Aviator Shades

Disclaimer: The author rightfully respects the genius of Tachibana Higuchi, creator of Gakuen Alice

Dedication: To Mishaa, because it was our short exchange on FB that reminded me I had left this story unfinished in my archives. Cheers!

Author's Note: This fic was written as a third accompaniment to Yearbook Day and Confections of a Chocoholic.

There are stories that you could hear over and over again. These stories make you laugh, think or remember something that could be very important to you. I have lots of those but somehow I couldn't quite decide if this memory was one of them.

About three years ago, I hurt one friend and lost another. There was a lot of drama and that wasn't something I was used to dealing with. I don't speak of it anymore. I'm not proud of it. But it continues to haunt me because even after all these years, that moment was the only time that I felt the deep emotions told of friendship and of love. I only used to hear about those feelings. I made fun of people who felt them. I wasn't very amused when it happened to me.

My cellphone began flashing when a call came in. I noted the name and smiled. I glanced around the waiting area of the busy airport then decided I had enough time to take it. "Yes, Mikan Sakura?"

"Koko! Do you think I should cut my hair?"

I laughed and so did she. "Ten bucks per question."

"This isn't a consultation."

"I'll be the judge of that," I returned then easily fell into our usual banter.

Mikan called me all the time. Actually, to be precise, she called all of us all the time. In a way, she was holding us together when our gang had a hundred and one reasons to fall out of touch. She always found excuses to contact each of us. I didn't know what she talked about when she dropped a line to the others but she spoke to me frequently for one reason.

In a staggering twist of career choices, she called me for hair and fashion consultation. While Nonoko ended up working with her Alice, Yuu branched out on his and Wakako capitalized on her recently discovered ruthlessness, I ended up in the incredibly stable but surprisingly rewarding business of Public Relations and as of late its brother, Image Consulting.

I heard it from everyone and I knew it for certain. My Alice would have put me in a distinct advantage in practically any field I chose. It was a surprise to me too when I found this becoming my niche and whether or not people agreed with it, I was an absolute rock star at the job. I never did media manipulation or spin doctoring. Having unbelievable insight into people's minds taught me that those tactics never really work.

What I did (or tried to do) was build the self-esteem of people who deserved it. My Alice told me exactly what they needed to hear and what their deepest insecurities were. I talked them through things and instead of forcing them to lie about themselves as so many of my colleagues did with their clients, I told them how to build on their weaknesses and failings in a way that others would respect them. It's a mouthful to explain, so my work? Not so easy.

Mochiage had been my first 'client'. He was going to Aviation School and the first time he donned his uniform, Kitsuneme and I were hanging out at his place. He looked cool but something was off about his getup. I swiped a pair of Aviator shades from Kitsuneme's pocket and handed it to him. It was a costume pair and it only cost him 200 yen. When Mochu put it on— boom!

"I'm a pilot."

After that, Aviator shades became sort of a joke between us. It was like a quick fix to an outfit that just didn't hold together. It looked good on men and women. It made people cool and it could also hide half the face if the person was doing the walk of shame. Sometimes, these shades could define the person's wardrobe and for a while it became Mochu's signature look.

Over time I grew very selective with my clients because I knew the reputation this job got. People seemed to think it's shallow and self-seeking. With the number of non-profit organizations I helped build reputations for, the venture capitalists I worked with and the high-potential talents I set on the right road, I liked to think that what I did for a living was a true service to mankind.

But that did not mean I came cheap. "Don't you have an overconfident, highly critical roommate that can answer this for you?"

"Koko, come on. Natsume wouldn't know a thing about this."

She was right about that. "I was talking about Hotaru."

"Hotaru doesn't live here," she laughed. "I know better than to shack up with my fiancé and my best friend. Even I'm not cheerful enough to handle that."

"Ask her anyway."

"She's out of the country," Mikan explained then went on to argue as though she read my mind. "Anna and Wakako are busy and you know it's a challenge to get a hold of Nonoko."

My smile grew wistful. "You left someone out."

She paused for a moment. "Sumire is pulling extra hours at work. I think she's gearing for a promotion… but let's pretend I didn't tell you that."

That information was enough, I told myself, then decided to go for an easy segue. "In that case, no, you absolutely should not cut your hair."

"Why?"

"In the off chance that you and Natsume finally set the date, you'd want to be a bride with long hair— so that you can wear it up during the ceremony."

"I was planning to wear it down."

"Go ahead. But ask yourself this: Would you really want to go against the advice of a guy who decides these things for a living?"

She was silent for a while then eventually laughed, "True."

"So when's the wedding?" I asked, trying to catch her off guard.

"If Natsume stops burning toast with his Alice, we'll think about it," she replied without missing a beat. I chuckled. Her answer was never the same. Much to our dismay and amusement, Natsume and Mikan seemed to be waiting for an unknown sign to move to the next step. Maybe it was going to be that way between them forever, but at least time finally confirmed what we always knew. They were going to stay together— which was more than I could say for the rest of us.

There was another pause. This third break in the conversation raised a flag. "So… any other reason you're calling me?"

"Are you reading my mind over the telephone?"

"No," I snickered. "I'm reading breaks and pauses. My job requires me to be good at that too."

"Awesome. Well, I'm calling to give you fair warning." She had to halt again before announcing, "NR 289 is landing today."

I exhaled. "Mochu's here?"

"Yeah, and if he read my email, he knows you are too," Mikan said candidly. By then I was already glancing around the airport, braced for a familiar face. She continued, "I just thought I'd go ahead and even out the playing field."

"You really didn't have to do this."

"I know, but I bet you're both grateful I did. Nobody likes to be taken by surprise." I had to grin. Mikan was still damn kind after all these years. "You'll play nice, won't you?"

Kind and optimistic, I decided. "We'll stay out of each other's way."

"You can do better that. Come on Koko, it's been ages!"

"Yeah, but I don't think he's forgotten… or really forgiven me for that matter."

"What makes you say that?"

All at once, I felt tired. Thinking about what went down between us had that sudden and thorough effect. "Well, I certainly haven't."

I think I'd be able to forgive myself if I only knew what really happened back then. The problem was that even until now I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for. I had a feeling everything was my fault but since Sumire and Mochu also seemed bent on blaming themselves we never really cleared the air.

It happened shortly after we started working. Mochu and Sumire's relationship had survived college then hit an unforeseen setback when he entered Aviation school. He'd taken a four-year course with her then went straight to flying while she entered the corporate world. It was okay for a while. After all, we had always known he intended to be a pilot but then we grew up some more and started having these expectations that complicated everything.

Aviation Studies wasn't as hard as Mochu expected but it wasn't easy either. Kitsuneme barely passed when he enrolled for about a year. It was a good thing Mochu was remarkably passionate about it. In fact, when it came to passion for the job, I'd say he trumped all of us. He was in love with flying and as it is with any love, it began to define everything.

It defined his priorities, his schedule and his lifestyle. For some time, his activities were limited to what he thought was becoming of a would-be pilot. Mochu grew more disciplined, which was admirable, but he also grew more reserved, which wasn't like him at all. It's been said that anyone can learn how to fly. Some just use more time and money than others. Mochu believed he didn't have the luxury of having either so he rushed to his goal with the intensity of anyone who found his calling.

Sumire tried her best to be supportive. She focused on her career too and their relationship took second place. Time together was hard to come by and sometimes they would go for whole weeks without seeing each other. For two people who were together practically every day since elementary school, this change was both difficult and painful.

As a spectator, they were distressing to watch. It was like seeing a young couple transition to an adult relationship and no one knew if they would survive it. There were only a certain number of dates Mochu could cancel without it being taken against him. Also, Aviation School couldn't be his answer for every boyfriend duty he was unable to fulfill. Sumire started to wonder just how important she was to him and she felt like she was being taken for granted. Their relationship had hit a snag and it was difficult to recover when they couldn't find the time to talk.

They didn't fight. Their relationship didn't grow volatile. On the contrary, it grew bland. Mochu was busy accumulating flight hours to move up in his track. Sumire knew it was essential but it frustrated her to see him do the same things day in and day out, and not go to her when the day was over. No matter how much he tried to convince her otherwise, she felt left out of his dream. That's what happens when two people were no longer in the same place. No matter how much they loved each other, it was hard to see eye to eye.

I honestly didn't think Sumire was being fair. Mochu had direction. He was just having trouble communicating it but I was certain from knowing his mind, perhaps sometimes even better than he did, that he had a good plan and every time he contemplated the future, it included Sumire. For a while, I tried to convince her of this but soon it wasn't my advice she wanted so much as someone who would be on the receiving end of her rants.

I knew all this because Sumire had always been one of my best friends and this followed us into adulthood. Whenever Mochu wasn't around, somehow, I was always there. In Mochu's absence, I became Sumire's bodyguard, escort and default date. It wasn't a chore. I liked hanging out with Sumire. She was cool and we always did connect in a surprisingly personal level. I never gave our friendship any meaning and I doubt I ever would have if the two of them hadn't been on the rocks. Anyway, this went on for about three months and it worked for a while but I wish I found out sooner that I wasn't doing anyone any favors by always being around.

I started thinking about Sumire differently after she stayed over at my place one night. It was a Friday. She brought the drinks. I provided the movie. We spent the evening bashing each other's career choices and making fun of our lackluster love lives while a coming-of-age movie played in the background. It was a cliché scene.

I don't remember how we got there but after Sumire opened her third (or fourth) beer bottle, she said, "If you and I aren't married by the time we're forty, do you want to get together?"

Oh yes, we had become incredibly cliché.

I blinked at her. "What?"

"You and me," she said with a smile that was too bright to be really happy, "Backup plan."

I pondered over her question and suddenly the image was there. I could see myself with Sumire and it was… nice. I shivered. "You're drunk."

"I'm not." Sumire put down her beer. She turned to me then leaned forward. "I wouldn't think my life sucked so much if I knew I'd always have you in it."

Her eyes were clear. "You're sloshed, definitely," I said anyway then I let my gaze drop from hers. She continued to stare at me.

"I just don't want to be alone, Koko."

Well, what do you expect me to do about that? I thought in bewilderment. Promising to be her backup plan was a direct vote against Mochu. That was insane.

"You won't be alone. You'll have, Mochu."

"Maybe. Or maybe not."

At those words, my hand went to the thin, silver bangle around my wrist. Whenever we hung out it became my practice to wear this controlling device. It was her idea. She said it was so that I couldn't cheat. We couldn't have life-changing conversations if I wasn't as unguarded as she was. For the first time since we set that rule, I wanted to break it. I wanted to understand what was making her say these things and my Alice could have simplified it for me.

Sumire saw me fiddling with the device so she leaned back on the couch and took a long drink from her bottle. "Forget it. You're right. I must be hammered."

Even if I had asserted the same thing, we both knew that wasn't true. Sumire could drink me under the table if she wanted to. I should have been on guard after that night. I should have backed off a bit and gave her some space. The only reason I didn't was because I started missing her terribly whenever I tried. That was suspect in itself but I had been much too thick to know it.

On the other end of the phone, Mikan was sighing heavily. "You know… if you two want to move forward, you're going to have to move past this. There's no point staying angry."

"But I'm not angry," I replied. That was the ironic thing. "And neither is he. Actually, when you think about it, this would be easier to fix if one of us had been angry."

"So that you'd know what to talk about?"

I snorted. "We're men, Mikan. It's so that one of us could start a fight."

"How silly," Mikan muttered. "How very silly."

"Hey, maybe you haven't truly lived until you've seen two of your friends in a fistfight," I joked. I could imagine Mikan's look of disapproval.

"I've seen Nonoko knock Yuu unconscious with a book, Anna throw a saucepan at Kitsuneme and Wakako provoke Sumire into a catfight in our living room. I think I've lived enough."

I was startled by her examples. Girls could be so fierce. "How about Ruka and Natsume in a fistfight? Have you ever seen that?"

Mikan giggled. "Like that'll happen. As it is, their bromance could undermine my relationship with Natsume. It's highly unlikely."

"Point," I laughed.

"But we're not talking about Natsume and Ruka. They're fine. We're talking about you and Mochu!"

"Yuu and Mochu?" I cracked but she didn't laugh.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," she said in an awful tone. "You're joking around to steer me away from the issue."

"And evidently it's not working." I glanced around the airport again. It was almost as though I was afraid that Mochu had snuck up on me and was within earshot. "Forget about us, Mikan. Mochu and I… we're just not that kind of friends anymore."

"What kind of friends are you?"

"The kind that has nothing to do with each other," I quipped then frowned. My jokes were starting to upset me as well.

"Well, I like to think that when it comes down to it, the two of you can still pull together for the greater good," Mikan said firmly.

"I think you're confusing us with your special secret agent husband-to-be," I snickered. "That's right up his alley, right? Greater good, common decency, world peace— all that jazz."

"We all have a role in achieving world peace," Mikan said philosophically. "Yours is to make amends with your childhood friend. But anyway, I've said my piece and now I have to go. I'll leave the rest to you and ace pilot Captain Mochiage. Again, play nice!"

"If I have to," I conceded. "Hey, did you really need to know if you should cut your hair?"

"Nope, but it's nice to be told. It's always nice to be told." She paused to let her words sink in then resumed with her usual cheer, "Bye Koko! See you in November."

"Yeah sure, bye."

Mikan hung up and I stared at her smiling face on my phone's screen until her photo beeped away. The image was replaced with a far cheesier snapshot that I used as my wallpaper. It was a picture of the gang taken on the front stairs of the Main Building the day we graduated from the Academy. Mochu and I were standing on the left, far away from Sumire. She had opted to be photographed with Wakako. Kitsuneme stood a step above Mochu and me and his arms were jovially thrown over our shoulders. Not a care in the world, these had been far simpler times. It's too bad I hadn't known it then. Mikan's call left me uneasy though we didn't exactly discuss anything that was new to me. In fact, my only take-away from that call was that it was more likely for Nonoko to violently attack Yuu than it was for Natsume and Ruka to engage in a brawl.

How silly.

It was Sumire who started distancing herself from me after that night. She wouldn't return my calls and was always too busy to hang out. This really irked me. Then one night, I got a call from Wakako Usami. Sumire had contacted her because she was out in a club and was too drunk to drive home. Wakako asked me to pick her up because she couldn't reach Mochu. I told her to keep calling him then I dropped everything at once and went to fetch Sumire. I found her waiting outside the club, looking more miserable than inebriated.

"Koko!" she cried then her thoughts tumbled on, What are you doing here?

"Hey stranger," I said as I gently grasped her elbow. "Come on. Let's get you out of here." Sumire leaned against me as we walked. Why are you here? "Wakako asked me to pick you up."

Why you? "Where's Mochu?"

"He was out of reach," I said flatly. I wasn't really a big fan of Mochu right then. "Do you feel nauseous? Will you be all right in the car?"

"Yes." Why are you here?

I tried not to answer questions that weren't spoken out loud but I was sorely tempted to answer this one because it seemed lodged in her brain. The drive home seemed to sober her up some more and slowly her thoughts gained clarity.

Where's Mochu? He should be here. She leaned her forehead against the glass. This is ridiculous. My boyfriend should be here not— damn it, Koko. Get out of my head.

"Sorry," I muttered. She knew me too well.

"No bangle?"

"I left it at home," I said shortly. We reached her building and I guided her to the front door. Sumire looked exhausted and I felt sorry for her. We paused at the entrance and as she pulled out her key, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Are you all right?"

She blinked then shook her head.

"Do you want me to come up for a while?"

Another shake of the head. "Thanks for coming tonight." She moved to the door but I laid a hand on her wrist. She froze.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't think of it—"

"Liar. You're freezing me out," I accused. "We see each other all the time. Don't you think I'd get a little suspicious when you start flaking?"

"You need to leave," she answered. You can't be here. I can't do this now. "I'm really tired." She stared upwards as though racking her muddled brain. This is crazy. I'm trying to— "I'm trying to deal with things and this… this isn't helping."

"So you don't want to talk to me? Then who do you want?"

You. "Mochu," she whispered. You.

"Of course," I said as though I understood but god damn it, I was confused. "Well, if you change your mind, you come to me, okay? Don't hesitate. You come to me."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because this is us," I said simply. "I don't need a why."

This is us. Of course. You're here… because this is us.

"I'll check on you again tomorrow. Good night, Sumire." I turned around and walked away when what I should've done was run. As it was, I didn't make my exit quick enough.

"Koko, wait," Sumire called. She ran up to me then started wringing her hands together. I want to… Right now… I have to…

"What is it?"

"Could I do this without it meaning anything other than that I really want to right now?"

"Do what?" I asked stupidly. The answer was in her head before she even acted. I had half a second to think and that wasn't enough. Sumire kissed me.

For a fracture of a minute, something opened up in my chest. It was like a crack of light had woken something I didn't realize had been sleeping inside me. I was waiting for the radiance to take over, willing it to happen quickly.

I stepped closer to her. My hand left the safety of my pocket and came to rest on the side of her neck. Sumire held on to me. One of her hands slid from my shoulder to rest on my chest as though to feel my heartbeat. My mind was wiped clean and I couldn't read her thoughts either. Just when I was ready to believe my Alice had shut down—

What the fuck?

There was a thud behind me and we pulled apart. The light receded. The stirring in my chest ceased and was replaced by a weight that dropped into my stomach as heavy as a millstone.

Son of a— I whipped around but I already knew by the murderous thoughts that raced in my head who had seen us.

"Mochu," Sumire whispered.

None of us said a word for a long, horrible minute. Mochu looked at me then at her. He seemed paralyzed whereas his mind grew riotous, screaming about anger and betrayal. Then a compulsion surfaced, drowning out all his other thoughts. Mochu wanted to hit me yet he viciously fought off the impulse while I stood there wretchedly waiting for him to land the blow.

Sometimes I think that if Mochu had punched me right then, we'd have had a chance to mend our friendship. It would have evened out the scale somewhat. But he didn't lay a hand on me and he'd rather bleed than ever hurt Sumire. So instead Mochu stared at us with all the pain a man could convey with a single expression… then ran away. He ran like he couldn't stand another second in our presence.

"Mochu!" I shouted.

Stay away.

So I did. Sumire ran after him, stepping over the cake box he'd dropped on the ground. She got as far as his car but when Mochu didn't look back after he slammed the door, she crumpled to the ground, hugging herself. I stepped towards her after Mochu drove off but before I could reach her, I heard it again.

Stay away.

So I stopped. Every time I remembered that night and the feelings that came with it— wanting Sumire, regretting hurting Mochu, hating myself— I wanted to find Mr. Noda so that I could undo it all. Still, I was remorseful enough to know that I shouldn't be allowed such a cowardly way out. Without meaning to, I had wronged Mochu and the least I could do was to own my fault.

Mochu didn't talk to us for two weeks. In fact, I wasn't sure if he talked to anyone. Sumire and I stayed mum about the whole episode because we weren't really keen on telling the gang how we screwed over one of our own. During that time, I lived on edge wondering if Kitsuneme or Mikan would come barreling through my door when I least expected it and put me to shame for what I had done. When nothing like that happened and the guilt started eating me inside out, I grit my teeth and sought him in his territory.

The Narita International Airport.

It hadn't been easy to gain access to the Pilot's Lounge. As I recall, I first came up with a half-assed story about how I was Mochu's father's best friend's stepson and that I really had to see him about our uncle. When that didn't work, I told the guard I was from the government then (with some guilt) I started spouting things I learned about him within five seconds in his presence. I repeated things he said in his head and that completely freaked him out. Just when he was about to arrest me for being a highly suspicious character, I flashed the ID Natsume had procured for us when the other guys and I went with him on a mission years ago. He let us keep it under oath that we would only use it again in case of emergencies. In my book, this certainly counted.

The guard gaped at the insignia then immediately ushered me in, closed the door and locked it. I was surprised he even recognized the logo on my ID. Natsume's organization seemed so shady sometimes.

The lounge was awesome. It was immaculately clean and was decked out with leather black La-Z-Boy chairs. It had a huge window overlooking the airstrip and an equally large flatscreen TV that was currently tuned into a lifestyle channel. It was also deserted.

"Well, that was a complete waste of time," I muttered out loud. "Where the hell is Mochu?"

In answer, a door to my left opened and Mochu walked out in full uniform. He looked so at ease and suited in that room that in the most inappropriate moment, I felt proud of him. He was buttoning his cuff and so he didn't notice me right away. When he did, he halted.

"Hey."

Son of a bitch.

"I deserve that, I do." I swallowed. "But hear me out, okay—"

"Get out of here, Koko."

"I won't be long—"

"This is a restricted area!"

"Wait!" I pleaded when his voice rose. "I just want to explain my side—" I automatically backed off when he stalked forward. I had never seen him so furious.

Your side? What makes you think I give a damn about your side?

"You don't have to care but I'm saying it anyway. I'm sorry, all right? I never meant to—"

Steal my girl? Stab me in the back?

"—I never meant to do any of those things."

You lie.

"Mochu, I know what I did was unforgivable but I'm here groveling because an apology is all I have." I wished he could read my mind because my words sounded weak even to me. Anything I said paled in comparison to the pleas and apologies that went on in my head. I just wasn't eloquent enough for this. "I want us to stay friends."

That makes one of us.

"Do you want to say that last one out loud?" I said in frustration.

He stayed quiet.

"You're not being fair," I muttered. I hated how my eyes started to prick right then while his remained cold. That was the drawback about growing up with these people. They knew how to work with my Alice so that I wasn't always in the advantage. Right then, Mochu could keep his silence, keep his cool, keep it all bottled up and still be heard. I was the only one breaking down and losing my composure while the CCTV cameras picked up everything. Then suddenly—

"I didn't mean it." Mochu's voice sounded hoarse and he trained his gaze on the window instead of looking at me. "What I was thinking just now— I didn't mean it."

The prickling receded and I had to wonder if he said that just so I wouldn't start crying. I was the sappy one. All the guys knew that.

That's all you're getting. We're done here. Mochu checked his watch. "I'm flying out in twenty minutes. It's my first international flight. I need to go."

I grew uneasy. "Does Sumire know you're leaving?"

"No," he said in a clipped tone. "I don't want to talk to her." Or you, but here you are. "I just want to be left alone."

"You've had two weeks! If you let this go on any longer—"

"This is between Sumire and me," he cut in. His voice hardened again. "If you're really sorry, you'd stay out of it."

"Mochu, you have to go see her—"

"I can't do this right now—"

"But Sumire—"

"Damn it, Koko!" He wiped a hand over his face. "Couldn't you…"

…respect me enough to just let me be hurt?

That was the thing. I didn't hear thoughts like that from Natsume or Hotaru or even Yuu. Some people were too much of an intellectual to be that frank about how they were feeling. It was for this reason that I was sometimes more afraid of Mochu's simple thoughts. He was just too straightforward. He left nothing to be deciphered and that honesty was often more unnerving than the complex emotions so many people liked to think they had within them.

"Sure." I said at last. "We'll just… talk again when you get back."

But we didn't.

After that, Mochu accepted domestic flights that only stopped in Tokyo for layovers. Soon he started doing even longer flights, which was a job enrichment he used to refuse because it would cut the little time he had left to be with Sumire. Later, he transferred airlines and set up base in the Middle East. It was a good thing Yuu was there too because I hated to think he separated himself from all of us. In any case, with Mochu flying all the time, he became literally and figuratively out of my reach. Still, I wasn't so arrogant to think he did all that to avoid me.

He was moving away from Sumire. Meanwhile, Sumire moved away from me.

I wandered through the airport with a slight frown, having just recollected some very grave memories. I saw the escalators leading towards the Pilot's Lounge and I had to wonder if Mochu was in there or was headed there at this very moment. With that thought, I parked myself at a bench near the foot of the escalators and wondered if I was tempting fate. Even after all this time, I couldn't get used to the idea of being in the same place as him and not bothering to look him up.

Get over it, I told myself, you're not that kind of friends anymore.

I think part of me didn't want to believe that. It was inherent in me to think of Mochu as one of my best friends and that hadn't changed. He might hate me or reject me, but I was certain I could never do the same. That's why if we saw each other now I had every intention of greeting him even if he decided not to return it.

"Kokoroyomi."

I jumped up from my seat and spun around. It would have been most annoying if my jaw had dropped as well. I was so preoccupied with preparing myself for a chance encounter with Mochu that he managed to sneak up on me. He was wearing the uniform of the airline he currently represented. As always, he wore it with pride and that gave him a whole different aura.

I pasted a smile on my face and held out a hand. "Hey Captain Mochiage, how's it going?"

"Good, very good. You?"

"The same."

We shook hands. There was no bitterness or discomfort but I had to say there was no warmth either. This must be how Yuu felt when he found Nonoko at that coffeehouse after she had stayed away from us for six years. That encounter ended happily. I wasn't sure if this would too.

"Where are you headed?" Mochu asked.

"Hong Kong, for work."

"Are you staying long?"

"About a week."

"Cool," he smiled faintly. There was a pregnant pause then someone called out his name. He glanced over his shoulder and waved to acknowledge his crew. "I should go."

"Yeah, sure," I said though something inside me protested. "I'm glad we ran into each other."

"Well, Mikan told me you were here." He took off his cap then consciously rubbed his closely cropped hair. "And I told you, didn't I? The last time we talked I said I wouldn't be a stranger."

I paused then slowly nodded. "Yeah, I remember." In fact, when he said it now, I wondered how I could have forgotten.

The last time Mochu, Sumire and I were in a room together was on Natsume's birthday. I didn't know what it was about that day but somehow we were most likely to convene when it was the Black Cat's special day. Maybe it was because he was the one with the stubborn girlfriend who adamantly threw birthday parties even if we were miles apart.

We had a couple of absentees that night. Hotaru, who had already broken up with Ruka, was doing a long-term project in America. Meanwhile, Nonoko had accepted a job on the other side of Tokyo so she begged off the party. Finally Yuu, the person who could've helped rally us together that night, was in Dubai. That left Mikan, Natsume, a low-spirited Ruka, Anna, Sumire, Wakako, Kitsuneme, me and— as fate would have it— Mochu, who had flown in for his home leave.

The dinner had been awkward and a bit depressing. The only highlight of the evening was Wakako, who had kept a conversation going that both fascinated and unnerved the rest of us. She'd become an investment banker and had grown domineering and quite cutthroat because of it. At the time, she had also gotten engaged to a guy that Natsume, of all people, disapproved.

"All I'm saying is that you should let me do a CI on him," he told her. "I could get it done in two days at no cost."

Wakako's eyes narrowed. "You will do no such thing. He's my fiancé. It's not like I run around digging up dirt about the person you're marrying."

"Hey!" Mikan cried.

"There will be no running," Natsume answered coolly. "Anyway, you shouldn't marry a guy just because you like each other's positions."

I raised an eyebrow at how perverted that sounded. When Wakako saw the look on my face, she slapped the back of my neck. "Stock market positions! Head out of the gutter, Koko."

"Look Usami," Natsume went on while I rubbed my nape. "It won't be a breach of trust. I'll do it all myself. If I don't find anything, you can bring him on my next birthday."

Wakako glared. "I think your job has loosened a few of your screws."

"Oh yeah? Well your job has wedged a stick up your—"

"Sweetheart," Mikan reached over and started stroking Natsume hand. "It's not nice to insult your guests. Just get the CI done."

"You're siding with him?"

Mikan looked at Wakako pointedly. "You are too. You're just afraid of what he'll find. I think it's prudent. You've only known this guy for three months."

"Oh, all right," Wakako said tersely. "Go ahead with the CI."

"Chick speak," Kitsuneme laughed. "That's a dare, Natsume."

We all laughed nervously while Natsume shrugged. After that, the room lapsed into silence. A couple of people glanced furtively in my direction because normally, it would be up to me to break the ice. I'd do it with an easy joke on the whereabouts of anyone absent. That night, however, Mochu's presence left my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I couldn't say much and anything I did manage to say just seemed off-color.

Mochu had planted himself in a chair near the corner of the room. He was holding a wine glass and he participated very little in the conversation. Sumire stood apart from both of us, opting for Wakako's assuring, albeit hostile, company instead. When Wakako took center stage she had no choice but to hang in the background. The awkwardness wasn't lost on our gracious host and she tried valiantly to hold the room together.

"Let's play a game!" Mikan said loudly.

"Good idea," Natsume snickered as he eyed Mochu and me. "Mortal combat is a game— ouch!" He scowled at his fiancée after she stomped on his foot.

"I'll pass," Mochu said, suddenly standing up. "I'm going to get some air."

"It's freezing outside," Anna pointed out.

"Then I'll go get pneumonia." He grabbed his jacket. "Back in ten."

I watched him leave the room and saw Sumire's gaze followed him. I started fiddling with my bracelet, itching to take it off. I didn't notice just how gloomy and thick the air in the room had grown until Mikan's voice sliced through it like a knife.

"Koko, can I have a word with you in the kitchen?" she asked tersely. Without waiting for my response, she grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the other room. Natsume recognized her tone and snickered.

"Easy, no-star. You wouldn't want to end the party prematurely."

"Two minutes," Mikan called over her shoulder. Once in the kitchen, she pulled me in front of her then suddenly reached out and snapped my bracelet off. I was taken aback when her thoughts knocked into me.

There is an elephant in the room and no one is talking about it, she snapped. I am telling you to go talk about it and get that elephant out of my apartment!

"How am I supposed to do that?" I wanted to know.

"Talk to Mochu!"

"But he won't even look at me."

"Then talk to Sumire!"

"In front of Mochu?"

"Darn, why is this so difficult?" Mikan threw the question into the air. "How about this? I'll talk to Sumire. You talk to Mochu. Then we'll swap."

"I don't like the sound of that either," I protested but she only glared. "Okay, I'm going. But if Mochu lays me out flat tonight, it's on your head."

"Fine."

We returned to the living room where everyone had broken up into smaller groups. The mood was also noticeably lighter and I realized it was because of the disappearance of yet another person. I walked over to Kitsuneme. "Where's Sumire?"

"She went to get some air too," he said meaningfully. He studied my expression for a while then he suddenly came out with, "Koko, are you in love with her?"

"What? No! Come on, it's not like that."

Kitsuneme stared at me then shook his head. "It is and you're an idiot. Damn it, dude, why'd you have to go mess with them?"

"I didn't. I mean, I'm not. I'm not in love with Sumire, all right?"

Maybe Kitsuneme recognized something that I didn't or maybe I had already told him too much at that point. Either way, he looked as though he didn't believe me and if I couldn't convince my best friend, I didn't have a prayer of success of convincing anyone else.

"They went downstairs," he continued after a pause. "You can go join them too. If there's going to be nuclear fallout in the gang, it might as well happen when we're gathered around."

I waved off the dry remark then hurried outside. When I passed Mikan, I distinctly heard her groan, Well, don't talk to them now. Maybe I was being foolish but I didn't listen. I didn't like the thought of Sumire and Mochu confronting each other without me and I didn't think I would have felt differently if I had the opportunity to speak with either of them beforehand. I had to be there. I didn't care if thinking like this confirmed my role as the third party in all this.

They didn't go very far. I found them just as Mochu reached the ground floor and Sumire ran up to catch him. He turned to her, all melancholy and doleful, as though this was an encounter he knew he couldn't avoid. I took a quick step backwards and leaned against the wall before he could spot me come up behind her.

"Hey."

"You're taking off," Sumire stated flatly. "Don't give me that 'back in ten' crap. You're leaving without saying a word to me. Do you hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you."

"You hate me or you don't care," she retorted. "Right now, you not caring is a lot worse. How long are you going to do this?"

"I don't know. What do you want from me, Sumire?"

"What do you want from me?" she shot back, "You were the one who put a hundred miles between us just to get away."

"I was hurt," he hissed.

"So was I," she cried. "But I wanted to fix us. You left without a word. I thought we were better than that."

"I couldn't deal. You were with Koko, for god's sake. I walked into the middle of that— no warning, no defense. I hadn't been much of a boyfriend, I know, but nothing I did should have driven you to him."

"I'm sorry," Sumire whispered. Her voice grew rough and I knew she was stopping herself from crying. "I've been sorry for months now. I've been sorry while I waited for you to come back. I hoped you would just so I could say it."

There was a scuffle. I risked looking at them and saw Mochu step towards her. He was gripping her arms. Not quite comforting but not reproachful either.

"Sumire—"

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "Please believe that I'm sorry for what I did to us. I keep turning it over in my head. I keep beating myself up over it but nothing I come up with seems good enough to win you back or bad enough to punish me. I only want us to—"

Mochu pulled her in. He didn't seem to want to but he did it to stop her from talking. Sumire touched her forehead to his shoulder. Just when it was all right to cry, I knew she wouldn't. It wasn't like her to break down at this crucial moment. Mochu looked pained and distressed. I turned away again. I leaned on the wall then slid to the ground with the weight of what I had done resting heavily on my shoulders.

"Stop," Mochu breathed out. "I'm sorry too… for giving up before you did. For walking away before you were ready."

His words left me cold when I realized what he was saying. I glanced behind the wall again. Sumire had pushed him back. They were still gripping each other, holding on to something neither of them was sure of anymore.

"Is that what you did?" she asked. "Is that what you're doing now?"

"Yes."

She wrenched herself free.

"Sumire, this… this is us breaking up." Mochu's voice cracked slightly then he finally dropped his hands and stepped away from her. "One of us has to say it. So there."

Sumire couldn't hold it in this time. Tears spilled from her eyes. She stepped back, hugging herself then a hand lifted to her lips as she fought for self-control. She breathed deeply then struggled to say, "I don't know why I'm crying. I mean, I'm not an idiot. Of course I knew you'd want this. If you didn't, you'd have come home months ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Just… one favor," she swallowed thickly. "This time, let me walk away first." She turned on her heel and left him. Mochu didn't come after her. He retreated in the other direction, leaving both of us behind.

I caught Sumire before she broke down on the stairs. I would have done more but Sumire reared back when she realized it was me. Panic and longing mixed in her gaze before she pushed me away. She looked over her shoulder at Mochu then back at me then just as quickly she turned away from both of us. She ran past me muttering under her breath, "Please don't…"

But I love you, a voice whispered in my head but my emotions were so muddled that I couldn't tell if those were Sumire's thoughts or my own; if she was saying them to Mochu or to me; or if I was saying them to her for the first time in my life. If it was the last one then it meant everything to me and for the umpteenth time since I learned of my Alice, I wished I could be left alone in my head so I could figure things out.

The moment Sumire and Mochu walked away was a decision point and that day I chose to be a friend. I hurried after Mochu and in so doing I felt my heart break just a little. Some people might say that was foolish. After all, I might fall in love just once in my entire life whereas I had other friends to keep. I say those people don't really know what it is to be a friend and had never known the value of having one like Mochu.

When I found Mochu at the park a couple of blocks away, he had calmed down. He was sitting on one of the swing sets. I squared my shoulders and walked up to him. Mochu didn't look surprised to see me. I stopped before I stepped into the playground square then held up my bracelet. I made a show of clipping it onto my wrist. He smiled faintly, gave a small snort then nodded in permission. I took the swing next to him and waited.

Mochu exhaled. "I thought I was fine. I came back because I thought I'd be fine when I see her again. It was a step towards a friendship, you know? Even if she's not my girlfriend anymore, I can't imagine Sumire not being in my life." He shook his head then stepped backwards until the angle of the swing forced him to bend at the waist and stare at the sand. "I know I have to get myself to a place where we could be okay just being friends. But shit, this is hard."

"Of course it is," I said awkwardly. "You love her."

"Not the way I did before."

"This wasn't your fault."

"The hell it wasn't," he sighed. "But I guess that's the way it is with friends falling in love, huh? She's bent on blaming herself and I'm too busy blaming me. Hell, no one's even looking at you."

It was an odd sort of joke and I smiled uneasily. Mochu straightened up his swing then paused when he was at level with me. "Mochu, it was only a kiss. Couldn't you forgive that?"

"You're right. It was only a kiss and if we really wanted to, Sumire and I could move past this and bounce back with no problem." He gave a mirthless laugh. "Don't you get it? We're not doing that because it doesn't seem worth it anymore. It was over, Koko. It was over even before you kissed her."

"I don't believe that."

"It's not for you to doubt or believe." He stared up at the starless sky. "Anyway, in the end, I think… she'll be happier with you."

"Mochu—"

"I'm stepping back but don't expect me to be all right with it because I'm not. It's not because it's you. It's because I lost her and that's all on me."

Even without my Alice, I knew that what Mochu wanted right then was my respect for how he was feeling, much like how it was when I confronted him at the airport. I was amazed at how he managed to dismiss me as a nonentity in all this. He saw his falling out with Sumire as his failing instead of mine. I was moved and frustrated at the same time.

"You'll… take care of her, won't you?"

Somehow, that remark stung. "Shut up."

He laughed. "You love her too so I know you will."

It was a bizarre conversation and this time I really did stare at Mochu with renewed respect. I always thought he knew best what a selfless love meant. Natsume would move heaven and earth to be with Mikan. Ruka would patiently wait in the sidelines until he could claim Hotaru's heart again. Something about Mochu's feelings made him far nobler. If he had a single iota that Sumire would be happier with someone else, he would bow out without a second look. He'd let her be even if it hurt him. That was the love he knew.

Mochu's attention was fixed on the night sky. He breathed in then exhaled loudly as though he had just reached an inevitable conclusion. "I'm a side character."

"Excuse me?" For a moment, I thought he was referencing some kind of fourth wall.

"I'm a side character in my own life." Mochu pulled his eyes away from the sky then glanced at me. "I act like it so I've started to believe it. There's just nothing to write about me and I don't even think I have the skills to change that. That's why I'll never play the hero. I'll never get the crucial scenes or the funny punch lines. I'll never get the girl. Being a side character sucks."

"Hey, I'm a side character too—"

"That's bullshit. You're a freaking mind-reader! You could play the lead if you wanted to and you're likeable enough to pull it off. People just don't think that way about me."

"Don't be ridiculous," I chided. "You matter way more than you make it sound."

"I've been thinking about it for a while. Maybe I was wrong and this wasn't about Sumire and me at all," Mochu said. "Maybe this is your story with Sumire and in the end I'm really just a side bar."

"Don't say that."

"I could be right, you know." He smiled faintly. "And if I am, I have to move on. If this isn't my story, then I want closure so that I could start on something new. Hopefully, it's a story where I don't have to play the lackey for any of you. I think I'd like that."

Mochu stood up. He walked a few steps forward then stopped at the edge of the sand box. He turned around and gave me a smile that was wistful and propitious at the same time. He reached into his coat and held out an object.

"You should take this back."

I automatically reached for it. "Your ray-bans?"

"Yeah. They're cool but they're not me. Give it back to, Kitsu."

"But… these are your ray-bans."

"The only thing I'm sure of about myself is that I've always wanted to be a pilot and now I am. I worked for it and sacrificed a lot of things to get here. Without Aviator shades, I still am a pilot so I'm not attaching the one thing I'm sure of to an object someone else gave me."

"Someone else being me?"

"That's just coincidence," he shrugged. "I'm flying back to Dubai. I think I could make something of myself out there— far away from the rest of you."

I could understand where he was coming from, having unconsciously listened to his thoughts all these years. This was the guy who couldn't believe it when Natsume Hyuuga became friends with him in middle school. He couldn't believe it when Sumire Shouda started to like him back and even quit her fan club to be with him. Mochu couldn't believe all these great things that happened to him because he thought he was an average guy. He had no idea how cool he was because people were quick to thrust him into the background and he stayed there quietly all these years. Now he wanted to chart his own path, possibly like what Nonoko did when she stopped hanging out with us so much.

I knew he was also saying goodbye so I tucked the Aviator shades in my coat pocket, fully intending to keep them safe until he returned. I stood up then held out a hand to him. He took it and we shook hands as though we were meeting for the first time.

"Mochu, just don't… don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Of course."

Hence, history would show that I was a crappy friend. A crappy, crappy friend. I didn't care if people said I tried to do right by Mochu in the end. The fact was I didn't and this was one of those instances when effort just didn't count. I wondered if I would have to live with the guilt and anxiety for the rest of my miserable life. Just because Mochu stopped a moment ago to exchange pleasantries with me did not mean he was ready to be friends again.

Whenever I remembered the conversation between Mochu and Sumire that fateful night, I reflected on how I hadn't needed my Alice back then. They were just so straight and raw with each other. Their thoughts were completely in tune with what they were saying. Anyone who heard them would have been put to shame for ever thinking anything that was less than sincere. It was crazy but I sometimes wished I could be subjected to something like that again so that I would be reminded how overrated my Alice was when faced with honesty.

I stood up and hitched my hand-carry over my shoulder. I waved without turning back, not even caring if Mochu saw me or not. I had a business meeting in Hong Kong and I should focus on that. To do so would mean to avoid any self-loathing, self-deprecating thoughts. I did this in the best way I knew how. As I walked towards the pre-departure area, I slipped off my bracelet and threw myself into the crowd, willing their thoughts to drown out my own.

Hawaii! We're going to Hawaii… I wonder if I left the stove on. I should call home… Bang chitty bang chitty chitty bang bang… Where the hell is my driver?… Gate 5 should be somewhere over there… Oh, where the heck am I? I should be landing in Osaka…

"Oomph!"

"Oh, sorry," I said quickly as I bumped into someone. I knocked his bag to the ground and so we both bent down to pick it up.

Don't touch that! he screamed in his head and I instinctively backed off. He snatched up his bag then held it close to his chest before hurrying off. Too close. Much too close.

I was about to walk away when I heard a second voice in his head. You have to be more careful, Taka… I know I didn't mean to…

The guy was obviously schizophrenic. It wasn't the first time I had listened to a person with a condition. It was always a fascinating exercise.

Just a little bit now… A little more and we'll blow this place up sky high!

I stopped in my tracks and turned around. Say what?

Good work, Taka. This will be magnificent… A bomb! A bomb! Right here in my arms and nobody knows!

My blood curdled when a maniacal laugh echoed in his head as though there were two persons laughing. Without thinking, I rushed back towards him and grabbed his arm.

What the—?

"Sir, I think you have my bag," I said boldly.

He's on to us! He's on to us! his thoughts cried and he started wrestling his arm free. I held on to him while my mind started screaming bloody murder.

"My bag sir," I repeated. I held out my own to him. "We picked up each other's things a while ago." Even as I said this, I wondered what I would do if he handed over a real explosive.

"You're wrong!" he cried. "This is mine."

"No Sir, it's not," I said trying to stay calm. Bloodshot eyes met mine. "If you'd like, why don't you check its contents."

"Leave me alone!"

"You have my bag!" I said, raising my voice this time and successfully catching the attention of a couple of passersby.

"No!" His hand shook and I wondered how unstable he was. A little more… just a little more Taka and we'll be free… "Let me go!"

"What's going on here?" I felt a rush of relief when I saw that it was Mochu. He looked at me in question. I immediately dropped my calm façade and stared back in panic. He looked taken aback by my expression. "Koko, why are you harassing this man?"

Oh for cripes sake, I thought. See, we weren't Natsume and Ruka. That meant we had very little experience in conversing with our eyes and right now that was definitely a drawback.

"He has my bag."

He frowned then glanced at the carry-on with me. He knew I was lying and for the life of me he couldn't figure out why. "No, he doesn't. You have your own—"

"Mochu!" I said urgently. The man's eyes went to the large clock suspended on the wall and he started counting down.

Ten… nine…

Mochu glanced over his shoulder to see what the man was looking at then his head snapped back to me in alarm. Understanding dawned.

Eight… seven…

"I need to get it back now!" I shouted. Acting solely on my word and without hesitation, Mochu snatched the bag from the outraged passenger and made a mad dash for the doors. The crowd parted because he looked frantic. Once outside, he threw the bag into the air.

It exploded.

There were screams and people ducked. For a moment, only Mochu and I remained standing. He because he knew he had levitated the case far enough to keep us safe and I because I trusted him enough to believe it. In the next instant there was chaos and guards rushed around to apprehend the passenger, grab hold of Mochu and to contain the pandemonium that could begin. Mochu was ushered out of the area but before he left he looked over his shoulder.

"Koko!"

"Mochu, I'm fine!" I called back. "I'll be right here—oomph!"

I was startled when airport security suddenly tackled me from behind and handcuffed my hands to my back. That's when I knew I wasn't going to Hong Kong any time soon.

In a rare occurrence, the news broadcast brought a smile to my face. The surveillance cameras picked up the events this afternoon and they were showing footage of Mochu hurling the bag into the air. Defying science, it seemed to sail higher than the force that propelled it. A miraculous save brought on by adrenaline rush, the anchorwoman said. Captain Mochiage was hailed a hero and he looked damn good being lauded in his pilot uniform.

There's just no way you could fake publicity like that.

"That was a good interview."

"Do you mind looking this over?" Mochu asked with a grimace as he handed me his phone to read over an email. "I'm hoping you could trim it down. Just pick out the PR events that will keep them happy and give me the least exposure."

"You don't like the attention?"

"I don't want so much press over something Natsume probably does for a living," he said with irritation. "If I had the skills he did, I could've high-tailed out of the scene before they spotted me."

I laughed.

After the guards apprehended us, we were taken to the security room for questioning. It was kind of funny because when they handed us a phone we both used our one call to contact Natsume. He heard the story in two parts, called us a couple of troublemakers (though he sounded quite proud) then promised to dispatch someone from his shady organization to sort things out. Youichi Hijiri arrived and for a moment I wasn't really comforted that my freedom was in the hands of someone I would always consider a little runt. He did his job though and straightened up the whole business in less than two hours. Mochu and I were set free and neither of us knew what became of our schizo-bomber.

When we stepped out of the security office, we took one look at each other and realized we both needed a drink. That was how we ended up together at a nearly empty bar past midnight. Mochu had received an email from his airline congratulating him. Then a second email followed listing publicity events they wanted him to do to capitalize on this heroic act. Foremost, they wanted to do an advertorial on him and he cringed at the idea.

I skimmed through the email then glanced at him. After this afternoon, it no longer felt awkward hanging out. Going through what happened at the airport had brought us together. So I supposed it was all right to ask, "Why were you there?"

He stopped his study of the window scene. "The airport? I kind of work there."

I laughed weakly. "No, I mean, I thought you had left with your crew. Why were you there?"

"I came back."

"Why?"

I don't know. Mochu looked hesitant and so I pulled out my device and clipped it onto my wrist. He nodded then continued, "You would have too, right? If you knew I was around."

"Yes."

"I keep in touch with the others," Mochu went on as he returned his gaze outside. "I haven't heard from you in a while. I wanted to see if you had time before your flight. I thought maybe we could catch up."

I picked up my beer bottle. This time the smile on my face felt genuine. "Well, I've certainly got time now. I rebooked my flight to next Tuesday."

"Good."

So that was what it took: a near-death experience at the airport. After that Mochu and I started talking about everything. He told me about the places he'd been to and the fascinating cultures he'd seen. I told him about my job, my clients and the extreme things people do to get famous. We joked like we were kids again and I realized how many anecdotes I'd unconsciously stored up because I had hoped he'd hear them one day.

Outside the sky turned from black to gray. At some point, the bartender went to sleep in his apartment upstairs. He left us as we were. Eventually, the sky gained an orange hue signaling daybreak. Our conversation grew serious as we enumerated the happy, sad and poignant things that happened around us; things that went beyond our quarrels; things that were bigger than us. In the new day, the whole outlandish tale of what we survived at the airport seemed surreal. It was awesome and scary to think about.

"This is a messed up world." Mochu gave a mirthless laugh. "People carry bombs in their briefcases, Natsume has to be a secret agent to uphold peace and Wakako got framed for extortion by her own fiancé. It's a crazy, crazy world. If we knew this was the reality waiting for us, maybe we all should've stayed inside the Academy."

"But that wouldn't have worked."

"Because we're Alices," he agreed. "So we can, and should, do more than our part to make this a better place to live in."

We both knew who had said that when we were young: a little girl with curly hair, unforgettable sea-green eyes and a Cat-Dog Alice she adamantly tried to hide. We both remembered her lecture about this, about who we were and what we owed the world. She was one of the proudest Alices I'd ever met even if she rarely used her talent herself. We both loved that about her but it wasn't something to be said out loud now.

I tipped my beer bottle to him. "To your heroic save at the airport."

"And your picking up criminal frequencies."

"Just another day at work."

"Just another day as an Alice," he finished then we clinked the empty bottles together.

We both stood up then started stretching our muscles that had grown sore for sitting too long. I pulled out a hefty tip for the bar owner so that he'd at least find a pleasant surprise when he got up. Mochu was already looking outside.

"Looks like it's going to be a sunny day," he commented. Then I grinned when I saw him pull out Aviator shades— the expensive kind— from his pocket and put it on.

"Still looking good, my friend," I told him.

He laughed heartily but before he could respond both our phones started ringing. Somehow, it was apt and fateful that one of them registered Sumire Shouda's number. We exchanged a glance, mutually seeking consent. Mochu picked up first, a little tentatively. I smiled then we spoke to our callers at the same time.

"Hello?"

THE END

Additional Note: CI stands for Character Investigation.