Notes: Set in some unspecified time after the events of the Avengers. Also, for the lulz.
crack!fic?

I wanted someone
To review. Here's a haiku,
So please do that. Thanks.

1: Gentlemen's Literature

It seemed to be the last shift of the evening and barely anyone else was in the cramped convenience store. Loki watched from the back of the shop as the final customer – a hunched-over old lady in a beige raincoat – shuffled out. He turned surreptitiously to the magazine rack next to him, uncomfortably aware that the cashier had his eyes trained upon him.

His own eyes wondered restlessly across the glossy covers for a moment, taking in the scantily-clad Midgardian women and shiny cars. 'Men's Interest', read the sign above this section. Good, thought Loki. He would be passing as a normal, everyday human man. Hesitantly, sure that the cashier, bored almost to death, was still watching him, he reached out and pulled one of the books from its rack. The front cover posed in aggressive red lettering the question of whether or not he knew what women really wanted. He supposed he didn't.

The cashier was still watching him, he knew, and thus it was with the greatest care and subtlety that he allowed his eyes to flicker up from the magazine he held in his hands and across to the display to his left. Cavorting across the covers was a plethora of beautiful horses: chestnut, grey, black, bay… Loki leaned sideways to have a closer look. There were dozens of breeds featured: Thoroughbreds, Clydesdales, Appaloosas, even one Shetland pony…

Men's magazine quite forgotten, Loki let it drop to his side as he stared at the likeness of the gorgeous creatures cavorting before him. They were stunning. He couldn't imagine anything more radiant. He sighed softly.

Trying not to draw the attention of the cashier any more than he already had, Loki quietly closed the men's magazine, replaced it, and stepped over to the rack with the horse magazines. Not wanting to seem odd or un-Midgardian – he wasn't sure if this was considered normal behaviour here; it wasn't on Asgard – he gathered as many as he could, as quickly as he could. He wasn't entirely sure what they were. He only caught a glimpse of some titles as he swept them into his arms (Equine Journal, Horse &Rider…), pressed them to his chest, and spun around, making straight for the checkout and trying to look entirely normal.

The cashier cocked a brow as Loki placed his items on the desk, but didn't say anything. He began to scan them through the till silently, and Loki watched his face closely, looking for any signs of suspicion or judgement or disgust, trying his hardest not to shake with anxiety. The cashier looked at him blankly, but Loki could feel condemnation oozing from him. At the last magazine, he raised his eyebrows, as if to say he knew very well what Loki was up to, and Loki, unable to stand it any more, snapped hotly, "I only get them for the articles!"