Author's Note: Kind of a long chapter, but it's the main plot with two different subplots so I kinda went wild on this one. I wanted a bit more romance this time around. ^^

Chapter 4: Seducing A Moron

"Good morning!" Nami waved cheerfully as she entered the room. "How is everyone today?"

"YOU!" Buggy and Usopp glared at her.

Luffy laughed. "They're still pretty pissed about yesterday!"

"Understatement!" Buggy and Usopp spat.

As soon as Nami had successfully electrocuted the entire school, she had found that it was easier to swallow loyalty rather than blood.

"WHO THE HELL DID THAT?" About fifty hardened delinquents had burst in through the doors.

"Them." Nami pointed at Buggy and Usopp.

"What?" Usopp screeched.

"We didn't!" Buggy cried.

"They're lying," Nami shook her head. "I saw it all."

"Get them!" The mob had cried and engulfed the two unfortunate boys.

Nami had shot them the 'peace' sign.

"Oh, come on!" She grinned. "Not still sore about that, are you?"

"In more than one way." Usopp glowered.

"Oh, Usopp-san," Giggled a girl on his left and now Nami noticed that the class had a new addition.

"Hello." She said, surprised. "Are you new too?"

"Oh no," The girl shook her fair head and smiled. "I've been here all year."

"Nami, this is Kaya," Usopp muttered. "Kaya, this is Nami the traitorous demon."

Kaya giggled again, got to her feet and bowed. "Hello, Nami the traitorous demon. You can't mind Usopp. He's just a little grumpy at the moment."

She shot a smile back at Usopp, who reddened a little. "Oi, Kaya!"

Kaya just smiled.

Nami sized Kaya up. She was beautiful.

Was this the girl that Bonney had made the 'girlfriend' crack about?

Nami was impressed.

"Wow," She murmured to Buggy as Kaya re-seated herself beside Usopp and started talking to him quietly, putting her hand over his. "I cannot believe she's going out with him."

"No one can." Buggy said grimly.

"Hey, Nami!" Luffy waved at her and Nami's shoulders tightened as she remembered her mission.

She was to make him fall in love with her, then break his heart.

But what did that entail?

Nami had no idea how to go about it, so she had decided to appeal to plain old-fashioned lust.

She always wore rather tight tops ands and short skirts anyway, but today's school uniform had been re-invented into a low-cut camisole with the blazer slung over the shoulders, a tiny skirt, bare legs and ankle-high boots.

On her way to the classroom, every boy in the hall couldn't stop staring at her legs.

"Hey, Luffy," Nami smiled her sexiest smile and sat herself down on the edge of his chair. "Silly boy, you're tie's crooked!"

"Huh?" Luffy blinked.

"Here." Nami reached over and smoothed the fabric slowly with one hand.

"What are you doing?" Luffy frowned.

"Just helping you out." Nami smiled.

"Oh." Luffy looked a little uncomfortable and shifted in his seat.

What the hell? Nami thought. He seemed more into me when I was just being myself! What's up with this guy?

xxx

Last night, the last thing Kaku had expected was Kalifa.

After all, it was ten at night. His parents were out (as usual).

He had been planning just to sit and read for a while- he was normally so absorbed with whatever book he was on at the time that he didn't get to bed until midnight.

But he heard the doorbell ring as he picked up his book, and there was Kalifa standing on the mat. Her long blonde hair in a high ponytail, wearing jeans and a short white T-shirt.

"Hi." She said.

"H-hi." Kaku blinked.

"Can I come in for a bit?"

"Sure." He kicked the door wider.

"You won't mind if I stay for an hour or so, will you?"

"No, of course not."

But I'd prefer if you stayed forever.

Kaku was past berating himself for his thoughts. He could dream, couldn't he?

"I'll make some tea." He said.

"I'll help."

"It's no trouble."

"No, please," Kalifa said urgently and Kaku recognized the restlessness in her tone. "I just need to be doing something right now."

Kaku sighed inwardly.

Lucci problems.

The symptoms were obvious.

And, sure enough, when they began to make the tea, Kalifa began her rant.

"I mean, I don't mind 'demanding'. But there's demanding, and then there's demanding. Don't you think?"

"Yeah." Kaku said.

"I mean, the other day, right, he said we'd go to the fish restaurant and I don't like the fish restaurant and that started him off on this big thing like it's all about me. It's not all about me. I don't like squid. So sue me."

"Right." Kaku poured the hot water into the cups. "So sue you."

"I don't know what's up with him recently," Kalifa went out of the kitchen to flop on the beige leather sofa. She picked up one of Kaku's mother's glossy magazines absently and flicked through it without reading. "That guy can be such a douche. Or maybe it's just guys in general."

"Jee, thanks." Kaku set her tea down for her wryly.

"Oh, I'm not talking about you, Kaku," Kalifa looked surprised. "I don't really see you as, like, a man. You're like my big brother." She scooped up the book on the table. "You reading this?"

"Yeah." Kaku said.

She wrinkled her perfect nose. "Looks difficult."

"It is," Kaku said quietly. "Very, very difficult."

The doorbell rang and Kaku was almost relieved for an excuse to focus his mind on other matters.

Unfortunately, they were only unfocused for a second.

"Lucci." Kaku said.

"Hey," Lucci stood with his hands in his pockets, as if waiting.

"Let me guess: Kalifa problems."

"Tch. How did you know?"

"She's here."

Lucci frowned. "She is?"

"Yup."

"Stupid woman." Lucci muttered. "Bothering you at this hour."

"I don't mind."

"No? Let me see her."

"I don't want to see him!" Kalifa, who had overheard the voices, yelled from the living room.

Lucci rolled his eyes and pushed past Kaku into the house.

Kaku remembered that Lucci used to come to his house all the time when they were boys and they used to spar in the back yard.

Kalifa had sometimes tagged along, sometimes watched, sometimes joined in.

"That stupid girl is always here!" Eight-year-old Lucci had complained.

"I guess." Kaku had said.

"Tell her to leave."

"My parents are friends with hers. What can I do?"

But Kaku had had no intention of telling Kalifa to leave anyway.

He had loved her back then too.

"Does that stupid boy have to be here?" Seven-year-old Kalifa had complained to Kaku.

"He's my best friend."

"I don't care. He's scary."

But Lucci understood Kaku like no one else could. They read the same books, had both been taught to be contemptuous of weakness and yet Kaku was the only one Lucci even mentioned his feelings to.

And now, here they were roughly ten years down the track and how things had changed.

"I said I didn't want to see you!" Kalifa sprang to her feet as Lucci entered. "Kaku, I can't believe you let him in!"

"Don't take it out on Kaku because you're moody, Kalifa." Lucci said. "You're being ridiculous."

"I'm ridiculous?"

"Guys," Kaku said sharply. "Look, I know a restaurant close by that has a fresh fish supply amongst other things. I think its half price for minors as well, so wouldn't everything be sorted if you just went there?"

"Look, Lucci what if Kalifa trains with the equipment for twenty minutes and then you do. And while you wait you can tell me about that new manga you're reading, so wouldn't everything be sorted if we just did that?"

His own voice from ten years ago sounded very far away in his mind.

"Well," Kalifa looked at Lucci.

Lucci sighed and slung his arm around her. "You're so difficult."

Kalifa giggled. "I'm the difficult one?" She shot a wink at Kaku. "Actually, that would work. Thanks, Kaku."

Lucci nodded at him. "I'll take her to my place. Sorry to disturb you."

Kaku nodded and they saw themselves out, talking quietly like conspirators.

Kaku stood there for a few minutes before picking up Kalifa's tea.

It was cold.

And then again. maybe things never change. He thought as he picked up his book.

Maybe we think they do because it seems like it on the outside. But in reality, it doesn't really, does it?

xxx

Luffy's house was an utter tip.

To be honest, considering that it was Luffy's house, Nami hadn't expected to see an organizational system in place.

His and Ace's dirty clothes were strewn over the carpet, plastic wrappers dumped anywhere and when Nami opened the fridge, every shelf was meat.

She sighed.

She was round Luffy's house because she had suggested they study together. Or rather, she teach Luffy what 'studying' meant.

Or rather, she seduced him.

Somehow.

"Luffy," She twisted round and gave him a wink. "How about you wait in your bedroom? I'll be right up."

"Oh," Luffy said. "Okay." And walked up the stairs.

Nami braced herself against the wall.

She needed a few minutes to mentally prepare herself.

Was she going to sleep with him, or-?

"I swear,"

Nami jumped as Ace's voice came out of nowhere from behind her and she spun round to see him leaning casually against the living room doorframe. "My little brother gets all the luck."

"W-what are you talking about?" Nami dug her nails into the palms of her hands.

"Oh, you know," Ace eyed her in an unnervingly penetrating way. Like he knew exactly what she was up to. "Girls, for example. That model- Boa Hancock- absolutely nuts for him and Caimie in your class had a little crush on him too if the rumors are true." He grinned. "And now the prettiest girl in school is vying for his attention. Life really isn't fair."

"I'm not 'vying' for anyone's attention," Nami said, with dignity. "I'm just here to study with him."

"'Study'? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

"Shut up!" Losing it a little, Nami blushed.

There was a crash as Ace slammed his hand against the wall right by her head. He was very close, but his voice was still soft.

"I can tell your heart's not in it," He said, his eyes not moving from her face. "Who put you up to this, huh?"

Nami's heart skipped. "What are you-?"

"If you're planning to hurt my brother-"

"Rather overprotective, aren't you?"

"It's sometimes necessary."

"You should let him make his own mistakes."

"I certainly class you as a 'mistake'."

They stared each other down a second longer.

"I'm Luffy's nakama now," Nami said quietly, pulling away a little. "He trusts me."

"That's why you're so dangerous."

"Do you really think I'm so despicable that I would toy with him like that?"

Yes. Nami thought. Yes, I am that despicable.

"No," Ace said, surprising her. "That's why I asked you who put you up to it."

Nami couldn't let him keep going back to that. The more she tried to avoid the subject, the more she'd end up giving herself away.

"Or could it be," She said slowly, walking back towards him and tugging his collar sharply towards her. "That you're just jealous?"

Ace bit his lip.

Nami felt a small thrill of triumph as she regained control, but the thrill became panic as Ace suddenly moved closer.

Suddenly she could feel his breath on her cheek and she stiffened, yet unable to take her hand away from his collar.

Then she heard a small snuffling sound and glanced down at his face.

To see that he was sleeping peacefully.

"IDIOT!" Nami's kick landed him on the other side of the room. "DON'T FALL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF SEDUCING SOMEONE, YOU PRICK!"

Luffy bounded down the stairs. "What happened?"

"Your stupid brother!" Nami spat.

Luffy grinned. "Yeah," He said. "I got the brains in the family."

Nami shook her head. "That's a terrifying thought."

xxx

Zoro liked to think that he didn't get angry.

He got even.

He had honed his mind far enough that he could keep his cool in the middle of even the toughest battle situations.

So, why- God why- did he want to take out his swords and turn the mall into a pile of up-town rubble?

Robin.

Just thinking the damn woman's name got him riled up and he slammed his foot against the chair opposite him, startling the person seated on it.

It had been her who had chosen the mall for their first proper, official date and here she was- twenty, no, twenty-five minutes late.

Zoro was not like that idiot blonde, Sanji.

He couldn't forgive her and fall lovingly at her feet just because she was a woman.

The artificially blue fountain glittered prettily at him and Zoro wanted to stamp his foot in the water.

No, he wouldn't forgive her.

He was a warrior, not the perfect boyfriend.

When she got here, he was going to tell her straight out.

Yes.

"I call the shots in this relationship, damn woman!"

Yes, that's what he would say.

Zoro nodded to himself.

Right. Just as soon as she-

"Sorry, am I late?"

Zoro looked up and saw a smiling Robin dressed in a simple white T-shirt dress that hugged her perfect figure so tightly that she didn't need a belt to bring in her waist or any unneeded accessories.

She was utterly exquisite and Zoro would have thought so even if she had come in wearing a stained tracksuit.

"No," Zoro found himself saying. "I'm just early."

What the hell am I doing?

Robin laughed. "You're very polite. I know I'm late."

Regaining his composure a little, Zoro stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "Well, it doesn't matter now." He said airily.

Okay, yes, new strategy: I'll be the bigger person-

Robin's small, soft hand delved into his pocket and curled round his palm, intertwining her fingers with his.

She gave his hand a squeeze.

"Where should we go first?"

"You choose." Zoro muttered.

"No, no," Robin winked. "You're the man."

Zoro flushed slightly (something he'd never be caught dead doing in front of anyone else).

"How about-?"

"How about the shoe shop?" Robin suggested.

"So I don't get to choose?"

"I'm so glad you agree!"

"I never ag-!"

"Let's go then!"

Zoro sighed and fell into step with her as she led him along.

He still wasn't sure of when they had officially began dating.

He had been attracted to her beauty and confidence, not to mention intelligence, immediately. Yet, at the same time: he didn't trust her an inch.

There was something behind her stunning black-blue eyes that she was hiding.

But, even that excited him.

"So," Zoro glanced at her and glanced away, nonchalantly attempting to make intelligent conversation. "What book are you reading at the moment?"

Robin gave him a sly look. "Please," She said. "You first."

Shit.

"Oh, er," Zoro stammered. "The-er, you know, the- the- a-"

Robin giggled.

Zoro flushed yet again, pissed.

Why did she always insist on making him look like a complete idiot?

"Oh, Zoro," Robin said. "It's okay. I know you can't read."

"You're pushing it, woman." Zoro muttered.

"As for me, I'm reading about original transcendentalist theories and theology and how their views affect everyday life and modern philosophy."

She had lost him at 'original', but Zoro wasn't about to admit it.

"Oh." He said, nodding. "Right. Those. Yeah, good book."

Robin hid a smile. "Would you like me to break down the words for you? Maybe I could write it down?"

"I'm fine!" Zoro snapped.

The couple almost ran into a group of guys lingering by the Guess store, but Robin let go of Zoro's hand long enough to walk round.

"Whoa!" One guy in a hoodie crowed when he spotted her. "Well, well, would you look that that?"

His friend whistled, raking Robin up and down with his eyes. "That's premium quality right there, man."

"Hey, honey," The first one sidled up to Robin, who was eyeing him apathetically. "Why don't you ditch your plans and hang out with us for a while? We'll treat you right, won't we guys?"

His group catcalled raucously.

"I really don't think you want to talk to me like that." Robin told him politely.

"Oh yeah?" The guy snorted. "And why's that?"

"Because I'm here with my boyfriend."

"Ooh!" The group laughed.

"Oh, so sorry, your boyfriend!" The guy snorted. "Alright, where is he? Who's the wimp?"

"That," Zoro grinned, cracking his knuckles. "Would be me."

xxx

"You really didn't have to go so far." Robin commented as Zoro dragged her down the marble aisle. "I think you really hurt that one with the grey hoodie."

Zoro didn't reply.

"It's going to be weeks before that blood comes out of the whitewash."

"Are you okay?" Zoro demanded.

"Of course." Robin said and Zoro swung round so he could get a better look at her. He held her wrist tightly.

"They didn't hurt you anywhere?"

"No," Robin cocked her head. "But if they did?"

"I go back there and kill them twice."

Robin reached out and laid her hand on Zoro's sharp cheekbone. "You don't have to do that." She said mildly. "I'm fine."

Her words soothed Zoro and he loosened his grip on her wrist.

Sometimes he was truly awed by this woman.

Not that those idiots would have been anything she couldn't have handled, but Zoro had become so selfish about her.

He didn't want her to have to use her strength.

He wanted to take the pain for her.

They walked for a while longer in an odd kind of silence and chose a bench right by the banister that overlooked the whole scope of the shining mall with all its bustling people, who had no time to pay attention to the young couple overhead.

Zoro felt peaceful just holding Robin's hand, but then he caught her gaze as she looked into the crowd as if mesmerized by what she saw.

A little girl was holding onto her mother's hand as they bought a Smartie cookie at the stall.

They seemed to be laughing about something.

An ordinary sight for most people, but a painful tug at the heart for Robin.

Zoro's peaceful feeling drained away as he remembered the real reason he thought Robin might have suggested this date.

The anniversary of her mother's death was today.

Zoro had known this and thought that she might have preferred to spend the this time to herself, so he had been surprised when she had called him.

Only now did he realize his insensitivity.

Who would want to be alone in an empty house on a day like this?

Robin looked away as the mother and daughter melted back into the crowd.

There was an odd shimmer to her pretty eyes and Zoro's own heart twisted.

How stupid it had been to suppose this woman was invincible.

He had never known anyone so strong and so fragile.

Robin took a deep breath, looking ready to speak, but, in the end, she sank against Zoro's shoulder with something like relief and Zoro knew that without saying a word she had just told him that she was glad she had come today.

Damn woman.

Without a word of his own, Zoro lifted her delicate hand to his lips and kissed the tips of her fingers with a gentleness he had never known he possessed.

They never said 'I love you', but sometimes you just didn't have to.

xxx

Author's Note: I really, really want to know what you guys think so please, please review. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I chose the title because in each pairing there is a clueless moron. (Luffy, Kalifa and-yes- Zoro XD).

Oh, and I want a new pairing to work on can you suggest any pairings you like that I could write a plot for? And is there anything you'd like to see happen with the pairings I do have?

Now, go on. Review. You know you really want to. Don't you? Eh? Eh?

Please.

Next Chapter: When You Least Expect It…

On one rainy day, Sanji and Nami suddenly get closer and Luffy reveals his –gasp- jealous side. Meanwhile, Zoro tries to take his relationship with Robin to the next step, but fate seems to disagree. And everyone bands together to try and get Jimbei a girlfriend.