Alpha AU in which all the Beta kids/Alpha Guardians are the same age. I was working on this story RIGHT BEFORE their real story was revealed.

Andrew Hussie owns Homestuck and will kill whomever he pleases regardless of what I do.

-x.x.x.x.x-

He sat relaxed in the seat of his helicopter, eyes staring out the window behind his signature shades. Nothing but water as they flew across the ocean. He would've sighed, and did internally, but his face was frozen in a line that he didn't feel like breaking. There was so much wrong with the world that he could feel it palpable in the city. It was all he could do out here to break away from the steely grasp of that crazy batterbitch. His last movie had made some not so subtle references to the corruption she had wrought into the international market system. He could feel her anger, her eyes searching for him.

He wasn't easy to catch though. It wasn't so much that he was hiding as much as he was too visible. The public hailed him as the hot shot Texan director that produced daring yet ironic films. Cinematography that brought them untainted joy, a distraction that was also a clever eye opener to the reality that too many were becoming complacent with. The younger generations no longer knew of a world without her corruption. It was a losing battle, a tug of war with a trident and she held it by its throngs. His palms were sweaty but he held fast. Once she took a swift tug he'd be gone before she could turn it around and make fish food outta him. It also helped that practically no one knew his whereabouts for any long period of time.

A dot appeared in the middle of the blue. Huh.

He pressed closer to the window.

"Raul? Is that land popping out of the water or am I getting like, ocean mirages here?"

"There's definitely something there, sir. It's not on the map as far as I can tell. It's a tiny thing."

A small uncharted island huh? Sounded like a legit evil lair setup. Better yet, indigenous and uninhabited island full of crazy ass fauna for his next movie location?

"Can we take a landing, Raul? I'm going to micro this shit and get my scope on."

"You're the boss." The chopper swerved steadily to the right, heading in the direction of the island... with a... tower?

He could see his pilot try to make contact via radio. There was no response as far as he could tell. If he wasn't getting shot at by hidden machine guns or missiles then he guessed he was fine.

The fuck? He squinted out the window. Was that a... frog...?

It was most definitely a frog topping that tower like some Aztec deity. His eyes remained glued to it. Something about the seriousness of the frog idol was oddly hilarious. Way to pick the derpiest ass animal in the kingdom as your god. He thought about the possibility of natives on the island but as far as he could tell he hadn't seen any cluster of... what did indigenous people call their housing units? Huts?

The greenery was forced into a haphazard frenzy as the copter came closer for a landing. The leaves on the trees and grass rolled more wildly than desperate strippers at a club, and unsettled dust scattered the surrounding area. He waited for the propellor to slow so he wouldn't have a hard time getting out. Also fuck, this was a nice suit jacket. He wasn't about to ruin it, gotta impress the natives with his dry cleaner Tide fresh threads. Show them the miracles of ocean breeze scented fabric softener.

'What's that smell?' they'd ask. Why, it's the smell of a thousand clean sweeps of sweet ocean, just like the fifty thousand miles of it that surrounds our fucking island. Yes, this man, in his infinitely coolness and ocean scented threads is to be honored.

To think he'd throw his chances at indigenous ambassadorhood by getting dirt on his jacket.

"Looks all clear, sir."

He took off the headset and gave a thumbs up. "Nice work, man. Stay here while I check the place out." He waved a walkie-talkie nonchalantly. "I'll give you a buzz if I need some quick escape."

He stashed the thing into his sylladex and checked over what he had stored. He made a mental note of his sword and hopped out to land. Despite the weird feeling of his body adjusting to solid ground, he showed no signs of unease as he stood up straight, eyeing his surroundings. He supposed if there were any people around they'd located themselves near their amphibious lord tower, hoping it'd teach them how to survive underwater once global warming hit or something. Or if that big ass volcano exploded. How did he only notice that now? He wondered what else he could've missed. No wonder they chose to worship a frog god. It was so fucking stupid they could use it as the ultimate distraction when being attacked.

Gonna drop a nuke here once I find the vil- Oh is that a fucking toad on a pedestal? Holy shit what a dumbass animal, I should take a pic- Oh shit now I'm in the ocean.

Fucking genius. Even better, ironic.

After about ten or so minutes of walking without any signs of threat, he began to get bored. He took out his cell phone and began to talk himself through his trek.

Talking to himself had become a bit of a habit. Recorded mental notes and processes that he'd comment on later. Sometimes he didn't even bother listening to his tapes, but it was... somehow therapeutic to voice what he was saying. There weren't many people he actually liked talking with outside of work, so when he couldn't find someone to talk to he'd resort to this. He was pretty positive robot communication was the way of the future. He tried to keep his private life mostly to himself, kept his hobbies to himself, literally.

"So Dave, I'm on this fantasy frog island, fucking trees and plants everywhere, but there's a clearing in 5, 4, 3... whoa shit that's some alien movie bug." He took a moment to make sure the giant spiky yellow slug didn't follow him before continuing his countdown. "2... 1."

There he was, standing with a clear view of a hopefully dormant volcano.

"Right, there's the mother of all furnaces here too."

He didn't need someone else prying into his thoughts, at least beyond what he let show through his films. That was his voice to the public.

He looked up at the sky. It was actually really nice here. Minus creepy bugs, there didn't seem to be much going on. Well there were a shit ton of seagulls.

"Bunch of brainless feathery assholes too. Ugh, so far I've seen nothing but super slug and these annoying beach birds. Was hoping I'd find some more interesting fauna..."

"Fauna?" a voice repeated behind him.

The voice was distinctly female. I.e. not his.

"There's not too much around here except for me. I hope I'll do."

He whipped himself around and took a look at the figure before him.

"Well shit."

-x.x.x.x.x.x-

Thank you for reading! Sorry if Dave is OOC because his irony is hard to write for me and sorry for the random OC also... but it was necessary. I don't really know if I will finish or what direction this is going in, but it'll be DaveJade for sure.

Also if you want to read another Homestuck story of mine, I have a DavespritexJade/DaveJade fic! Reviews aren't necessary but they are very encouraging. All the mwahs!