So in celebration of the release of Scott Alan's live album today, I found myself writing a new Brittana fanfic inspired by several songs from his Keys album (And one from his first album may have snuck in there). A kind of song cycle if you will. Each chapter is loosely based around a different song, and warning, it's more than a little angsty.

Anyone not familiarwith Scott's music, all his albums, Still Dreaming Wide Awake, Keys and Live are available on Itunes and are all amazing.

How did I end up here?

Did I take the wrong direction?

How do I start to amend these mistakes I've made?

Santana's usually very good at planning things out. She thinks things through before she acts. Usually anyway. Okay so sometimes her temper gets the better of her and she might jump in two feet first and end up starting a bar room brawl, or two, but her personal life? Every move is calculated, precise.

Except when it comes to Brittany. Then she does things without thinking them through at all. Like turn up here like this.

She knows this is a bad idea. A really bad idea. This is the last place she should be. She should have walked away. She should have left it alone. She should have spent the day drowning her sorrows, but no, instead she's here, standing in front of the woman she hasn't seen in eight months. The woman who in twenty minutes will be walking down the aisle. The woman who will today marry someone that isn't her.

She really doesn't know what she hopes to achieve by being here. She has no plan whatsoever in fact. She knows what she didn't plan though.

She didn't plan on Brittany kissing her, that's something she thought would never happen again, no matter how much she wanted it. She really didn't plan on finding herself pushed up against a wall, two of Brittany's fingers buried knuckle deep inside her. And she definitely didn't plan on Quinn walking in on them. No, she definitely didn't plan on that.

"You should go."

Santana keeps her eyes down. She's trying to keep her cool, she is, the last thing she wants is to cause a scene in the middle of Breadstix, but they've had this conversation so many times since the beginning of summer, she's starting to get tired of it. Especially as Brittany just keeps telling her the same thing. "Stop it, okay?" She stabs at the food on her plate, maybe a little too violently, as she's sure Brittany flinches slightly. "You want to stay at McKinley and graduate, then we stay in Lima. It's just one year, Britt."

"Exactly." Brittany reaches across the table and places a hand on top of hers to still her arm, probably afraid she'll end up breaking the plate if she doesn't. "It's one year. You don't think we could survive one year apart?"

"That's not the point." She knows they could, but she doesn't want to, they've wasted enough time as it is. Apparently Brittany doesn't feel the same though, and that hurts a little. "I don't want to go to New York without you. I don't want to go anywhere without you."

Brittany gently squeezes her hand. "I don't want you to go anywhere without me either, Santana, but what are you going to do if you stay here?"

She doesn't have an answer for that. Her plan was always to get out of Lima as soon as she graduated. However all of those plans had involved taking Brittany with her. Now that she's faced with spending one more year in this hellhole, well she doesn't have a clue. "I'll get a job." Her parents have made it very clear that they won't pay for her to hang around the house for twelve months, so she really won't have a choice on that one. "There's gotta be somewhere that's hiring in this stupid town."

Brittany raises an eyebrow. "Really? A job?"

She pulls her hand free from Brittany's and folds her arms. She looks at her now, if only to glare at her. "What's wrong with that?" She's more than capable of waiting tables or serving coffee. In fact judging by the quality of some of the service she's received in the past, she'd be better at it than most of the idiots in this town.

"It's just you know you'd have to be nice to people, right? Like all the time."

"And you don't think I can do that?"

Brittany at least appears to pretend to have to think about her answer. "I think the first time a customer complained, you'd go all Lima Heights on them and get yourself fired."

It's good to know that Brittany has so little faith in her, even if she suspects she might actually be right. "Then what do you suggest I do?"

"Go to New York." Brittany shrugs. She keeps saying that like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay, you want me to go to New York?" Santana leans forward, resting her elbows on the table, and taking one of Brittany's hands in her own. "Then come with me. You can get your GED anywhere. You don't have to stay here and go back to that stupid school. Let's get out of here like we always said we would." It's not the first time she's asked Brittany this. After graduation, she'd actually assumed that was exactly what would happen. She had never thought for a minute that Brittany would willingly want to stay in Lima.

The way Brittany sighs tells Santana that she won't be getting a different answer any time soon though. "I have to go back."

"But why?" She's asked that before as well, but Brittany never gives her a proper answer.

"I have to." Brittany pulls her hand away and shakes her head.

"You have to? That's all you keep saying, Brittany. That you have to. But you ever going to tell me why?"

"I just do."

Santana rubs at her forehead. She's starting to get a headache, that's how these discussions always seem to end lately, her with a pounding in her head. She wonders if it's the same for Brittany, as her girl is always very quiet afterward. Or maybe she's just aware of how Santana's feeling and is trying not to add to how much her head hurts. "Then it looks like we're staying in Lima."

Brittany looks like she's about to argue the point, but then seems to change her mind. Her shoulders drop slightly and she sighs.

Santana is acutely aware that whilst Brittany may have let it drop, she hasn't agreed to anything.

They go three weeks before Brittany mentions it again. They make the most of the sun, spending lazy afternoons by the pool or at the park, window shopping at the mall. Brittany can't afford any spending sprees, and she's saving all she can just in case Brittany changes her mind about leaving this two bit town.

She applies for several jobs, but she seems to have a reputation in Lima for being difficult to say the least, and the fact that some people still refer to her as that Lesbian Cheerleader can't help. She suddenly regrets all those times she was kind of a bitch to the staff at Breadstix and the Lima Bean, and various other establishments, as now it seems that whenever she goes in to hand in her application form, the manager just pales and says they'll be in touch. She never hears anything back.

And now half the summer has gone. And so is half the Glee Club. Finn was the first to go, leaving for boot camp two weeks ago. Then Quinn left for Yale early, wanting to see some of the East Coast before moving into her dorm. Mike and Tina are spending the rest of the summer at Asian camp before Mike leaves town for good. Puck and Mercedes set off for LA five days ago. Though she's not sure both of them will make it there in one piece, but hey, she'd warned them that sharing a car there was not the best of ideas. Sam had agreed with her, but he's probably worried about his girl being alone with Puck for different reasons than the chance Mercedes might kill Puck.

Now her and Kurt are the only two seniors that haven't escaped, and she can't help thinking that they should have been the first two to leave.

They've been to a movie. A double date with Kurt and Blaine. Brittany's idea, not hers. They've been doing it a lot lately, but tonight there was something different about the boys.

"They're fighting," Brittany tells her as they're walking back to her car.

Santana doesn't say anything. She doesn't much care, but hey, if it means that she gets out of having to go on anymore of these Gay Dates as she's been calling them, well that suits her.

When they reach her car, she finds herself being pushed against it, and Brittany kisses her hard and deep. When she eventually pulls away, she rests their foreheads together.

It takes Santana a minute to recover. "What was that for?"

Brittany bites down on her bottom lip and starts to move away, but Santana slides her arms around her waist and holds her in place. "Talk to me, Britt."

Brittany's eyes dart around the parking lot, then settle back on Santana. "Blaine doesn't want Kurt to leave."

"So?" Santana doesn't see what that has to do with them.

"Blaine doesn't want Kurt to leave, and I think Kurt is starting to hate him for that." Brittany's gaze drops to the floor, and she looks close to tears. "I don't want that to happen to us, Santana. I don't ever want you to hate me."

"Britt, I could never hate you. Never." She leans in and kisses her. Once. Twice. "We're not going to break up over something as stupid as where we spend next year. We're not Kurt and Blaine. Or Finn and Rachel."

"Or Mike and Tina?"

Santana falters slightly. "Wait, the Asians broke up? But they're Boy Chang and Girl Chang. How can they break up?"

Brittany looks worried. "Mike called me last night. He says he doesn't want her to wait for him."

It's not a good sign when they're the only couple still together already. She's not sure about Trouty and Wheezy, but if they are, the fact that Sam hasn't mentioned her name in three days doesn't make her hopeful for them lasting much longer. "Bullshit. How is it waiting for him? If she loves him, the long distance thing is nothing, right?"

"If that's true, then why won't you do it?"

Santana can feel herself start to loose her temper again. How many times do they need to talk about this? "Because we don't have to. God, Brittany. I want to stay here with you. What part of that are you having so much trouble understanding?"

"All of it." Brittany mumbles it under her breath and Santana doesn't think she was supposed to hear it. But once again Brittany lets it go, and she's happy for her to.

She's at the Lima Bean. Brittany has dance rehearsals and she's at a loose end. She's more than a little surprised when Kurt sits himself down at her table and she only just manages to bite back an insult about his current outfit.

He sighs, dramatically but doesn't say anything. She suspects he's waiting for her to ask him what's wrong, but she doesn't. If he wants to talk then he can start. She gets the feeling that whatever he wants to discuss will be painful enough without her having to make an effort to take part in this conversation.

Eventually he must give up on waiting for her and he rolls his eyes. "You really don't understand how this whole friendship thing works, do you?"

"I'm sorry, we're friends? Since when exactly?"

He ignores her, just rolls his eyes again. "Have you decided yet?"

"Decided what, Hummel?"

"What your plans are for the future?"

She has a bad feeling about where this is going. "You think I'd tell you if I had?"

He's quiet for a moment, studying his coffee instead of her. "I've been talking to Blaine. Me staying here, it isn't working for either of us. So I'm moving to New York." His voice shakes as he tells her and she knows he's terrified. Terrified of making the wrong decision, of doing something he'll end up regretting. She knows that feeling all too well. What she doesn't know is why he's talking to her about this. Something tells her she's about to find out though. "And I was thinking that maybe it wouldn't feel quite so daunting if I wasn't going alone. That maybe there's some truth in that whole strength in numbers theory. And you have to admit, the two of us would make a fabulous team."

She can only stare at him, her brain trying to process what he's proposing. Eventually she shakes herself and forces herself to speak. "You want me to move to New York with you?"

He nods.

"And to actually live with you?" No, this really isn't making any sense to her. "And what happens when I murder you after a week and bury your body under the floorboards?"

"It's a chance I'm willing to take." He shrugs and she wonders if he's really that desperate to get out of here. "Look, I'm just asking you to think about it. Afterall which is worse, living with me or spending another day living here?"

"Talk about Sophie's fucking choice."

"Just think about it. I mean other than Brittany, just what is there keeping you here?"

Nothing, but she really doesn't need there to be anything else. Brittany is more than enough reason to stay.

She finds Brittany waiting for her when she gets back home. She'd been lying on her bed but she jumps up when Santana enters. "Hey."

Santana pauses in the doorway. "You've been talking to Kurt about me. About us." She doesn't need Brittany to confirm that, this whole thing has Brittany's fingerprints all over it. She pulls her jacket off and throws it over the back of her chair. They've both been avoiding having this fight, even though they both know it had to happen eventually, and she figures they may as well get it out of the way. "What the hell, Brittany?"

Brittany stands, but keeps her distance. "I had to. I had to ask him to talk to you because you're not listening to me."

"And just what am I not listening to you about? New York? I've told you, I don't want to go to fucking New York." She does, of course she does, and she suspects that they both know she's lying when she insists otherwise.

"Yes, you do." Apparently she's right, as once again Brittany proves just how well she knows her. "You're just scared of leaving me behind. But it's okay, you don't need to be."

"And why is that, huh? You don't want me to stay. You don't want to come with me. It's starting to sound like you don't want to be with me anymore." That thought has been at the back of her mind for a while now, she's just been avoiding saying it out loud. The moment she does, she knows she was wrong to ever even think that. There's nothing but hurt in Brittany's eyes that she would even suggest that.

Brittany's voice breaks as she speaks. "Would it help if I lied and said that I didn't? Would you leave then? Because I'm not sure I could do that, that I'd ever be able to break your heart like that even if I was doing it for your own good."

"No, it wouldn't help. I think it would fucking kill me. I don't know how not to be with you."

"And maybe that's exactly why we should do this." Brittany sinks down onto the bed, resting her head in her hands. "You want to know why I have to go back to McKinley? Because I need to prove I can do this. That I can go back and not screw up this time. That I can graduate. But at the same time I don't want you to stay here because of me. I know it's stupid, but..."

"It isn't stupid, Britt. It isn't stupid at all." Santana crosses over to her and kneels in front of her, taking both of her hands in hers.

"I love you, Santana, and I will always want to be with you. And it's because I love you that I want you to go. I know we can survive a year apart, and it hurts that you don't." It's not about surviving for her. It's about the thought of having to spend even a minute longer than she has to away from Brittany. "But what I'm not sure we can survive is you ever feeling like I held you back, and hating me for that. I couldn't live with myself if that ever happened."

"It wouldn't ever happen though."

"You keep saying that, but how can you know?"

Santana shrugs. "I just do."

"You can't know that for sure."

She's about to tell Brittany that she does, but she's cut off by Brittany crashing their lips together. It always has been Brittany's favorite way of getting her to stop talking.

When they eventually break apart, she looks up to find Brittany actually is crying now. "Santana, go to New York. I promise we'll make this work. I'll stay here, work hard and graduate. Then next year, it's you and me vs the world, San." She cups Santana's face. "But I need you to do this for me. I need you to go to New York and be awesome. Can you do that for me?"

She wants to say no, wants to say she isn't going anywhere, but she has to face the truth. That no matter how much it might hurt her, she'd do anything for Brittany.