So you know that fail!scene I was talking about before? This is it. I reread it before I posting it, and it makes me cringe just to see how ridiculous it got.
In other news, the third story in this series, Telekinesis for Dummies, is now up!

It was shortly before nine when Tony stumbled into the kitchen the next day, body still sore from the beating it had taken the other day. He'd slept long and hard, having gone to bed around two when Steve had finally pushed him to it. Much to his disappointment, they hadn't shared the bed.

Then again, perhaps it was for the better. He had yet to have that talk with him.

"Good morning, Anthony!" Thor boomed, beaming at him from the table. He had a box of Pop-Tarts in front of him.

"Morning," Tony muttered, meandering to the coffee pot and turning it on. He fetched a mug. Glancing back at the box on the table, he asked, "Do you want the toaster? Those usually taste better warm."

"It is no trouble," Thor said. "I am waiting on what I am heating."

Looking over at the toaster, Tony noted with some alarm that it was crammed full with Pop-Tarts. He didn't touch it, but pulled out all the treats, which were smoldering black from having toasted so long.

"You don't toast them like that," Tony said, letting the ruined Pop-Tarts float in front of him.

Steve came in, took in the sight of Tony surrounded by floating Pop-Tarts, and grinned. "Am I missing something?"

"Just saving the kitchen from catching on fire," Tony said.

"Excellent, they are ready!" Thor snatched a Pop-Tart out of the air, taking a big bite of it before either Steve or Tony could protest.

Giving up, Tony rolled his eyes. "Fine. Eat them." He pulled out a plate with his right hand and stacked the breakfast goodies on them, floating the plate over to Thor.

In the meantime, the coffee pot was ready, and Tony poured himself a steaming mug of black coffee. One long draught later and he was instantly more awake.

His cognitive functions in better order now, Tony looked over to where Steve was rummaging through the fridge, coming out with a bottle of orange juice.

"Morning," Steve said, smiling as he came over to give Tony a kiss on the cheek.

"This is surprisingly domestic," Tony said, looking over to where Thor was still happily munching on Pop-Tarts.

Bruce wandered in at that moment, making a direct beeline to the pantry where the tea was stacked. "Something smells burned."

"Pop-Tarts," Tony and Steve said simultaneously.

"You're right," Steve noted, slinging an arm around Tony's shoulders.

The movement caught Bruce's eye, and he looked questioningly over at Tony, who subtly shook his head. Bruce made a small face in response, to which Tony responded with a quick flick of his fingers to signal "later".

"Something wrong?" Steve asked, catching the silent conversation.

"Nope." Tony took another long draught of his coffee, downing the rest of the hot drink in one go. He was about to snag another cup when JARVIS's dulcet British tones rang throughout the kitchen.

"Director Fury and Professor Xavier are currently outside, sir, and asking for entry."

Tony shot Steve a horrified look. "You didn't tell me Fury would be here!"

"He didn't tell me," Steve said, looking apologetic.

"You should answer that," Bruce said, giving Tony a raised eyebrow. He was putting together his usual morning cup of tea.

Acknowledging that Fury would break in if he waited too long, Tony escaped the kitchen just as Clint and Natasha walked in, looking remarkably put together for it being shortly before nine in the morning (they were either up insanely early, or insanely late – it depended). Steve was at his heels.

"Tell Fury I'll be right there," Tony said. "And that he's more than welcome to take a seat on the curb."

"Noted, sir."

Tony ignored Steve's vaguely disapproving air, instead concentrating on making it to the door.

When he opened it, it was to the sight of Fury and Charles Xavier standing (or sitting in the case of Charles) there. "Good morning, Professor. You"—he pointed at Fury—"can stay out here."

"Tony," Steve said, tugging him aside.

"Good morning, Mr. Stark," Charles said amiably, not at all offended that Tony had brushed off his companion. He moved his motorized wheelchair (outdated, Tony immediately noted) into the entryway.

"Good Lord, you make me sound like my father." Tony tried to shut the door before Fury could walk in, only to be held back by Steve. "Come on, Steve—"

Clint's voice suddenly rang through the mansion's speakers. "Tony, Steve, your daughter is misbehaving!"

Tony froze for a moment; Steve took the opportunity to shut the door behind Fury.

"Seriously," Clint continued, "she's not letting me cook! Thor's freaking her out! No, what are you doing? Stop playing that!"

Fury's eyes glanced back and forth between Steve and Tony. "Would you two mind telling me when you adopted a child?"

Steve blushed lightly. Even Tony, much to his chagrin, felt his cheeks warming slightly.

Charles was still remarkably composed. "Your daughter, Anthony?"

Thank goodness for JARVIS. "Sir, Peggy is asking for your assistance."

"You're welcome to follow," Tony said to Charles, "and you can just call me Tony. The only person who calls me Anthony is Thor, and I've given up on him calling me anything else."

"Captain Rogers," Fury said (and damn if his voice didn't sound like a thundercloud), "who the hell is Peggy? When did you and Stark adopt a child?"

"An artificial intelligence?" Charles asked, rolling behind Tony. Steve was walking by Fury.

"We didn't adopt anyone," Steve said.

No one said anything else as they approached the kitchen, partly because there was a loud rendition of Elvis Presley's Hound Dog playing in loud chirps and beeps, and partly because there was loud cursing and crashing.

Tony entered the kitchen just as Clint shouted, "Would you just shut up with that song?"

Peggy obligingly changed it to a strange mixture of the wedding march and The Star-Spangled Man, cheerfully greeting Tony and Steve.

"Stop abusing Peggy," Tony told Clint, moving aside a chair to make room for Charles. "What's the problem?"

"Hello, Professor," Bruce said, reaching over to shake Charles's hand. "I apologize for the disturbance."

"I wouldn't have a problem if you hadn't installed an AI into a stove!"

"I already told you, Barton, it was an accident. I was half-asleep!"

"Who installs an AI into a stove when they're half-asleep? It doesn't even like cooking!"

The kitchen was suddenly filled with the Darth Vader theme song.

"Amusing, Stark," Fury said, not seeming at all amused by Peggy's choice of song for him. "Shut it off."

Tony gave Fury an unimpressed look that told him he was only doing this because he wanted to and not because Fury had told him to do it. He crouched down by Peggy. "I know Thor's here"—he was currently admiring Charles's horribly outdated wheelchair—"but do you think you can keep it down? He's not going to touch you, and I know Clint's horribly crabby until he can get some food in him. I'll be right here, too, the whole entire time."

Peggy remained silent for a long moment, and Tony could practically hear the gears turning. When she finally turned the gas on, it was with a peevish chirp that told Tony it was only because he was there.

JARVIS confirmed it. "She wishes for me to inform you that it is only under Captain Rogers or you that she will work."

Clint opened his mouth, probably to say something sarcastic about Peggy being soft on her "parents", but shut it upon catching a glimpse of Tony's threatening face.

Straightening out, Tony moved over to the table, taking the seat next to Steve. Natasha, Bruce, and Thor were also still there.

"Now that we're all accounted for," Fury said, impassively ignoring Peggy's slow rendition of the Darth Vader theme song, "we can get started. I assume you all know Charles Xavier, founder of Xavier Institute. Professor Xavier, these are the Avengers. Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Thor Odinson, Doctor Bruce Banner, Captain Steve Rogers, and Tony Stark."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Charles said, eyes landing on each of the Avengers in turn.

"I'd say the same," Tony said, "but you brought Fury so I'll refrain."

Charles had a rather strange look on his face, a bit like he was trying to figure something out. His eyes flickered from each of the Avengers in turn before returning to Tony, lingering on him.

"I understand that you have a great many secrets," Charles said, "but rest assured that I will not reveal any of them. There is no need to try and obscure your mind."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "I knew you were a telepath when you came in, Professor. If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have let you in. I'd have told Fury to find someone else."

Charles's eyes were piercing. "Interesting. You are sure your sole power is telekinesis?"

The plate in front of Thor, Natasha's mug, Bruce's cup of tea, and the coffee pot began levitating off the table. "Pretty sure." Tony set the objects back down, ignoring the way Natasha's hands protectively curled around the mug and the evil eye she shot his direction. "Unless you see something else?"

"Your mind is strangely difficult to read," Charles mused.

"Can you read mine?" Clint asked, finishing up his cooking. He sat down at the table a few seconds later, a heaping plate of eggs and bacon in front of him.

"Yes. As I can read Thor's," Charles added, nodding towards the god.

"But you can't read Tony's." Clint raised an eyebrow in Tony's direction. "Guess we know where you went wrong."

"You are this close to getting eggs in your face, Barton." Tony turned his attention back to Charles. "What am I thinking right now?"

Charles studied Tony for a moment. "Eggs…Captain Rogers…and a cell phone?"

It was bare bones, but it was essentially what Tony's thoughts were consisting of. At one level was the threat he'd just leveled against Clint. On another was the persistent problem of what to do with Steve. And on the last was the cell phone he currently had brewing down in the shop; it was the latest model of the StarkPhone.

"Is that all?" Tony focused his attention on the designs for the older model of the StarkPhone. "How about now?"

Charles's lips quirked. "That is an interesting design for a phone. And it is the clearest your mind has been since I entered. Yet I still catch drifts of Captain Rogers, and something to do with arrows."

Tony returned his primary focus on the conversation, grinning slightly. "So when I say that I can work and listen in on the meeting," he said, looking at Fury, "I actually mean it."

"Those arrows are rather ingenious," Charles commented, apparently reading Tony's newest design for Clint's arrows.

Clint perked up. "Really?"

"They're experimental, and more likely to explode in your quiver than in the air at the moment," Tony told him. "So hands off, unless you want me to build you a robotic arm."

This is where the author promptly said "Screw it, I'm starting over," because there was no salvaging the scene. It was no longer like watching a train wreck about to happen; the train wreck had already occurred and exploded on the tracks.