I decided to write another competition based Total Drama story. Thirty-nine contestants will be participating and the prize will be C$2,000,000. The contest will also be set on Camp Wawanawkwa after it has been transformed from a toxic waste dump to what it used to be before.

Total Drama Ghost Hunt never happened in this. Also, for this story, let's just say Alejandro won Total Drama World Tour, since he won in Canada, and whoever wins in Canada is the official winner of the season. So here we go.

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 1: Return to Trouble in Paradise

"Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island!" said Chris. "Cameron beat Lightning in a Brain VS Brawn showdown and won a million dollars, while Lightning won a white hairstyle after getting struck by lightning! Sucks to be you, Lightning! Sucks to be you! However, he didn't suffer as much as I did! I got arrested for the way I treated the island and for hosting a competition on a radioactive waste dump! Goddamn hippies! But I got bailed and I bought a third of the island, which I have restored to its original self! The other two thirds are reserved by the government and I am to stay well away from these areas! However, the third which I am allowed to host a show in is the deadliest part, heh-heh! Anyway, thirty-nine contestants from all seasons, including a former colleague who I used to trust will be battling for a cool two million dollars! Who will win?! Who will be the first eliminated?! Who will be this season's main antagonist?! Find out here, on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!

"Okay, so it is time to meet all of the contestants!" said Chris, as a boat showed up. "Returning are contestants who we haven't used in years: Katie, Sadie and Eva!" Katie and Sadie happily step off the boat squealing. Eva steps off grunting.

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, I can't believe we're on TV again!" squealed Katie.

"I know, right?!" squealed Sadie. "We will be more famous!"

"EEEEEEEEEE!" squealed Katie and Sadie in unison.

"Eva, how does it feel to finally have a chance to compete after three seasons of not competing?" Chris asked the body builder.

"I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!" snarled Eva, walking to the end of the dock, followed by a squealing Katie and Sadie.

"Harsh!" Chris shrugged. "Now for the lovey-dovey couples!" Geoff and Bridgette, Gwen and Duncan, Sam and Dakota, Lindsay and Tyler and Mike and Zoey stepped off the boat and walked to the end of the dock, each couple holding hands as they did so.

"The crazy bitches are here!" said Chris.

"HEY!" snapped Anne Marie. "I'm not a bitch! Zoey stole my man! I WANT MY VITO!"

"He's not real," Mike corrected her. "He was one of my personalities who were messing up my life."

"Shut up!" snapped Anne Marie. "I never want to speak to you again!"

"Get over it, Jersey Shore reject!" snapped Heather. "Who watches that show anyway?" She turned to Chris and scowled. "If it weren't for your stupid rules, I would've won Total Drama World Tour!" she whined.

"Well, Ezekiel threw the money in the volcano, so you should be lucky you're second place," Chris pointed out. Before Heather could back-answer him, Anne Marie pounced on Heather and attacked her for dissing her favourite TV programme.

"All this fighting over a pathetic excuse for a TV show?" sneered Jo, stepping off the boat. "What idiots!"

"Well said, Jo," said Chris.

"Hey, why was I put in the bitch category?!" demanded LeShawna.

"You're a bitch to the antagonists," said Chris, "which is reasonable. And the last bitch from the bitch category is Courtney!"

"Oh hell naw!" groaned Duncan and Gwen in unison.

Courtney stepped out, glaring at Gwen and Duncan. "Well, if it isn't Boyfriend Stealer and the Lying, Deceiving Criminal?!"

"Maybe if you treated me better I probably would have been more faithful!" said Duncan, bearing his fists.

Courtney immediately took out a machete with bloodshot eyes. "I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU!" she roared.

Chris snapped the machete out of her hand and said: "Courtney, get over it! So you lost your boyfriend to a girl who treats him better?! Just move on like a f***ing normal person would do!"

"I'm normal!" Courtney replied, defiantly. "I WAS A CIT!"

"Nobody cares, Courtney!" Heather interjected. Courtney joined the catfight between Heather and Anne Marie.

"Next up are the bastards from the bastard category!" said Chris. "Alejandro, Justin, Scott and Lightning!"

"Lightning ain't no bastard!" Lightning corrected him. "Sha-LIGHTNING!"

"Dude, you were a jerk to Cameron!" said Sam.

"In the finale, while we were in trouble, you attacked Cameron while he was trying to save us!" said Zoey.

"All you ever care about is yourself!" said Dakota.

"Plus, you thought I was a guy!" snarled Jo.

"That was until you did that terrible thing to Lightning!" whined Lightning.

"What did she do?" asked Bridgette.

(Flashback)

"No!" wailed Lightning. "NOOO! PLEASE LET ME GO, JO!" Lightning is lying on the ground in an alleyway. Jo is sitting on him.

"No, I'm going to prove to you that I am in fact a girl!" said Jo, smirking evilly. She removes her sweater, t-shirt and bra. Lightning sees how big her rack is. Jo immediately grabs Lightning by the head and stuffs his face in her cleavage. Jo cackles as she holds a squirming Lightning in this most awkward position.

(End of flashback)

"Sorry I asked," said Bridgette.

"I'll never forgive you for this, Jo!" snarled Lightning. "Sha-LIGHTNING!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Scott, as he exited the boat in a wheelchair. He may have healed considerably, but he will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He cocked his head towards Chris and screamed: "YOU GOT ME PARALYSIED FOR THREE MONTHS AND NOW I'M N A WHEELCHAIR FOR EVER THANKS TO YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"

"Sucks to be you," said Chris.

"At least he didn't have his money thrown into a volcano by a certain prairie bastard, and at least he wasn't in a robot suit for a year!" snarled Alejandro, who was finally back to his original handsome appearance after intensive plastic surgery.

"At least I'm still prettier than you!" Justin boasted. "I'm sexy and I know it!"

"Of course you are, you sexy beast!" chirped Owen, as he stepped off the next boat.

"Welcome the insane contestants," groaned Chris, beckoning to Owen. "Owen, you do realise that you have just professed your bisexual desires for an asexual on international TV."

Owen screamed and fainted. He landed on top of Justin.

"HELP!" Justin spluttered.

"Ooh, fun!" said Izzy, jumping from the boat and landing on Owen, adding extra pressure to Justin's body as the redhead bounces up and down on Owen's stomach.

Ezekiel, who is now back to normal, was the next to exit the boat. "I have this in the bag, eh!" he boasted. "I'm in it too win it, eh!"

Eva simply shoved the home-school kid into the lake. "In your dreams, home-school!" she spat.

"Chris, just because I can read people's auras doesn't mean I'm crazy," said Dawn. "And I can tell by your aura that you are going to be as bad this season as you were last season."

"Nobody likes a tattle-tale, Dawn," said Chris.

"My great-great-great-grandfather invented tattle-tales!" Staci bragged as she followed Dawn to the end of the dock. "Before that, everyone got away with their crimes! How sad!"

"Chris, how could you think I'm insane?!" demanded Trent. "So I have a number nine obsession?! That doesn't mean I'm insane!"

"Well to me, it is perfect criteria for insanity," said Chris.

"Whatever," shrugged Trent, "I'm just going to go sing the number nine song."

"Please don't!" begged Chris.

"How dare you, Chris?!" snarled Brick. "I do not have a fetish for the military! I'm just a dedicated soldier, that's all!"

Chris stared at him.

"Fine!" Brick admitted. "Maybe I do shift my Call of Duty games, have wet dreams over Flippy from Happy Tree Friends and say how great conscription is! But I'm still not insane!" Everyone looked at Brick in sheer horror.

"Says the guy who shifts his Call of Duty games," jeered Jo.

DJ was the next to step off the boat.

"Chris, that was uncalled for!" Geoff lectured. "DJ is not insane!"

"That's fine," sighed DJ, "I believed in a stupid curse. If I hadn't believed in it, I wouldn't have hurt those animals."

"See Geoff, he admits it," said Chris.

"It's still not right, Chris," Bridgette interjected.

"He's still not over what he did to the animals two seasons ago!" Gwen added.

"Sheesh, everyone's laying the hate on me!" said Chris.

"Well duh!" said Tyler. "You are low!"

"Yeah, Kyle!" said Lindsay. "And to think I thought you were nice!" She paused. "Are you?" Lindsay asked. Everyone else on the dock face palmed.

"Whatever!" said Chris. "Next up are the nerds!"

"Hey, I'm not a nerd!" Harold protested as he stepped of the next boat. "I am a ninja!"

"A very nerdy ninja," Noah mused, shoving Harold out of the way. "Chris, why didn't you put Sierra in the madhouse boat?"

"What's the problem?" asked Chris. "Not that I care though."

"She's been filling fifteen A4 pages with ways to kill you!" snapped Noah. "Ever since you kicked her out of the competition just because she accidentally destroyed your plane, she's been bent on cutting your life short!"

"WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS HE?!" exclaimed Sierra as she exited the boat with a shotgun in her hand. She spotted Chris with her bloodshot eyes and snarled. "THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE BASTARD! I WOULD'VE PERISHED IN ALBERTA IF IT WEREN'T FOR CODY AND IT TOOK TWO YEARS FOR MY HAIR TO GROW TO ITS FULL LENGTH!"

When Cody walked out of the boat, Chris grabbed him by the collar, held the geek in front of him and shrieked: "You have to get through him if you want to get to me!"

Sierra growled as she tossed the gun into the lake.

"Chris, what the hell?!" exclaimed Cody. "You think you can just put other people's lives at risk like this."

"Yes," Chris replied.

"I wonder how you got out of prison," sneered Noah.

"He was bailed," said Cameron, exiting the boat.

"He must come from a very rich family, then," Gwen mused.

"Well what matters is Sierra is trying to kill me," said Chris, glaring at Sierra.

"Hey, you deserve it," Beth pointed out. "You were a jerk, especially to her, and she tolerated you the most out of all of us."

"She was creepy!" Chris protested.

"Not as creepy as you," said Cody.

B was the last to exit the boat.

"B, help me out here," begged Chris. B just shrugged.

"Scared you, didn't I?" snarled Sierra. "Well Chris, I'm going to make you sorry you forced me to be here!" She walked to the end of the dock.

"You had it coming, Chris," Cameron informed him.

"Never mind!" sighed Chris. "And here are the final two contestants! The ones that pissed me off the most! Welcome Chef and Mildred!"

"LET GO OF ME!" screamed Blaineley, as two interns dragged her out of the boat. "I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS! WHY DO I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE!"

"Contracts," Chris answered, holding up a stack of white paper with words on them.

"CHRIS!" Chef bellowed, as twenty interns dragged him out of the boat. He's still wearing the baker's hat and apron as he did in the previous seasons, despite the fact that he's no longer making the meals. "YOU JACKASS! I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS!"

"Actually, according to my divorce lawyers, I can!" said Chris. "Unless you can afford to pay alimony!"

Chef gritted his teeth in anger. "I WISH I NEVER MARRIED YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he roared.

"Let that be a lesson to you, Chef!" mused Noah. "He's like eighty years older than you!"

"Oh, shut up!" groaned Chris, as he walked over to the campfire pit, followed by the contestants. "Anyway, it's time to put you guys into your teams. There will be three teams of thirteen. The teams are Team Blue, Team Green and Team Read!"

"Those are the names you could come up with?" Scott questioned.

"Hey, I'm on a budget here!" snarled Chris. "Team Blue will have Alejandro, Anne Marie, Bridgette, Chef, Courtney, Duncan, Ezekiel, Gwen, Izzy, Lindsay, Mike, Noah and Zoey. Team Green will have Brick, Beth Cameron, Cody, Dawn, DJ, Harold, Jo, Katie, Sadie, Sam, Sierra and Trent. Team Red will have B, Blaineley, Dakota, Eva, Geoff, Heather, Justin, LeShawna, Lightning, Owen, Scott, Staci and Tyler. You may now proceed to your cabins and feel free to use the confessional cam."

Team Blue – Male Cabin

"I call bottom bunk!" said Duncan, grabbing the bottom bunk of the bed furthest from the door so he could carve out obscenities with limited chances of Chris or the interns finding out.

"Mind if I have the bunk above yours?" asked Mike.

"Knock yourself out," said Duncan.

"Can I have a boonk oonder yoors, eh?" Ezekiel asked Alejandro. The Latino turned his head to the prairie boy, fuming. He gritted his teeth as he remembered how Ezekiel was responsible for losing his money in the volcano. On top of that, Alejandro barely got to see the money, and Ezekiel was partly responsible for the volcano eruption that caused the former so much physical and above all mental pain. Nevertheless, the Latino forced a smile and politely replied:

"Of course you can!"

"Does it matter what beds we get?" demanded Chef.

"As much as it pains me to insult you," Noah replied, "I have to admit that it does in fact matter to everyone in this cabin that they don't have to share a bunk with you."

"WHAT?!" screamed Chef.

"You were married to Chris," said Noah. "And you probably have sexually transmitted diseases now that you've shifted him at least once. Furthermore, you were a douchebag while you were co-hosting the last four seasons. You deliberately cooked terrible meals. You deliberately cross-dressed just to give us all permanent scars and above all, you were a sadistic egomaniac."

"You want to take that back, boy?!" demanded Chef, bearing his fists.

"Hey, I'm just stating the obvious," Noah replied, walking over to the remaining bunk bed. "I call top bunk, by the way," he added.

Chef Hatchet sighed.

(Video Diaries)

Chef – "Now I regret the way I acted in the previous seasons," sighed Chef. "I did that to impress Chris, but if I had known we'd be getting divorced, I wouldn't have bothered." He sighed. "Yes, he divorced me for messing up his statue and setting the bomb under the dock, but he wasn't a good husband either! In fact, I was the better spouse but he got more out of the divorce! People like Chris sure want to take over the world. I should never have met that shithead. I must make it up to the other campers, but how?"

Noah – "As always, I am given what is left," groaned Noah. "A bunk with Chef Hatchet. The Chef Hatchet. The Chef Hatchet we all know and love. What have I ever done to deserve this besides the fact that I was condescending and rude?"

Alejandro – "That redneck stole my money and threw it in the volcano!" snarled Alejandro. "I'm going to make him suffer! I'll play buddy with him, but when the time is right I'm gonna break his neck! Besides, it's better bunking with the stealer than with Noah, who is rude, and Chef, who is… well, Chef."

Ezekiel – "What a nice person Alejandro is, eh!" said Ezekiel.

(End of Video Diaries)

Team Blue – Female Cabin

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BUNK WITH BOYFRIEND STEALER!" screamed Courtney.

All was not well at the girls' cabin either. There were seven girls but six beds, and Courtney was forced to share a bed with someone.

"Courtney, why can't you just accept the fact that Duncan loves Gwen and not you?" demanded Bridgette, who was bunking under Gwen. "In fact, Gwen loves Duncan a lot whereas you did not love him that much at the end of Total Drama Action, and the only reason you continued dating him was because of the money he won at the end of the season."

"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Courtney. "I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!" She turned to Zoey and forced a smile. "So do you want to share a bed with me?" she asked, pretending to be nice.

"I saw what you did," said Zoey. "In fact, I do not approve of your actions throughout most of the series."

"I'm not sharing a bed with you either, Corey," said Lindsay, who's bed is over Zoey's. "I'm not a lesbian."

"WELL FINE!" screamed Courtney. "YOU'RE BOTH BITCHES ANYWAY!"

"Right you are!" said Anne Marie. She pointed at Zoey and said: "That bitch stole my man! You want to share a bed with me since we both hate her so much?"

"HELL NO!" snapped Courtney. "I can hardly breathe thanks to your stupid perfume! And who in their right mind would even consider watching Jersey Shore?!"

"Oh, you just had to say it, didn't ya!" huffed Anne Marie, ganging up on Courtney.

"Don't worry, Courtney, you can sleep with me and we'll have sex every night!" Izzy interjected.

Courtney realised that what she said to Anne Marie was wrong, especially now that it means her having to share a bed with Izzy. She turned to face Anne Marie and forced a smile. "Um Anne Marie, you know I didn't mean what I said," Courtney lied. "I was only having my… um period."

"Oh, you'll be bleeding even more when I'm through with you!" barked Anne Marie, pouncing on Courtney.

(Video Diaries)

Courtney – "Great, now the only person on my team who can tolerate me is Izzy," Courtney griped, who was now covered in bruises and scratch marks. "Of all people, only Izzy will share a bed with me! What have I ever done to deserve this? And don't say it is because I am a whiny and obnoxious ass hat because that is so not true!"

Anne Marie – "Looks like there is another person on my team besides Zoey, Ezekiel and Vito who I would like to kill!" growled Anne Marie. "That c***-in-training will regret the day she ever met me!"

Bridgette – This is only our first day back on this island, yet Courtney has already made an enemy with everyone else in our cabin except Izzy," said Bridgette. "Looks like she's the first to go. And to think I thought we were friends!"

(End of Video Diaries)

Team Green – Male Cabin

"Trent my man, you want to share a bunk?" asked Cody.

"Sure," said Trent. "Can I have bottom so I'll be close to my guitar."

"Certainly," said Cody.

"Can I share a bed with someone, because I get scared of the dark?" asked Brick. Everyone except DJ looked at him in sheer horror.

"I'll share a bed with you," said DJ. "But why should you be afraid of the dark? There's nothing to be scared of in this room, especially when there are seven of us here, including you and me."

"I'm just afraid of the bogey man, okay," said Brick. Even DJ was beginning to worry about the cadet.

"That's just… weird," said Sam, as he chose the bunk above Cameron's.

"There's no such thing as a bogey man, Brick," Cameron assured the cadet. "In fact, how did you manage last season, when there was only you, me and Mike in the cabin and we all slept in our own beds?"

"I had my teddy with me," said Brick. "I left him at home."

"There's nothing to worry about," DJ assured Brick.

Jo suddenly walked in, kicked Brick in the balls and walked out laughing.

Trent locked the door when Jo left. "Problem solved," he said.

Jo unlocked the door, re-entered the cabin and said: "Nice try, Justin Bieber! I am a master at picking locks."

"Hey, what happened to privacy, GOSH?!" moaned Harold.

"Oh look, another prawn to pick on!" jeered Jo, walking up to the nerd, squeezing his cheek and leaving the cabin, sniggering.

(Video Diaries)

Cameron – "Before Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, I was so used to sleeping in a bubble every night, but now I've grown up ever since. I even go down town on my own, take swimming lessons and last week my uncle took me sky-diving. My mom was still slow to getting used to it, but at least she's not overprotective of me anymore and her mind's been at ease ever since my dad died of cystic fibrosis. But Brick is still terrified of the dark and believes in the bogey man, no matter how hard his mom and dad try to help him overcome his fear. Not to mention, Harold is also childish. I don't mean to be condescending, but Harold often reacts to a difficult situation the same way a child would." All of a sudden, Harold bursts into the confessional cubicle and sits on Cameron's lap. "WAAH, I GOT A BOOBOO!" whimpered Harold, holding up his right pinkie. DJ enters the confessional cam, picks Harold up and walks away. "Sorry about that," said DJ, before closing the door behind him. "That was disturbing," said Cameron. "At least DJ is caring, although he appeared somewhat similar to Harold and Brick in the second and third seasons."

(End of Video Diaries)

Team Green – Female Cabin

"Oh my gosh, Katie, we got to share a bunk like we did in the first season!" squeaked Sadie.

"Okay, how about we take turns on who gets the top bunk every night?!" squeaked Katie. "We'll draw straws after the challenge and whoever gets the longer straw gets top bunk tonight!"

"EEEEEEEE!" Katie and Sadie squealed in unison.

"Want to share a bunk?" asked Beth.

"Sure," smiled Dawn. "I like your aura."

"Looks like you and me are sharing a bunk," Jo told Sierra, after returning from torturing the boys.

"Okay," said Sierra. "But when is it the best time to kill Chris?"

"Actually, I wouldn't bother," said Jo.

"But he wronged me," Sierra pointed out. "He's wronged everyone. How should I get revenged against him?"

"I have a better idea," Jo assured her.

(Video Diaries)

Jo – "I'd like to see Chris dead as well," said Jo. "I mean, who wouldn't? But in my opinion, Chris doesn't deserve to die. No, he deserves to be alive while he suffers immensely!"

(End of Video Diaries)

Team Red – Male Cabin

"Six beds and seven of us," groaned Scott. "Now what?!"

"I CALL TOP BUNK!" Owen chirped, climbing to the top bunk.

"OWEN, NO!" Geoff protested, but it was too late. Owen climbed to the top and the bed collapsed under his weight.

"That is going to be your bed!" hissed Scott.

"I don't know about you guys, but Tyler and I will be sharing a bunk," said Geoff, getting bottom bunk.

"All right, place at the table!" exclaimed Tyler, jumping onto the bed over Geoff's. However, instead of landing on that bed, the talentless jock crashed through the window. "Ooh, I'm okay," Tyler spluttered from outside.

"Sha-Lightning's getting the other top bunk!" Lightning chirped, grabbing it before anyone else could stop him.

B shrugged and got the bunk underneath Lightning.

"I guess Tyler doesn't want top bunk, then," said Justin, walking over to it.

"Sorry, but wouldn't you fall off by accident and damage your beautiful face?" smirked Scott. Justin sighed. "Sucker," smirked Scott, rolling over towards the bunk. Then he remembered he was handicapped, so he therefore cannot access the bed. Scott imitated the grunt from Handy from Happy Tree Friends.

Tyler returned and said: "Sorry, boys, I'm straight! I'm sleeping on my own tonight!" He climbed to his bunk bed.

"But where should I sleep?!" demanded Justin. He looked over at Owen, who was lying on two mattresses. Justin sighed and lay down next to Owen. The model relaxed, but five seconds later, Owen fell asleep and rolled over him, crushing Justin.

(Video Diaries)

Scott – "Guess I'll be sleeping in my wheelchair tonight," he sighed.

Justin – The Hawaiian is gazing into a mirror in sheer horror. "MY FACE!" wailed Justin. "OWEN RUINED MY FACE!" He calmed down but his eyes became bloodshot. "Owen will be the first person to go if we lose!" Justin hissed. "It's bad enough he wants to have sex with me even though it's obvious that I'm asexual and Owen knows it, but now he keeps squishing the beauty out of me!"

Owen – "I'm in Heaven!" beamed Owen. "I get to sleep with the sexiest asexual man in the planet every night! I hope he doesn't mind me being on top while we make out!" He immediately realised what he just said. "Ah crap, why did I just say that?!" he groaned, hitting himself over the head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

(End of Video Diaries)

Team Red – Female Cabin

"Girl, you want to have the bunk over me?" LeShawna asked Dakota. "You're the only one in this cabin who has not been doing my head in."

"I second that," said Dakota, climbing onto the bunk over LeShawna's.

"Top bunk or bottom bunk, Eva?" asked Heather. "You get to choose!"

"Bottom; I need to be closer to my weights," Eva grumbled. Heather sighed in relief.

"Wait, but that means-" Blaineley protested, only to discover that she is sharing a bunk with Staci.

"Did you know that my second-cousin's great-great-great-grandmother's brother's great-great-great-uncle invented the bunk bed?!" Staci fibbed. "Before that, people slept on top of each other in confined spaces, often resulting in a faster spread of AIDS and increased unplanned pregnancies! How sad!"

"OH, SHUT THE F*** UP!" Blaineley howled at Staci with great ferocity.

Staci stopped gabbing and she looked hurt. But ten seconds later she said: "Did you know that my grandmother's sister's husband's cousin's great-great-grandfather invented AIDS?!"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" wailed Blaineley.

(Video Diaries)

Blaineley – "Our team is definitely going to lose because I just can't abide Staci on the island anymore!" screamed Blaineley. "I'm throwing the challenge tonight!"

Heather – "Apparently, Eva was my only option," said Heather. "She's a million times better than Staci and Mildred put together, yet I cannot stand her!"

(End of Video Diaries)

"ALL CAMPERS TO THE BONFIRE PIT! THAT'S ALL CAMPERS TO THE BONFIRE PIT!" Chris echoed.

"Campers, our first challenge will be relatively easy," said Chris.

"Relatively easy?" demanded Noah. "That doesn't guarantee anything.."

"Yeah, you got me," Chris admitted. "You will be trying to dodge or manoeuvre around obstacles while running around the perimeter of third of the island which is not off limits. First, you will encounter a five metre tall fence which you must climb over. Second, you must get on the canoes and paddle around the restricted area. Be careful though, because there are sharks, alligators and anacondas around the area. Finally, it's a long run back to the finish line through the forest, where there are tigers, gorillas and-"

"There are no anacondas, alligators, tigers or gorillas in Ontario, let alone Canada!" Harold corrected him. "Curse your lack of knowledge of our national or local fauna! GOSH!"

"I got those animals shipped in from zoos nationwide that could no longer deal with them," Chris informed Harold. "Besides, nobody cares. There are also bears and crazy people which we bought free of charge from every single psychiatric hospital in Canada that has closed down since the filming of the last season. First team to have all of its members across the finish line wins a reward. Last person to the finish line loses for their team, and their team will be sending someone home. Questions?"

"Does this mean future challenges will be even more difficult?" Noah asked, raising his hand.

"What do you think the answer to this question is?!" Chris demanded.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," groaned Noah.

"Looks like you should," said Chris. "Okay, on your marks…get set…GO!"

The contestants sped off, except for Scott, who is paraplegic, and Owen, who was having difficulty even walking.

"Aw, this is so hard!" Owen winged.

"Well too bad," said Chris. "If either of you come last your team will hate you."

Owen sighed as he walked faster, leaving Scott behind. Scott scowled.

"OWEN, GET BACK HERE!" he shouted. "AREN'T YOU GOING TO PUSH ME?!"

(Video Diaries)

Owen – "Oh my god I think I'm going to be last!" Owen said, panicking.

Scott – "I guess coming in last won't be so bad," said Scott. "Everyone wants to get rid of Staci anyway since she won't shut up, so what am I worried about?"

LeShawna – "I'm hoping our team loses so we can vote out Staci, but Scott and Owen better try harder in the next challenges," said LeShawna. "I ain't gonna be on the team that loses every episode."

Blaineley – "With Scott being handicapped and Owen being obese, looks like I won't have to throw any challenges," smirked Blaineley. "No matter how much they try, Team Red is going to the bonfire pit where we can say bye-bye to Staci. Thank God she won't be keeping me awake all night tonight."

Staci – "Did you know that my great-great-great-" Staci said 'great' again two-hundred-and-forty-three times before the camera switched itself automatically out of boredom.

(End of Video Diaries)

Brick was running, thinking he had this in the bag, when all of a sudden, he found himself lying in the muck and being walked on.

"Aw, you're such a gentleman!" jeered a certain voice Brick was too familiar with.

"JO, HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT A SOLDIER?!" bellowed Brick.

"Well I already did it," sneered Jo, "and I'll do it again! Later!" Jo walked off.

(Video Diaries)

Brick – "If we lose I'm voting out Jo," said Brick. "Not only is she not a true soldier, she is also a bully. She needs to learn some manners."

Jo – "What a wuss," smirked Jo. "Brick calls himself the 'perfect criteria for an officer' but he still sleeps with a stuffed animal."

(End of Video Diaries)

Fifteen minutes later, everyone except Owen and Scott have managed to get over the fence. Scott has managed to catch up to Owen and he said:

"Don't bother, you're too fat to get over the fence!"

Owen ignored him and managed to jump a metre into the air before falling and landing on a wheelchair.

"OW!" groaned Owen. "It hurts and- HEY, this is comfy!"

(Video Diaries)

Noah – "The only reason this challenge is 'relatively easy' is because Scott is in a wheelchair and there's a fence that is five metres tall!" groaned Noah. "Why do you think Chris is being so predictable? Someone on the Red team is the person Chris wants to get rid of."

Chris – "Yeah, I don't really care who goes home," said Chris. "I've had the interns install a door flap somewhere on the fence for Owen and Scott. I decided to leave them to figure out where it is on their own. But it's not that predictable; surely everyone hates Scott more than they hate Staci."

(End of Video Diaries)

Team Green was the first team to have all of its members across the finish line. However, it was Izzy - a member of Team Blue - who made the challenge easier for her fellow contestants. At the fence, her dynamite removed a metre from the fence. At the waters, the anacondas, alligators and sharks were so terrified of Izzy they knocked Brick out of his canoe, climbed aboard and sailed off all the way to an airport that has a plane that will take them to Brazil. Along the trek, the escaped psycho patients, tigers, gorillas and bears co-operated and they escaped by stealing a helicopter. The contestants - except Brick - had no difficult getting to the finish line. Team Blue would have won the award had it not been for Courtney, who was trying to throw challenges in an attempt to get rid of Gwen. Chef came and dragged Courtney to the finish line, but Brick already made it before Chef and Courtney. By half five, everyone except Scott and Owen have made it past the finish line.

"Team Green and Team Blue, you guys are safe from elimination and Team Green wins an award!" Chris announced. "Team Green, you guys are spending two nights on a cruise!" Team Green cheered. Team Blue was evidently disappointed to have not won that cruise, however they are happy that no-one on their team is going home tonight.

"Team Red, sucks to be you, right?" asked Chris. "Where are Owen and Scott?"

On cue, Owen rolled by in a wheelchair.

"Whoa, dude, what happened to you?!" asked Geoff.

"I think I'm handicapped!" gasped Owen. He suddenly got up off the wheelchair. "Hey, I can walk again!" he beamed, smiling.

"Or maybe you're just an idiot!" Heather retorted. "Look at Scott!" she mused, pointing at a flattened Scott on his wheelchair.

"Campers, elimination ceremonies will be the same as the first season," said Chris. "You have all cast your votes and made your decisions. The camper that does not receive a marshmallow must immediately get their stuff, walk to the Dock of Shame, get on the Hurl of Shame and be flung over to Playa de Losers."

"My great-great-great-" Staci began.

"Staci, shut the hell up!" snapped Chris, cutting her off. "The first ten marshmallows go to Geoff, Tyler, Dakota, B, LeShawna, Eva, Heather, Justin, Lightning and Blaineley. The next one goes to Owen. Scott, Staci, this is the last marshmallow of the evening. Staci, you don't know when to shut up, while Scott, you're in a wheelchair. The last marshmallow goes to… SCOTT!"

Scott caught the marshmallow with glee; giving Staci and evil smile.

"Staci, you've been eliminated," said Chris. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

"I'm going to be honest just this once," Staci stated. "YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF F***ING EEJITS!" Staci broke out into fits of hysterical laughter like a maniac as she ran to the Hurl of Shame, climbed onto it, pulled the lever and was flown to Playa de Losers, still cackling like a maniac.

"That was disturbing," said Chris. "VERY disturbing. Anyway, enjoy your marshmallows. You all are safe… for tonight!"

"You said that on the first day of the first season," Eva interjected.

"In that case, let's hope you're not the second to be eliminated," Chris retorted, leaving Team Red to their marshmallows.

"Don't worry," LeShawna assured the body builder, "if we lose again, it's Scott that's going home."

"Oh, it's because I'm paraplegic, huh?!" demanded Scott.

"No, because of what you did last season and you don't appear to show any remorse," said LeShawna.

(Video Diaries)

Scott – "Oh, we'll see about that!" said Scott, laughing evilly. All of a sudden, Owen rushed into the confessional cubicle, dropped his pants, sat on Scott's lap and whipped out a newspaper.

(End of Video Diaries)

After Team Green boarded the cruise, Team Blue and Team Red – minus Scott and Owen – entered the mess hall for dinner.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" exclaimed a European-looking woman with long black hair tied up in a bun. "I AM MS SCRATCHER! I WILL BE YOUR COOK FOR THE SEASON! NOW GET UP, GRAB A PLATE, GET YOUR FOOD AND SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! AND YOU WILL EAT YOUR FOOD! NOBODY IS LEAVING UNTIL EVERYONE'S PLATE IS EMPTY!"

The intimidated contestants went up to get their food: brown slop, like how Chef used to make. In the end, it was half eight in the evening by the time the campers were allowed to leave the mess hall.

"Tell me truth Chef," said Gwen, "did you really cook that brown slop over the last four seasons or was it manufactured?"

"No offense, but what we had tonight tastes exactly what you used to make," Dakota added.

"Believe it or not, it came down to the ingredients I was allowed to use to feed you guys," Chef admitted. "I still did the best I could. However, brown slop depends entirely on the ingredients and not how you mix them."

"No surprises there," said Mike.

(Video Diaries)

Chef – "Yep, this place still pretty much stinks, especially since I'm a contestant instead of a cook," he sighed. "But I might as well try and win and pay off that goddamn alimony. In fact, I'll use the money to appeal the divorce case so I won't have to pay any alimony. And while I'm at it, I'll apologise to the other contestants and try to earn their forgiveness. I don't really expect them to forgive me." He sighed.

Blaineley – "Tonight won't be as bad as I thought," Blaineley proudly stated, "now that Staci's gone!" All of a sudden, Izzy breaks down the door. "There you are, Mildred!" Izzy chirped. "It's time for a threesome with me, you and Courtney!" Izzy dragged Blaineley out of the confessional cubicle.

Scott – "Because of Owen, I was an hour late for dinner because I had to change my pants for reasons I refuse to answer!" Scott grunted. "So Ms Scratcher, our kind replacement to the big bald guy, ate the face off of me! LeShawna, you're safe for tomorrow night because-" Owen barged in again, dropped his pants again, sat on Scott's lap again and whipped out another newspaper. "Golly, I think I ate too much of that delicious brown slop!" groaned Owen.

(End of Video Diaries)

That night, the girls on Team Red were getting ready for bed when they noticed something.

"Where's that whiny white girl in the red dress?" asked LeShawna.

"Mildred?" asked Eva. "Don't know, don't care."

LeShawna shrugged. "Izzy must've taken her," she said. "Never mind."

So what did you guys think? Sorry if the ending to Chapter One was predictable, but Staci does not necessarily advance the plot so she had to go first. Next chapters won't be so predictable so prepare yourselves for that.

Ms Scratcher is my OC. She is Irish, always cranky and she's normally a secondary school teacher. Since it's summer, she's in Canada, working for Chris. She's also a transsexual, probably because when she was a man her name was Willy. And now for the questions:

Will Team Green be refreshed after their cruise? We'll see.

Will Chef get used to being a contestant, and above all, earn the forgiveness of the contestants for the way he treated them, especially Zoey and DJ?

Will Owen stop mistaking Scott for a toilet? I don't think so.

Find out next time on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!