A/N: First of all, profuse apologies for the frankly unconscionable length of time since the last update. You know how it goes, real life intruded, as did a succession of minor health issues which were time consuming to get under control followed by a total loss of motivation and before you know it it's been a couple of years since you last wrote anything. Anyway, I promised I would never leave a story unfinished and I meant it so here it is at last, the newest chapter. And I promise the next one won't take as long to arrive.

Charles didn't stop shaking the whole way home. He tried to tell himself he was just coming down with the flu, it'd been going around, he was bound to catch it eventually, but the truth was his nerves were completely shot and he knew it. He'd spent so many years hiding that shameful part of himself from the world, denying it even to himself and it had been easy because there'd never been any real temptation, no one who posed any kind of threat. Until Erik.

Damn Erik Lehnsherr. Erik who took his breath away every time he saw him, Erik who sent shivers down his spine every time he opened his mouth, Erik who made him weak, made him want, made him ache. Erik who terrified him beyond belief, Erik who he knew without a doubt was going to bring his carefully constructed life crashing down around him. Erik who in spite of himself he was falling in love with. Damn him. Damn damn damn.

Stumbling through the front door of the home he shared with his sister Charles tossed his jacket lazily and untidily across the chair in the hallway, and headed into the lounge where he made straight for the drinks cabinet, not even noticing Raven and Hank smooching on the couch.

"Well good evening to you too Charles." Raven said, disentangling herself from her sweetheart and watching her brother pour himself a glass of something she knew would make him grimace.

Charles grunted non-commitally, gulping down his drink in one go and screwing up his face before pouring another.

"Hank honey, would you mind?" Raven asked, turning to her beau.

Hank smiled up at her briefly and rose to his feet.

"Sure baby, no problem. I should probably hit the pavement soon anyway, before Mrs G locks me out of the house again." Raven giggled softly, it wouldn't be the first time Hank's landlady had locked him out of the rooming house for missing her strict curfew and it probably wouldn't be the last. He bent to kiss her cheek then left, offering Charles a goodbye on his way out which went ignored.

"Kinda hoped you'd be out a little longer. Another couple of hours at least." She said, smoothing out her dress with her hands.

"Don't talk to me, I hate you." Charles growled, swallowing down his second whiskey and making another face.

"Hey! What did I do?"

Charles rounded on her angrily, his eyes blazing, and spat.

"You encouraged him."

"Oh." She said simply, unfazed by his show of temper. She'd seen it plenty of times before and she understood he was scared and upset rather than angry just as she understood it was her tendency to interfere which usually caused it. "Yes, I did and I'm not sorry."

At that, Charles put down his glass and looked at his sister properly.

"Why? Why would you do that? How could you do that to me? You know how I feel about..."

"I know how you feel about Erik." She interrupted. "You're crazy about him. It's written all over you."

"What? No. No no no." Panic set in almost immediately, his breath was coming in short erratic bursts and his eyes were wide like saucers. Charles was about ready to flip and Raven could see it clear as day. Quickly she strode across the room, took his clenched hands in hers and lead him back to the couch. "I don't, I'm not, I..."

"Relax, breathe." She said softly, stroking her thumb across his knuckles, calming him just a little. "I'm your sister remember, I know you better than anyone, I'm the only one who sees, I promise. Well, except Hank but you already know he feels the same way I do about all of that. He won't give you away."

Gradually, Charles' breathing began to return to normal but the panic was far from over.

"No." He repeated.

"It's okay, Erik's crazy about you too. He as good as told me."

"Well I don't want him to be crazy about me. I don't want him to feel anything at all about me."

"Why ever not?"

"Why do you think?"

Raven sighed. They'd had this conversation so many times over the years and it always ended the same way but that didn't mean she was going to stop trying.

"Look Charles, I know how scared you are and I'm willing to bet Erik's just as scared as you are but it's not fair that you have to be alone, you deserve to have someone who can make you happy. Who cares if that someone is another man?"

"I care." Charles said miserably . "And the law cares. Sadly the law isn't inclined to be as accepting or as forgiving of two men together as you and Hank. I can't go to jail Raven and I can't be the reason someone else does either."

Raven let go of her brother's hands and raised her own to his face, cupping his cheeks and giving him a sympathetic look. Oh how Charles hated that look.

"Charles honey. You're not Michael, you know that."

"Of course I know that." He bristled, pulling her hand away from his face. He was angry that she would even suggest otherwise. "And so do you so don't even..."

And that's when it hit her, the thing that Charles was really afraid of.

"Hey." She said with a gentle, knowing smile. "Erik Isn't Michael either."

"Bourbon. Neat." Erik said, not bothering to look up from his spot at the bar. He listened for the thud of the glass and the chinking of the bottle neck against it then said... "Leave the bottle."

"Girl trouble?" The bartender asked as he set the bottle down beside the glass.

Erik bit back the humourless laugh that formed in his throat.

"I'm really not in the mood for chit chat." He said instead as he dragged the glass and the bottle closer to him.

"Suit yourself buddy." The bartender shrugged his shoulders and walked to the other end of the bar where a serious drunk was demanding attention. Erik downed his drink in two large gulps, poured himself another and downed that one too. The third he just stared at.

"Dammit Lehnsherr, what are you doing to yourself." He mumbled under his breath and pushed the glass aside. Drinking himself into a stupor over Charles Xavier was not the smartest thing he could be doing right now but he was at a loss as to what else he could do. The guy wouldn't even give him the time of day.

Be patient. His sister had said. Be persistent. Raven sure seemed to think her brother was interested but all he got from his interactions with Charles was Stay the Hell away from me.

Still, it didn't seem to be lack of interest that had Charles keeping him at arms length, the guy was scared out of his own skin. Erik guessed he couldn't blame him, he was scared himself and just like Charles there had been a time when he'd tried to deny that part of himself but then the war had come and Erik had gotten more than his fill of fear and hatred and persecution. In 45 his unit had helped liberate a camp around twenty miles south of Ingolstad. After listening to the stories the survivors told and learning about the coloured triangles they wore he made a vow to himself to stop being afraid of what he was. If they could survive the horrors of the camps, he could certainly survive much less.

Charles had not had the same experience. Charles had had his own experiences, ones that Erik knew nothing about, experiences that had shaped him, made him the way he was today. Erik understood that, and he respected it. But Charles was so terribly unhappy and watching the man tear himself apart with fear and shame and who knew what else was killing him. A part of him wondered if maybe it would be better for both of them if he gave up and walked away but deep down he knew he couldn't do that, not yet, not until he'd told Charles that he... that he was in love with him.

Reviews appreciated