Notes: Many, many thanks to Tina, who is Beta 1, and makodreamafar, Beta 2, who helped me work out my Trowa. You ladies are, as always, much appreciated 3.

Warnings: Yaoi, Drug Use (Pot), references to harder drug use, violence, angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing

"Leave him," Duo's voice was soft, drifting through the sweat-stained air like smoke. He trailed his fingers over Trowa's stomach, stroking the skin with his nails. Trowa growled, sitting up, and glaring at him, eyes dark. Duo met his gaze, unwavering.

"No," he ground out. It always came back to this. Trowa winced. There shouldn't be an "always". He shouldn't be lying in bed with his best friend, covered in come and scratch marks. He looked at Duo, shivering slightly. His lover was beautiful, hair spread out over the pillow, tangled slightly,his body marked by his teeth and nails, violet eyes drowsy, and half-lidded, watching him.

"He doesn't make you happy," The voice was low, husky. Hoarse. Duo screamed when they fucked, head thrown back, those hot eyes watching him. Trowa shivered again, leaning in, sliding his tongue over the damp column of his throat. Duo was right. He wasn't happy with Quatre, no matter how much he loved him. But love was important, and Trowa didn't love Duo.

"I love him," he whispered against Duo's throat, biting down softly. Duo moaned, arching in to his mouth, eyes falling shut. They both heard the rest of the sentence, the "not you" echoing through the silence.

Sliding his hands in to Trowa's hair, Duo pulled him up, pressing their mouths together, tongue teasing over his lower lip. With a low moan, he hooked his leg over his hip, grinding hard upward. They met like this once a month. Trowa was frenzied, pinning Duo to the wall of his apartment, devouring his mouth and ripping at his clothing. It was only later, after they had both taken their fill, using each other to vent their darkness, that Duo brought it up. They'd been doing this for a year. Trowa bit down on his chest, making Duo moan and arch, nails digging in to his scalp. A year, and Quatre had no idea. Still wanted candlelight and roses, wanted making love and soft looks, the public's approval. To be a good, normal person. The golden boy.

"He'll hurt you," Duo gasped, bucking in to the hot mouth surrounding his cock. It was always like this, the need. They both gave as good as they got, the release peace had taken away from them replaced. Duo threw his leg over Trowa's shoulder, crying out as a well-lubed finger slid in to him, a tongue running over the head of his cock. They could only get this from each other. The violence, the release: pent up energy shattering with the force of their orgasms. Trowa swallowed him, finger curling over his prostate, and Duo screamed, arching and throwing his head back, coming hard. Swallowing, Trowa sighed, resting his forehead on his hip, stroking his thigh.

"I'm not leaving him. And we have to stop," Trowa turned his face, pressing it against Duo's thigh. It was only supposed to happen once. They had been drunk, and the months of holding back had overwhelmed him. Trowa had broken, spilling his wants and desires, and Duo had smiled. Taken his hand, pulling him down against him, and whispered "use me" against his lips. And Trowa had been lost.

Duo closed his eyes, hands stilling in his hair. He took a deep, shuddering breath. Trowa was. Trowa had been his brother. His best friend. Had held him up, when Heero and Relena had announced their wedding. When Hilde had walked out after discovering he was gay...and now they couldn't stop, and the eyes in Duo's dreams had gone from blue to green.

"I can't watch you destroy yourself," he whispered, clenching his eyes shut, hands tightening in Trowa's hair. As if keeping them shut would block out what he knew would happen. The head on his thigh nodded. Trowa sat up, lying next to him and kissing him gently, brushing back his bangs.

"I know," he whispered, giving him a small smile. Duo opened his eyes, taking in his face. Storing his expression. Trowa kissed him again, cupping his cheek, then slid away. He shivered in the sudden chill, turning on his side, watching his lover dress.

"Trowa," Duo sat up, hair falling around his shoulders. Pants around his thighs, Trowa paused, turning to look at him. Smiling, he pulled them up the rest of the way up, buttoning them. Crossing the room, he placed a kiss on Duo's nose.

"I know," he smiled, kissing his nose again, a hand sliding through his unbound hair. Duo managed a weak smile, then faltered, looking down. Trowa knew how he felt. Always had. Running a hand up his arm, Trowa cupped his cheek, kissing him, lips clinging then pulling away. Tugging slightly on his hair, Trowa stood. Turned. Left the room.

He never came back.