Chapter 4

by

tuille

disclaimer: not mine, sawwie

long wait, i know! so sorry! but now one degree's under my belt and i'm onto another - city moving and everything was hectic but now i'm settled so expect chapters to be cranked out.

i didn't manage to reply to reviews before i uploaded this, but i figured you'd be more eager for a new chapter rather than a thank you note, so i'll put one here; thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone for reading and supporting this story, despite the sporadic updates which will be less sporadic now that everything's in order... probably. :p

enjoy!

Rin breathed in deeply as the doctor held the cold metal to her chest, allowing him to hear her heartbeat.

"It's quite faint," he noted to his scribe, taking Rin's hand and counting the pulse to his watch. "Have you had any fainting episodes recently?" He asked, looking at the young princess.

"No sir," she replied, watching her father's tense expression during the check-up.

"Anything out of the ordinary?" The doctor questioned, "Perhaps a change in appetite? Your strength?"

"I..." she hesitated, "Yes. I feel weaker, and I, I've coughed blood recently."

The Lord of the East's hold on her small hand tightened, "She'll be fine though, won't she?" He interjected, "She just, she just needs stronger medicine?"

The doctor pursed his lips, "Her sickness I'm afraid, is moving faster through her body than I thought previously. At this rate, if we don't do anything to stop it, she may live only longer than another year."

The Lord was gutted by his response, "A year! A year! You are supposed to be the best doctor in the country. Why haven't you cured her by now?"

"Father," Rin pleaded, tugging on his sleeve, "Please, please don't..."

He cursed, frustrated, "Rin," he looked at his daughter, her eyes full of worry. "I'm sorry." He kissed her forehead, "I'm sorry, I know you don't like it when I lose my temper." He smiled fondly, "Just like your mother." The Lord turned to the doctor, "Please, doctor, is there anything you can do to help her?"

He nodded, "I may have something. If you'll excuse me, I need to speak to my apothecary for a moment to perhaps find a new medicine." He bowed deeply before exiting the room.

Rin's eyes watered at the doctor's words, solemnly looking to her father. His face was haggard, his grief evident in his gaze. A year, she thought, she only had a year left now to live.

"Papa," she called his name, "I don't wish to die," she whispered, tears clouding her vision.

The Lord pulled his youngest daughter into his arms, "You won't. We'll cure you. I'll go to the ends of the earth myself to find you a cure."

She sniffed, smiling at his words. She was touched by his love, knowing that her father was not one to become so easily emotional. "Oh papa, I'll miss you the most." Her laugh though, that was once so bright and happy, was dampened by her sadness. "Especially your hugs."

"Rin," he cried, his own eyes watering, "Don't speak like this Rin. You will live."

"Papa, not even you can order my disease to leave my body."

Her father hung his head, discouraged that despite all the treatments they have tried, she had yet to been cured from her ailment. He felt so utterly helpless.

"Will you keep my gardens," she asked, "When I pass?"

The Lord shook his head, determined to fight. "You shall keep them yourself for you will live forever."

She giggled, "If the other kingdoms knew you were such a softie we'd have been conquered long ago."

He couldn't help but laugh, his hand stroking her pale cheeks, "I can't help it, you are my most favorite daughter. Who else would teach me to tend to my gardens?"

"The gardener, perhaps?" She teased, tensing as the doctor walked back into the room. She returned to her seat and watched as a man wearing an extravagant white coat followed the doctor inside.

"This is my apothecary," he announced, gesturing to the curly haired man, "Naraku of the South. He is highly regarded in Japan and has agreed to synthesize a new medicine for your condition."

"My Lord, princess," Naraku bowed, "It would be my pleasure to aide you in your time of sickness."

Rin managed to give him a small smile, "Thank you."

"If I may?" Naraku walked towards Rin and took her small hand, flipping it over to place his fingers on her palm. He closed his eyes and traced the lines, "I must say, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Do you know that they call you the flower of the East?" He asked, "The kingdom's hidden treasure." A smirk appeared on his lips, "I would dare even to say that you are a fay."

A fay, Rin thought, following the man's movements. The word sounded so familiar. She froze, suddenly thinking of him. He called her a fay, just like Sesshomaru had called her. "You're very kind, thank you." She tried to concentrate on the apothecary as he spoke to her father, but all she could think of was the Lord of the West.

She had to stay away from him. This appointment only confirmed her morbid thoughts, that she was dying quicker than they had thought. She could never be his. For now, she had less than a year to live...

"Your energy is low," Naraku told her, turning to the doctor, "You say that she has a disease of the blood?"

"Of the heart," the doctor corrected, "But I believe it has now spread to her bloodstream."

"Ah, the bloodstream." His deep voice startled Rin from his thoughts, "I think I may have something." He moved away and lifted his satchel onto the table. He pulled out three jars and mixed the liquids together, smoke erupting from the combination. After he sprinkled a handful of herbs into the mixture he handed the large vial to Rin. "Your new medicine, princess. Take it twice a day, three if you have any disturbing episodes."

The Lord raised his brow as he inspected the medicine in his daughter's hand, "It's black."

"Ah, yes but it's strong," Naraku returned. "It was made from the concentrated forms of my best hand-picked ingredients. The blood of a poppy, the bark of the cherry blossom tree, the wings of the beetle, and the fresh dew of rain."

"And will it save her?" The Lord's desperation was evident in his voice. "Will she... survive?"

Naraku's lips curled up, his smile not reflected in his red eyes, "We will see. At the very least it will numb her pain and slow the progression of her disease."

The Lord rubbed his face, "Very well," he muttered eventually, "If it will slow her disease."

"Excellent," Naraku purred, quickly packing his bag. He turned on his heel, "I wish you well Princess," he bowed, his tone holding an ominous quality as he spoke.

Rin frowned, shifting uncomfortable under his ruby gaze. "Thank you," she murmured, lifting the glass vial in her hands. Not a cure, she thought, but something to numb the pain. "And thank you Dr. Onigumo."

The doctor bowed, smiling as he looked at the Lord's vulnerable state, "Of course, anything to help the East."

That afternoon Sesshomaru exited the large office, spotting his bald aide pacing in the hall. "Jaken," he called out, "Cease your irritating movements."

Jaken stilled, whipping around to face his lord, "Oh Sesshomaru-sama!" He bowed down onto his knees, "A thousand apologies my lord. How was your meeting with the lords?"

"Well." He replied monotonously, handing his files to his aide.

"I've been waiting here faithfully, my Lord, for your return." Jaken beamed, "While the others have not stayed for their lords, I remained by your side."

"Hn," the taller man eyed the other distastefully, "Has my mother sent word?"

"Wh-what? Ah, ahh... Yes, yes my lord." He sputtered at his comment, hesitant to continue. "She says you are not to return to the West without a wife, or seek abolishment of your title."

Sesshomaru smirked, thinking to the girl with a love of flowers, "I see." He walked past his servant, his mood suddenly jovial, "It's a lovely day for a walk in the garden, isn't it?"

"Uh," Jaken blinked, "A walk?" His ornery voice cracked, "But, my lord! Your mother! She says that you are forbidden from the Western Kingdom until you have placed a ring onto a woman's finger!"

Sesshomaru halted, turning on his heel to glare down, "You do not have faith in my ability to find a wife?"

"But my lord," Jaken swallowed, his body shaking in fear at the mounting anger in his superior's amber eyes. "No, no, no, of course not my lord! How foolish of me, my lord. There are thousands of women vying for your hand! They should be lucky if you even look their way!" He huffed, looking at the expressionless face of his master.

Thank Kami, Jaken thought, happy to have placated his anger.

"Erm, sir," Jaken ran next to him, "If I may be so brave, to whom do you wish to propose to?"

"The one who intrigues me," his response was vague, "She looks lovely in the colors of the West." He added absently.

"Oh," Jaken pursed his lips, "The fay."

Sesshomaru surveyed his companion, he was rather observant, wasn't he? Or rather, was he so obvious with his affections? He sighed, remembering how he had cornered her last night, he would have to tame his affections. "Hn."

"She's rather young." Jaken prattled as they walked to the gardens, "But I have heard many good things of her, my lord, from the servants of the East. She is said to be the kingdom's favorite daughter, with a caring soul and warm heart. If I may say my lord, she would be an excellent companion for you."

Sesshomar paused mid-stride, "And why is that, Jaken?"

"Why would she suit you?" Jaken beamed, the lord was asking for his advice! "She would balance you my lord. Already, you seem to be happier and she is not yet your bride. She will calm you, temper your anger. She will be your heart, your true other half."

Sesshomaru nodded, considering his words. "And my mother?"

Jaken sniggered, "My lord, your mother will be pleased you have finally found a wife."

"Hn," he smirked, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

A wife. He had finally found one.

Kaede's heart felt heavy as she found Rin at the desk, her small hands elegantly moving over the scroll with the brush. "Princess," she greeted, bowing her head, "Your mother wishes to speak with you in her library."

"Oh," Rin's eyes widened as she looked to her elder, "Kaede," she held a hand to her heart, giggling softly, "You startled me." She set the brush down, "Am I in trouble?" She jested, resting the brush into the jar of water.

Kaede glanced at her slippers, the conversation with the Lady of the East weighing in her mind. She dared to look at the younger girl, her aged heart aching for her. "Nay," she began, her voice husky with emotion, "Not trouble, Princess. But... perhaps you will understand after your talk."

Rin's brows furrowed, "Kaede," she spoke, worried. "What are you speaking so cryptically of?"

"Nothing of great importance." Kaede tucked her arm into the princess's elbow, slowly leading her to her mother. In the corner of her eye she noted how the younger girl was pale, wrought with negative thoughts. She hastened her pace. "Come, come. You mustn't keep the Lady waiting." When they arrived in front of the set of wooden doors, Kaede lightly knocked, rapping her aged knuckles against the doors.

"Enter," a soft voice came from inside, muffled by the doors.

"After you, Princess," Kaede bowed her head, stepping back to give room to Rin.

Rin glanced back, concerned with the odd behavior of her nanny. "Kaede-baba, what is going on?"

"Speak with you mother Princess, I will return for you later." Kaede bowed her head once more and left Rin, muttering to herself in a foreign tongue.

Rin's gaze darted back to the doors which suddenly seemed looming and uninviting. She sighed, pushing the brass handle down to reveal the room. The library was lowly lit by a large fireplace and filled to the brim with books and shelves. In the centre of the room stood two leather chairs with a lamp on either side. "Mother," Rin curtseyed, "You called for me?"

"Yes," Rin's mother rose from her chair, warmly embracing her young daughter. "How are you faring dear?"

"Well, thank you."

"The new medicine?" The older woman held her daughter's cheeks in her small hands, "Is it working, my love?"

"Hai, thank you mother."

"Hm," the Lady gestured for Rin to take a seat, "You may be wondering why I called for you, no?" Rin nodded, prompting her to continue, "Very well." She sat on the arm of Rin's chair, "The Lord of the West seems to have been taken with you. He's already inquired about you to your father this morning while they met with the other Lords." She smiled sagely, stroking her daughter's ebony tresses, "It seems that he's enchanted with you."

Rin gasped, shaking her head, "No. Don't be silly mother, it's... no."

The Lady laughed, "Come now Rin, it seems that he is not the only one with a crush."

Rin blushed, her cheeks tinging with red, "Mother," she mumbled, "The Lord does not have a crush on me."

"Aye," her mother kissed the top of her head, "But you do not deny that you have a crush on him?"

Rin fell silent, casting her gaze on the hardwood floors. A crush, she thought, just a crush. "I know I mustn't," she whispered finally, stricken with pain. She felt ashamed that she could not control her emotions, wiping her eyes. "I mustn't... feel for the Lord."

The Lady sighed, "Oh Rin," she murmured, pulling her daughter in for a hug, "I know it hurts my love, but you must understand, the Lord came to the East to seek a wife." She chose her words carefully, "My darling, please understand, that it can't be you who can marry the Lord."

Rin felt her chest tighten, her eyes closing, "I know." She could never be with him. She sniffed, burying her head in the crook of her mother's neck, "I just... I wish," she whispered in anguish, "That it could be me."

The Lady pulled back, wiping her own tears with her handkerchief, "My darling, I do as well." She dabbed her eyes, "I see the way he looks at you Rin. And then the way you blush, the way you look at him when you think no one is watching." The way she looked so perfectly by his side. She imagined it all too well; her daughter, Lady Rin of the West. But alas, fate was cruel. She played with Rin's hand, "I'd give anything for you to be well my Rin.

"Mama," Rin rubbed her face with her hand, "Tell me the story of how you met father." She needed this, a break from reality. Just a moment to daydream, to lose herself in a fairytale.

The Lady smiled softly, fondly, "The day I met your father was the day I broke his nose."

Rin giggled, knowing all to well what came next. "Your father was a hot-headed boy with an attitude. He thought he was the most handsome man in all the land, which he still does to this day. I was the daughter of his father's magistrate and the only woman in the East who would stand up to his chauvinistic ways. We met the day of his coronation as Lord of the East, his father stepping down due to an ailment. That day he walked around the palace with that stupid look on his face, you knew he thought far too highly of himself. And then he met me. He thought he could woo me with flowers and soft words but he was wrong, I called him a pig and kicked him in the nose."

Rin giggled, "Mama, that's not at all lady-like."

The Lady grinned, "He soon learned his lesson. He began to speak to me like an actual human, rather than talking down to me. My dear, he still spoiled me with flowers and soft words, but this time, there was meaning to his actions. I knew he cared for me, which is why I let him take my hand in marriage."

"And how did you know?" She asked, moving up onto her knees. "That you loved father?"

The Lady offered her a sad smile, running her fingers over her daughter's porcelain cheeks. "He was my heart. I thought of him night and day. He consumed my thoughts, my actions. I didn't wish to ever be without him."

Rin trembled, just like how she could never stop dreaming of Sesshomaru.

"Rin," her mother leaned forward to kiss her forehead, "My little dreamer," she whispered, her words filled with sorrow, "Your heart is much too fragile to be broken."

Rin looked to her hands, remembering his touch. How his hands perfectly held hers, how his chest was warm and solid, comforting and soothing. "Mother?" She looked up at her, her brown eyes dampened with tears, "How is it that I already miss him?"

"Oh Rin," she gathered her close, "I won't lie. It'll be hard. But it's for the best, for you, to stay away now, before you give him your heart." Before your soul breaks from heartache.

"It's not fair," Rin whimpered, wiping those stubborn tears from her eyes, "That I'm dying. That I can't fall in love and live happily every after. Why? What did I do? Wh-" she cried, her sobs echoing in the large room.

The Lady bit her lip, her heart breaking at her daughter's unhappiness. "It's not." She said finally, stroking her daughter's long hair, "It's not fair. You deserve life, happiness, love..." She sniffed, "I pray every day for you to be cured."

"But I won't," Rin whispered, her eyes red, "I won't live long enough to see Kagura marry, for Sara to finally choose a husband, for Taro to fall in love." She weakly looked to the side, "I won't live in a year... just one year," she exhaled raggedly, "I thought I could handle knowing. I've been told for almost a decade that I'm dying. But to finally be here," she gestured with her hands, "At this point where I know when I'll die? It just... it's the worst." She wanted to scream, to throw those perfect porcelain cups onto the floor yet she held it in. "Because I'm not ready," her voice cracked, her emotions breaking forth as she spoke, "I'm not ready to die."

Her mother pulled Rin close and together they wept. For the loss of her life, for the death of her dreams. She wouldn't grow up and become something great. She wouldn't fall in love, that kind of heart-stopping heart-clenching love. She wouldn't have children and live to see them grow.

Later, as Rin closed her eyes, exhausted from their conversation, she began to dream of him. Dancing with him in a field of stars, kissing him under the moonlight. She dreamt of a life she could have had with him.

If only, she thought briefly, if only she could live.

Sesshomaru sighed as he sat on the rock, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he watched the water. The castle was quiet now, the sun setting against the horizon. The sky was painted in vibrant yellows and reds, casting a glow on the East.

He cursed as he threw a pebble into the pond, the water rippling as it skipped once, twice, thrice. He was frustrated, annoyed with himself. He had been too bold, too forward for someone so timid. She was like a foal, skittish, still timid in his presence. And now, now it had been three days since he had last saw the princess.

He nearly groaned, here he was, missing a girl he hardly knew. Another sigh escaped his lips as he thought of her. Three sunrises and three sunsets without seeing those enchanting brown eyes.

Where are you hiding? He wondered, pulling the velvet box from his pocket. His fingers toyed with the edges, his gaze shifting to the right as he heard soft footsteps on the rock path.

"Princess?" His tone was hopeful as he moved to stand, faltering in his step at the sight. He bowed deeply to greet the intruder, the eldest princess of the East. He pocketed the ring box, taking his time as his amber gaze moved over her tall form. Her long hair was loosely curled, framing her beautiful face. She wore a long red dress, with a deep plunge that displayed her curves. He couldn't deny that from the moment he had met her there had been an instant attraction. Something so entirely different than what he felt for the youngest princess. Pure, raw attraction. There was just something about her, something that pulled him in.

"My Lord," her soothing voice greeted him, curtseying as she held his gaze. "I've tried to speak with you alone earlier but it seems you've been quite busy in the East."

He couldn't help but chuckle, a slight smile appearing on his visage. "Your father is rather intent on showing me your greatest cities and exports."

"He talks an awful lot, doesn't he?" She grinned, "Though I must say, you handle him quite well."

"Hn." He smirked, taking another moment to admire her beauty. He reached down for his suit jacket, toying with the buttons. "Would you care to take a walk?" He asked, holding out his arm. "I've grown rather bored of sitting alone."

Sara nodded, "I would enjoy that, thank you." Her thin arm slipped through his, her blue eyes seductively meeting his.

He cleared his throat as they continued down the path, "If I may ask, princess, how is it that you have yet to have taken a man's hand in marriage?"

"Hm?" She hummed, glancing up at him, "What do you mean?"

"Nineteen summers," he noted, "Your royal blood, your beauty. Surely you've had suitors at your door since you've turned of age."

"Yes, I suppose, though the men who have tried are rather dull... tedious even. Caring only to increase their social breadth rather than actually to get to know me." She looked down onto the pebble covered path, speaking from her heart. "I need a husband who will not only treasure me, but love me for who I am. I wish for something that my parents have. True love." She glanced up at him, "And you?" She asked inquisitively, "The newly ascended Lord of the West. How is it that someone as handsome and powerful as you remains single?"

He smirked, "My mother would also like to know the answer to that." He unconsciously slipped his hand into his pocket, his fingers briefly touching the velvet box. "I would say that it's because I want a wife, not a future Lady of the West. A woman who will forever hold my interest..." he murmured, his amber gaze moving back to the castle, "She was hard to find."

Sara's brows rose at his statement, was? "Have you found her?"

He looked into her stunning blue eyes, finding him lost in thought, "Yes."

Rin felt her heart tighten as she spotted that unmistakable silver hair moving through the castle grounds, her eldest sister on his arm. "They're beautiful together, aren't they?" She whispered to the small bird that perched next to her on the window frame. "They fit so perfectly. The eldest daughter of the East and the handsome Lord of the West. A match made in heaven."

She crumpled her hands into fists, her thin shoulders shaking as she tried to hold in her emotions. "It's pathetic," she wiped her eyes, frustrated with her tears. Her voice was trembling, "I shouldn't be jealous!" She nearly laughed at herself, despising her feelings of envy and resentment. "I knew he would like her, because they always do." She sniffed, the tear drops were never ending.

"It's just, it's not fair." She hung her head, ashamed of her thoughts, "It's not fair because you know what? I think he liked me. Can you imagine that?" She asked the bird, "Someone liking me? The little princess who's dying..." She laughed bitterly, her fingertips running over the bird's blue feathers. "And as much as I try to stop it, I can't help but think, what if?" How sadistic, she thought, torturing herself with these scenarios. "What if I weren't dying, what if... if I were ok. Maybe that would have been me out there. Maybe I would be holding his hand, walking with him in the moonlight." She licked her lips that were cracked and dry.

"But she's so perfect, isn't she? She's so beautiful and smart, she's his perfect match. And him? Just thinking about him makes my heart ache. He's so handsome, so devastatingly handsome that just looking at him makes my heart stop. And you just know that he would love hard, that'd he'd give you everything that you wanted."

Like a three-headed dragon and a thousand gardens.

Her fingers lifted to trace his figure in the window, "And I fell for him," she whispered, "So foolishly, so stupidly. And now, now I'm breaking." Her lips quivered as she spoke, a single tear moving down her cheek. She closed her eyes, her heart tearing into pieces.

"I'm going to die," she said finally. She bent down and picked the bird up, her small feet moving to the open window on the other side of her room. "The doctor said I have maybe one more year. But who knows how much of that I will have to even function normally." She hung her head, her long hair hiding her tears, "I get tired now, after a walk in the gardens. I can't really eat anything... and I'm so pale." She set the bird down and smiled, "So live for me, won't you? Fly to the waterfall you always tell me about, eat magnificent things, and... fall in love." She giggled at her words, bending down to softly press a kiss to the bird's head, "Because birds fall in love, don't they?"

The bird chirped, bowing its head before taking off, its long tail trailing behind, moving like a blue ribbon in the wind.

Later that night Rin slumped into the plush chair of the library, pulling her knees to her chest. It was past two in the morning now, and she was still unable to sleep. Her thoughts were keeping her awake, and more to be exact, thoughts of him.

"Stop being foolish Rin," she told herself, "He's not yours to have."

Not hers, and yet all she could think of was him.

She pulled a white petal from her pocket and stroked the silk-like flora, remembering that very moment when her heart was stolen. She could still feel his hands on her waist, how he lead her as they danced. He had been the perfect gentleman, the prince she had always dreamt of.

Stop it Rin, she urged herself, he's not yours to dream of.

Her brown eyes shifted to the fireplace, watching as the flames jumped and swayed. The dance was hypnotic, soothing as she focused her attention on the fire. She needed to forget about him. She needed to cast away her feelings and rid herself of this heartache. Soon the lids to her eyes closed, heavy from the lack of sleep.

In her haze as she drifted towards a dream she began to hear footsteps move towards her, that intoxicating scent permeating the room. She moaned softly, she even dreamt of his scent. Cedar wood, bergamot and geranium.

"Do you dream of me little one?" He asked, his voice seemingly far away as her mind clouded with bliss and sleep.

"Yes," she whispered, because it was all just a dream, wasn't it?

He knelt down, his face now level with hers. He chuckled at the sight of her sleepy countenance, her enchanting brown eyes hidden under those long, dark lashes that fluttered as she stirred. "Have you been hiding from me?" He questioned, lifting a flower from his pocket.

"Yes, but I don't want to." She murmured in her sleep, "But I have to. I have to because... because I like you." Her words were breathy, barely audible as she spoke.

He smirked at her response, "You like me?" He twirled the flower in his hands, "That's good to hear, for I find myself enjoying your company." Sesshomaru placed the flower next to her, admiring how beautiful she looked basking in the fire's glow. "Sleep well, my princess." He leant forward and placed a soft kiss on her rosy cheeks, lingering near her face for a moment as he studied her sleeping form.

"I'll dream of you," he whispered before he parted, gently closing the heavy door. Just like he had been since he had arrived in the East.

xoxo

tuille