Jealousy, a dragon age fanfic

where've you been

who've you seen

you didn't phone when you said you would

do you lie

do you try

to keep in touch

you know you could

I've tried to see your point of view

but could not hear or see for jealousy…

"jealousy" - pet shop boys

Jealousy

The night was so far advanced that it was bunching up against the morning.

Hawke let herself in to the estate silently. She'd instructed Bodahn and Orana not to wait up for her. As she crossed the entry hall, her eye was drawn by the flicker of flames in the library.

Frowning, for the fire should long have died to embers, Hawke cautiously entered.

"Mother?" she asked softly.

"She is upstairs, asleep," a dark, silken voice answered. "As should you be."

"Fenris?" Hawke's brow furrowed. "What are you doing here?"

The lean figure of the elf unfolded from the chair before the fire, a bottle gripped carelessly in his hand. "I should think that would be obvious."

Hawke moved closer. "You were waiting for me? Why?"

Fenris paced the few steps that separated them. "You were with him, weren't you? The Antivan elf?"

Hawke flushed. "Zevran? Yes," she answered shortly.

The muscles in the lean jaw bunched as Fenris ground his teeth. He spun suddenly, flinging the bottle at the fireplace, where it shattered against the stone hearth.

Hawke's eyes narrowed. "I'd appreciate it if you confined your interior decorating impulses to your own mansion, please."

He glanced over his shoulder at her, his eyes smoldering darkly. And then he was on her, faster than she'd dreamed possible, his mouth crushing hers, hands tangled in her hair.

Maker, how she'd wanted the feel of his lips on hers for the past year and a half! But not like this.

She put her hands against his chest and exerted gentle pressure. He growled deep in his throat, but released her lips, his wine-soaked breath hot on her skin as he transferred his mouth to her jaw and neck.

"Fenris," she said, trying to keep her voice level.

"His smell is all over you," the elf's tone was low and menacing.

"Fenris." This time it was a warning.

He shoved her away from him abruptly.

"You went to him, even after I warned him away," he grated.

Hawke felt her anger rising. "You had no right to warn him away in the first place."

"He is an assassin," the elf spat. "He cares nothing for you, only for his own pleasure."

"Not only his own," Hawke snapped.

"You do not even bother to deny it!"

Hawke threw up her hands in frustration. "Why should I? It's my decision who I bed, Fenris. Not yours."

"Why do you torture me so!" Fenris snarled.

Hawke's brows rose. "Torture you? You were the one who did the leaving here, Fenris. You walked away, not me."

The elf turned his head away, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. His throat worked soundlessly.

She took a step closer, impinging on his personal space rudely, something she rarely ever did. "You can't discard something and keep it at the same time. This has got to stop."

"Venhedis!" He brought his eyes back to hers. "It will be the death of me. I have tried to leave, but I cannot. I must stay, and hear the way the mage speaks to you, his voice honeyed for your ears alone. I must watch as Isabela tries to lure you into her bed. I must see the way Sebastian's eyes follow you like a starving man. I must know that you take other lovers - the assassin, the qunari, the whore…"

Hawke's jaw firmed. "Anders can't even drink an ale without Justice interfering. Do you really think he'd be able to act on his desire for me? Sebastian clings tightly to vows that no longer bind him… neither of them would ever take me for a lover. Isabela would, it's true, and if I'd have wanted that it would have happened long ago. You could have taken her up on her offers as well, so don't even think of throwing that in my face!"

She took a deep breath. "As for other lovers… Maker, yes, I take other lovers! I am not made of stone! Had you chosen to, you would have been the only lover in my bed for as long as you wanted! I will not feel guilty for you tossing me aside!"

"I did not toss you aside, Hawke. Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done."

"You left. That is what matters. And when you did, you forfeited the right to make claims over my body. And that is the end of it!"

"Hawke…"

"No! You want to share my bed? Fine. Otherwise, stay out of my bedroom!"

"Is everything all right, messeres?" Bodahn's voice was hesitant. The dwarf hovered in the library doorway, hands clasping and unclasping each other nervously.

"Everything is fine, Bodahn," Hawke said levelly, not taking her eyes from the elf's. "Fenris was just leaving."

The green eyes burned into hers for a long minute. Then Fenris shoved past her rudely, stalking to the door with Bodahn following meekly behind.

He did not look back.

I never knew

time passed so slow

I wish I'd never met you, or that I could bear to let you go

at dead of night

'til break of day

endless thoughts and questions keep me awake

it's far too late