As always, I own none of this... I just love it and can't stop the signal! ;)

"What is that noise?" Mall yelled at no one in particular, then punched a button on the com. "Kaylee!" The ship vibrated and lurched slightly.

"Yes Cap'in?" Her voice sounded thin and tinny coming from the small speaker of the com.

"What are you doin to my gorram ship?" He fought to keep from yelling again.

"It's not her..." River murmured from the navigation console where Wash was showing her how to pilot Serenity.

"What?" He glanced at her and she scrunched up her nose as if she scented something foul... or her brother's cooking.

"S'not me, Cap'in!" Kaylee echoed River.

"What do you mean, it's not you?" His voice was rising, indicating his rising level of alarm.

"It's not her, Captain." River said again, more forcefully.

"Then, who is making my ship make that noise?" He barked at the slight girl.

"It's not your ship."

"It sure IS my gorram ship!"

"No," River shook her head at his thickness. How could he not know? "The sound is not coming from Serenity."

"What?" Mal was completely perplexed. "What is it coming from?"

"Sexy." River reached up, flipped the auto-pilot switches and stood in anticipation of his next question.

"What? Sexy?" He followed the spooky child out of the cockpit.

They walked down the aging metal corridor, taking a sharp turn toward the passenger cabins then across the catwalk and down the stairs to the floor of the cargo bay. Mal halted in his tracks as they turned around to face the hollow under the catwalk.

There, under the metal grating, sitting all unassuming like it belonged there, was a bright blue crate with a light on top. River walked right up to it and patted it like a child.

"Hello, Sexy." She cooed at it, beaming her brightest smile. "Yes, I'm River. Nice to meet you too!"

Mal continued to stare at the crate. It held him riveted as people began to filter in from far corners of the ship.

"Jayne!" He yelled into the empty space next to him, without taking his eyes from the blue crate.

"Yeah, Boss!" Jayne answered from the catwalk right above the box.

"Did you load that?" He pointed and Jayne leaned over the rail to look.

"Nuh-uh!" He grunted, "Not me."

The crew were muttering to each other, speculating on the origin of the big crate, but all noise dropped off when the front of the crate cracked open. A head with a mop of brown curls popped out of the door, supported by a scrawny neck, and looked around the bay then swiveled to look all the way up at the catwalk.

"Oh," The man said, brightly. "Well, this isn't Saigon... hmmm..." He stepped out of the box and turned his back on them to look at it. He turned back around as he heard the clicks of guns cocking and the whine of plasma warming up. "Oh..." he said again, frowning.

"Ya mind tellin me what yer doin on my ship?" Mal growled at the skinny man.

"Not at all!" The man beamed at the barrel of Mal's gun. "As soon as I find out, I'll tell you!"

Everyone turned at the tinkling sound of River's laughter. She was sitting, cross-legged, beside the box, chatting at it and patting it's side panel.

"River! Come away from there, girl." Mal ordered, but she ignored him. "Simon! Git yer gorram sister away from there." He demanded.

The dark-clad doctor scampered around behind Mal and dove in to stand River up, but she batted his hands away.

"No, Simon." She scolded him, "Don't interrupt. It's rude."

The skinny man frowned slightly as River went back to her conversation with the side of his box. "Hmm... I suppose they have a lot to talk about." He swiveled his head back to Mal and stuck out his hand. "I'm the Doctor."

"I don't like doctors, Mal." Jayne growled and glowered at Simon.

"We already got ourselves a doctor." Mal told the skinny man. "Who's brought us a world of brightness and joy to lighten the universe of hurt he dumped on us when he made his sister a stow away on this very ship. I'm Malcolm Reynolds and this here's my boat. Mind tellin me why I shouldn't shoot you now for stowin away."

River chose that time to giggle again, her chime-like laughter cutting through the dense fog of suspicion that filled the cargo bay.

"Ah, yes..." The skinny man frowned again. "Not A doctor. The Doctor."

"Doctor, Who?" Simon asked.

"Precisely." River sighed.

"I'm sorry," Mal flicked his eyes to the girl, but only for half a moment. "What?"

"Breaks things to fix them." River twittered in her odd way, walking her fingers along the side of the blue crate.

"HEY!" The Doctor frowned harder at her, "Do not! Well, yes I suppose I do... but just things that are wrong... and things that are around the wrong things... and... Hey! That's rude; you know?" He pointed at her trying to redirect the conversation. "You shouldn't be digging around in other people's minds."

She looked at him in puzzlement. "Didn't. Can't." She stated simply and slapped the side of the box again. "Sexy told me."

"Did she?" He looked puzzled, as well, "Hmmm, well good for her."

Mal cleared his throat and the Doctor turned back to him. "Oh, yes. The shooting. Uhm..." He looked about him and noted that Malcolm Reynolds was not the only person holding a gun trained on him. He lifted the breast of his unbuttoned jacket away from his thin body revealing his belt. "I'm unarmed...?"

"Sounds like he don't know if he's got a gun, Cap." Jayne was practically drooling in his expectation of an execution.

"I haven't got a gun." The skinny man said. "I don't believe in them. My wife would like you." he jerked his head toward Jayne, who had come to stand on the other side of the captain from where Zoe had planted herself. Jayne curled his lip and looked to the captain.

"Let's just shoot him an be done with it." Jayne suggested.

"NO!" River screamed in a weird, two toned voice, her eyes lit with a strange glow. She pushed Simon out of her way and stalked to Jayne, shoving her finger in his face. "Nasty man! Never washes, lives dirty... Don't shoot my thief!"

"Shit, girl!" Jayne backed away from the small woman, face ashen. "Doc, I thought you said she was better!"

"Oh, dear." The Doctor said. He pulled a thin silver tube with a blue tip from his inner pocket and toggled it on. All guns re-trained on The Doctor as his tube started humming.

"NO! No, just a sonic screwdriver." He held it up for them to inspect. "Why do they never get that?"

"A what?" Kaylee asked, interest piqued.

"A screwdriver. It uses sonic pulses to manipulate... stuff." He pointed it toward River and the screwdriver's humming pitched higher. He adjusted a setting and the thing's humming turned into a warbling whistle. "AH! A psychic! Oh, that's better. But you should really come out of there before you hurt her."

River's face screwed up and she stuck her tongue out but the weird light in her eyes faded and she looked around her, a bit dismayed. She shrugged and stalked away toward the cockpit. She had better things to do.

The Doctor looked back at Mal. "Oh, come now, Captain!" he admonished, "You can't shoot an unarmed man!"

Mal made a quick decision. "Zoe, check him for arms."

The lithe woman holstered her gun and strode forward. She felt his jacket pockets first, pulling out a few things and tossing them to the floor. A small bottle of some auburn liquid, a yo-yo, a letter opener, a small wallet with a licence to breed cows on Persephone tucked in it. She moved onto his pants, feeling down his legs and around his socks, pulling out a few more things; a small roll of black tape, a skeleton key, a handkerchief wrapped around a softened granola bar. Tucked in his shirt pocket was a small sewing kit, a pencil and a few leaves of yellow paper.

"Nice suspenders..." Jayne quipped and the skinny man grinned.

"Yeah... Suspenders are cool."

"There's nothing harmful, Sir." Zoe confirmed.

"Alright, then." Mal adjusted his suspenders, "Let's take this conversation somewhere a bit more comfortable."

And so... This is in the same universe as "Death Dance" and "A Little Meddling Never Hurt". I seriously recomend reading those. In a less wibbly-wobbly order, this story comes first, then Death Dance, then Meddling