WARNING, this prologue is a little over the top. I happen to think that JJ would be much better at acting distraught over the phone than in person. JJ was rather detached when she told the team and I believe that it would be easier for JJ to lie to Catherine if she can't see her face, so in this chapter you're going to see a sleepy, confused and emotional Catherine and a very good at faking, almost hysterical JJ. If JJ were not visibly upset, Catherine would know that something was wrong with what JJ was telling her.

IMPORTANT, the conversation mentioned in If You Survive between Emily and JJ, where Emily tells JJ about Jessie will be included in this story. It won't be for quite a while though.

AN: Just for reference, Black Cat takes place at the end of November 2010. 147 Days takes place just over three months later.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Catherine Jareau is mine, along with all the other characters you do not recognize.

One Hundred and Forty-Seven Days

By: 741N73D 4N63L

AKA: C47

The satirist shoots to kill

while the humorist

brings his prey back alive

and eventually releases him

again for another chance.

- Peter De Vries

Catherine's Prologue: In the Middle of the Night

I just think that some things are meant to be broken.

Imperfect. Chaotic.

It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know?

There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.

- Sarah Dessen

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

I wake up and roll over in bed. What woke me up? Is Henry crying again? No, it's not Henry, just the phone ringing. Wait, why is the phone ringing? I pick up the phone that is lying on my bedside table, "Hello?" I say, blinking sleepily and trying desperately to clear my head.

There is a watery "Kitty Cat..." on the other end.

I would recognize that voice anywhere; it's Jenny. Why is Jenny calling me in the middle of the night? "Jenny?" I ask. My voice is muffled by my hand, which happens to be half covering the receiver.

Jen sniffles into the phone, "Sorry it's so late. Did I wake you up?"

She's crying. Why is she crying? Jenny hardly ever cries, "Jenny? What's wrong? What happened? Why are you crying?"

"Kitty Cat, Emily..." she trails off.

I am instantly aware that something is horribly wrong and my words tumble out of my mouth, "What about Emily? Is she injured? Do you need me to stay with Jack and Henry longer while you're away looking for her?"

"Kitty Cat, slow down. Emily... She-." Jen breaks off sobbing quietly.

I wait a few minutes for my big sister to stop crying. My heart is in my throat, "Jenny, you're scaring me..." Something unspeakable must have happened for Jenny to be reacting like this.

I can hear Jennifer hiccupping softly, "She's gone Kitty Cat. Emily is gone..."

My anger flares, "I don't believe you. She can't be dead. You said you were going to get her back! That's why I had to stay with Henry and Jack. That's why I took another week off school, because you were going to bring Emily home. You promised me Jenny when you made me stay home. You promised me that everything was going to be alright." I can hear my voice trembling, "You promised." I can't believe her. My entire existence depends on Emily not being dead. I can not afford to lose anyone else. Okay, maybe not my entire existence but right now my ability to hold myself together is about to shatter if Jen tells me that this is not a nightmare, that this is real. I need Emily to come home; I need the team to come home, alive and whole.

I can hear Jenny sigh, "I'm sorry Kitty Cat, but she really is gone," and I know that as much as I wish it were not so, she is not lying.

"Fuck Jen! What the hell happened? How is the rest of the team? Derek, Penelope, Aaron, Dave? My god, what about Spencer? How are you? When are you coming home? When is Emily- when are you bringing her home?" What am I going to do with Jack and Henry? How am I going to hold it together for them? What am I going to tell them? Do I need to tell them anything?

"Catherine," Jen tries to get my attention, but I'm not listening. I'm still stuck half in my head and half in reality, which has just become a nightmare.

A sobering thought comes to mind; Emily has another family, separate from the team, "The Ambassador. Has anyone called Emily's mother?"

"Catherine!" Jen says firmly.

"Yes Jenny?" I ask, trying to slow down my thought process, which is going a hundred miles a minute.

"Please slow down Kitty Cat. It has been a really rough day. I am beyond exhausted and I can't keep up with your speed talking," Jen sighs and I feel a little guilty.

I apologize instantly, "I'm sorry Jen."

"It's okay Kitty Cat," says Jen, "Ask your questions again, one at a time."

This is not a new thing, me talking so fast that no one really has a chance to answer any of my questions. I take a deep breath, shudder slightly and restart, "The team. How are Derek, Penelope, Aaron and Dave?"

I can hear the smile in her voice when she says, "That should count as four questions."

"Jennifer!" I exclaim, slightly annoyed, and then sigh in exasperation.

"Fine, fine," I can practically feel Jenny rolling her eyes at me. She sighs quietly; her hiccups have subsided, "The team is a mess Kitty Cat."

I feel sick to my stomach and my voice wavers when I ask the next question, "Spence?"

Jen's voice is small when she answers me, "He didn't get a chance to say good-bye. None of us did."

I don't need more than one word to convey all the emotions that I'm feeling to my sister, "You?" I ask my question as calmly as possibly, preparing myself for the worst.

Her response of, "I'm alright," comes far to quickly. It is a blatant lie.

I can feel my fury boiling just under my skin. It explodes, "Don't you dare lie to me Jennifer Louise Jareau!"

"Catherine..." Jenny's voice falls far short from the pertinacious tone she is obviously trying for, she just sounds tired.

I'm begging her both silently and aloud, "Don't Jenny please. I can't take anymore. Please tell me the truth. I need to hear it. I need to know how you are. I need you to-"

Jenny is sniffling again and my heart is breaking for her and the rest of the team.

I wish I were there with them I wish there was something that I could do to help, to make it better.

Jennifer whispers, "I'm not alright Kitty Cat, but I need to wait until I get home before I can really and truly break down. I have to get back to Spence, he needs me."

I feel a little bad, but I desperately need answers and I won't get them if I let Jenny hang up on me. I growl, "Jennifer Jareau don't you dare hang up on me until you have answered all my questions, or I will be on the next plane out to Boston with Jack and Henry in tow." This is not an idle threat. I have Henry and Jack's passports as well as letters from Jenny, Will and Aaron saying that I have permission to travel with their children.

Jenny is quick to respond to my threat, "There is no need to do that Catherine, and don't threaten me."

I'm exhausted and irritated, not a good combination, "Then answer the damn questions Jennifer. I'm not there with you; I'm stuck here with the babies. I need answers Jenny."

Jenny murmurs, "I don't have any answers for you."

"Fine!" I snap, dangerously close to losing it, "When are you coming home Jenny?"

My big sister sighs into her phone, "I don't know yet Catherine. Tomorrow I think or maybe later today."

I bite my lip nervously, "What about Emily? When are you bringing her home?"

Jen's tone is flat, "Arrangements are being made."

I frown in consternation, "You're not making the arrangements?"

"Aaron and I will talk about it in the morning," she says firmly.

"It is morning Jenny," I remind her quietly but insistently, after glancing at my alarm clock.

Jennifer sighs again, "Catherine three o'clock is not morning. We're all going to try and get some rest before we arrange anything."

I frown, "Jenny, did anyone call the Ambassador?"

"I believe Aaron called her," Jenny says, trying to get her voice back under her control.

I bite my lip before I ask, "How did she take it?"

Jenny sighs, "I don't know Catherine, I would imagine that she is devastated. She just lost her only child."

I blurt out before I can stop myself, "I don't think she liked Emily very much."

"Catherine that is a horrible thing to say!" I can hear the frown in Jenny's voice, "I thought I raised you better than that."

I try and defend myself, "Jenny, it's true! She was terribly rude when she called Emily on her birthday."

Jenny sighs tiredly before indulging me, "When did the Ambassador call on her birthday?"

"Two years ago," I say sheepishly.

Dismay colours Jen's voice, "Catherine you're basing this on one conversation you had with the Ambassador two years ago? That's not very realistic."

"Jennifer, she called on Emily's birthday to talk about some ball, not to wish her a happy birthday!" I say, still trying to defend myself. It's not working.

"Catherine!" I can hear the exasperation in Jenny's voice but I am resolute in my convictions.

"No Jenny," I say calmly, "It is not alright to give birth to a kid and not even wish them a happy birthday."

"She-" I can hear Jenny's exhaustion in that one word.

Something occurs to me and I latch on to it, cutting Jenny off, "Jenny, why won't you say Emily's name?"

Jen restarts, "Cath-"

I interrupt her again, "Jenny, don't lie, tell me the truth, please? I want to know."

She says in an undertone, "It hurts too much Kitty Cat."

That is a sentiment that I wholeheartedly agree with.

"Saying her name makes it real," whispers my big sister.

Her words make me want to cry, "Oh Jenny." I wish that I were there so that I could hug my sister and see the rest of the team. I want to see Emily so that I can say good-bye.

I wait in silence while Jenny stops crying and calms her breathing.

I think I'm in shock, I haven't even cried yet. I so desperately want to, but I'm holding off until I can be alone. I know that I'm going to break down as soon as I get off the phone with Jen.

"Jenny, what happened to Emily?" I ask, trepidation filling my body and colouring my voice.

Jen gives me the standard response, "We were on a case and she was injured."

It infuriates me, "Bullshit. You haven't been part of the BAU for three months Jennifer. The team might have been on a case, but you went back to rescue Emily."

Jenny is adamant, "I can't tell you anything Kitty Cat. You need clearance."

Oh how I hate that word, clearance. I vow to find a way around it. I have to know what happened to Emmy. I snap, "Jen don't try-"

"Catherine stop. Please stop, I can't take anymore of this tonight," Jenny sounds like she's going to cry again.

I wish I had kept my big mouth shut, "I'm sorry Jenny."

She says, "It's alright Kitty Cat."

For a moment, I am grateful for Jenny's lie. I am an adult now and Jen is still trying to protect me from harsh truths, "I love you Jenny."

Her voice sounds stronger, "I love you too Kitty Cat. Good night my Faerie Princess. I'll see you when I get home."

"Good night Jenny," I whisper back.

I can't fall back asleep, so instead I get up and check on Jack and Henry. They are still sleeping peacefully, completely unaware that an amazing woman, an aunt to both of them, has passed away.

When I get back to my room, I am holding a silver candlestick and a new candle, a sea blue one. I don't remember getting either from the hutch downstairs. I set the candle and candlestick up on the little table under my window; the table is there specifically for this purpose. I am going to light three candles; one for Jessie, one for Emmy and one for whomever Emily lit her candle for. I don't want Emily to be alone, wherever she is.

I sit on the carpeted floor, looking up at the candles. I watch them flicker and burn out just as the sun rises. There is only one thought on my mind, I will find out what happened to you Emmy and whoever killed you will pay, I promise.

It takes ten times as long

to put yourself back together

as it does to fall apart.

-Susanne Collins, Mockingjay

AN2: I feel that it is necessary to point out that JJ never explicitly told Catherine that Emily was dead. She just said that she was gone. JJ also only says Emily's name three times, right at the beginning. From then on, JJ refers to Emily as she or her. I wanted JJ and ACJ's roles to be reversed; JJ is acting the way that Catherine should be. JJ needs to be acting the way she would if Emily were truly dead because Catherine would pick up on anything less.

AN3: I have 18 chapters written for this story so far and I'm not finished yet. The next chapter will be posted on August 4, 2012.

IMPORTANT: In respesponse to the questions about why I'm not posting all the chapters at once:If I post all the chapters now, there will be nothing left to post when I'm stuck with writers block, the way I currently am. Normally I finish a story before I post it and because of the way I write, if something new occurs to me and it works well with my story, I go back and write it in. This would be rather annoying for everyone reading if I had previously posted the chapters and then changed them. I've done major changes by accident before. I hope this explanation is sufficient :)