Chapter 5

After following Santana into the pet store, the first thing I noticed was Lily scratching Aristotle's ears and telling him what a good dog he was for being patient.

It was such a heartwarming sight.

"Hey, Lily…look who I found outside," Santana said as she pointed to where I stood behind her.

Lily looked over towards me and gave me a small smile.

"Hi, Lily. It's nice to see you again," I greeted.

I wasn't expecting her to talk to me. I had become used to communicating with her through head and facial gestures. So, when she squeaked out a timid, "Hi, Brittany," I was quite shocked.

Aristotle came right over to me and jumped up on my leg. He was such a friendly little puppy. "Hey, buddy! I miss you!" I said patting his head.

Lily watched me intently. It was almost as if she was scared I was going to want Aristotle back. I knew I needed to do something to comfort her thoughts.

"He looks very happy, Lily. It seems to me, that you are taking very good care of him."

She smiled shyly and whispered a quiet, "Thank you." She opened her mouth again to speak, "He misses you!"

It was everything I wanted and needed to hear and more. How was this little girl so incredibly smart?

"I know, but, I can definitely tell that he has a very special place in his heart for you!"

Lily's smile grew bigger. I was glad she seemed to be opening up more.

"So, what are you two shopping for?"

"Oh, just some puppy supplies," replied Santana.

I laughed, "You're going to need a lot of that."

"I made a list! We need food, and treats, and toys, and bowls," Lily called out, excitedly.

Santana smiled and shook her head, "I have a feeling Aristotle is going to be putting a big dent in my credit card."

All three of us laughed in unison. It was music to my ears.

I took a quick glance at my watch before saying, "I better get going. I have to get back to the shelter and tuck everyone in."

Santana's eyes latched onto mine. It was as if she was trying to figure me out.

"Good luck with your shopping, Lily!"

"Thank you!" she said, bashfully.

"I leaned down and gave Aristotle's head a pat, "Bye, buddy."

Santana moved closer to me, "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, you will."

I gave her a quick wink before setting off on my journey for dog food.

When I finally brought the last bag in from the car, I kicked my shoes off and fell back onto the couch. Aristotle came over and jumped up next to me.

"You are going to cost me a fortune! I hope you appreciate all this, Mr."

He tilted his head up at me and licked my cheek.

"Yeah, yeah. Just remember who the queen of this house is."

"Tia, I'm hungry."

"Okay, sweetie. I'll cook dinner while you start your homework."

"I don't want to!" she said crossing her arms and glaring at me.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Cause it's hard."

"What do you have to do?"

"Math word problems…and I hate math…. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!"

"How about we work on it together?"

"You'll help me?"

"Of course, silly, that's what I'm here for."

"Ok," she said a little unsure.

"How many are there?"

"Four."

"Well, let's start with number one."

Lily took the worksheet out of her homework folder.

"Read me the question, por favore."

"Mary had eight pennies in her piggy bank. Her little brother st-st-

"Stole."

"…stole three. How many pennies does Mary have now?"

"Okay, so what are the two number words in the sentence?"

"Eight and three."

"Good! Which one is the bigger number?"

"The eight is bigger, Tia."

"You're right, it is. So, if Mary had three pennies taken away from her bank, what do you think you are going to do? Will you add or subtract?"

"Subtract?" Lily said hesitantly.

"Mmhm…so, eight minus three equals?"

Lily put eight fingers up, then, put three down.

"Five. Mary has five pennies left in her piggy bank."

"Bueno! See that wasn't hard."

Lily smiled.

"So, make sure you write eight minus three equals five. Then, put what the five equals."

As Lily started writing, I began cooking.

About five minutes later, Lily put her pencil down on the table.

"Tia…"

"Yes, Lily?"

"I was happy to see Brittany. Were you happy?"

I stopped what I was doing and looked over to my adorable niece. "Yes, I was."

"I know. You like her, don't you?"

"Of course I do. She helped us out with Aristotle."

"You like her like her, though."

My breath caught in my chest. "What?"

"You like her like you used to like Izzy."

"Lily…I..I don't even know her that well."

"It's okay, Tia, I won't tell anyone. May I please watch my shows?"

I was thrown way off guard by her questions. Was I that obvious with my leering? Could my six-year-old niece really read me that well?

I came back down to reality. "Uhhh…did you finish your math?"

"Yes."

"Go on, then. Dinner will be ready shortly."

Lily hopped off the stool and ran into the living room.

One thing was fairly certain. I had to stop being so god damn obvious about things.

After bringing Lily to school, the next morning, I drove back home to get a few things done around the house. I put on a load of laundry, vacuumed, and cleaned the bathroom.

By the time I was finished, I had about an hour and a half before I was to meet up with Brittany. I decided to sit in my studio and try to write more of my song.

I took out my journal and sang out the lyrics I had already written.

What lies behind…those eyes of blue?

I seek to know…the essence that is you.

Those eyes they hold a wisdom that is true,

Ohh, baby, can I shelter you?

I watched you smile…so heavenly,

Your eyes lit up…so unexpectedly.

So many things I wish we could pursue,

Ohh, baby, can I shelter you?

When I finished, I grabbed my pen and scribbled down a bridge that would lead into the chorus.

When you look in my eyes

I can feel my walls breaking down..

And when you take my hand

Baby, please don't ever let go…

Satisfied with what I wrote, I closed the journal and hopped into the bathroom for a quick shower.

At 10:40 I grabbed my coat and purse, locked up, and headed in the direction of Studio Z.

I had been dancing for an hour already. It felt good to just let loose and relax my body.

The last dance I had performed took a lot out of me. I walked over to my bag and grabbed my water bottle for a quick drink. The cold water was very refreshing.

I threw the bottle back into my bag, took a deep breath, and started my stretches for the next song.

A few minutes later, I turned my I-pod back on and waited for the cue.

When Me & You by Cassie started blasting through the speakers, I easily transitioned into my hip-hop routine.

It was fast paced and difficult, yet, one of my favorites.

About halfway through my routine, I heard the door to the studio swing open. I turned my head in the direction of the door to see Santana.

I stopped dancing and ran to turn off the music.

"Hey," I said between big breaths.

"Hi, there. Wow, looks like you've had quite the workout," she said walking towards me.

"Yeah, I've been at it for a few hours now."

"…And you aren't tired yet?"

"Not at all. Dancing is my means of escape, my haven."

"Ah, understandable. Well, I admire your stamina and determination."

"Merci."

She smiled at me. She had such a gorgeous smile. It lit up her entire face and made her big brown eyes twinkle."

"So, what did Aristotle cost you last night?"

She laughed. Even her laugh was adorable.

"Lily and Aristotle cost me about $350."

"That's all?" I joked.

"Yup."

There was silence for a few moments before she spoke again.

So," she started, "do I get to see that dance from the beginning?"

"I suppose I could do that for you."

"Good, because I definitely liked what I saw."

"I bet you did…" I said walking to the middle of the floor.

"Can you press play, please?"

"Sure thing."

I took a deep breath and bit down on my lip to suppress my smile. Initially, I had planned to play nice, but my new plan was to see how far I could go before rendering Santana speechless.

Watching Brittany dance was mesmerizing. She had an amazing way of connecting her moves to the words in the song. It is almost as if she was trying to make the song, itself, come to life.

After a while, my eyes started wandering. The first thing I noticed was how incredibly toned Brittany's arms and legs were. I had this incredible urge to reach out and touch her. I wanted to feel her move against me.

The second thing I noticed was the way her shirt would rise up and expose her stomach and hips.

My mouth watered at the sight. How could one girl be so incredibly, breathtakingly sexy?

She was rolling on the floor now, putting an ounce of passion behind every single move she made.

I was finding it hard to stand, let alone, breathe.

Was she teasing me on purpose? If so, she was doing one hell of a job.

I felt my body reacting to the way she was dancing. My breath hitched in my throat and I accidently let out a low humming noise.

I could feel how aroused I was from watching her. Damn, this girl was doing so many things to me in such a short amount of time.

When the music finally faded, she walked over to where I stood.

"So?"

"You were…that was…you're amazing."

"Thanks," she said in between smiling.

"How the hell you aren't getting callbacks is beyond me. I would cast you for a role in a heartbeat."

"Now you're just being modest."

"No, I'm serious. You are an amazing dancer. You can see the passion and drive in your eyes. You want it bad."

"I do. I'm just not good enough, unfortunately."

"Bullshit. You are very talented, Brittany. You really have quite the gift."

Brittany's cheeks tinged pink. "Well, thank you."

"No need to thank me, Brittany. It's the truth."

"Okay, well, I may be a good dancer, but I'm just not smart enough to get the parts."

"Says who?"

She turns away from me. I can see disappointment settling in her eyes.

I walk forward and hesitate for a moment, before deciding to put my hand on her back.

"Says who, Brittany?"

She turns to me, looks into my eyes with a sad look before saying, "Everyone…"

What was happening to me? Why was I letting my weaknesses peak through the front I had been putting on for as long as I could remember?

Everything was in disarray. I just had no hope about anything anymore.

"Brittany…I want you to listen to me…" I heard Santana say.

I turned around and looked directly into her chocolate brown eyes.

"You are always going to come across people who feed off of making other's hurt. They will take one look at you and tell you that that they don't think you have what it takes. They will tell you that you aren't going to make it. The only thing that you can do is prove to them that they were wrong."

I pondered this for a minute. Santana was so well spoken. She intrigued me. Yet, I couldn't help but wonder how she knew this to be true.

"You say that like you've experienced it, yourself."

"I have," she admitted. "So many people told me that I would never make it to a recording studio. I was told time and time again that my voice just wasn't what the music industry was looking for. Nobody believed in me…"

"That's sad…"

"It is, you're right…but, I refused to let what other's thought stop me from achieving my dream. Look at me now; I'm recording my first album. I've never been happier. I may bitch and fight with who I work with but it doesn't matter because in a few weeks it will all be worth it."

I smiled cheerfully, "I like that you are so positive."

She snickered, "Maybe I'll have to rub some of my positive energy off onto you."

"As long as it makes me feel good."

"She looked at me, smiled goofily and said, "Wanky!"

I was about to ask her what exactly "wanky" meant, but she spoke up before I could.

"I should get going. I have a few things to do at the studio before I pick up Lily from school."

"Oh, okay," I replied disappointedly. I really didn't want her to leave.

"I enjoyed watching you dance. I'll have to come stop by again for another show!" she said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I couldn't help the giggle that erupted from my throat. Santana made me feel warm inside. She made me happy.

"I'll talk to you later…" she called out as she approached the door.

"Can't wait," I replied.

I thought long and hard about what Santana had said to me after she had left. I was tired of being let down all the time, but Santana was right. I had to fight for my chance at greatness. I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of what I desperately wanted.

I grabbed my I-pod and scrolled through my collection before finally locating the song I was looking for.

In taking Santana's advice, I decided that I needed a fresh start. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Lily and I were in the middle of playing a game of Go Fish when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out and smiled at the screen before reading the text.

Thank you for everything earlier. You helped put things into clearer perspective for me. I am actually working on creating a whole new routine. Hopefully I'll have it nailed before my audition next week.

I pressed the reply button and quickly typed out, "I'm glad I could help you out. I can't wait to see this new routine.. =]"

We had just finished playing another turn of Go Fish when I heard a call coming in through Skype.

I quickly got up from the couch to see who would be calling so late. My heart started beating erratically when I saw who it was on the other end.

I eagerly accepted the call and gestured for Lily to come over to where I was seated at the kitchen counter.

"Santana?" I heard through a stream of static.

"Papá!" Lily screamed into the screen.

"Hola mi ángel."

"Mateo? I can't believe it! How are you?"

"I'm good, sis…hanging in there. I had a few minutes of down time so I figured I'd say a quick hello."

"I miss you, papa!" Lily said sadly.

"I miss you, too, pumpkin. Are you being good for your Tia?"

Lily searched my eyes for the answer to that question.

"She's been very good, Teo."

"Good, that's what I want to hear. School is going okay, too?"

"Yeah, she's doing alright."

"Good."

"Tia bought me a puppy, Papá, his name is Air-is-tot-le," she slowly tried pronouncing.

"Oh, really? Seems like you have your hands full over there, sis."

"Not really, it's manageable."

"I love you, Papá!"

"I love you, too, mi amor."

"How is it over there, Teo?"

"It's chaotic, really chaotic."

I frowned. I knew my brother well enough to know that something was wrong.

"I'm afraid I have to get going girls."

"No!" Lily yelled.

"I'm sorry, Lily. Daddy is very busy with his work. I promise to call back as soon as I can. Okay?"

"I hate your stupid job!" Lily screamed before running off into her room.

Mateo hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Santana."

"It's okay, I'll go talk to her. You want to tell me what's going on first, though?"

He sighed heavily, "We're being moved to the front line. We'll be right in the eye of the action. It'll be tough and go for a while. I promise to call when I can, though."

"Mateo, what does that mean?"

"It means I'm going to need your prayers now more than ever, sis. I have to go. Give Lily a kiss for me."

"I love you," I said choking back a sob.

"I know. I love you, too."

The call ended and I couldn't stop the tears that poured from my eyes.

I was supposed to be the brave one. Lily was counting on me to keep it together.

I reached into my pocket and took out my phone. I didn't even think twice before sending the text.

"I just heard from my brother. Things aren't looking good. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

I swallowed back another threat of tears, dried my eyes, and stood up from the chair. I was halfway to Lily's room when I felt my phone vibrate.

"I'm so sorry, Santana. I'm not really good with these types of situations. However, I do remember a strong, confident woman telling me earlier to never give up hope. As long as you have hope, I believe that anything is possible. Just remember that. I'm here if you need anything."

I smiled through the tears that welled up inside my eyes. Brittany was right. I needed to have hope.

"Thank you," I wrote back.

I entered Lily's bedroom and climbed into bed next to her. She crawled into my arms and started crying.

"Shhh, it's okay, sweetie."

"I'm sorry I yelled."

"You don't have to apologize, Lily. It's okay to be mad and sad sometimes. I'm sad, too."

"I just want my daddy."

My heart was breaking into pieces. "I know, I want him home, too."

My phone vibrated in my hand. I read the message on the screen:

"Don't be sad. I would hate to imagine you without your beautiful smile."

I wanted to be able to smile but I couldn't. I put my phone down and held Lily closer to me.

After Lily had finally fallen asleep, I tucked her in and walked across the hall into the studio.

I sat down, opened my journal, and tapped it lightly with my pencil.

Hope…hope…Brittany…hope…

My thoughts were consuming everything. I breathed in deeply before scribbling down a few lines of a chorus…

You are my strength,

You are my hope,

You are my sunrise sneaking through the clouds…

You are myyyy lifeeeee….

My life.

I slammed the journal closed and flung it across the room.

Life could be so fucked up sometimes.