Kate was 20 years old, and her world had fallen apart. She had been in college – on the way to being the first female chief of justice. She was a star, she was popular, she was beautiful, and she had a set of popular, beautiful friends. She loved college – she was at UCLA – parties, beaches; sometimes life really felt like she was in a movie, and it was amazing. Well, it had been. Until that vacation, and that family dinner that never happened.

Three months later, and Kate was back at college for her second year. But nothing about her life would ever be the same. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was her mother's body, bloody and empty, with no life left inside. When she opened them, she saw her father, drinking away his sorrows, looking to follow her, Kate thought. He had insisted that she return to college. She was worried about being so far away – he needed looking after. But she had been persuaded – and he had friends who would look in on him.

She stood in her room, so familiar. One wall was covered with a collage of photographs – her and her friends, doing all kinds of things. But she wasn't that girl any more. She dumped her bag on the bed, and looked out of the window. She didn't understand how everything could be just the same. She looked in the mirror. She had no make-up on, and her hair, which she had been so proud of, needed re-doing – her roots were showing. She had just thrown on the first clothes she came to – jeans, and a baggy sweater. It was September – warm – but she was always cold now.

There was a knock on the door. Kate opened it, and forced a smile. It was Anna, her best friend. Anna looked as though she was in a room with an unknown wild animal, moving slowly so she didn't spook it. She sounded nervous when she spoke, and the shocked expression that had crossed her face when she first saw Kate had not gone unnoticed.

"Hey, Katie," she said awkwardly. She was beautifully made up as always, wearing white skinny jeans, a floaty peach-coloured sleeveless blouse (low cut, of course), wedge sandals, and a lot of jewellery. Her straight blonde hair, exquisitely styled, framed her doll like face. Not so long ago, she and Kate had matched.

"Hey Anna," Kate answered. "Come on in, sit down."

Anna perched uncomfortably on the chair, and Kate sat opposite her on the bed. Anna put on her best concerned face.

"So, Katie, how are you doing?"

What a stupid question, Kate thought. "I'm okay – I mean, it's awful, but I'm coping."

Anna looked hugely relieved that Kate didn't seem to want to talk about it. "Oh great. I know everything's going to be fine for you sweetie. But you should maybe work on your look – you've slipped a little bit, in the summer. Nothing major," she added hurriedly, "but let me give you a makeover before we go out, okay?"

Kate nodded, wondering if Anna had always been like this. How could she have been so close to someone so shallow? Had she been that shallow too? As she thought about it, she realised that she probably had.

Anna wanted to go to a club that was having an 'under 21s' night – mostly because there was a big group of guys that had already smuggled in loads of alcohol, and it was going to be free. She called Tanya, the third member of their group, on her brand new cellular phone. It was so small – it actually fitted in her pocket. Tanya arrived shortly afterwards, armed with a huge bag of cosmetics. Four months ago, this would have made Kate really excited. Now, she wished they would just go away – she wanted more than anything to be left alone. But she knew she had to try.

She let them redo her hair, a pretty, honey brown. They left it wavy, and Anna picked out a dress while Tanya worked on her face. The dress they chose was short, tight and red. Her lipstick was red too, and she was in her 4 inch black stiletto heels. She looked at herself in the mirror, trying to get into the mood to party, but she still just wanted to curl up in bed and be by herself. She closed her eyes; the lids were heavy with mascara, and forced herself to smile. Anna had changed too, into a tiny black skirt and a sparkly white crop top that showed off her flat, tan stomach. Kate looked at herself again. She had lost weight – it was obvious, now she thought about it. She had always been slim, but now her hip bones stuck out through the tight dress, and her curves were far less pronounced. She looked unhealthy, like a stick insect. Her mother would be angry with her. That thought almost made her cry, and she resolved to eat better, and start going to the gym again.

The club was only a short walk from campus. The music was loud, and there were over 100 students there already. Kate soon had a drink in her hand, and she downed it, hoping it would help her to relax. Tanya and Anna were dancing with the two best looking guys in the room, and Kate stood on her own. People came to say hi, but she barely noticed. The music thumped through her body, and she felt so alone. She went to get another drink, but it did nothing for her – she just felt dizzy as well as sad. She gave up, and slipped out of the door. She was freezing, and as she hurried back to her dorm, she wished they'd let her bring a jacket.

By the time she got to her room, Kate was already crying. Her face was black and streaky, and she peeled off the dress, kicked off her shoes, and sat on the floor, wishing it would swallow her up. She leaned against the wall, banging her head against it, wondering what the hell she was going to do with her life. How did people cope? Her mother had had her life brutally ripped from her, and the man who did it was still out there. Her mother, who she had loved and admired – all she had wanted was to be like her, and to make her proud. And now she never would. She had been shallow and stupid, with shallow and stupid friends, and that was how her mother had thought of her. She had let her down, and now there was no way to make it right.

Finally, she was too exhausted to cry any more. She couldn't sleep though. She looked in her bag. Soon after the murder, she had seen this book in the window of a shop, and she had thought that maybe reading it would help her to understand. It was a murder book, by a new writer, Richard Castle. She liked the name – it was mysterious, interesting. She opened the book, and liked the way the pages felt new and crisp under her fingers. It was called "In a hail of bullets" and it had won a prize – there was a label on the front of it.

She loved the way he wrote – it was hypnotic, and soon she was in a world of mystery and crime solving that almost made her forget about her own troubles. She fell asleep with the book in her hands.

The next morning, she didn't have any classes, so she went to the college library and looked up this guy. He was a young man, only four years older than her. And he was here! The website said that he moved between New York and LA, but he was currently in LA doing a tour of book signings to promote his new book. There was a list of dates, and Kate discovered he was going to be in a shop only a mile away this afternoon. She made a snap decision. She needed to do something. She went back to her room, made herself look presentable, even applying a little make-up, and grabbed the book. She hadn't finished it, but she was close, and she could when she got there. She dashed out to the bus stop, and got on the next one. She arrived at the bookshop at 11am. The signing wasn't until 1pm, but she could see through the window that he was already there. There wasn't anyone waiting, so she went inside.