Chapter 11- Neither Here Nor There

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~SWY~

Jas pulled me to the side right before the check came to ask if I wouldn't mind taking Bella home so that he could ride with Hawk. I knew the fucker would try something like this. I told him I thought it was a bad idea, but after the sad puppy dog look he pulled I just couldn't. So I did the honorable thing and offered to take Bella home so Jasper could have his chance with Hawk. Bad idea.

"I couldn't believe you were my date when I turned around to look at you," Bella admits as we make our way to my car. The ocean's just steps away on the other side of the dunes and I nod in the direction of water. She agrees with a smile and nod of her own, so she slips off her shoes and we pick our way through a path made in the sand between the sea oats. There's just enough light from the waxing moon to see where we're headed.

"It was a shock to me too. Especially after I had just run into you the other day."

"Of all the people to be set up on a blind date with..." she chuckles lightly.

"Right? I thought blind dates were supposed to be for people who don't know each other."

"In their defense, they had no idea."

"And to our credit, they still don't."

"We deserve Oscars for those performances," she agrees. We chuckle about how we seem to have fooled our friends. "I had no idea if you were going to play along or rat me out. Thanks for that, by the way. I just didn't want to disappoint Nicole; she seemed so excited about setting us up. I couldn't burst her bubble by telling her that we already knew each other."

"No problem, it made for an interesting evening, at least. So, how do you know Nicole? We never got to that part tonight."

"No, we didn't. We were all too busy pissing ourselves over tales of you and Jasper from back in the day."

"Well, it is hard to not laugh at that guy. He's even funny looking."

"Stop it," she bumps my shoulder with her own, and the jolt that shoots through me causes me to lose my footing in the soft sand. I fall on my ass like a sack of rocks.

"Damn, Swan! Watch what you do with that thing! You could really injure someone." Her laugh fills the night; I can hear it long after she reaches out to help me up. I don't feel a shock when she touches me this time, but there's a definite hum, an almost fluttering in my stomach when she does.

"Sorry, Eddo." I'm struck by how she looks up close in the moonlight with the ocean breeze tangling her hair into a mess. She's even more beautiful than I remember. "What?" she asks, tucking her hair behind her ears in a futile attempt to tame it.

"What?" I repeat, confused by her question.

"What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Oh, sorry. No reason." I lie and stand to brush myself off. "It's just been a while since you called me that." I walk on and hope like hell she buys my lame answer.

"It's been awhile since I've called you anything, Cullen."

"True."

"At least I didn't call you Donkey Dong."

"And, believe me, I will be eternally grateful for that."

"Did that really happen, or is that just some crazy story you boys made up to impress the ladies?"

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure how that story could impress anyone, but no, that really did happen," I regretfully admit.

"So, you were serious when you said that you'd been chased from your bunk wearing nothing but a towel… by a donkey?" She's trying not to laugh, but I know she's dying to.

"Yes, ma'am. Well, that is until the donkey relieved me of said towel."

"Oh lord, how embarrassing!" A snort escapes her tentative hold on her composure and she slaps her hand over her mouth.

"Well, it wasn't so bad until everyone started pouring out of their bunks to see what the commotion was all about. Then they found me yelling at the beast and jumping up and down trying to chase it off. I still have no idea how the thing got on base. To this day I suspect that Jasper had something to do with that. From then on I was know in certain circles as 'Donkey Dong'."

Bella finally loses it and laughs until she doubles over. Seeing her like this brings back all the memories of time we spent laughing like this, many of them on this very stretch of beach.

"It's not that funny," I deadpan. "I could have been seriously injured." This just makes her laugh harder. "Stop! I could have been stepped on! And donkeys are notorious for biting people!"

"Good thing he only had a taste for towels and didn't go for your 'donkey dong'!" She's sitting in the sand, laughing her head off, and I can't help but laugh with her. We laugh until our sides hurt and we're gasping for air. Then the rush of the waves fills the quiet our dying laughter has left behind.

"I've missed this, Bella." Don't ask me where this comes from. Part of me says that I should never want to see this person again after all she put me through; screaming that I demand answers for all the questions I've carried with me. But the larger part of me just wants to be near her, enjoy her for whatever time I have. If that makes me lame, or stupid, then so be it. I don't know that Bella and I have any chance of being together again, and while I know we have so much standing in the way of us, I would still give my left nut for the opportunity to find out.

It's a good thing I'm sitting when she finally responds or else I'd be sprawled out on the sand.

"Me, too. Edward. I've missed you, too."

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*****

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"So?"

"So, what?"

"So, how'd it go last night after we left?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dude! Are you slow? You know exactly what I mean!"

"I'm sorry. I'm confused. Maybe you should spell it out for me."

"Come on! What I wanna know is what happened between you two? Were there sparks? Fireworks? Explosive orgasms?"

"Oh. Nope."

"What?" I yell. "You guys seemed so chummy! I was certain you two were gonna end up doing the horizontal mambo. This is so disappointing."

"Tell me about it," Jas laments, "she didn't even kiss me goodnight."

"Uh, that sucks, man. I'm sorry." I slap him on the shoulder and try to comfort him. "But you tried. You gonna ask her for another date?"

"Nah, I think I'm done with Hawk. I think it's time to try something new."

"Something or someone?"

"I'm going to try someone new, but now that you mention it, I think Hawk is going to try something new."

"Huh? Clarify, please."

"She told me she likes chicks."

"Oh, man." I really didn't see that one coming. Apparently neither did Jas.

"It gets better, she told me she likes women and that it took going out with me to make her realize that she doesn't want to try to hide the fact anymore."

"Come on, Jas, don't take it personally. It's not like you switched her from dicks to chicks. It couldn't have been easy for her to tell you that. I bet Hawk's been dealing with this for years, and the timing is just coincidental."

"No, I think I broke her."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself, ya big baby. It's just one girl who happens to like other girls' parts. There's plenty of other women out there that would be happy to play with your boy parts." We both laugh at the absurdity of our conversation.

"You are so fucked up, Cullen. But thanks for trying to make me feel better."

"Anytime, Whitlock."

"So, what went down with you and Beauty?"

"Her name is Bella, and it was fine."

"Did you like her?"

"Yeah, she was nice," I concede. "Maybe too nice," I mumble to myself.

"So what did you two do after we left?"

"Nothing. We talked a little. I took her home."

"That's it? I thought I taught you better than that, man!"

"You haven't taught me a damn thing, and I did get her number. Happy? Besides, I'm not the one who turned my date gay."

"Oooooh, low blow, dude," he sounds a little hurt.

"Yeah, that was kinda harsh. Sorry."

"Forget about it. I know I sure as hell want to."

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I have no idea how long I've been sitting here. The sky has grown dark and the living room with it while I sit here staring at nothing in particular. I don't bother to turn on any lights. What's the point? There isn't anything I want to see around here anyway. The glow from the television is the only light in the room.

Cans litter the floor. After drinking an entire six-pack of beer fails to do the trick, I decide to speed the process along and drag out the good stuff, single malt whiskey. I forego the niceties of a glass and take a long pull straight from the bottle. It doesn't usually take this much to drink her away but spending an evening sitting next to her, smelling her, feeling her brush against me has Bella's memory burning stronger than the alcohol scorching a path down my throat. Even a week later I can still feel her. And instantly I'm back in that place I can usually avoid, where the 'what might have beens' of the two of us are so tangible I can almost reach out and grasp them. I'd almost believe that I'm dreaming all of this, but then I take another swig and the fire I feel burning a path to my stomach can't possibly be a result of an overactive imagination. Besides, if I were dreaming I'd pick a much pleasenter- is that a word? Well, it is now. I'd be dreaming something much more pleasenter.

I think the alcohol might finally be working as the warmth spreads through me and I sink into it. I wait for the sweet release of drunken oblivion to wash her away and slump down on my couch, surrendering to feeling that I know is just around the corner.

And then it hits me: it isn't oblivion that is taking hold of me, but a rush of memories of her. I sober up quicker than if someone threw a bucket of cold water on me. I try to push it away, push her away, but I can't- not tonight. I'm just too tired to fight it. So I give in, knowing damn well how bad an idea this is, but I'm beyond caring. The only thing that matters is, for as long as I give in to this feeling, she's here. And having her not really being here is better than not having her here at all.

I close my eyes against the light coming from the television and curl up on the couch. Usually I'd turn it up louder, try to drown her out. But it's muted, and all I can hear is her voice laughing, telling me she loves me, that everything was a horrible misunderstanding. That she loves me. A chill that rushes through my veins, causing my entire body to shudder, replaces the burn of the whiskey. I take another drink and push further into the cushions seeking whatever warmth I can find.

Images of her flood my mind, and if it weren't for the flickering of the T.V. behind my lids, I'd swear she was here. Long, sun-streaked hair pulled back into a ponytail, the smile she smiles when she's happiest, bare feet and long, tan legs sugared with fine grains of sand. I want her here. I want her to be real, sitting next to me so I can run my hands along those legs and muss up her hair. I want to hear her laugh when I say something ridiculously stupid. Most of all, I just want the chance to be with her, to understand once and for all what happened all those years ago. How did everything fall apart?

So I do the only thing I can think of, which was probably the worst thing I could do.

I pick up my phone and call her.

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A/N: Thanks to GG for making sure I haven't committed any crimes against the English language, and all with a boo boo finger! **kisses your owie** ILY

To Barburella: Yeah, yeah, I know.

To you, dear reader: all my love and thanks. I love reading your comments.

Until next time…