[A/N] Third and final part. Once again, as a warning to those who are either joining now or don't like this kind of thing, you are about to bear witness to an EXTREMELLY OOC Ichigo along with several other characters acting well out of canon. If this bothers you, please don't read. If you don't and wish to take a chance… go right ahead. Also, please don't leave me a review if the most you're going to say is that I "misrepresented" or "misinterpreted" any characters, or other such nonsense. The characters are this way for a reason; if you don't like it, again… DON'T READ.

In any case, thank you to those who have read this up until now, and if you do read this chapter, Thank you for staying with me all the way up to the end. ^_^ It took me several months to get the planning right for this. Thank you and enjoy. ^_^[A/N]

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BLEACH

KUROSAKI ICHIGO: EXTREME TEACHER EXTRODINAIRE!

EP3: CLASS DISMISSED
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Ichigo smiled; he wouldn't have to charge Izuru maximum per head. He'd already hit his minimum quota, so anything else was just a bonus.

It had so far only taken him twenty minutes out of the full forty-five to weed out just over half of the class, leaving only the worst cases. He hoped there would be at least one more to help out of this lot.

It didn't take too long for Uryu, the self-proclaimed "genius" of the school to stand up. Ichigo glanced at the boy's file and nodded.

"What's up, Wonder Specs?" The merc asked with a wry smile. Uryu pushed up his glasses.

"Kurosaki-san… Was Sensei really sick when he asked you to sub in for him?" Uryu asked.

Ichigo looked at the boy with an astounded look on his face; was this kid SERIOUSLY suspecting his teacher of playing hooky?

"Was your sensei REALLY sick when he called me? THAT'S YOUR QUESTION?" Ichigo demanded, his voice almost cracking as he broke into laughter that bordered on the maniacal. Uryu stumbled back into his chair.

"For your information, Wonder Specs," Ichigo said, ramping up the sarcasm in his voice to almost unbearable levels, "NO, your sensei WASN'T sick. When he called, I could hear pinball machines going off in the far background, with karaoke music playing over him as he talked. There were a TON of rustling noises, and the voices of several women BEGGING him to go "PLAY" with them!"

Ichigo was throwing his arms around in a demented manner now, emphasizing each and every word he spoke. Uryu found himself unable to tell if this man was being sincere or if he was making a point; he decided the man was being sincere. A demented smirk came over his face.

"I KNEW IT! That dumb-ass has no right to be teaching me, or anyone for that matter! How dare that simpleton attempt to lecture to ME, the smartest person in this school?" Uryu announced, standing up and walking towards the teacher's desk… where he was promptly met with a hard slap to the face that sent him reeling to the floor. Uryu hit his knees and hissed in pain, then slowly stood up to face Ichigo.

"OW! WHAT ON EARTH?" Uryu shouted, only now noticing the look of deathly seriousness on Ichigo's face. He was, however, still far too deluded to realize he'd stepped over an unspoken line.

"YOU REALLY THINK I WAS BEING SERIOUS?" Ichigo shouted, his face seeming to grow large enough to dwarf the entire classroom. The volume alone was enough to bring Uryu to his knees.

"I LIED, YOU IDIOT," Ichigo said, his intensity declining but still present, "Your teacher was indeed sick when he called me. He tried his hardest to mask his coughs and wheezes, but I could see through it. How dare you even THINK you're above a man who went through far more years of schooling and education in order to get the degree that would allow him to TEACH YOUR SORRY ASS? At your stage… you're no better than a TERMITE. YOUR PUNISHMENT is to walk around the school the rest of the day wearing one of these caps while balancing it AND a nice five-foot stack of books on your head." Uryu scoffed.

"You think THAT'S PUNISHMENT?" Uryu said. Ichigo rolled his eyes and reached into his bag to pull out an extremely large book that stood about the height of the teacher's desk and was about as wide as Uryu's chest. He then held the book out before himself in both hands, and then dropped it. The book slammed into the floor, making a sizable hole.

"W-what IS that monstrosity?" Uryu demanded. Ichigo smirked.

"THAT, BOY," Ichigo spat, "Is the Encyclopedia Britannica's Special World-Wide Complete History Edition, compiling the historical archives of every developed country in the world into one… SINGLE… COMPENDIUM. And I've changed my mind… this will be more than enough. It may not by five feet in height, but it weighs more than four times the combined total of all the books I would have had to stack on your head to get that height. You'll be walking around the school with THIS behemoth on your head for the REST OF THE DAY. Be prepared to have a kink in your neck that won't be going away for three months… AT THE MOST."

Uryu turned and tried to run for his life, but soon found himself being dragged back towards the monstrous tome. Five minutes later, Uryu felt the weight of the huge book on his head and fought to keep it steady. Ichigo led the boy to the door and pushed him through it, knocking the larger-than-life book off his head.

"Oh, and one more thing; IF you lose your balance and the book falls, you are NOT allowed to accept ANYONE'S help to get it back on your head; you have to do it ALONE," Ichigo intoned. Uryu gulped and whined as he struggled to life the massive book back onto his head after leaving the room. For several hours after he left the school, Ichigo still got a chuckle from the screams the self-proclaimed "supergenius" let out whenever the book fell and he had to lift it.

"Alright people," Ichigo said, "there are now seven of us left, and our Released/Punished record is tied at four each. Ten tickets remain in the pool. Who's next for this little game of ours?"

It took no time at all for the only girl in the room who wasn't dark in skin tone to stand up and make her presence known. Ichigo checked the file: Matsumoto Rangiku, one of Yoruichi's more… extremely loyal and experimental girls. She was known to be a loose cannon, in more ways than one. The way Yoruichi herself had once put it, Rangiku was… "Sexually Progressive", and had been "passed around more than a bottle of vintage wine at a liquor tasting".

Ichigo, mush as he'd done with Soi-Fon not even twenty minutes prior, gave Rangiku a quick once over and did NOT like what he saw. Sure, she was attractive, but her inner self had long since been locked away, allowing a "self" she created to take charge… a "self" that placed a BIT TOO MUCH emphasis on looks and sex appeal… a "self" that truly believed that selling herself would net her anything she wanted every time. Despite her over-stretched uniform and lack of space remaining between the edges of her hips and her skirt, she seemed rather subdued… even IF she was swinging her hips and almost writhing as she approached her teacher with a sultry wink.

"Ah yes… The token Drunk Bimbo of the class, I assume…" Ichigo said, as the blonde sidled up closer, "Your "QUESTION" can be asked from right…" He held his hand out to stop her as she reached a spot less than a foot away from him, poking her in the forehead with ONE finger, "THERE, if you wouldn't mind."

"Alright," she said, winking again, "Want to go for a drink after school?" Ichigo smiled wide; he had this entire encounter planned to the "T".

"Actually, if you've got something on you, I could use that drink right… now…"Ichigo said, matching her tone almost exactly. Rangiku smiled and raced back to her desk to grab three bottles from her bag and raced back. Ichigo motioned to the desk, giving the buxom girl a look that urged her to get closer. She almost blushed and got up close.

"Please lie down on the desk, on your back, and close your eyes. Don't open them until I tell you to, alright?" Ichigo said in a seductive voice that made the girl's knees buckle. She willingly did as asked and lay still on the teacher's desk. At first, nothing happened. But when she felt him touch her nose, she twitched.

"Remember…" Ichigo said, keeping his voice seductive, "DON'T OPEN YOUR EYES." Rangiku nodded and kept her eyes closed, even after she felt two large objects force their way into each nostril. She furrowed her eyebrows, but held them closed as breathing through her nose proved more difficult by the second.

"I'd suggest breathing through your mouth if you don't want to get contact drunk," Ichigo instructed, adding after a second's thought, "Oh and you can open your eyes now. You may ALSO want to pull out your hand mirror and take a good look at yourself… I know the boys are laughing." Rangiku immediately opened her eyes and ran back to her desk, though she discovered the hard way what had happened when she felt a heavy object slap against her chest. Looking down, she saw the bottoms of two large bottles resting against her cleavage. Grabbing each, she raised her hands up to the tops to find they were small-neck bottles… wedged into her nose.

"WMHAT DIHD YUH DO DUH MEH?" the busty girl shouted in outrage, drawing chuckles from the boys at her slightly garbled, nasally voice. Ichigo smiled and walked over, holding another ten bottles, all the same, with one in each hand and the others between his thumbs and fingers. He set them down on her desk.

"As I said, you may want to consider breathing through your mouth to avoid intoxication by contact; the fumes from the insides of those bottles are very strong. The alcohol content from those is easily one-hundred-fifteen-proof. Your punishment, for being SO eager to seduce me and get out of this class, is to hold those two bottles in your nose until the end of the day, while balancing these on each of your fingertips AND wearing one of these hats." Ichigo placed one of the white cone hats on Rangiku's head and lead her out into the hall to begin her punishment. As he walked back in, the others could hear the faint sounds of Rangiku crying.

Ichigo nodded and sat down at the desk.

"Alright, Six remain; Punishment leads the pack at five with Aide trailing behind by a slim margin of one point at four; ten tickets remain untaken in the pool. Any takers… or are they going to be used by your sensei as a parting gift from all of you when he comes back on Monday?" Ichigo asked. Instantly, both scientists stood up, demented smiles on their faces. At least, Mayuri LOOKED like he was smiling… with that weird face paint he wore and the way he always had his mouth open with all his teeth pressed together, he certainly SEEMED to be smiling.

"Sensei…" Both asked in unison, "How much smarter than us do you think you are?" Ichigo stared at both boys and shook his head.

"Well, Creepy Guy and Face Paint, come on up and we'll find out the HARD way. Oh, and bring your chemistry sets over. We're going to have a SPECIAL ceremony for YOU TWO," Ichigo intoned flatly; this seemed to have the unwanted effect of piquing the two boys' interests. Both did as ordered.

Ichigo reached for Mayuri's first, taking out two vials full of green fluid, another full of a red substance, and one more that contained a blue liquid from Szayel's. Ichigo grabbed a large flask and mixed all four vials' contents within. Moments later, the well shaken concoction turned a pinkish-purple in color.

Ichigo handed the flask to Mayuri and said… "DRINK IT." The boy didn't know what Ichigo had mixed, and he didn't want to risk it being something dangerous.

"You first, Sensei," Mayuri hissed, "You mixed it after all." Ichigo nodded slowly before lunging out and jabbing Mayuri in the ribs with two fingers, knocking the wind out of the boy. The painted scientist gasped for air for a couple seconds, giving Ichigo the opening he needed. As the boy came up for air for a third time, Ichigo reached out, grabbed the boy by the throat and drained the contents of the flask into the boy's mouth, then rubbed his throat until he swallowed. Ichigo stepped back and smiled.

"W-WHAT HAVE YOU… DONE TO ME?" Mayuri shouted through gasps for air.

"Nothing at all," Ichigo said, "If you remember, I'm not allowed to use lethal force or perform any life-threatening actions against any one of you. All I did was force you to swallow a little mixture that'll force you to alternate between having the runs and the anti-runs. You'll go from dropping water to wishing you could drop ANYTHING for a good week, so make sure you've got something on hand to ease the pain, kid." Mayuri gave off an inhuman scream and dashed out of the room, holding the back of his pants for dear life. Ichigo chuckled as he looked over to his compatriot, Szayel.

"Did you lie to him, Sensei?" Szayel asked, his voice filled with scientific curiosity and… did Ichigo sense a bit of … CONCERN?

"Yeah, I did," Ichigo admitted, "I just mixed a couple things of carbonated water with a touch of cherry-flavored red food dye. All I made him drink was a highly-carbonated cherry cola. YOU, on the other hand, are in for JUST slightly worse." HE made a move toward the bespectacled scientist, who flinched and closed his eyes tight. Several seconds later, he gasped in pain as he felt something slam hard around his nose and break it. He opened his eyes to see his favorite science textbook around his nose… with blood dripping out of it onto the floor.

"Your punishment, Szayel-san, is to walk around school balancing that book on your nose while wearing a hat and hopping on one foot," Ichigo said dully.

"Why should I ever hop on one fo-OHMYGOD, WHY?" Szayel screamed as Ichigo stomped on the noy;s left foot with his own, revealing to Szayel through force that he was wearing one-hundred-pound steel-toed boots.

"THAT IS WHY, PUNK," Ichigo said, waving the boy off. Szayel whimpered and yelped in pain as he hopped toward the door, holding his left foot in both hands while holding his head back to balance the textbook on his nose. Grimmjow laughed ; If this guy had been a student, he could have recruited him into the Roughs and had a torture specialist.

"Four left, seven punished, four helped, ten tickets in the pool," Ichigo said, keeping to the point now, "Who's next in line?" Grimmjow wasted no time, standing up and spinning his head around once on his neck to clear a kink.

"Those idiots you've punished won't be coming back, will they Sensei?" the boy asked. Ichigo applauded.

"So the Gang Leader has a brain in him after all!" Ichigo cheered, "To answer your question, Grimmjow-san, you're absolutely right; no one who's been punished will be coming back in this room. Those who got extended punishments will especially not be returning, as I've designed their punishments to be inhumanly possible." Grimmjow smiled and nodded; this man was definitely a master of the most evil tortures known to man.

"Also, congrats on winning the pot," Ichigo said, grabbing the ten tickets, along with another ten from the roll, and presenting them to Grimmjow.

"FUCK YES!" Grimmjow shouted, "I WON THE FUCKING POT, LOSERS!" It was only after he turned around once and saw the looks on the other three students' faces that he realized he'd sworn… TWICE.

"Aw crap…" Grimmjow said, "I haven't accepted the tickets yet, and I have none on me. What do I have to do, Sensei?" the gang boss said in a subdued tone. Ichigo nodded.

"Willingness to accept punishment for his actions… Very admirable. In honor of your honorable actions, I'll reduce your double penalty to one, but make it twice as bad to make up for it," Ichigo said, "As such, you'll be required to stand on your head with your feet touching and the hat on your groin, while wearing…" Ichigo went to his bag and pulled out a plastic-covered hanger with an anime-esque panther costume hanging from it, complete with a tail, ears and whiskers, "THIS for the rest of the day." Grimmjow looked up, a distraught and outraged look on his face. However, he looked away and took the hanger and walked to the men's restroom to change on Ichigo's instruction; Grimmjow was also informed he could perform his punishment outside the entrance to the men's room. Ichigo watched as the teal-blue-haired boy left, his skin visibly paling.

"Three left, eight punished, four helped, twenty tickets in the pool. Who's up next?" Yoruichi stood up next.

"Sensei, do you think I'm attractive?" the dark-skinned girl asked, winking playfully at Ichigo. Ichigo didn't even flinch; he'd seen the move enough times to resist it. He did, however, give the girl a quick once-over and had to admit that yes, she was attractive… but in a most unbecoming way. In several ways, she was just like Rangiku, but only because she'd inducted the girl into her gang herself, and had thus turned the blonde into what she was. Yoruichi, on the other hand, chose to guard herself a bit more carefully, but wasn't too shy about letting guys get more of a peek than they needed.

"Admittedly, Yes I do," Ichigo said, "But if you'd been at all listening to what I told Soi-Fon-San and Inoue-san, you'd know that that doesn't mean very much to me. I've already seen your inner self… And it doesn't attract me at all… in fact, suffice it to say that who you are inside utter REPULSES and DISGUSTS me. I wouldn't be caught dead around you even if we were the last two people on Earth, and unlike you girls, who use that more often in a mean-spirited put-down sort of way, I say it with conviction , and with every fiber of my being I MEAN it."

Yoruichi seemed shell-shocked by the response; no man had EVER turned her down, let alone insulted her so deeply. At that moment, she wanted to curl up and cry for the first time in several years, but, being who she was, she had too much pride to let anyone see her in that state. Instead, she simply turned her head and took a deep breath. A moment later, she felt a whoosh, then a slight breeze around her rear. When she looked back at Ichigo, she saw him smiling wickedly.

Pulling out her portable mirror, she checked to see what was so amusing to the man, only to scream in terror. Somehow, she'd gone from her standard, custom-changed school uniform to a pair of long slacks, pulled up to her navel, a long-sleeved fluffy turtleneck sweater with a pocket protector, white shoes, a bowl-cut hairstyle… and worst of all, GLASSES, which only served to accentuate EVERY SINGLE ZIT she'd ever covered up, which had somehow sprang back in full force.

"THAT," Ichigo said, "Is YOUR punishment. You're going to walk around this school dressed as the one kind of person you openly despise: A NERD. Not only that, but you'll have to join one of their circles and participate in their activities, and essentially BE one for the ENTIRE DAY. You're also required to wear the dunce cap, and you're NOT allowed to take any of what you're wearing off; the teachers are my spies, and will inform Izuru-san to tell me if you did so I can PROPERLY educate you in my own… SPECIAL way." The way Ichigo phrased his last statement made Yoruichi pale; if making her look like one of the people she most disliked was his idea of punishment, she didn't want to take a chance at finding out what his ideas of "TEACHING" were. She nodded and hurried out into the halls… where the doom and destruction of her carefully crafted reputation awaited her.

Ichigo sat back down and said, "Two left, twenty tickets in the pot. Which one wants to make it easier for the other and volunteer?"

Ichigo was immediately met with laughter, prompting him to send a scathing look over to Yumichika Ayasegawa, the only one of Grimmjow's boys remaining. Ichigo examined this one closely; anyone to stick feathers into their hair and eyebrows was most obviously not only a pretty-boy gone HORRIBLY wrong, but also…

"Oh great… A Flaming Fairy," Ichigo said, his voice holding not an ounce of prejudice or disgust at all.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO UGLY, SENSEI?" Yumichika said aloud, only to be met with a laugh in return.

"YOU think I'M UGLY?" Ichigo laughed, "COMPARED TO YOU, I'M THE EPITOME OF FASHION SENSE AND LOGICAL CHOICE OF DRESS! You look like you JUST stepped out of a "Let's Take a Normal Guy and Make Him EXTREMELY GAY" seminar! What's with the feathers? They don't add anything to your appearance except to scream "I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL TO DRESS!" And what's with the trimmed hair? Let me guess, you've shaved all your other hair off as well, right?" Ichigo shouted. Yumichika took to his feet.

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M A PROUD METROSEXUAL! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HOW I LOOK, AND I DON'T LIKE GAYS AT ALL! THEY RUIN MY IMAGE!" Yumichika shouted back. Ichigo nodded.

"To tweak the words of the Bard: "A rose by any other name is still a rose". You can call yourself whatever you want, but by taking off ALL the hair on your body except for what grows on your scalp, you've made the choice. Calling yourself METROSEXUAL does NOT excuse you from looking like what a jock wants his GIRLFRIEND to look like!" Ichigo replied.

"Not only that, but for you to say you don't like gay people because they "ruin your image" begs the question, "HOW?" How do they ruin your image? You dress and groom yourself JUST as they would. You're no different," Ichigo said, his voice taking on a very serious tone, "there's no reason to ever be prejudiced against another person or group of people. They really haven't done anything to harm YOU as a person, have they?" Yumichika opened his mouth in protest, but closed it when he realized Ichigo was right.

"Exactly; now, since you were SO kind and cruel with your last statement, you're getting a punishment," Ichigo said, vanishing from view. Yumichkia looked around, turning in circles as he felt a burst of wind, then a small breeze… and then nothing. Turning in place, Yumichika saw Ichigo standing at the teacher's desk with a wicked glare. Yumichika reached out a hand to silence Ichigo when he started chuckling, but soon broke down in terrified screams. He'd been forcefully changed into an outfit extremely similar to Yoruichi's, but with the addition of large, soda-bottle glasses and a scientific calculator.

"W-WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?" The ex-pretty boy asked in outrage. Ichigo chuckled aloud.

The same thing I did to the Sex Kitten; I gave you a Nerd's Makeover. You will be spending the rest of the day with Yoruichi-san, partaking in her EXACT same punishment, but with a twist. If you see someone getting bullied, you are to jump in between the bullies and their target and take the beating yourself," Ichigo said, turning on his heel and dismissing the boy, who wailed in rage before running out of the room to find Yoruichi. Ichigo then turned back to the last student in the room.

"So… it's just you and me now, Ulqiorra-san. Your question please?" Ichigo asked. The boy sat still and didn't say a word for a good three minutes. Finally, he stood.

"Why are children so cruel?" he asked. Ichigo took a step forward.

"I don't understand the question's nature… explain please?" Ichigo asked. Ulqiorra nodded.

"When I was eight, my parents booked a family vacation to a theme park in the U.S. that had a strange attraction called the "Pine River Challenge Trail", where it was an obstacle course for kids. At the far end of the trail, there was a side-attraction called the "Soul Tunnel", where you could press your hand to an imprint in the wall of the cave and be told what your "spirit animal" is. I was allowed to join in a girl's birthday party, and was having fun with her and the other children… when it was my turn, I pressed my hand to the wall and heard "SKUNK". All the children started laughing and pointing at me, calling me "smelly butt" and all sorts of other things. I couldn't believe they'd turn on a newcomer so quickly… I turned tail and ran all the way out of there, through the obstacle course, right out of the park, and back to the family car, where I stayed until they came back to leave."

"Ever since, no matter where I go, I can't see children the same way; they all look like cruel, insensitive little beasts to me, waiting for me to let my guard down so they can eat me alive… I also have what my family calls an "irrational hatred of skunks" because of the incident… they just don't understand…" Ulqiorra said, sitting on a desk nearby as he finished. Ichigo nodded.

"Ulqiorra-san," Ichigo said, understanding the boy's issue, "You don't need to worry yourself about that anymore. It happened while you were out of the country; the only people who remember it are either so far away that they can't find you, or else a part of your family who know how traumatic it was for you and don't want to hurt you further. You can't let one isolated incident like that control your life. Those events can only harm you if you go back there, and that's a VERY small chance, because you're all but guaranteed that the people who did it won't even remember who you are."

"Let out your real self, Ulqiorra-san… Let out who you were born to be at birth. Stop shutting him in because you got hurt as a kid. Because children grow up to become teenagers, and then further to become adults, and carry all the cruelty they had as a child with them throughout their life. It never goes away unless you train yourself to dispose of it or lock it away. The only way it can possibly hurt you is if if you go back and run into ONE person who remembers you. Let it go; it's time to be real," Ichigo said, smiling as the Goth boy bowed his head in thought.*

"You know what, Sensei?" Ulqiorra said, nodding, "You're right." With that, the boy ripped off his clothing to reveal a green tank top and khaki shorts underneath his Goth apparel. He pulled from his pocket an alcohol wipe and cleaned the makeup from his face, and removed the clip-on piercings from his nose and ears. He looked up at Ichigo with a beaming smile. Ichigo smiled and tore off a strip of twenty tickets, grabbed the twenty from the pool, and held them out for Ulqiorra.

"I was a fool to let what happened control my life. I'm going to work hard to repair myself from now on," Ulqiorra said bravely, taking the tickets with a smile as he turned to leave. He was almost to the door when another blonde girl stepped out from around the corner. Ichigo checked the folder quickly and noticed that she should have been in the room: Tier Hallibel, an ex-member of Yoruichi's gang who'd left after her "leader" had attempted to sacrifice Teir's friends to a drug gang leader to pay off a debt. Since then, Tier had had no contact with the darker-skinned girl. Ichigo nodded.

"Ah, Harribel-san, what brings you to class this late? I should give you a demerit for being tardy. Actually, since class is now over… I should technically give you three," Ichigo said sarcastically, before thinking a moment.

"Actually, SENSEI," Harribel spoke the word "sensei" with a level of distrust Ichigo hadn't heard in years, "I'm here for him." Harribel pointed toward Ulqiorra, who backed up a space.

"What could you possibly want with me?" the ex-Goth asked. Harribel shook her head, accidentally loosening her hair ties and letting her messy blonde hair almost swirl around her neck. Ichigo watched her carefully for a moment; her green eyes were cold and calculating in the picture, but … something was off with her now. Ichigo couldn't quite place it, but he felt as if something was about to happen.

Harribel lurched out, grabbing Ulqiorra by the wrist and pulling him toward her for a tight hug.

"Ulqiorra-kun," she said, her voice almost a whisper, "I'm so sorry for what happened at my party all those years ago…" With that, Ulqiorra's memory seemed to register and he pushed away from her, taking a close look.

"Wait a minute… I recognize you… Your eyes were a lot more innocent back then, but… It really was you all those years ago, wasn't it Ti-chan?" Ulqiorra said, smiling a bit. His expression fell, however, when his memory clicked again and he staggered back several paces.

"Why are you here?" Ulqiorra asked, "Are you here to continue what happened that day?" Ulqiorra watched as tears came to Harribel's eyes and she gained a hurt look on her face.

"H-How could you SAY that? That ruined my birthday party!" Harribel said defiantly, stomping her foot on the floor. Ulqiorra's eyes bulged.

"I couldn't believe it when you got "skunk". I thought it would be alright, that nothing would go wrong, but when all those kids started picking on you, I was shocked. I couldn't believe anyone could be that mean. After that day I stopped talking to all of them and got new friends…"

"Ah yes…" Ichigo cut in, "Franceska Mila Rose, Cyan Sung-Sun, and Emilou Appachi. You four have made quite the name for yourselves in the underworld, haven't you, Harribel-san? Or, should I call you…" Ichigo paused, as if to boost the drama, "QUEEN SHARK?" Harribel turned to face Ichigo with a glare that could have killed him.

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME AGAIN," the girl bellowed, her voice gaining a demonic tone that ALMOST made Ichigo flinch.

"Sorry, my apologies; please continue," Ichigo said. Harribel nodded and, once calm, continued.

"When you turned and ran,", she started, "I wanted to follow you and apologize for my … 'Friends' and their behavior, but when I got into the park, I realized I didn't know where you were headed. I abandoned everyone else and spent the day scouring every part of the park looking for you… I never thought you'd go back to you car and wait. For months afterward, I hoped and prayed that I'd see you again, but you never showed up anywhere."

"And then," she said, wrapping her arms around her stomach and squeezing tight, "My father got a promotion and we moved out here. I thought I'd lost the chance forever until I got into middle school on my first day and saw you sitting in the back of the room with that paint on your face. I thought it was still too early to say anything, so I left you alone."

"I waited for years after that, working up the courage to talk to you, but every time I tried to get close my nerves would betray me and I'd walk away. I couldn't stand knowing that the boy who'd been hurt at my party was so close to me, but unable to see me because I was too afraid to get close. I thought for sure you'd forgotten about me… But hearing you call me by that nickname you gave me on the second day really means a lot to me," Harribel said, smiling as the tears in her eyes began falling down her cheeks. Harribel reached her hands up to wipe the tears from her eyes, giving Ulqiorra the time he needed.

Without a second though, he strode over while her eyes were covered and held her close, tears forming in his own eyes.

"I was such an idiot… Instead of ignoring everything around me, I should have looked around. If I'd seen you, we could have talked it out… become close friends… We could have started over from scratch…" Ulqiorra said, shaking a bit. Harribel smiled and pulled away just far enough to reach in and steal a kiss, causing the ex-Goth boy's eyes to literally EXPLODE out of his head. Ichigo smiled.

After a few seconds Harribel let go, smiling as she looked into Ulqiorra's dazed eyes and said, "Who says we can't? I've been dying to start over. Want to go for dinner? I'll pay!"

"I'd love to, but I'll pay; it's the least I can do for ruining your party!" Ulqiorra said playfully Harribel giggled a bit.

"So, where are you taking me to, Ulqi-kun?"She asked, a beaming smile gracing her face as she walked out of the classroom with Ulqiorra, arm in arm. Ichigo nodded and bent down to collect his bag. Hauling the heavy duffel onto his shoulder, Ichigo started for the door, before stopping abruptly as a thought struck him.

He quickly doubled back toward the desk, taking out a pad of paper and a pen and writing out a note for Izuru. He finished and, smiling, turned to leave… by running into a diving leap through an open window.

~KI: ETE!~
~MONDAY MORNING~

Kira Izuru walked back into his classroom with a slight frown. He'd gotten word that the class had gone well and no one had been hurt… beyond tolerable limits. This worried him… but not as much as what met his eyes when he stepped through the sliding door to greet his students.

"Ohayo, minna… ITTAINANI GA*?" Izuru shouted, though it seemed no one in the room was paying his presence any mind at all. The spectacle that lay before him wasn't so much worrying as … shocking.

Yammy, a man Izuru had never though capable of holding down a relationship, let alone getting a girlfriend, had Soi-Fon and Inoue Orihime on each of his massive shoulders, and all three were smiling and laughing heartily. Grimmjow and his boys seemed quieter, almost … NORMAL. The same could be said of Yoruichi and the members of her gang that had been at Ichigo's class; they were more subdued and quiet now, seeming to be ready to learn instead of trying to skip out on class. Izuru found himself inching his way towards his desk as he carefully examined the remainder of his class.

The first thing he noticed was that a boy who looked a LOT like Ulqiorra was sitting at the front of the class with one of Yoruichi's ex –gang mates… and on further inspection, it was proved to BE Ulqiorra, minus his makeup and dark clothing. Even more frightening, the boy was actually smiling and LAUGHING, something he hadn't done in the two years he'd been there.

A sound suddenly caught his attention and he turned to look at the two scientists, Mayuri and Szayel. Mayuri was belching every other breath and gripping the back of his slacks as if he had to run for the restroom, while Szayel had the worst case of a broken nose Izuru had EVER seen. Not that Izuru could really call it "broken"… more like "flattened the short way" than anything. In fact, the only way Izuru could tell if the boy still HAD a nose was if Szayel turned to the side; otherwise, the thing almost vanished from sight. At a slightly different angle, Izuru could see a pair of crutches against Szayel's desk, and with a little extra craning of his neck, Izuru made out the distinct shape of a large cast around the boy's left foot. He shook his head; probably a deal with the Roughs gone sour.

Uryu was another that Izuru spotted quickly… considering the fact that the boy's head seemed to have been forced down into his neck, giving him the appearance of a turtle. Gin, the gossiper of the class, was sitting quietly, doing his best to NOT look at any of the girls. He'd talk with the boys in the gang just fine, but when asked if he was OK, Gin simply nodded and laughed. Izuru could tell otherwise; the boy had witnessed something that had shattered his view of the world as he knew it. He probably SHOULD have given the boy a week or two off from school to recover.

Not surprisingly, the only one of Grimmjow's boys to be acting up was Nnoitora Giruga… but he was acting out in a strange manner… instead of shouting and threatening his teacher, Nnoitora was twitching, looking across the room from end to end in quick sweeps. He was probably looking for Ichigo. Not surprising, considering what Izuru had heard from the other teachers about that day…

Yoruichi looked up and noticed Izuru for the first time since his arrival, and, in complete contrast with her usual attempts to seduce him, stood up at attention.

"RISE!" She announced, causing everyone to look to the front and see Izuru. The others stood in sequence, each standing ready.

"BOW!" Yoruichi shouted, bowing at the waist out of respect for her teacher. She was followed in kind by everyone else in the room.

"OHAYO, SENSEI!" Everyone chorused as one, causing Izuru to fall back against the black board from shock.

'WHO THE HELL ARE THESE KIDS, AND WHAT HAVE THEY DONE WITH MY STUDENTS?' Izuru shouted to himself, standing up and bowing back.

"O-Ohayo," he said back, still shocked. As he sat down at his desk to put his things in order, he found a small note folded in front of the chair. Picking it up and unfolding it, he read:

"Izuru-san,

I've decided to waive your fee altogether for this job. I managed to help five of your students today; the rest are just plain idiots. If there WAS any change in their behavior, credit me for it if you wish.

K-I"

Izuru smiled. He could already tell which of the students had been helped out.

"Arigato gozaimasu… Kurosaki-san,' Izuru thought to himself. Turning to address his students, he requested they open their textbooks and prepare to learn, and was pleasantly surprised when they did as asked.

~LATER, THAT NIGHT~

Ichigo stumbled into his hideout with a large satchel on his back and three large bags of coins in one hand. His legs were wobbling, his arms shaking, and his breathing slightly labored. His eyes, devoid of his shades, were glazing over.

"HOLY HELL… I'M FUCKIN' TIRED," he swore, waltzing into the main lobby past an empty secretary desk and into the elevator to go upstairs. He pressed the button for the third basement floor and slowly found himself drifting off… until a suddenly pressure against his torso snapped him out of his daze.

"R-Rukia… what are you still doing up? It's almost 11!" he stammered out. Rukia smiled.

"Don't you remember?" she said, smiling at him, "You promised me we'd have our usual play before bed tonight!" Ichigo's eyes widened, his mouth crashed open and he slapped his forehead.

"AH! That's right, I did promise you that, didn't I?" he asked happily, pulling her in tight against him. Rukia smiled broadly.

"Remember, Ichigo… you can do ANYTHING you want. Anything goes," she whispered breathily into the taller man's ear. Ichigo smiled.

Several hours later, after a solid two hours of pre-sleep sex, Rukia lay against Ichigo's muscular chest, smiling as he rested his left hand on her shoulder. Ichigo smiled too, feeling the younger, smaller woman's body pressed against his own.

"I'm so glad I decided to take you in, Rukia… You're the only one I can see myself doing this with," he said, reaching his head down to kiss the crown of her head. He was about to pull away when she reached up to passionately kiss his lips. She stayed for roughly thirty seconds before pulling away with a teasing smile.

"I can't see myself anywhere but here, Ichigo," she said with a beaming smile, "I love you too much to be anywhere else." Ichigo smiled back and held her tight.

"I love you too much to let you go, Rukia," Ichigo said as the two fell asleep in each other's arms.
_THE END_
Thank you all for reading. Please leave a review, and if you have criticism, make it constructive and to the point. The more I can improve, the better it'll be for me and all of you. ^_^

P.S.: I should preface the portion about Ichigo and Rukia in bed: Ichigo is nineteen, and Rukia's a year younger, so they're both of legal age.

*Ulqiorra's back-story involves a renamed attraction at Disney World, called the "Redwood Creek Challenge Trail", and in specific, an attraction at the end of the trail itself called the "Spirit Cave". Patton Oswalt did a piece about it on his more recent album, entitled "Finest Hour". The bit is EXTREMELY hilarious… and is the basis for Ulqi's "Start of Darkness", so to speak.

*Ittainani ga: What the hell