Duality

By: NausicaA

Disclaimer: Grimm is not mine and I have no legal rights to it…yet.

Author's Note: Second season of Grimm is coming August 13th, a Monday, because we've all agreed, one season is just not enough. I've been craving a more personal interaction between Monroe and Nick that delves into how Nick is affected by trying to maintain a balance between Cop and Grimm and how Monroe can relate. Hope you like!

Thank you so much to Hime-Miko-Love who did the beta work on this. It would have been much more nerve-wracking without you. ;)

Summary: Nick and Monroe have a meaningful conversation about the tribulations in walking the line between two conflicting identities. One-shot. No set time in the series, but probably sometime after Nick lets Rosalee's old flame go from Portland. Not slash, but definitely some Bromance going on.

It was a rare day that Nick didn't have to work. Lately though, cases had been fewer and the quietness had left many of the officers of the Portland P.D. with some extra time on their hands; even Captain Renard seemed equally restless, pacing back and forth in his office before burying himself in a pile of paperwork. He and Hank had carefully eyed the small stack of papers on each of their own desks with shared trepidation, before eventually digging in. It wasn't that Nick hated paperwork—okay, he did. Though clever, he was a man of action, sometimes to the point of rushing things. Not reckless; but definitely impulsive. It was something innate that made him both a good cop and an equally good Grimm.

After his shift ended, he gathered his things, slinging a blazer over his shoulder with his forefinger and headed out to his car. It was still mid-afternoon yet, and the day was bright and warm, making things pleasantly hazy as he drove home. In the past on a day like this, he would stop at the locally-owned coffee shop near the veterinarian clinic where Juliette worked and bring her something. Since the break-up, it had been a constant battle re-establishing a sense of normalcy in his life. Without a particular destination in mind, he had found himself pulling up to a familiar house.

"You're awfully quiet."

Nick looked up from the swirling blackness of the inside of his coffee mug to meet Monroe's inquisitive gaze. Lips quirking up slightly at the edges, he brought the hand holding the steaming mug carefully up to his mouth.

"Are you sure you don't want a latte instead?" Monroe asked wryly, taking a sip of his own drink.

"Naw, that's alright." He said, waving off the suggestion. "This is pretty good actually. Better than what I normally drink."

Monroe chuckled and leaned back into the couch. "That's because you drink that cheap crap. Dude, these are premium coffee beans all the way from Hawaii, and I even roasted them myself." It went without saying that Monroe, though often dressed in plaid shirts that reminded Nick of hunting gear, was a man of quality; more often than not he found himself stopping by in the mornings to get insight about the different Wesen he encountered on his cases.

He lifted an eyebrow and looked across the coffee table at Monroe, who suddenly seemed a touch too smug as he looked at him with sudden comprehension.

"Is that why you've been coming to my house before work lately? For my coffee? Seriously? I distinctly remember back before we were actually friends you never drank anything I handed you. You came, you asked a question, and then you left, leaving me with a still full cup. Always in a hurry…" he trailed off, seeming bemused.

Shrugging good naturedly, Nick replied lightly, "It's nice that you can admit that out loud to yourself now."

"What?"

"That we're friends."

It was Monroe's turn to shrug this time before getting up to go to the kitchen and pour himself another cup. "Yeah, well how could we not be with you bugging me every time you had a question that was Grimm related. I'll tell you, most of my buddies and I spend our time discussing stuff like, which Bond movie is the best, instead of who's who in the Wesen world. Speaking of man, Diamonds Are Forever, with Connery…out of the park!" The last part was said as he poked his head out into the living room, cream still in his hand and the mug in the other. "If you dare say Her Majesty's Secret Service, I might have to reconsider this friendship thing with you." It was said nonchalantly as he joined Nick back in the living room, but Nick heard the clear teasing in his tone and smiled.

"Well no, actually I'd have to say Live and Let Die was my favorite." He smirked as Monroe choked on the drink he had just taken. "Kidding. Moore made a pretty good Bond though."

Monroe quickly regained control of his breathing before clearing his throat. "Oh thank god, I was afraid for a second there that our first real discussion that didn't include Grimm affairs was going to be over before it even really began."

The silence that followed wasn't uncomfortable, exactly. It was, however, filled with hesitation that wasn't there previously.

"Actually, do you mind if—" he started, Monroe quickly interrupting him.

"Dude, no need to stand on ceremony at this point by asking if you can ask a question; just spit it out." He frowned.

His brown eyes took in Nick's posture for the first time since he'd arrived. It had started normally, showing up unannounced, walking in like he owned the place, beverage—all check; except the barrage of questions that typically followed was absent. Nick was…for lack of a better word, pensive. That worried him. Nick didn't do pensive. He acted according to his instincts, whatever they may lead to. It was one of his best qualities and the reason that things were changing in Portland for the better.

Nick drained the last of his cup, leaning forward to set it down and folding his hands. He took a brief moment to gather himself as Monroe watched him closely, not missing a thing; his eyes keenly observing every nuance of behavior.

"Is this about Juliette?" He asked cautiously. Women problems were not exactly his forte, but at the very least he could let Nick vent a little. There was more to being a friend than offering well-intentioned advice.

Nick shook his head slowly, seeming surprised. "No, don't worry, it's nothing like that. All things considered, we're both taking it pretty well. She's staying at her aunt's house in Boston right now." He shrugged. "We still talk a little."

"You're okay?"

"With her leaving? It's easier than I thought it would be. Too many secrets will do that to you though."

Monroe nodded reluctantly. "Honestly man? You know it's probably for the best. I don't wanna sound condescending, but there's a lot of people out there, most of them Wesen, whose new purpose in life is to take you down." He paused, considering for a minute. "If it's not that bothering you, what is?"

"How do you it?"

So not the question he'd been expecting…"come again?" Brilliant response. "How do I do what exactly?"

Looking like he'd suddenly been given a lead to a hard-to-crack investigation, Nick replied eagerly. "How do you be both? How do you balance both?"

Monroe was thrown for a loop. "I gotta tell you Nick, most of the time I'm totally on your wavelength, monitoring your frequency, on the same level, the whole shebang and sometimes it's freakin' awesome." His hands gestured as he spoke and he pointed his hands back towards himself. "But right now…I have no idea what you're talking about."

Frustration was etched in his friend's forehead and Monroe fought the urge to crack a joke. He knew he could make Nick smile; laugh even. He'd been doing it ever since they met, and it was a good thing, because both their lives were stressful enough.

"You said it's because you have a strict regimen, diet and Pilates, right?"

"Yeah." Was this going somewhere?

"That's how you stay good." It was said matter-of-factly as Nick struggled to word his next question right. Monroe stared, deadpanned.

"Yeah."

"Otherwise things go bad."

"Well, yeah, I mean—sure. I haven't messed up in a long time though, that's just not me anymore, not the Blutbad who wakes up at five in the morning with blood on his face, no siree!" He shook his head enthusiastically, looking directly at Nick who let out soft laugh.

"No, I know you're not. I'm not exactly proud of who I used to be either." He sighed and seemed to stare off into nothing before Monroe prodded him with a circling hand to continue.

His grey eyes met brown as he looked at the man, the Blutbad, turned best friend and confidant. "I'm a cop and a Grimm. Until last week, I thought I knew what it meant to be both." He watched as understanding descended upon his friend as he continued to speak. "I'm not a killer, I deal justice, but that usually involves arresting and taking a person to where they can have a fair trial. I am not the judge and executioner." His voice rose, pitch changing. "I thought I had this, until I was forced to choose."

Softly, Monroe asked the question that hung in the air. "What did you choose?"

Nick suddenly looked furious. "When it came right down to it? I chose the Grimm. The Grimm! And I'm angry at myself because I'd do it again, because it wasn't for me, it was to protect the people I care about."

"You're talking about Ian." It wasn't a question.

"I know what would have happened. That's why I did what I did, I chose Monroe, I chose to let him go. I never would have done that as a cop after he killed Waltz. That was it. Don't you get it? That was the turning point, the proverbial line that was crossed and I would do it again."

Monroe leaned forward, stretching over the coffee table between them and grabbed Nick's shoulder with one hand. "Listen to me Nick, you saved our lives. Rosalee and I would be as good as dead if you hadn't."

"I know that! But now things have changed. When I dealt with Grimm work it was always questions first, shoot later, give them a chance to prove themselves and show them that not every Grimm is a killer to be feared and hated. I approached it all like a cop. When it came right down to making a decision, it was that side of me that had the final say, that arrested the guilty and took them to prison, it didn't always matter why, it just mattered if they committed a crime. I turned my back on that."

Shaking him hard once, he got Nick to look at him from where he'd hung his head between them.

"It felt like a war was raging inside you." It was said simply, knowingly even. It also got the far-away look on Nick's face to fade as he focused in on the words.

Monroe bent closer watching his face carefully for acknowledgment. He continued after a moment, satisfied. "It was ripping and confusing, like everything you thought you knew suddenly wasn't true, and the duality of who you are and who you can be made itself known."

Surprise entered Nick's eyes, but Monroe continued not wanting to let the situation lie for any longer than it had been. "Everyone has it Nick. Humans, Wesen, and Grimm. We just have it stronger, because there's a hell of a lot more in opposition, but we all have something to lose. It's why I've chosen the lifestyle I have now, it's probably why most Grimms choose the easy road." Nick watched him intently, listening to everything he said with an intensity that reminded Monroe his friend proved to be a walking impossibility to most Wesen.

Nick still had the lost look on his face, so he placed his other hand on the shoulder that was free. "I'm only gonna say this once man and we're done with it, okay? You are not that kind of Grimm and you aren't gonna be, not by a long shot. And just because you let your Grimm side have a final say for once doesn't mean you've gone back on being a cop. Hell, you're doing a lot better than most people out there, even me! Not that I would hurt anyone," he quickly rushed to reassure.

"I know."

"But you get me, right?"

"I get you."

"Good. Otherwise, I'd have to beat it into you, and we both know I can still take you by surprise." Monroe said, his hand giving Nick's cheek a light smack before pulling away with a smirk.

"Maybe," Nick returned with a sheepish smile, "but we both know who has the better aim."

Monroe stood up to clear the dishes and took them into the kitchen. "Sounds like a challenge. You want to do some training tonight then?" He asked loudly as he ran the tap water in the sink.

"In the dark? You realize that gives you every advantage over me, right?" Nick called back, getting up to join his friend in the kitchen, moving to take out the coffee filter and toss it into the trash.

"Dude, that's the point. Besides, don't you want to hone your skills or something like that?"

Nick tucked his bottom lip in considering. "Hmm. I think you just want an excuse to go running through the woods." He joked as Monroe turned to glare at him.

"You're hilarious." He said impassively, throwing a dishtowel over his left shoulder.

"Monroe?" Nick questioned, leaning back against the marble counter.

"What is it Nick?" Fond exasperation laced every word.

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. You've been through more in a few months than what most people have to go through in a lifetime. I'd be more worried if you didn't care at all."

"All the same…thank you."

Monroe looked at him with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "You know," he mused, smirking suddenly, "my Pilates does wonders for me. If you're really concerned, maybe you should take up yoga just be safe."

"Bite me."

"I'd really rather not."

A/N: Just read an article about the season 2 and it's heavily implied that Nick is the one who is going to be hunted more than him just finding bad guys; I think it'll be exciting. Hope the banter wasn't too boring for those who aren't old James Bond movie fans. It's not really my generation, but I grew up watching them. Honestly, I'm a big fan of Live and Let Die, but I had to include that part about it when at least four different people I asked told me it was their least favorite one. And truly, Moore and Connery are an absolute tie for me.