Yeah... this isn't my best one, but I couldn't help myself... Anyway, the ideas for most of these came from Smartphoned, though I rewrote them to suit John and Sherlock. I couldn't be bothered doing the whole message received at such and such a time thing, but they are actually texting each other.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock. I would think this was obvious by now.

d(^_^)b

Sherlock, where are you? I need you to get here NOW. –JW

We're sorry, your message has failed to go through. There could be many reasons for this failure. Please try again later. If failure persists, contact your service provider. B===D –SH

ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO COME HERE –JW

I was kidding. That's why I put the smiley face with sunglasses. B===D See? –SH

Sherlock… that's not a smiley face. –JW

Then what is it? –SH

I'll explain when you get here. –JW

…

I'm home –SH

Ok good –JW

I told Lestrade about the problem with the speedo molester –SH

*Speedometer –SH

Do you and this speedo molester know one another personally? –JW

Oh shut up –SH

…

Hey, John, could you get me a burrito and a diet cock? –SH

I didn't know they came in diet –JW

That's the only way I like it –SH

Check your last text –JW

What? –SH

NO! I MEANT COKE! DIET COKE! DUCK THIS STUPID PHONE! –SH

Sooooo… You only like diet cock? Is that some sort of euphemism? –JW

No. –SH

So you like cocks of all kinds? –JW

I'm not dignifying that with a response. –SH

Your silence says more than you ever could. –JW

…

Btw we should go snow fucking –JW

… -SH

Excuse me? –SH

Haha no *snow bording –JW

*bording –JW

…You know what I mean. –JW

Yes, I do. –SH

You do? –JW

Yes. You want a romantic retreat to the Alps… followed by some very heated outdoor sports ;) –SH

…I might… -JW

…

I'm not in a good mood right now. Anderson was being more idiotic than I thought was humanly possible. I need a great big fuck –SH

…I'm not helping you with that. I'm kind of at work right now. –JW

Some friend you are. Won't even help cheer me up… -SH

Check your last message –JW

OH DUCK! I MEANT HUG! HUG! DAMN AUTOCORRECT –SH

The second one I can do now, if you come by the surgery, the first I'll do later ;) –JW

…

OMG I just got fingered! –JW

You got what? –SH

FML! I just got a "FOAM FINGER" –JW

I give up on life –JW

Do you give up on fingering? –SH

…

I'm bored. –SH

Come get in my pants. –JW

I don't think we'll both fit in your pants. –SH

I'll just have to take them off then. –JW

That sounds good ;) I'll be up in a moment. –SH

…

I need a new slut. –SH

D: What's wrong with your old one? –JW

It's worn out and has holes in it. –SH

:'( Well fuck you. A few cuts and scratches and I'm suddenly no good. –JW

Wait… I meant suit, John. I need a new suit. I would never be able to replace you, nor would I want to. –SH

Damn straight. –JW

Not really ;D –SH

…

I 3 Barnum ^_^ –JW

WHO IS THIS BARNUM? I WANT TO KNOW WHERE HE LIVES! YOU ARE MINE JOHN! I WILL DESTROY THIS BARNUM AND THEY WILL NEVER FIND HIS BODY! –SH

No, wait. That was meant to say *Bar men –JW

*Batty men –JW

What? Is that meant to be about me? –SH

Oh my lord… I love Bruce Wayne –JW

WHAT! :O –SH

As in *B*A*T*M*A*N* –JW

I still have no idea who that is –SH

He's a superhero. He's really rich and kicks ass. –JW

I didn't realise you were so shallow. –SH

Fuck off. That's not why I like him. –JW

…

Hey, what's that stuff called that we used to make butt taste better? –JW

? –SH

Shit, BEEF! I meant beef! Damn auto correct. –JW

Just so you know John, my butt tastes fine on its own. –SH

I do know ;D –JW

d(^_^)b

HFS: ... Before you ask, yes, I am crazy. But hey, as long as I crank out awesome fanfics, you guys and girls won't care, right?