A/N: First of all, thank you for deciding to read this unreasonably long titled fic. And yes, it's another diary one. But despite what the title says, the diary is not magic nor does it spew rainbows and happiness. In fact, the inner workings of Sora's mind are so cute and innocent, it may disturb you enough to induce vomiting and suicidal thoughts or actions. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my creativity and Mr. Whiskers :)
4/25/2012
HI!
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! It's my BIRTHDAY! Yay! And my awesome friend Naminé got me this super awesome diary! DOUBLE YAY! When I got it though, it was a deep blue, which was nice I guess, but I just had to make it even better. So, I got some feathers, pink paint and some glitter and now it's GLITTER-TASTIC! Seriously, it looks like a beautiful unicorn barfed it's magical bile all over it! Hehe, now it matches my bedroom!
Also, Riku gave me this huge package of Sharpies. I don't really like Sharpies but I REALLY like Riku, so I'm using them to write in my new diary and now my diary smells AWESOME! I am feeling a little light headed though…
Ok… so I just passed out and when I looked at the clock I realized it was almost six o'clock! It was like, 1 when I was last conscious! Oh no, I think someone's out to get me! They knocked me out on my birthday; I'll bet they thought they killed me! But why would someone wanna hurt me? My mommy is always saying how sweet, cute, fun, and nice I am. Then again, she also mentions how loud and hyperactive I am and how I need to 'sit still' and 'keep quiet' and 'stop freaking out the cat'.
Speaking of the cat, Mr. Whiskers, he was really mean to me this morning. He was clawing at my ankles and hissing at me for no reason! All I did was come downstairs this morning and scream for a few minutes when I saw my friends and birthday presents in the living room. Also, I beat the poo out of this big scary orange caterpillar. It was the same length as Mr. Whiskers' tail. And the same color. Weird.
Gasp! Maybe it was Mr. Whiskers that tried to kill me! But how could he? He's just a cat. Double gasp! What if my mommy was his accomplice! I did kind of have an accident on her carpet from being so surprised this morning… but that's not my fault! My emotions control everything about me, including my bladder!
OK, so I just got back from interrogating my mommy and this is what it was like:
SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: How could you, mommy? I thought you loved me! Was I not good enough for you? What's wrong with me?
Axel: What the heck are you talking about?
SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: oh, sorry Axel, I thought you were my mommy.
Axel: What the- (punches me in the face)
SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Owie! Axie, why'd you do that?
Axel: One, don't call me Axie and two, YOU JUST SAID I LOOKED LIKE YOUR MOTHER!
SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: No, I said I thought you were my mommy.
Axel: They mean the SAME THING! Tch, just get away from me.
SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Okie-Dokie, bye bye Axie!
Ok, so I wasn't exactly interrogating my mom. Turns out, she wasn't even there at the time! She was out buying me a CAKE! I LOVE CAKE! Ooh, I hope it's chocolate! Or strawberry! Or vanilla! Or marble! Or red velvet! Or some other flavor! I just hope she gets back QUICK!
Gasp! What if she poisoned the cake in another attempt to murder me! I need someone to protect me! So, I just told everyone at my party and they agreed to help me!
Alright, now my brother Roxas is reading over my shoulder and is telling me that I should write down what they actually said.
Axel: If that's the case, I wish your mom luck. Now get away from me before I punch you again.
Roxas: (facepalms) How could I be related to someone as dumb as you? Just go play with some crayons or something.
Demyx: (Didn't hear me, he was too busy beating Kairi at Guitar Hero)
Kairi: (Couldn't hear me, she was too busy failing miserably at Guitar Hero)
Zexion: Sora, I don't think you're being completely rational about this…
Riku: Dude, your mom wouldn't do that too you. I think you need to lie down; All the apple juice is going to your head.
Now Roxas is scolding me for saying they would help when they said they wouldn't. And now he's scolding me for writing down everything that happens as it happens. Ok, he just facepalmed again and now he's walking away with his head bowed. He must be admiring his shoes. They are really nice shoes…
So, it turned out my mommy wasn't trying to kill me after all. After a bit of a performance with the cake (Me: ADMIT YOU POISONED IT OR ELSE! Mom: Sora, we all already tried some of the cake and we're fine. Now get that baseball bat away from Zexion!) I had some cake and realized it wasn't poisoned after all. And I also realized that Sharpies mess with your brain if you smell them and that's why I passed out; Because the scent of the Sharpies beat up my brain and made it make me go to sleep!
Lesson learned: Don't sniff Sharpies. And don't tell Axel he looks like your mom, even if your mom's really pretty.
A/N: So how was that? Birthday murder mystery… Or just a stupid melodramatic kid and a pack of toxic markers. Whichever you prefer.
Good? Bad? Moderately disturbing? Tell me in a review! Or else Sora takes a Sharpie to the face O.o