Chapter 1 – Taking a chance

It's been 6 months since the Loki incident. 6 months since they've all moved into the new Avengers Tower and become more like a dysfunctional family then a team of crime fighting superheroes. Natasha and Clint were still full time agents working for SHIELD – but now they seemed to split their time between SHIELD mission and Avenger missions.

Today was one of those rare days in-between and Natasha was on a personal mission – a mission to conquer her very rational but annoying and downright embarrassing fear of the Hulk. She was a goddamn spy – she wasn't supposed to be afraid of men 6 times her size.

Bruce Banner on the other hand was a completely different story. Aside from the fact that the man had a guilt complex the size of Mount Everest – he was an incredibly sweet guy. He actually understood when people wanted to be left the hell alone – unlike somebody we know who can't take a hint- and he makes the best coffee in the world to boot. When Bruce is on a mission consulting on something Natasha does not have the patience to understand – the rest of them who are left behind die a little on the inside.

She finally arrived at the lab that Bruce likes to haunt day and night when he's not being dragged to group bonding sessions and mission-related work. She thinks it is very likely that the man falls asleep on his desk more nights in a week then in his own bed. He was a workaholic through and through.

She stared at his door trying to figure out how to approach this situation – she just realized how highly, highly offensive her mission may seem to the humble scientist. With nothing else to do she started to pace.

"Why are you pacing in front of my door?" A voice asked from behind her. She spun around and came face to face with the man she was originally hell bent on seeking out.

"Um…I…" Suddenly she wasn't so sure anymore. "I have to go." She said as she quickly turned around and started walking down the hall past him.

"You can come in if you like…" He said kindly gesturing towards his door. She paused to glance at him and then at his door. She was not a coward…but then again…

"Okay." She found herself agreeing and walking into his lab behind him. He sat down on one of the many work benches laid out around the room with huge piles of notes scattered across the table. She hesitantly took a seat across from him.

"Something's bother you." He said taking a sip of his world renowned coffee.

"Maybe." She said noncommittally.

"You were pacing in front of my lab. You're heart rate spiked when you saw me and it hasn't gone down yet. So I'm inclined to believe it has something to do with me." He deduced skillfully. She stared at him warily.

"How did you know that?" She asked suspiciously. He shrugged.

"Side effect from the accident. But I'm right – so tell me." He asked curiously. She shifted in her seat awkwardly.

"Well it's sort of an odd question…"She started uncertainly.

"I know weird, trust me. I can smell emotions – it's creepy and invasive." He said with an involuntary shudder.

"Oh." She said blankly. "So you know." All the emotion drained from her body as black widow mode kicked in. He felt the change and sighed.

"It's okay to be afraid Natasha. It's not something you should be ashamed about." He said reassuringly. She tensed.

"You know that part too." She sighed and leaned her forehead against her hands. She could practically feel him trying not to grin behind his coffee cup.

"I know you're smiling." She mumbled. He chuckled.

"How do you know that?" He asked curiously.

"It's in your voice." She said simply. He looked impressed.

"Well it's only because you have a very odd way of being afraid." He said while placing his cup down onto the table. She looked up at him curiously.

"What do you mean?" She asked. He shrugged.

"Well most people react impulsively when their frightened. They tend to run away from the things that scare them or try to ignore it. You on the other hand either shut down emotionally like right now or you face your fear head on and either hope to overcome it or die trying." He said inquisitively. She raised an eyebrow.

"When did you become such an expert in psychology? Let alone an expert in my emotional responses?" She asked warily. He grinned sheepishly.

"I had a lot of time to myself during the years I was on the run. I learned quite a few things about people and I simply learned about you by constant exposure." He replied truthfully. "But you don't want a lesson about the science of emotions. You came here for a reason." He said pointedly. Ah…ever the doctor, always searching for the root of the problem.

"I wanted…to talk to you…" She started. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"You are talking to me." He pointed out. She shook her head slowly.

"No…I wanted to talk to…the other guy…" She said cautiously. He made an 'oh' face and simply stopped moving. She swears he wasn't breathing either.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." He said finally.

"Why not? He understands us during missions. He even saved one of us a couple of times." She said pointedly.

"Understanding and talking are two very different things. Hulk doesn't talk – he smashes." He said blankly. She shook her head.

"No I don't think you are giving him enough credit. He can think – I've seen it. Granted he is like a child, but I think it would be good for him to come out when there is nothing to smash – and see what he would do." She said cautiously. He listened to her response with wary eyes.

"Pretty weird to be defending the monster you're deadly afraid of isn't it?" He asked bluntly.

"He's not a monster." She rebuked firmly. He stared at her with doubtful eyes. "He's not. Anyone who is provoked as much as he is would response violently. He's a part of you. And any part of you must be good underneath all the green muscle. He's just…just misunderstood." She said hesitantly.

"Is that why you want to see him? To prove to yourself that he's not a monster? That he's not dangerous?" He asked calmly. She shook her head.

"I know he's not a monster. I just wanted to try and show you that as well." She said quietly.

"You expect me to believe you want to see if Hulk can be civil for my sake?" He asked in disbelief. She shook her head once again.

"No. I'm not going to stop being afraid just because I talked to Hulk for five minutes without him smashing me. I'll finally stop being afraid when you believe he is not going to smash me anymore." She said evenly. He stared at her before looking away.

"I can't do that Natasha. He killed people. I killed people." He said with a faraway look. She banged her hand on the table angrily.

"And you don't think I have either?" She asked furiously. They both heard his heart monitor beep but ignored it.

"You were manipulated into doing that Natasha – it's not the same! I killed innocent people!" He said heatedly.

"You have no idea how many innocent people are on my ledger." She said darkly. "I killed children Bruce – innocent children who had no reason to die expect that they were the children of the wrong parents." He shook his head.

"You were a child yourself." He said defensively.

"And you were the unfortunate victim of an unforeseeable accident Bruce. You have to learn to forgive yourself." She said firmly. He leaned forward and stared at her straight in the eye.

"Have you?" He shot back. Her eyes glazed over but there were no tears – she hasn't cried in years.

"I have no accident to hide behind Bruce. I was a bad person – I killed people fully within control of my facilities." She said as she closed her eyes. He watched her build up the wall that had just crumbled down around her. He sighed.

"I'll make you a deal. The day you finally forgive yourself will be the day I forgive myself as well. Then you can talk to the Hulk." He said carefully. She opened her eyes and stared at him in shock.

"Do you really mean that?" She asked. He nodded. She watched him carefully for a few minutes before holding out her hand for him to shake.

"I accept. Deal?" She asked. He glanced at it warily and sighed before grabbing her hand and giving it a good shake.

"Deal."

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"I'm on a mission Captain." Natasha says as she walks into his room. Steve has become used to her many unannounced visits and so was not surprised when she stormed in and stood beside him defiantly.

"Oh where are you going?" He asked curiously from his seat at his desk. He was sitting in front of his new computer - still trying to wrap his head around the oddities of the 21st century. People say some interesting things on the internet. She shook her head.

"No - this is a personal mission. I want to find a way to get Bruce to forgive himself for the deaths he accidentally caused back when he couldn't control the hulk." She said as she glanced around at the notes on his desk – he was read about the cold war – joy.

"Well…have you even forgiven yourself yet Natasha?" He asked curiously. She clenched her fists angrily.

"Why do people keep asking me that?" She said irritably.

"Because it's a valid question?" He asked tentatively. She stared at a spot on his wall and refused to look at him. "Natasha, look at it from this point of view. He has been carrying his guilt for as long as you have - and a decade is a long time for feelings to settle in and become familiar. You can't just make them go away with a single conversation or by sheer will. How on earth are you supposed to help a person with their ghosts, when you haven't come to terms with your own yet?" He said wisely. She paused to take in what he said before she sighed and let all the anger flow out of her system.

"How did you do it Captain?" She asked suddenly. He looked at her perplexed.

"Do what?"

"How did you come to terms with the fact that all the people you once knew...are gone?" She winced at her tactless ending but pressed onward nonetheless. He didn't physically react, but she could see the pain in his eyes.

"You know, I'm not the best person to ask about getting over guilt and finding closure right?" He said warily.

"I would die before I asked anyone else on the team for advice." She deadpanned.

"I wasn't talking about the team." He said hesitantly.

"I will kill you if you say the word psychologist." She added. He gulped.

"O...kay? Well I guess the only really helpful thing I could tell you…is to find closure with all those people. Apologize for all the things you did wrong and all the things you didn't do right. You can't ask for forgiveness - but you can finally close that chapter in your life and move on." He said with a faraway look. She felt for him - all the pain and sadness he carried around with him on a daily basis. How he had no one to turn to because he was the first and likely only person to ever be in his exact situation. He truly was a very strong man.

"Did you visit all their graves?" She asked quietly. He paused for a second before nodded.

"All of them...except for one. I haven't built up enough courage to visit him yet." He said with a sigh. She didn't know how to respond to something so personal and hesitated.

"If you ever need…I…just let me know." She said awkwardly. He gave her a reassuringly smile that said he understood what she was trying to say but just couldn't find the right words.

"Maybe that's what you should do." He said quietly. She gave him a puzzled look. "With Bruce." He clarified. "You should go conquer your ghosts - together."

"But wouldn't that be intruding on his personal life? Wouldn't he feel uncomfortable with an outsider watching him come to terms with his past?" She asked uncomfortably. Steve shrugged.

"You'll never know until you ask him." He pointed out.

"I don't know if I should." She said warily.

"Would you be uncomfortable with him there?" He asked.

"I don't know that either." She said with a sigh. He got off his chair and came to sit beside her.

"Maybe it's time you gave it a shot. It gets lonely after a while of never letting anyone in. Don't you think?" He asked kindly. She mulled that thought over in her head for a moment.

"If this all blows up in my face I'm going to blame you – you know that right?" She said determinedly. He coughed into his hand before standing up.

"I don't know how much I like that idea – but I'm willing to take the risk."

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Hey guys! This is a new story idea I had rolling around in my head doing summersaults and all that jazz. I like the idea of Natasha and Bruce taking a journey together, bonded by their mutual pain and dark pasts. Do you think I should continue?