"Aha!" The Doctor said. "I found it!"

"Found what?" Amy asked.

"I'm not sure, but I found something!" And the Doctor pulled out a block of cheese. "Oh, boy!" He shouted with glee. "Cheese!"

"Oh, HELL no!" Amy interjected, wrenching the cheese from the Doctor's grip. "You know how you get when you eat cheese at night!"

"Please?" He said, giving Amy the 'puppy dog eyes'. "Just one bite?"

"No! No more cheese before bed!" Amy shouted.

"What happens when he has cheese before bed?" River questioned, appearing in the doorway of the console room, wearing a nightie.

"Well," Amy began, "He gets extremely hyper, first of all. It's almost as if the cheese gets him high, like its some kind of drug to Time Lords. It apparently makes him really horny, too, because he almost raped me last time he had cheese before bed!"

"I'm sorry!" The Doctor apologized. "It won't happen again!"

"That's right it won't! Because I refuse to let you have cheese before bed!" Amy replied.

"You're not my mum!" The Doctor shouted, snatching back the cheese from Amy's hand. "I can do whatever I want!"

"Actually, since you technically are her son-in-law, she can tell you what to do, sweetie," Said River, with a smirk, "Not that you'll actually listen, though," she muttered under her breath.

"Exactly!" Amy said, "I'm technically your mum, so therefore I can tell you what to do! No cheese before bed!"

"Too bad!" The Doctor said, shoving the cheese in to his mouth. Amy left the room, clearly frustrated.

"Well, I wouldn't mind being with you during your 'cheese high'," River said slyly.

"And what exactly are you implying, love?" The Doctor questioned, intrigued.

"Oh, I think you already know," River grabbed him by the bowtie and dragged him to their shared bedroom and closed the door .

A/N: So, not exactly sure where that came from. i wrote that about a month ago, in my half-conscious state at about three a.m. I re-read it and thought it would make a hilarious crack-fic, though I am a bit ashamed to admit to writing this. Oh, well. DFTBA!