wow! Three years, I have no excuses. Is anyone still following this story? I have been reconnecting with my writing the past few days and thought I should try to continue or at least finish this one. I appreciate any feedback, views, followers, and favorites. I love constructive criticism!

When you open up your mouth to speak, could you be a little weak?

It hadn't taken her long to leave Ms. Pillsbury's office, not bothering to turn to see if they were still watching her as the door slammed shut, the sound forcing a flinch out of her back. She'd returned to math class and taken her seat in a daze, ignoring the stares at her puffy, red eyes, her shaking hands, the involuntary shudders that passed through her body. She'd taken her test, turned it in, and silently rose, exiting the classroom and into the empty hallway where she finally let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in and began to sob. She sank to the floor in a ball, drawing her knees to her chest as she cried bitterly into her hands. Rachel had never felt so lost in her entire life, even when she'd spent everyday being bullied, told to kill herself by anonymous trolls on the internet, slushied in the hallways by neanderthals who secretly tried to cop feels during mandatory assemblies, even when Blaine hit her or called her worthless. None of that felt like this. None of it.

She didn't know how long she'd been there before she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to find his kind, brown eyes looking down at her. He removed his hand from her shoulder to offer it to help her stand instead, which she brushed away. "You okay, Rach?"

Rachel forced herself to stand, swiping at her eyes angrily as she looked into his baby face, all her frustration coming through like daggers at him, because this was his fault and god, GOD, why had she told him? She had loved him, once, she'd fantasized about him and about being with him, about how his hands would feel on her skin, how unsure of himself he would be, clumsy and gentle just like everything else about him. The complete opposite of Blaine. But now? She felt nothing but anger.

"I would've been, Finn. I would've been just fine if you'd just left me the fuck alone! Why would you tell tell them? Why?"

"Rachel, I was just trying to help yo-"

She cut him off bitterly, a hollow laugh stuck in her throat. "Help me? Is that what you call this?" She saw him open his mouth to speak again and she held up a hand to cut him off, not even knowing what she was going to say before it fell from her lips and into his ears. "It doesn't matter, Finn. I lied to you. I lied." She was on a roll now, unsure of what she was saying, just knowing that it had to be believable, it had to be good, it had to make sense. "Blaine didn't do this. I don't know why I told you that. I guess I just thought it was more believable then what's actually happening to me. Maybe I wanted attention? Maybe I just wanted your attention." She looked at him pointedly, even as she felt nothing over the words she was saying, knowing it wasn't true and it was possibly the worst lie she'd ever come up with in her life. "I didn't think you'd go tell people. I thought you'd just," she shrugged for effect, "I dont know, pay more attention to me. Spend time with me."

He stared at her, his mouth was slightly open as if he wanted to argue, but then his brow furrowed. She could read it on his face as he processed it that she was right, he was buying it, her lie. A small fraction of regret flashed over her as she realized her out was going to slip away, but no. This was important. It was important that he buy this, her-her life depended on it. A small part of her had never considered the possibility of Blaine killing her, of him going too far, that far. But the far more rational part of her knew he could, and this? This could be the tipping point.

"What do you mean you lied to me?" Finn's voice was shaky, but he held her gaze unapologetically, daring her to continue to lie. "Where'd the bruises come from then? I'm not stupid Rach. We all know this isn't from some ballet accident. I told Sue because I thought she could help you, I didn't think..." He trailed off, helplessly. "Are you lying, Rachel? Why are you lying for him? This doesn't make any sense, we all thought it. You told me that he was hitting you, why would you lie about something so horrible?"

"I didn't think you'd go run your fat mouth about i." Rachel had found the strength in her voice, her words dripping with venom that was generally only reserved in Santana, and she stuck her chin out defiantly, staring him down. "I wanted you to like me again, Finn. You've been so wrapped up in Quinn and I just...I wanted you to see me again. It was stupid and selfish, but the truth is that I really am clumsy. I just took advantage of the attention because I need it, I need people to like me, and I felt like I was losing you. Blaine wouldn't ever raise a hand to anyone, much less me. I just thought once everyone started whispering about it that I could make you all like me again. I mean, no one really thought Blaine would do that, right?"

She knew she had him the second her words fell from her lips. Anger was in his eyes now, seething anger she could recognize from anywhere now except she wasn't afraid of Finn. Finn would never hit her. Again, a flash of regret coursed through her body but it was too late to take it all back. "That's disgusting, Rachel. That's the most fucked up thing I have ever heard, you-you disgust me. I can't believe I went out on a limb for you! I can't believe that I convinced myself that Blaine is...that he's like that and you..you just..." he was stumbling all over his words, but he couldn't reach the conclusion he wanted and so he pushed himself away from her, shrugging his backpack over his shoulder and turning without another word.

Relief flooded her body, but so did sadness. It had to be done. It had to be done, she thought, squaring her shoulders. Despite all of the emotions that were tearing her up inside, what she really felt was...good. Giddy even. Although it was all a lie, one terrible lie, it was exactly how the old Rachel had been. The old Rachel would've done fucked up, awful things for Finn. And she had, she remembered the way she used manipulate him, the things she did to the other Glee Club members in order to get ahead, to take solos, to wreck their confidence so she could shine more brightly. The old Rachel was upfront about herself, she knew who she was and she didn't apologize for it. In a way, lying to Finn had felt like digging her up, from beyond the metaphorical grave where Blaine had buried her. It had been a really long time since she had stood up to anyone and she felt...happy. A rush of adrenaline spiked through her, and she was unaware of the bell ringing and the hallways flooding with students. Unaware of Blaine until his arm had wrapped around her and started guiding her forward towards towards the show choir room. He was speaking, but she didn't hear anything, just a dull buzzing in her head as all her thoughts flooded together and the smile stayed ghosted on her lips. She didn't see anything, not Coach Sue standing by the lockers with folded arms, watching her with hawk eyes and a frown on her face.

"Rachel? Hello? Earth to Rachel?" She had felt him shake her and finally snapped out of her reverie, looking at him in confusion as it dawned on her that she hadn't paid attention to not even one word of what he had said before. "What is going on with you? Why's Coach Sylvester looking at you like that?" She could feel the tension in his body, but she didn't even care. She felt so free, so weightless that nothing could hurt her, nothing could bring her down.

"Who knows, and who cares, right?" Her voice sounded strange, light and airy and so much like the old Rachel that even Blaine seemed surprised by it. Emboldened, she had shrugged his arm off her shoulder and instead grabbed his hand, lacing his fingers through hers "My math test went awesome, she probably thinks I cheated or something. Come on, I have a song for Glee and I don't want to be late."

Strong inside but you don't know it, good little girls they never show it.