Donald Mallard, known as "Ducky" by his friends, had been having an unusual day. It had all started when he'd gotten his weekend leave pass, and decided to head home to visit his mother who had been worried about him since he'd joined the military. Life in the Royal Army Medical Corps was an interesting change of pace, and he found that he was quite enjoying it despite the fact that his current career path worried his mother greatly.

The first oddity of his day had been when an American who was quite possibly insane had followed him from the newsstand where he'd purchased a paper to read on the ride home and onto the train where he sat down next to him and attempted to engage him in conversation. Rather than starting off on an ordinary subject such as the weather as a stranger might when attempting to converse with another stranger, the man kept calling him Illya, and kept asking him strange questions that he didn't know the answers to. The second oddity of that afternoon was the stranger who had boarded the train at the last instant before it departed from the station. This man too had called him Illya at first, but had begun chuckling after a while when he continued to refuse to answer the increasingly annoyed American's increasingly bizarre questions and had watched the entire situation in amusement as if it were his favorite comedy throughout the entire trip.

Eventually, the train arrived at his destination, and he disembarked, hoping that the strange men would get the hint he'd been trying to convey by sitting there and reading his newspaper in stony silence and leave him alone. No such luck. The American continued to follow him, growing increasingly annoyed and apparently suspicious over the fact that he was being ignored. The other man who seemed to view the whole situation as a grand joke for some strange reason continued to follow as well.

He'd seriously considered flagging down a constable, especially when he'd noticed that both men were armed, but he hadn't seen any out and about in the immediate vicinity. Coming to a decision, he took his life into his hands, and made his way to the police station despite the fact that it was nearly two miles out of his way. There was no telling what these strange and vaguely sinister men would do to him or his mother if they followed him home to her.

"Constable." he said when he reached the officer at the front desk of the station.

"Yes?" the officer asked.

"I'd like to register a complaint." he replied. "These men won't stop following me."

It was at that point that the second of the two men who had followed him to the station had started laughing until he was unable to breathe, much to the bemusement of his insane American companion.

&!&!&!&

Illya Kuryakin was having a crappy day. He had stood next to the train station newsstand for the last six hours, and neither Solo nor Bond had shown up like they were supposed to.