Sucker Punch

Desk duty still sucks. Not that she expected paperwork to suddenly become a thrilling endeavor after seven years but still. She rests her head on her hand, staring down the computer screen in the futile hope that the report from Ryan and Esposito's latest case would write itself.

It doesn't, of course. The cursor continues to blink at her. Mocking.

She glances over at Montgomery's office door. He'd let her go home early if she asked, saying something about how his own wife felt while pregnant. But what would she be doing at home? Certainly not cooking dinner because repeated attempts to make anything more complex than boxed mac-and-cheese or boiled pasta have proven that she is not a very adept chef. At least not compared to her husband. She couldn't even be helping Castle with his writing since he was stuck in meetings at Black Pawn all day and was probably unreachable. There was nothing for her to do minus pace the apartment and talk to herself.

Though Kate wouldn't be surprised if someone answered. This baby had started kicking and elbowing and turning somersaults way earlier than Al had so a response to a murmured question wouldn't be completely unlikely.

As if it could sense that she was thinking about it, the baby kicks out. Kate smoothes her hand over her stomach. "Calm down there," she mutters. "I swear, if you come out kicking and screaming, I am abandoning you to Rick."

That seems to quiet the baby down. Good. Threaten their unborn child with time spent with Daddy equals no more Baby P90X.

When the phone rights, Kate jumps for it. Lunchtime means Castle could possibly be on a break and even hearing his voice for a few minutes is more than nothing. "Beckett."

"Is this Katherine?"

Not the voice she wants to hear. "Yes," she says, cradling the phone on her shoulder as she restarts typing in the boxes of the form. "Who is this?"

"It's Abby. I'm the front secretary at Park Street School. We need you to come down here."

Kate is out of the desk chair as fast as she can hoist herself up. She barely holds onto the phone as she grabs for her keys, her coat. "What's wrong?"

"Just… We need you to come over to the school. As soon as possible."

She hangs the phone up with a clatter that echoes through the bullpen. Montgomery pokes his head out of his office, brow furrowed. "Beckett, what's going on?"

"I… I need to go to Al's school. Shouldn't be more than an hour to sort whatever this is out," she calls back to the captain.

Kate doesn't get to the elevator before Montgomery shouts out to get her to stop. His own phone is pressed against his ear, speaking rapidly into the receiver as Kate twists her hands in the fabric of her coat. She wants to be out, to be figuring out why she needs to go to see her daughter's school in the middle of lunch instead of continuing her staring contest with her computer.

Montgomery meets her at the elevator, hitting the 'down' button before turning to her. "Got news about why you're wanted down at Park Street." When Kate only raises her brow, the man nods toward the empty elevator. They step in together and he presses the button for the lobby. "There was a school shooting."

"Oh God," Kate whispers. Montgomery's hand darts out, holding onto Kate's elbow as she slumps against the wall of the elevator. "Roy…"

She can't breathe. Her head hits the elevator wall as she feels the tears start to prick painfully at her eyes.

"I need…" she starts, fumbling in the pockets of her jacket for her phone. "Need to call Rick." But the phone tumbles to the ground, her fingers shaking too badly to hold onto the device. "Roy, I need to… I can't…"

He gets her phone from the floor of the elevator and finds Castle's cell number in the contacts as Kate focuses on steadying her breathing. She hears Montgomery talking to Castle, filling him in on the situation, but it sounds as if they're underwater. Everything is thick around her, sounds muted and faint. She needs to get to Al or Castle or her dad or someone to anchor her down.

"He's meeting us there," Montgomery says quietly, tucking the phone back into her jacket pocket. When she doesn't respond, he squeezes her upper arm gently. "Beckett, we'll figure out what's going on. Come on." He tugs her off the elevator and turns her toward the wall of fallen officers. "Hey, breathe."

It takes her a few gasping breaths before it levels out. "You gonna drive?" she asks.

"Yeah. Hand over the keys, Detective."

The drive uptown is quick until they get to the block where Al's elementary school is. Marked cars have their lights going even during the day, blocking off the street so that Montgomery has to park Kate's car down the street. Before she can run down the street toward the school, he snags her elbow.

"Kate. Do not jump to conclusions. Let's find out what's going on before we freak out, okay?"

She nods, the smallest of movements, before she starts down the sidewalk. She can feel him at her heels but that's not what matters. Kate badges her way past the uniforms and their clipboards at a near-jog. Her eyes scan the crowds, clustered in different areas of the schoolyard, for a head of brown hair in two braids from this morning. Please let Al be here, she thinks desperately, swallowing the ball of dread that rises up when the thought of not finding her daughter crosses her mind.

"Detective, you here from the One-Two?"

Kate spins around and finds a uniform facing her, an expectant look on her face. "Yeah, but not for… I'm…" She bobbles her head, neither a nod nor a shake. "Yes."

"Good. We need you over here," says the woman, nodding toward the doors of the school.

No. No, I need to find Al and Rick. Figure it out on your own.

Still, Kate starts toward the familiar green doors of the elementary school. She glances back toward the chaos, finds Montgomery talking with someone but not her daughter or husband. He'd call when he got there, she tells herself. Do what you can for now.

The lobby of the school isn't any quieter. Nervous, concerned, anxious parents are sitting against walls or clinging to one another. But the uniformed woman doesn't stop there, taking a left down one of the halls towards the first grade classrooms. Al's grade.

Kate has to stop, brace a hand on the wall as fear rolls over her again. She's okay, Kate thinks. As long as you believe that, she'll be okay.

There are not any bodies in the brightly decorated room. For a moment, she isn't sure if she's relieved or if it just adds to the dread bubbling under the surface.

"We just need you to grab some of the kids' stuff and bring it outside to crime scene. They already photographed the area so we need to catalog items in each backpack." The woman turns, handing Kate a pair of gloves. "Can you handle that?"

Kate nods, pulling the gloves on and taking another step into the classroom. "Yeah. I'm good."

But she's not. As soon as the woman leaves, polished shoes clicking slightly in the hall, Kate collapses against the doorframe. The blood is a morbid, wrong addition to the winter decorations in the room. Splashes of red over snowflakes and snowmen and penguins ice skating on the windows. As she looks over the room, mentally placing victims from years of working scenes, she sees Al's bag.

It's bright purple, brand new for the school year after begging Kate for months and getting 'no' as the firm answer. Then Kate had come back from work and found Al clutching the thing as if her mother would tear it from her body. Of course the girl had gone to Castle, all big eyes and pouting, and the man never refused Al anything.

"Kate?"

She whirls around at his voice. He's in the doorway, the uniform from earlier barely visible behind him. "Rick, I don't know…"

The rest of the sentence is cut off when he wraps her in a hug strong enough to crush her ribs against one another. It's awkward, her stomach pressing against his abs, but she needs the proximity as much as he does. The sob she's been holding escapes against his shoulder, muffled by the dress shirt and suit jacket from his meeting.

"They won't tell me," he murmurs, brushing a hand down over the back of her head, holding her closer. "She's got to be okay, Kate."

She shakes her head, yanking the gloves off and stuffing them in her pocket. "I don't care what they say. I'm gonna find her."

The uniform shuffles after them as Kate loops her arm through Castle's. He's here. She can do this.

"You sure you want to do this?" he asks, taking her wrist and linking their fingers. She hates holding hands while at work but he's willing to risk her anger later on for the connection right now. "I mean, is it okay for you to stand up to whoever is in charge here?"

"Rick, I don't care." Her voice sounds clogged, rough with the tears she hasn't let fall. "I just want our daughter safe at home."

"She's never leaving the apartment ever again."

Kate's laugh is choked and she turns her head into his arm. "God, you are such a dad."

Montgomery is in the lobby talking to one of the administrators of the school, a woman worrying a tissue between her hands, the white bits that she is tearing off falling onto her dark skirt.

"Sir, I need to –" Kate starts, shaking Castle's hand off but letting her fingers wrap around his jacket.

"Mom! Rick!"

Al ducks from around Montgomery's side and runs at the adults. Castle leans down and catches the girl, swinging her around with the momentum as she barrels into him. For a moment, he pulls the seven year old against his chest as if trying to absorb her into his body. Permanent protection.

When Al reaches over and wraps her arms around Kate's neck, Kate feels the world right itself. "Hey, kid," she sighs. "I love you." She needs to keep saying it. Just in case the chance never comes again.

"Let's go home, Beckett women," Castle says, nodding toward Montgomery who shrugs. "Come on."

He drives since Kate doesn't trust her reflexes and mostly wants to sit in the backseat with Al tucked against her side. She wants to carry Al up to the apartment but he won't let her; he's surprised she hasn't gone into pre-mature labor with the stress already. Al's wired, bouncing on the couch as Kate scoops out ice cream for the three of them. She knows the reality will crash down on the girl eventually but if they can stave it off with dessert and movies, that's what she'll do.

"What're we watching?" she asks.

"Princess Bride! Your favorite," Al adds with a grin. She turns on the couch using Castle's shoulder as leverage. "Can I have chocolate on my ice cream?"

Kate smiles as Castle nods vigorously. She rolls her eyes, starting to shake her head.

"Mom," the girl whines. "Dad says I can."

Kate looks over at the man, the scoop pausing over the bowl of ice cream. His mouth is open and she can see his throat working to swallow past the surprise. There's the faint glisten of tears in his eyes because after almost two years, Al has never, ever called him that.

"Well, if Dad says you can," she says, giving Castle a watery smile of her own as she finds the chocolate syrup and pours it over the vanilla ice cream. Then she walks over, setting the bowls of ice cream on the coffee table and lowering herself slowly onto the cushions. Al's in the middle of the pair, feet pulled up against her butt.

Kate gets a cold kiss against her cheek before Al turns to place one on Castle's jaw.

"Love you," Al says with a sigh as she snuggles back into the cushions with her ice cream balanced on her knees. "So much."