Title: four times Yoichi Hiruma didn't say 'I love you' (and one time he tried)

Fandom: Eyeshield 21

Relationship: Hiruma/Sena/Agon

Warnings: Threesome, violence, slash, references to heterosexual relationships, BAMF!Sena, random & rambling, drabbles

Notes: Just trying to write some while the rest of my fics stew and refuse to be written. Really just lots of rambling, tinkering, not meant to make much sense. (I'm sorry ES21 fandom.)

four times Yoichi Hiruma didn't say 'I love you' (and one time he tried)

I
The first time was in college, sophomore year. Yoichi had been sure that whatever existed between him and Agon in high school had burned out some time during the vicious power plays and punches. But then they had been in college together and shared half their classes and Agon may have had quick reflexes and brute strength, but Yoichi was still smarter. Agon had knocked on his door and growled out a petition for tutoring. Yoichi had laughed. Of course, like he should have expected, when he tried to slam the door in Agon's face the man had caught it.

He hadn't shoved it back open though. That had been what changed Yoichi's mind - his former rival former friend had resisted his nature to force and strong-arm the situation to his advantage.

They had ended up in bed together after Yoichi suggested it. It had been after a pop quiz in French and he had known Agon was relieved to have retained the language enough to pass the quiz (and class), and he had stared at the other man and cracked a smile and just asked. Agon had glanced around as though thinking Yoichi was talking to someone else before staring, placing a hand on Yoichi's shoulder, and saying, "You want to?"

"That's kinda the point of asking," Yoichi had grinned, and then they had walked back to his apartment and decided the sex was good and they should continue with their arrangement.

He had the urge to say the words when they're laying naked in bed together and Agon finally, finally understood a ridiculously simple math equation (which wasn't fair, Yoichi had been doing college level math since he was a child, he was not a good judge or comparison), but the words died on his tongue because they had more truth to them than either of them were ready for.

II
The next time he had just collapsed into bed beside Sena Kobayakawa. His body was spent, all of his muscles were beyond relaxed, and the only thought running through his head was, 'I love this boy'. Sex with Agon was always like a whirlwind, sometimes violent and always incredible and they established a safe word quickly just in case, but with Sena - with Sena it was thrilling and new and makes him feel totally at ease. Always with Agon there was a hint of a power struggle, of the past. Yoichi wasn't stupid enough to think Sena had forgotten their shared history, but theirs was softer, brighter.

Sena sat up on his elbows and looked down at him, naive eyes narrowing. Yoichi hadn't known what then; he'd never seen Sena like that, though the last time he had seen the boy had been freshman year of college, a bare touching of the eyes to acknowledge that they'd once known each other. They had wound up in bed together because - well, Yoichi didn't remember exactly why, but it had something to do with how much Sena had grown. He could remember the kid when he was tiny and scrawny and only good at running laps, and now he was fleshed out. Not quite tall, but hardly short. Even though he didn't want to think it, even though he had been trying to keep Agon away from his mind, he wondered what the other man would think. Little baby Sena Kobayakawa, no longer a little baby or a kid to be bullied on the field. Sure, he couldn't hold his own against Yoichi when it came to intellect (but, honestly, who could? the rest of the genius crew split after high school), but he had more raw physical talent than Yoichi did.

"So, uh," the kid started. Yoichi laughed before he caught himself and promptly covered his mouth with a large hand, his eyes smiling at the smaller man who still could not manage a glare. There was a tense moment when Yoichi suspected Sena was tempted to throw him out on the streets without even allowing him to get dressed, because, okay, that was a total jerk move on Yoichi's part but - the kid spoke like he remembered, even if his voice was deeper. It was funny. It was familiar and made his stomach churn in warm somersaults.

Sena brushed a hand through his brown hair and breathed slowly, restarting. "I'm not sure - I don't know how you usually do relationships, but. Look, that sex was great. Right? Right. So, well, look - I like you. As more than a - a," - and here Sena just flicked his hands back and forth, helpless, hopeless, and too adorable for Yoichi to stand, so he just grabbed Sena's hands and tried, for once, to help the kid out in a obvious fashion.

"You'd like to date, try this out in an emotional entanglement sort of way, pipsqueak?"

He was gifted with the brightest, most shy smile he had ever seen.

III
The third time he was at a bar, waiting for a client. It wasn't as high end as he would prefer (he could hear Agon laughing, he could hear him bitching about Yoichi not respecting his roots but Yoichi didn't give a fuck about that), but it was the bar the client preferred and that was what mattered in these situations. It was crowded and if he hadn't spent most of his life in shadows the lighting would have made him uncomfortable, but he had spent most of his life hiding in shadows and was well aware of the - admittedly beautiful - woman slinking over to him.

She was intercepted by a strawberry blonde woman in a smart business suit who shook her hand firmly. Yoichi was good, his memory was damn perfect, but he couldn't identify someone without a face - he frowned at the curves and did his best to inconspicuously survey the new woman (he had been doing it since he was five, so he didn't worry). The body slowly clicked in his head, memories bringing up late nights and fights and one of the few women he would call 'lovely'.

Mamori Anezaki wandered over after she had successfully derailed the other woman and flicked her strawberry hair over her shoulder. There was no question or hesitation as she sat next to Yoichi and ordered a drink. Her smile was still captivating and entrancing and irritating as all hell - she always thought she was better than Yoichi, more moral, superior, and she still did. She always would. It would always hurt, hidden in a place Yoichi didn't talk about. But he felt affection well in his chest at what she did - curtailing an awkward unnecessary conversation with a woman he wasn't interested in, all because she remembered that Yoichi wasn't fond of most ladies and certainly didn't go home with them anymore when he was supposed to be meeting a client - and saluted her with his drink. The fleeting thought of, 'I love you', wasn't as bitter as it had been the last time they had seen each other. It felt comfortable.

"Good to see you," she offered in return, clinking her glass with his.

IV
When Sena was returned home, bruised and arm broken, Yoichi couldn't think. There were dangers to his work, of course there were, blackmail was the least of it, but he had always assumed, he had always been so sure Sena wouldn't be dragged into it. If anyone was going to get beaten up, if anyone was going to get attacked, it would surely be Yoichi. He had the Black Book, after all, he had all the dirt on everyone who had ever breathed. There were no loose ends when it came to his work, and he had erased any trace of Sena's involvement with him.

But Agon had shoved into their penthouse and growled and held Sena like the broken man he was, and after settling the smaller man in bed he had pinned Yoichi to the wall and almost punched a hole into the plaster. His eyes were wild. His body was taut band of muscle and energy needing an outlet. Though the years had softened them towards each other, instinct urged Yoichi to pester and prod until Agon would lash out with violence. He was close to goading his other lover when a small cry came from the bedroom.

With ease and speed, Yoichi ran to Sena's side and sat on the bed, hands instantly reaching and retracting from the younger man. Sena was dazed, barely awake but coherent enough to know he had been alone, and his gaze settled on Yoichi slowly, with even slower comprehension. The bed creaked. Agon had sat on the other side of their lover. But he wasn't looking at Sena; Yoichi could feel his stare, could feel the heat and anger and festered resentments.

A small worn hand reached out for Yoichi, trembling, and he took it without hesitation. Sena smiled at him, his face bloody not broken. Yoichi gripped his hand as hard as he could. 'I love you,' he thought, but the words were lost somewhere inside of him and never found a way out.

Keeping his boys out of his work was useless and dangerous, and Yoichi knew their skills could add an edge that would shift the odds (even more) in his favor. Even if he had learned restraint, Agon was pure power. When guns failed or ammo was depleted, Agon solved the problem with his fists. His appearance was usually enough to change a client or target's mind. Sena put his legs and frame to use once again, and it seemed unfair that a boy who had once trembled at the thought of blood could slink through crime scenes and shoot with relatively little compunction.

That night, though, he had sent them off on other errands. Which was a decision he regretted once one of the nastier gangsters pulled a too (for him) brilliant maneuver that ended with Yoichi tied up to a chair and assured of at least a few broken bones before sunrise.

One of the giant bullies - who reminded Yoichi of Agon except Agon was more attractive and better behaved and knew French - reared back to punch him across the face, again, and Yoichi was already tipping his chair back and getting ready to break loose, but a gunshot sounded outside the room. What occurred next happened quickly. The giant was distracted and glanced towards the door. Yoichi leaped forward and slammed the chair around into the man. He crumpled and the chair split. It hurt like hell but Yoichi was already moving and had the other two idiots knocked out before the final gunshots rang out from the hall.

The door was kicked off its hinges seconds after Yoichi had ducked out of the way.

"Got yourself caught? What kind of professional are you," Agon hissed as he strode into the room, cracking his knuckles but smirking at Yoichi in a secret, shared fashion that still eluded Sena, who came slinking in moments later and frowned at the men strewn about the floor. A tiny handgun was resting comfortably in his left hand and a throwing knife hung from his left. Yoichi rolled his eyes at the boy. Honestly, he'd just been shooting strangers, yet he still felt it necessary to take offense when Yoichi caused a little mess.

They stood together, the violence of the night still hanging around them, and Yoichi felt it, finally, the words welling up in him and ready to spill forth. This was perfect. He could have gotten out on his own, of course, but that his lovers had showed up, that they had known somehow and come to his rescue even though they would have known he would be okay, that they were helping him in this crazy backwards sometimes vigilante business of his -

"I love -"

"We know," Sena and Agon snapped, both of them grabbing him and manhandling him out of the room. Agon was first to let go, stomping ahead. Ready to snap or break anyone in their path. Sena flittered about him, surveying him, eyes so much older and able to dig too easily where they had no business going. He brushed his fingers against Yoichi's swollen cheek. "We know," he murmured before following after their other lover.

fin