me and getting more and more distant each day?

I sigh, raking a hand through my hair and tugging on it slightly as I thought.

"What's on your mind?" Lenalee smiled as she sat next to me on the couch, wrapping her arms around my shoulders but keeping the rest of her body at a distance. "You've been quiet ever since you came back inside."

"Something…" I sigh again, gently removing her arms from around me as I stare unfocused at the carpet. "Something big just came up and I don't know what I should do about it…"

"Like what?" she asked, concern lacing her voice as I feel her confused gaze on me.

"Lenalee," I begin a few silent moments later, finally turning to her. "This thing between us…Would anything come of it?"

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open, but no words came from it, before she closed it and worried her bottom lip with her teeth.

"I know it wouldn't be easy…" I say, knowing that it would be painful for her to leave the guys she's with; they've been together for a while and had even been talking about having a kid together soon despite their ups and downs. "And you know I wouldn't ask you to leave him for me, right? I don't want to be selfish. I'm just sure that this is a looks only crush between us…"

She looks away, seemingly ashamed at the truth. "I don't regret what we've done," she says, wringing her hands together. "But I don't think I'd have the courage to leave him…especially not for something that we don't know what will happen a week from now between us…"

We both sat silently for a few minutes, her eyes falling on Road over my shoulder as she gently closed the door behind her.

"Allen said something to you, didn't he?" she murmured, shyly meeting my gaze.

There was no use denying it.

"He confessed to me," I said bluntly.

"I see…"

"And I made a promise," I went on, knowing that Road was only a few steps behind my back, almost to the kitchen entrance. "I promised that I would leave you alone and take this seriously if I accepted his feelings."

"And do you accept them?" Road asked; I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head.

"I need some time to think on it," I reply, turning to face her properly to show her how serious I was about this. "I know he's hurting right now, but I don't want to jump into something blindly and hurt him even more."

"Good answer," she nods, smiling briefly at me before walking into the kitchen.

As I turn back to Lenalee, I notice the tears in her eyes as she bites her lip, trying to be quiet. "I really like you, you know, and as much as it hurts for a simple crush, I want you to be happy with whatever choice you make. You and Allen…" she sniffs, rubbing her right eye with the palm of her hand. "You two have been damn near inseparable since you started working with us."

"And you always smile and laugh the most around him," Miranda chimed in, having unintentionally eavesdropped on us from the kitchen. "And you tell each other everything without fear."

Lenalee nods in agreement, wiping a few more tears away with a smile on her face, though I could see her lips still quivering. "I think you can only gain happiness from this," she says, completely sincere.

"Thanks guys," I smile in return. "I honestly didn't know here to start even thinking about this…That helps a lot!"

"That's what we're here for!" Miranda giggles, slapping my back. "Oh, no!"

Within seconds I understand what the 'oh, no' was for; I flick my tongue across my lips, taking in the flavor of the drink now dripping down from my hair.

Miranda disappears to the kitchen, presumably to get some paper towels or the damp cloth I knew would come in handy tonight, while Lenalee giggles at my misfortune.

"Fruit punch vodka," I comment as I take another flick of my tongue in.

"I'm so sorry, Lavi!" Miranda yelps as she enters the living room entirely too fast, falling face first to the carpet as she trips over her own feet.

"Don't worry about it!" I laugh, standing and helping her up. "Just wipe down the couch for me so it doesn't get sticky; I'm gonna go shower."

We had all had a talk with the klutz a while ago about her problem with over apologizing, and I could see her fighting it back as I place a hand on her shoulder.

"We'll probably be heading out soon," Road says as she, Tyki, and Yuu appear behind Miranda. "It's getting kind of late."

"Well, if you guys are gone before I'm done showering, I'll see you at work!" I smile before grimacing a bit as I turn my back to them as I can feel the alcohol making my face sticky. "Thanks for coming out again!"

As I enter my room, I pause before shutting the door, letting the dim hallway light reflect off Allen's pale face as he sleeps soundly in the middle of the bed. Around his eyes is still puffy and slightly red from where he had been crying. I'm shocked that he actually passed out here and didn't want to run home and hide…