Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater or Beauty and the Beast. But you already knew that.

So here be the scoop: Soul and Maka are telling the story of Beauty and the Beast to a middle school class. "Why middle school?" you ask, and I say "Because I said so." Any further questions may be stated in a review or private message. Thank you for your cooperation.

Now, as I'm positive that you all want to kill me, and I have no intention of filling my death wish out today, I will begin the story.

Maka is in normal font, Soul is in italics.

"Once upon a time-"

"Really, Maka? 'Once upon a time?' How uncool can you get. HERE'S how you do it. It was a dark and stormy night-"

"MAKA CHOP! Don't call me uncool again. Got it pretty boy? Good. Now, once upon a time, there was a very beautiful girl and every sane man wished to marry her because she was so pretty. But there was one man who would kill to make her his. And his name was-"

"Steve."

"His name is not Steve."

"It is in my book."

"MAKA CHOP! DO NOT INTERRUPT ME! Now, continuing, the girl's father was a inventor and the girl-"

"Are you ever going to give the chick a name?"

"I'm getting there, now shut up. Anyway, Belle was being left home alone while her father went to a inventor's convention. After a while, when her father didn't come home when he said he would, Belle went out to search for him. She found him in a abandoned castle, and went in to rescue him. After a minute, Belle felt something breathing down her back. She turned around and saw a monster behind her."

"It was her own fault you know. Children, let this be a warning, anyone who walks into an abandoned castle alone deserves to be eaten by Mr. Beastly over there. So do not, under any circumstances, drink and drive."

"What the- You know what, never mind. Anyway, Belle avoided being eaten when she agreed to take her father's place as the beast's prisoner."

"Bet you wouldn't do that for your dad."

"I wouldn't now will you shut up and let me finish? I am, after all, the only one here who actually KNOWS the story."

"No, I will not shut up. And I happen to know the story of Beauty and the Beast thank you very much."

"You are so lucky that I don't Maka Chop you to New York and back. Anywho-"

"Did you really just say something that nerdy? Anywho? That's like the nerdiest of all nerdy words."

"Breathe Maka, breathe. Soul stills need SOME brain cells. Right, Belle befriended the household objects which could talk. They were always nice to her, as Beast was never around much. Then, one night, out of the blue, Beast invited Belle to dinner. Granted, he had to drag her kicking, screaming, clawing, and biting to the dining hall, but she still went. This went on for a while, and eventually Belle began to like Beast."

"Idiot. Don't you know that if you fall in love with Mr. Beastly that your going to end up dead at the bottom of a lake?"

"Soul! There are children here."

"And I don't give a crap. They can go cry to their mommies later."

"Soul! Oh who am I kidding, he's a lost cause."

"I heard that!"

"I'm sure you did. Now, moving on, one night Steve and his groupies figured out where Belle was, and went out to kill Beast."

"They succeeded, and Steve and Belle lived together until one night Belle caught the bastard cheating on her with the kitchen maid."

"First off, ew. Second, THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED YOU JERK! Anyway, Steve ended up falling off the castle roof, and Beast's spell that made him a beast was broken when Belle told him that she loved him."

"Interesting turn of events now. Steve came and haunted Belle for the rest of her and Beast's short time together, and eventually drove the chick so insane that she threw herself off a cliff. The end."

"SOUL! Great, now you've done it. Wait, who gave that kid a knife? Help me out here Soul. Soul? Oh thanks for leaving me here you idiot. You are SO going to get it when we get home..."

"I'm sure, now are you coming or what tiny-tits."

"What? But you weren't here a second ago..."

"That's right, I was too busy tackling that one kid over there with the spear. Honestly, what parent gives their kid a spear? A scythe would be a hell of a lot cooler."

"More importantly, what school lets armed children in?"

"Good question. Now, most importantly, let's get out here, I think that teachers pulling out her shotgun."

Ah yes, teachers with shotguns. Always a good conversation starter. I had an inexplicably fun time writing this. Does that mean I'm... a creeper. Eh, who cares. Now, on with the story! Wait, wrong author's note. Crap. Please excuse my short term memory. Please review!