Warnings: RDJude's Holmes & Watson. Kind of "A Game of Shadows" spoiler.

Pairing: S. Holmes / J. Watson

Rate: K+ (Slashy)

Disclaimer: Sadly not mine.

Notes: I'm not a native speaker and this is a (very personal) first attempt to write something in English. For some reason I believe Shelock Holmes MUST be always writen in that language. (Maybe that's because I can imagine the sexy accent, I don't know.) Anyway, this was not betad so if you find something weird or plainly wrong, please let me know and I'll fix it ASAP. Sorry if it's a little OOC. Hope you enjoy it!

To my dear Mey.

I hope your dreams about this lady bring you the happiness you deserve.

I am glad that I could help you in anyway. I wish we could share more moments like the ones we have had, even thought I cannot fullfill your life the way you do to mine.

I am sure now that I am not capable to love anymore. You are the closest thing I have to a lover since my heart was frozen. That is why I grab you with all my strenght, to try to feel anything similar to that heat again. And that is why I am ill now, because I have spent all my force trying to keep you only for myself. You belong to noone but yourself, and to everyone at the same time. You are your own master and you choose your own paths and companions. I was presumptuous to assume I could be idolized by you (as I was once by others of smaller minds and spirits) by just offering you some mild assistance, since you are so strong yourself and possess the most intense toughts. You are independant and need to live your life by yourself. I have got ill because I was selfish. It is the punishment I deserve.

I know I must not ask for forgiveness since I have done so much for you, but I cannot help feeling I should. Now I am being selfish again telling you about my feelings and probably hurting you because you cannot return them. However, you must not feel guilty. You are just you, the charming doctor everyone falls in love to. I am sorry that I was not strong enough to keep that feeling safe within myself.

And yet, we both know I am not in love with you. I feel the passion, I feel the racing heart, I feel the burn in my stomach and anyone can see my eyes glittering and my voice highing when I speak about you. But it was a soft friedship love that I have fed with fantasies and eventualy grown up to become this creature I cannot control anymore. I am not in love, I am bewitched by my own child I bred for you.

But I am so happy with this that I cannot let it go. I am chained to you through it now. If I try to break it, I am afraid to loose you. And that is something I will not allow.

I keep the chain loose so you can come and go as you wish. It hurts a bit, but I will never break it. I am attached to you and I could never let you go now.

I also keep dreaming of the day we will belong to each other and no one else. When the chain will be so short that you will have no choice but to hold hands with me and stay like that. That is never going to happen, but the impossible had never stopped me from dreaming.

Until that, I hope you know that no one ever cared about you the way I do. I am selfish, caring about you just because I want you to be happy so I can be happy for you, but that does not matter. The point is that I will do anything I can to make you happy, I will run for you when you call me and I will always be waiting for you to come back.

It is not agape because I cannot feel this way for anyone else. It is something entirely different, and in my dreams we live our lives as friends and lovers and more. Just the way we already do, but we spend all the time together and we know it is forever.

Although I know we cannot stay together all the time, I hope from the still warm core of my frozen heart that what we have today lasts forever.

I will keep the tea warm for you, my dearest friend.

Love,

S. Holmes