AN-This is a gift fic that ended up being 17 pages long. And damn…I just finished re-reading it and I don't care if there are any more mistakes it took FOREVER to re-read…anyway…this story is a yaoi and in my opinion the ending is depressing as fuck. Then again...i cried thinking of it…cried writing it…and cried fucking rereading it…god damn it I am a sap!
So here's what I will say…please read this…and if you get through it all, review it. Because I actually sort of liked it…but then I re-read it and realized how hard it might be to read. I am sorry though…
Umm…so yeah.
GaaNaru
Basically that
Rated-M for swears adult themes suicide death and such
Happy Birthday Tortiny93/ Destiny. Hope this is as good as nurse joy telling you happy b-day!
Review
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I hope you haven't been in the situation I am in, the one where your word doesn't matter and whatever you say seems to be a lie or not the truth. Because being in that situation, when talking isn't your specialty in the first place, makes this all the worse. I won't say I'm totally innocent; I have had my fair share of underage drinking (sometimes being caught at parties) even if I never did drink and drive. Every once I awhile I would steal money from my dad, only twenty bucks or so, and I would end up getting that stolen by my brother Kankuro. But, even though you can't really call it a crime, I have also been known to have suicidal tendencies…Been in the hospital a few times because of close calls with my knife. Yet even with this problem my father refused to put me in a mental house or even get a therapist, saying that it was just me looking for attention or a way to hide the criminal he knew I was.
But seeing as how I was, and still am, someone who has a rough time speaking about what I want to (the words in my head but I'm just not able to put it out in the right words) I wasn't able to really get my way out of this situation that for one of the first times…was not my fault at all. You see, I have never done drugs in my life. Not even pain pills unless I was in the hospital and they were force feeding me them. Drugs, medication, there just not my deal. And so the fact that I'm I this situation in which I didn't cause is just not fair.
You see I have been set up by my brother. I know this by the fact that I was with him the night it happened. I was at a party and he came to pick me up, for once I hadn't been drinking. This was because I knew that the party I was at normally fucked everything up and police would show up, testing everyone to see if the ones underage had been drinking alcohol. Not to mention I was pretty used to being hit on by girls and I did not want to make that mistake again. And I do mean mistake when I say that. I'm gay, do not like girls at all. There was a time I got drunk and ended up hitting on this person who ended up being of the female gender…seeing that he had a vagina made me instantly go soft and get dressed, leaving whoevers parents' bedroom that it was at the time. Maybe the fact I'm gay is another reason I'm in this situation, since my dad doesn't like that fact. Anyway…so my brother had picked me up, to many girls and not enough hot guys for my liking, and he was the one totally smashed. And he was driving which made it all the worst, I didn't notice this until after I got into the passenger seat and put my seat belt on, after this I tried to convince him to switch places so I could drive, he just said no in a very slurred up tone and sped forward into the night. I surely thought I was going to die the moment he sped and crashed his car into a tree and I blacked out.
When I came too I was hurting badly…sitting in the front seat sirens surrounding me. I did not feel normal, I felt like….well I guess I could say I felt high now since I know what high feels like. I felt so out of it from the moment I looked wide eyed into the flashlight of a police officer. My brother crashed his car…put me in the driver's seat and made me swallow drugs…
And so this is how I got into this situation…I was completely innocent, still am, but no one believed me. Not even the fact that my brother was not the best looking one in the room either. He had scratches and bruises on his body; he blamed it on some guys in the neighborhood beating him up. So maybe they thought that it might have been another one of my suicide attempts (getting high and crashing my brother's car) but that didn't stop them from sending me to this juvenile detention facility instead of a mental hospital…
So that's where I started my story about being innocent but not able to have anyone believe in you. My name is Gaara Sabaku, and I am innocent. But innocence doesn't seem to reach the ears of anyone around here for some god damn reason. It's probably the fact that the situation seemed like such the perfect set up and my dad probably thought that being here would set me straight….literally.
I sighed being forced into a room, with a push, stumbling into the open room with two beds (one made one not) the guards standing by the door glaring daggers at me as if I was nothing. They probably heard many things from the people running this place; they normally are told lies on what we had done in order for them to not treat us as friendly. The thing is…I'm innocent I always have been…well with this situation I have been innocent.
"You would have had a roommate but, well…yeah he's dead."
"Dead?" I raised an eyebrow to them only to have them glare at me.
"Yes dead. Killed himself with some pills he smuggled in. Oh well, good thing he didn't dirty up his sheets." One of them spoke with a smirk, my face didn't show any regards of emotion.
"You didn't change the sheets?"
"Why would we? There's no need to." Before I could even retort they slammed the door shut and locked it, making me sigh and take in my surroundings. There were two beds…one made Apparently my bed was going to be one of a dead mans, one which he hated it here so much he killed himself over being here. He could have even died in that bed. Not that it mattered; I'm not the most common one to sleep anyway. There was a mirror on the wall but it wasn't made with anything that was breakable and able to hurt people. That means it was a piece of plastic embedded into the wall. It wasn't one of those see through plastics though…so I was able to see myself clearly. My eyes showed little to no emotion, I learned to hide it for the longest time. They also normally had dark circles under them from my lack of sleep, by lack I mean no sleep because I don't. They're reasons why I don't sleep, but there are so many small things. I had, around each of my eyes, a black tattoo that was painful as fuck getting and I might regret when I'm older but I don't care. It was better and easier than constantly wearing guy liner to cover it up. I had another tattoo on my forehead with the kanji symbol for love. Again…another back ground story about my loveless childhood which brought me to the inking to my pale skin.
Sighing I ran my fingers through my red locks looking away to my reflection and going over to the bed which was of once for the dead man of who's name I don't even know. I wondered if this place was a curse or a blessing…being away from the home where only my sister cared for me and well…my oldest brother cared for me also, but he ran off with his boyfriend somewhere and I haven't seen him in almost twelve years. I'm sixteen now, almost seventeen. My dad thought I was a failure more than Kankuro. It's because at least Kankuro isn't Gay like I am, and I'm completely open to it. Plus the fact that he walked in on me at fourteen fucking some male at the time also sort of took me out of the closet. So it didn't matter how many times Kankuro fucked up, it was mostly because of my sexual orientation that I was thrown under the bus more. Even before being torn out of the closet life seemed to have it against me. And because my problem with not able to say what I wanted in the right way always kept me a bit more impaired than the others.
It just felt…totally unloved. The meaning for my tattoo.
I lied down on the bed my head on the one pillow which seemed to be flat as fuck…the bed itself felt uncomfortable as well and the springs are squeaky. Just so uncomfortable…it's a good thing I don't sleep otherwise this situation would be a bitch. I heard that this juvenile detention place is one of the toughest in the country. Only because they treat it like an actual prison and even the guard's act as some things don't happen sometimes. You know the drop the soap and be warned type of situation or even some fights don't get looked at. So the fact that someone committed suicide…I'm not too surprised. I guess I should just live off the thirteen months that I'm stuck here. Don't ask me how I got such a long sentence…because I can't really answer you.
I looked at the dirty ceiling thinking of really…nothing, but I felt as if I was sitting on something. And well…that's it. I was sitting on something so I moved on the crappy metal spring squeaky thing that was supposed to be called a bed and pulled out the envelope stashed under the thin as paper sheet of the bed. Okay not as thin as paper…but it is a thin blanket to top off the back murdering menace.
I looked at it…held the wrinkled envelope in my hand and just looked at it. Must have been written by the kid you played the suicide card and kicked the bucket. I know that I have had attempts to suicide but I never went through with it or had such a bad injury I wasn't able to recover (hospital maybe) so all I have to say is…this kid has more balls than I probably ever will. Only because he actually went through with it.
'Naruto?' I thought to myself as I looked at it. The supposed letter even had an address on it…and no way was I going to read his personal thoughts. Hey I may not be the perfect being in the world but I know the privacy of the dead should not be tampered with. The least I can do is mail it to this fish cake person thing. But I guess I'll also mail my own letter to whoever this person is…to just be considerate and explain that whoever my roommate was going to be died and wouldn't send letters anymore. It was only me being kind enough to actually send the letter.
Not like I can do that now…I wouldn't even know where I could get paper or a pen to write to him or her…or how to even mail things anyway. I don't know how things are run here to be honest…will I be stuck in this room or will I have outdoors time, do I get a book selection where I can rent one out? Whens dinner? The list goes on and on in which I don't know exactly what I would be doing with my life here.
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I glared daggers at the bowl hair cutted head of the man sitting across from me, a large smile on his face and bushy eyebrows. "Why."
"Why what!?" He smiled at me.
"Why do you keep staring at me?" I spoke emotionless using my plastic spoon to stir my slop, aka my lunch.
"Because you're new!"
"And?"
"And new people should be treated with respect!"
"Were in a detention facility where I don't give a shit." I looked at him, face completely dull.
"That's not going to make me go away! I'm Lee!"
"Hello Lee, Do you have any friends? No? Thought not." I spoke taking a sip of the slop before just pushing it away and eating my bread. Starch starch and more starch.
"Lee has friends…" he mumbled slightly looking at my food then me as to see if he could have it. I just nodded my head to him as my answer. At Lee's words people groaned around him.
"Well okay. I don't need one though."
"I don't care; I want to be your friend." I have a feeling even if I persisted he wouldn't take no for an answer or shut the hell up, "And so I saw you and you are the new kid in the room where he killed himself right? Right, and so you don't know anything about this place and I should tell you!"
"What if I don't care? I don't care if I'm here anyway so-"
"Oh mister tough sounding!" He laughed, "Tell me you think you can survive this youth? Can you guess what people are dangerous and who isn't? Can you guess what I did red head?" He smiled at me and I raised my brow to him in confusion. Was this guy threatening me?
"What did you do?" I asked him after awhile
"Stabbed a guy…well a few guys! They were being mean…oh and some weed, but that was a looooooong time ago. And by that I mean about two years ago. Then I stabbed someone, well a few people again, and now I'm here. Claiming self-defense sent me here just because they had fists not weapons!" he smiled at me and I resisted a gulp. So this guy was the Cicero of juvenile hall. Annoying as fuck but deadly. "So what did you do?"
"Nothing."
"No seriously? Everybody did nothing to get in here. What did you do."
"Seriously…nothing." I spoke, "I'm innocent, my brother should be here not me." And there I was again not saying everything I wanted to.
"Sure." That's all lee could say until I rolled my eyes and finally caved in saying he could at least hang by my side. He didn't annoy me that much, okay he did, but I learned to ignore people like him so why not make his day and say he could be with me even though I wouldn't pay him any mind.
It was a few days before I finally spoke back to the youth speaking male, and it was because I remembered about the envelope hiding under the pillow I never used. I would pretend I fell asleep, especially when it was lights out, but all I did was think to myself until breakfast.
"What do you mean? Have someone to send a letter too?"
"Something like that…" I spoke mostly to myself, playing with my foot in the sand. Something about grains of sand always made me feel…comfortable.
"Well there's mail day twice a month and if you have someone to write too you will get a sheet of paper and pencil while they watch over you while you write. Don't plan escape or anything because they still open every letter going out and in. Same with packages. It can be a bitch because sometimes they lose the mail. There is a lot." he smiled at me and I just grunted slightly at the thought.
"Whens next mail day?" I asked him.
"Tomorrow actually…most don't think of mail day when they first get here."
"People get packages in?" I asked confused on that.
"Well a lot of time you can get family to pay for some extra tooth brushes and tooth paste for the person…or soap or another set of clothes, so another uniform." He smiled obnoxiously big for someone here and I just grunted again, "Some get stuffed animals and such but those type toys they rip apart to see if there is anything in them then give it to you anyway." Lee pouted slightly, "Like my turtle from sensei."
I cut out the rest of his sob story to think about how to talk to the person about mailing a letter…I guess I can write my own then put the suicidal kids own in my own envelope.
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What to write…to some fish cake that I don't even know if he or she is human. This…Naruto person whoever they are will get both our letters…so what to write. And I only have about ten more minutes too.
Dear…Fish Cake
Sorry I don't know if Naruto is a nickname or what but…yeah I am just going to get to the point. I am sending you a letter I found in the bed that I gained from your lost, friend or loved one. The person who was sending you a letter, a very annoying youthful bumblebee tells me his name is Sasuke, killed himself before I could even room with him. I wish I could, I am sorry for your loss. I just felt as if I should add this letter with the other one in case you were confused on why he stopped sending you letters. I didn't read what was in it, promise. Again…sorry.
Red Teddy
Okay don't give me that look. I know…why am I using an alias for a letter where he or she will never hear from me again. That's the thing, they won't have to deal with me, do back up checks, or see anything because of my name. The red for my hair…and teddy for my teddy bear that I used to have and actually fell asleep with. That seems like a far time away from now right?
"Are you done?" I looked up at the guy watching me write the letter and I just sighed nodding after writing fish cakes address on the other envelope too. He looked at my letter before sealing it up and taking them both away to mail. Sighing and feeling now incredibly bored I sat on the squeaky mattress and closed my eyes. Not to sleep, just to rest. I can never sleep; it just wasn't in my being as I rested there and breathed deeply. After a while I opened my eyes half lidded before sighing and sitting up in the back destroying object and running my fingers through my hair.
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I groaned when glaring daggers at the door that came open, I was too busy thinking of man ass that I was not in the mood to have someone come in here and tell me it was probably dinner time. My room was still empty, no one was roomed with me yet and I don't know why but I also wasn't complaining. And I'm not afraid to admit I have jacked off with the time that I sometimes spent alone. Imagination does wonders.
"What?" I glared at him.
"Mail."
"Mail?" I retorted and he just rolled his eyes before throwing me an already opened yet resealed envelope. Who would send me mail? Like I said they mostly all hate me except for my sister and my oldest brother.
Dear…Red Teddy?
Thank you for sending me that letter. It was very important…it really was. In it was his apology for committing suicide so you didn't need to tell me in your letter. But seeing as how you did it means that you didn't look at it like you said you didn't. With the way they open envelopes and scope over what's written always makes it harder to tell, Ha…And yes my name is Naruto. I know this is probably pretty lame of me to even write back when it seemed like you wouldn't ever have to write to me again but I had to. To well…thank you. I said that already didn't I…it's probably even lamer that I'm still writing this huh? It just became habit to write to Sasuke…that way I wouldn't feel so alone. Even if you might not, probably won't, write back, are you alone Red Teddy? Because I knew Sasuke was… Anyway…thank you again.
Naruto aka Fish Cake
Naruto actually sent a letter back to me…even though I was sure I would never hear from them again. I was just being courteous to a dead soul and they send a letter back to me? I don't even know if this person is a boy or a girl…and to make it worse it seems like he was just thanking me to writing a letter and sending this Sasuke guys last apparent words to a love one…and then I get him or her asking me if I feel alone? What kind of question is that? Whatever the case…what makes this all the worse is I have the feeling to send him a letter back again.
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Dear Naruto
No my name isn't actually Red Teddy; I just figured you would never send me something again so there was no point of my real name. Just speaking of names, are you a boy or a girl. Can't really tell with a name like Fish Cake. But if you were Sasuke's lover then you must be of the female gender unless you were family then I have no clue. But what's the point, this letter probably won't get responded too yet I'm sending it to someone who does like to reply to things. Am I alone? Can't really say I am. I feel the same like I have always since I have been growing up so I guess loneliness could be a word for it. I just never really recall feeling any different. Well answered your question…and Welcome again.
Red Teddy
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Dear Red Teddy,
Sasuke is…was my lover and I ama male is that a problem mister Red Teddy? Because he was gay and so am I? I feel a bit offended that you would assume I was a girl…And what kind of Alias is Red Teddy anyway? You make bears bleed or something? That just makes me think; why you are there in the first place and how long are you stuck there anyway? Sasuke had just a few more months…
Naruto
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Dear Naruto
No it does not bother me, and sorry to offend you and make you think I was a homophobe. Girls aren't my type, if you get the picture; And Red Teddy is an alias. Just that. Red hair and the fact I had a childhood teddy. Is there a problem with that? I should be offended you don't like my alias. I'm innocent, that's why I'm here. And I'm not just saying that because the guard is going to read over this message again. And…let's just say I'm in here for a while. I'm guessing these letters won't stop to each other either.
Red Teddy
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"Why are you so excited?" Lee asked me and I raised an eyebrow at him. I'm literally drawing circles in the sand and that qualifies at being excited? I'm really not acting any different.
"I'm excited?"
"Normally you draw lines in the sand with your foot, now you are drawing circles. I think that counts as being excited! Plus you smiled at one of my youthful jokes at lunch today-"
"I was laughing at the guy who puked on the wall." I looked at him, "The wall that was right behind you so it looked like you had white paint surrounding your head"
"Well even so you still laughed and it takes forever to make you smile!"
"Because I don't"
"That's my point! You're an emo toughie that doesn't really talk much." Lee pouted, "and you have been here for almost three months!"
"I know I haven't been butt fucked, the blasphemy." I looked at him just slightly serious.
"See! You're even teasing around." I decided to start ignoring Lee at this point. I wanted to keep my existence here still sort of hidden. I don't care about friends, Lee just latched onto me and hasn't let go. But it was true, I was a bit more…happier than normal for today. I guess I wasn't holding in my excitement.
It's mail day.
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Dear Red Teddy
Sorry but you're not going to get rid of me so easily. Sending you letters is like how it used to be with Sasuke…glad to find out you're not disgusted with me being gay, in fact I guess if you were you wouldn't of replied at all. Plus you are too so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Anyway…yeah…sending letters to you makes me feel not so alone. And seeing as you said you felt alone why not make it so were both not alone. Because you did say you had the feeling since you were little right? I know I hate that feeling. Sasuke got me out of it. And Red Teddy…since we both feel like continuously writing letters to each other can I finally get your name? Or will it be a secret for good.
Naruto
I looked at the letter and reread it a few times before smiling at it. I won't stop replying to this kid, for some reason I have just that feeling that his letters are going to get me through this whole situation. You know…the me not being bored part. Yes there are people here where I could make them be my friend but in all honesty I didn't want to be friends with them. And if I did say that I was innocent I couldn't be so sure I wouldn't get beat up. I'm not weak enough to not put up a fight, I just don't have the inspiration to do so, I'm going to be here for another year so why make friends that have the urge to get in fights steal your food and rape you. Luckily I haven't been in any of those situations.
Dear Naruto
To speak my name or keep you wondering…tell you what, humor me and tell me some names in which you think my character sounds like. I wrote to you few times…and you know I'm innocent. What do you think my name is. Tell me about yourself and I will tell you about me…maybe. And you can also tell me about this Sasuke character seeing as you always write about him or mention him. I'm not being an ass though, you seem to have loved him…he was your lover. Why was he here and you out there? And other things I guess. Only if you want to, it is easier to let things out then keep them in, or so I'm told. I have never been able to speak my mind in the way people say that I should be able too. So normally I don't speak at all. Well for another two weeks.
Red teddy.
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Dear Red Teddy
I am up to this challenge oh mighty bear of red. What I know from you is…well seeing as I don't know your genetic background meaning your family history I don't know if your name is German Italian Japanese or what. So umm…how about I humor you and guess your name being Shane, Jake or Kouske? I know those probably aren't them but you said to guess so I did! Don't judge me…I don't have a lot to work with either. About me…Well characteristics I have blond hair blue eyes and tan. My dad has German on his mom's side. I have three whiskers on both my cheeks from birth and I'm loud and people say I'm obnoxious but I'm not. I'm a sap for sad movies and I'm bad in school. I'm not the smartest person…which is how I met Sasuke. Not because I am an idiot, but because we had been going to the same school for years. He stopped bullies from beating on me in middle school and well…he said he liked how I never got depressed from everyone beating on me. We became friends…then in high school he started to tutor me. We were together for two years after he started to tutor me…I was in love with him. Sasuke ended up there for protecting me…Some guys decided that it was best to pull me in an alley beat me up and rape me. Sasuke was furious at them and himself for not being able to protect me or be there to maybe even use himself if he knew he couldn't fight back. He ended up finding them and…well he may have been a bit beat but the guys were worse. Arms were broken, almost torn off, of one guy which is the reason why he is there. He lost use of his arms. Sasuke had only a few more months there but times were hard for him. He was very handsome and so people did rape him, almost constantly. The reason he committed suicide…he let the thought on not being able to protect me that day crawl in his mind and he connected his experiences with mine. Sasuke was a great man…I love him so much. I'm sorry…this was probably boring…someone cares about him though. I wish he was here…
Naruto
The paper is wrinkles slightly…seemingly wet spots probably from Naruto's tears. Just thinking of the kid…writing out his feelings to a guy who he doesn't even know makes me shiver just slightly. If I was an old creep trying to be with the kid he would be the oblivious sucker I would target. But the blond wrote his heart on the paper to me… The longest letter he wrote yet, it was two pages of his script. And he was crying while writing it.
I like this grieving kid…
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Dear Naruto
I know this won't matter since I'm here and you probably wrote that days before I even got your letter but…I want you to calm down sniff the roses drink some milk and calm down. I know how it feels like to lose a loved one to suicide. My mom killed herself when I was six, couldn't stand how my dad would sometimes act against his family. Not to mention she just couldn't take her family (her sisters and brothers) abandoning her and soon dying off one by one. She felt alone but after her death I felt alone too. So I can empathize with the pain of missing someone who is very close to you but gone. But tell me, Naruto, Does he feel completely gone to you or is he in your heart? Wow…I just got truly sappy there fish cake, I hope you don't mind. Oh, you wanted to know more about me right? I have red hair sea foam green eyes and two different tattoos. I'll let you guess where there located. I can be sarcastic and sound like a smart ass when I need to yet I'm namely silent. I recently learned writing is way easier than talking, how come I never knew that before is beyond me. I have a sister and two brothers, one is the one who set me up and look at where I am now? Like I said I'm innocent…but I'm not going to be an ass about it. I know I could probably write more but I'm running out of time. The guard actually only gave me twenty minutes this time because I was late in getting my mail today. Sorry Blondie.
Oh and the names not Shane Jake or Kouske. I amJapanese but the name isn't that odd I don't think so fish cake. It's Gaara. Never suspected that now did you?
Gaara aka Red Teddy
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"Why are you so pissed?" Lee looked at me running his fingers through my hair until I swatted him away giving him a glare.
"I'm not. You're touching me." I moved away from him slightly, my hand stirring the chili that was in the bowl. It was one of the meals that were actually edible to me. It was spicy, and I liked spicy, maybe fucked with a lot of stomachs around this place but I can eat it with no problem.
"Don't tell me…you finally got raped!" He asked me and I just grunted knowing that was complete bull shit, "Nah, that would have been the talk of the yard. You didn't rape anyone did you?"
"Sorry not like that." I spoke to him mostly thinking in my own thoughts.
"Not like what? Gay?"
"No a douche."
"So you are gay!"
"So?" I glared daggers at him, how Lee didn't know that already yet don't ask me how. It's already been five months since I've been here…maybe six I'm not sure right now and as of this moment I really don't care.
"God…if people had known that you would be bent over the nearest brick wall. Your handsome you know." He smiled at me and I rolled my eyes, he isn't my type. You know, the bowl cut obnoxious and not hot to me type.
"So you're gay?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"No! Been raped but not gay." He smiled at me giving me a wink, "I don't like it up the ass, I like this one girl though! She has pink hair, and beautiful green eyes and…well she doesn't know I exist but she's there."
"So you aren't gay? That's a shocker." I teased him dipping my bun into the chili.
He rolled his eyes eating the chili himself seeing as how he, like me, seemed immune to the spices used in the meal, "But seriously why are you pissed."
"I'm not…you were touching me."
"I was touching you because you seemed out of it and dazed. You have for the whole month. Is it because of your love letter partner?" He looked at me teasingly and I glared at him enough to gulp a bit worried.
Naruto never responded…he never replied to my letter like he normally does. He wouldn't just forget…right? He wouldn't just stop sending letters to the person who he doesn't even know…he wouldn't. So what if I'm a little worried, I blame that letter being wet with his tears…I've been worried so I have been pissed. I don't even know why I'm acting this way, it's bothersome.
…
Dear Gaara (great name)
I am so sorry…I know you won't get this until well…the mail day a month and two weeks late. Because I sent it a week from the time you're getting this…I had a family emergency and had to rush home, without thinking I didn't grab your address and by the time I got there I couldn't go back. You see my mom is sick, she won't die but she had a heart attack and I have been watching her for a month before my dad could come home from business. Now before you call bull crap on my story, like you might, I live alone miles and miles away from family to be able to go to a special talent school. I dance…I hope you're not mad at me or worried…I hope you have been doing fine the last month…I'm sorry about your mom by the way, and thank you for feeling that way with me. Trying to calm me down even though you knew it was going to be late. It made my heart flutter to hear someone cared. You sound nice by the way…not mean or like a douche. As for your tattoos…to fuck with you I will say a tramp stamp and a band around your fore arm. Just to mess with your mind a little. On a smaller note…I really do hope you're doing fine. Speak your heart out to me, writing helps better than speaking just like you said. It could honestly help you out since you said speaking is a bit hard for you. Anyway…yeah well…hope you're not mad at me.
Naruto
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Dear Naruto
No I am not mad…I was scared a bit that you would never respond back though, after you had been crying over that letter over a month ago I was worried that maybe, I don't know, you wanted to be with Sasuke so much that you committed suicide. I was actually worried and thought for a second I should send a letter even if you hadn't sent me one. But then I thought that that was maybe a bit lame. But…Naruto, I hope that you know that you are a friend just from a few letters, and I don't have a lot of them. Thanks for thinking my names great even if I thought there was nothing wrong with Red Teddy. And my tattoos aren't in those places. I have ones around my eyes and love kanji on my forehead. But over the last month…I have gotten in a fight; it was against three people who decided to beat on someone who you could possibly call a friend here. I won, sort of, but still got a sprained ankle in the process. I heard them talk about me though, I don't think my ass is safe for much longer just to be honest. Not like my ass is a virgin, I just enjoy it not being penetrated as much as I like to be the one on top. Some of the other guys have been pestering me also on why I am here, the worst thing I could say is that I'm innocent…so I've been saying exactly what I was framed for. Don't think any worse of me than you might already. And guess what I have now? I have a roommate but he's namely quiet and doesn't talk to me. I don't care; really, I just don't want to get into conversations about him. And my question of the day, how come you aren't scared of me. You barley know me, yet we still write to each other. You don't even know what I look like than what I told you…what if it was lies, would you still trust me?
Gaara
…
Dear Gaara
Are you saying you have been just using me from the start Red Teddy? Because that isn't how it sounded for the last few months. So I don't believe you even if you tell me you have been lying. And if you truly are dangerous I don't have anything to lose. I only have a few friends, yes they might have been recently made but there still friends…And you are one of them, one that I can spill my heart to. It's like you're like how Sasuke would act or treat me. So I don't regret speaking to you even if you truly are dangerous, even though I don't think you are. So this is where we are to talking…I hope you don't get raped, if you do I'm here for you. And don't try and pretend that I mean nothing to you mister mystery man…because you are slowly not going to be a total mystery to me Gaara. I know this might seem sudden, but I mean we have been talking for months, when are you getting out again…I would like to be there for at least one person when they come out of that juvenile detention center. I was going to be there for Sasuke…two months ago…but I couldn't be. So I want to be there for you. Unless you don't want to. I mean you have become my friend by sending me Sasuke's letter then actually wanting to learn about him. But Gaara…I'm your friend no matter how many letters we have written we have still technically been talking for 6 months maybe 7. I'm not sure any more…but you won't get rid of me that easy. I said it before. (Not going to talk about your roommate because you said you didn't want to)
Naruto.
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Dear Naruto
I never wanted to scare you or act like I have been lying…mostly because I haven't lied basically at all to you. I don't really like the thought that I could be a liar which I am not. I have been telling the truth and writing just…whatever. I just wanted to make sure you weren't to oblivious and become one of those kids we used to talk about in school, the ones who gave there information on MySpace to only have pedophiles start going after them…As for my release…it has been almost nine months that I have been here, and I have thirteen total, so my release is ways away, I apologies for the inconvenience…and it would be nice that someone will be there for me…I have little hopes my siblings will be there and most of my friends probably thought I was shipped off to a boarding school and not sent here. There not truly friends, just people whose parties I would go to. I'll tell you when the time comes. And my assumption, about being raped and beat up, happened actually. It was really sort of sad actually, but it's not like I am that affected by it. Okay that is a lie I am traumatized and need a hug. Give me one though the letter and I will be fine in two weeks. I hope that you're doing okay, how's your mom and your schooling? I know it started back up a while ago.
Gaara
…
Dear Gaara
I'm sorry to hear that you had been raped…I know how much it hurts, I hope you're doing okay over there and I will give you a paper hug…but when we see each other for the first time then I will give you a real hug, because you deserve it for being such a great friend. And I so will be there for you when you get out, you say your family won't be…well I can be your family too. My mom's doing okay…though her heart may give out soon. I love her and hope she is going to be fine. Uh, school…it's not the same without Sasuke…my normal classes I'm practically failing just by a hair. But I'm passing with a D-, my dancing and my art classes I have A's though… But what is so hard is walking in the halls and hearing bad things said about Sasuke, they know what he did to protect me or to avenge me, but they still talk bad about him even if he's gone. I have gotten into a few fights, I will admit that, and all of them have been for that reason. The head says I have one more strike before I'm kicked out. Speaking of school…what are you doing about schooling? What happens once you get out?
Naruto
…
Dear Naruto
I hope you are doing fine and didn't get kicked out of school yet, that's not good for your future, in fact, it's the exact opposite. I am the quiet one in class, sitting in the back and just observe what would be happening around me…I would of stuck up for you though. You are a good person; no one should be able to upset you like they have. But if you want to stay in the school though then where head phones, maybe not even have them plugged into anything, because most of the time people say shit to spur you on, so if they think you're not listening in they won't speak crap. I wish I could help you with your homework though just saying. I haven't had my ass played with for a week, good sign since the last time they tried I broke his nose. And about school, they teach a few classes here but it's really not much so I am probably just going to get my high school education online once I get out of here. Get a job and try to move out of my family's house. Sorry this isn't that long; I got someone riding on my ass to hurry up.
Gaara
…
Dear Gaara
No I haven't been kicked out. Thank you for your suggestions on how to stop the people talking bad…it actually worked. No one talks bad about Sasuke anymore, they were just being jack asses…But I'm getting more tired lately. You could always move into my apartment…I probably sound like a real creeper saying a person you haven't even met in person can live in my apartment but…I live alone and well, Sasuke was basically moved in with me…so I feel sort of alone with my kitty by my side. Oh! I never told you about my kitty, I got her about a month ago. She has dark brown hair with spots of gray and black on her fur. Oh and her eyes are a pale blue color…I named her Hinata! She's adorable…I hope your good with cats Gaara, well…if you move in that is. But to be honest…I don't think that we wouldn't get along…and we seem to do just fine with writing letters right? So…I'd picture we do okay right? Either way…I'm counting down until you're set free then we can see each other, I hope you are doing the same.
Naruto
…
Dear Naruto
Yes I am okay with cats, although I prefer raccoons if we are talking about fuzzy critters. She seems adorable. Now the apartment part…how do you pay for it, if I can ask, and well…I would move into it with you so you aren't so lonely. I just hope you're okay with my presence.
Sorry that this letter is wrinkly, some douche took it away from me while I was writing it and I had to kick his ass to get it back. Yet this just made it probably worse for me because now they probably think I like having my butt hurt. But like I was saying before…Yes I can move in with you, just so that you aren't alone. I hate the fact that you might be hurt and during the two weeks of silence I sometimes worry that maybe something happened to you…and if something did I wouldn't be able to know. Thank you for being there for me though, I owe you one when I get out. Namely because well…you're helping me get through this place…
Gaara
…
I threw the ball a paper up at the ceiling, sighing slightly at the thought of the current development. Other than my ass being played with a few days ago for the nose I broke a long time ago, I was just worried. Not for myself, no, not even for Lee (even if he should get some professional help). I am worried for a blond haired blue eyed male who I have not even seen in person, hell, I could be sending letters to a 70 year old pervert you likes the thought of just playing me and pretending to be someone he isn't.
But I don't feel as if that is how Naruto is…so something must be up when he doesn't send a reply in two months…okay two months and a half almost three…and I get out soon so I wish he would send me a letter already. I know mail day isn't for another three days, but I haven't gotten one thing from him. And I know Lee is even getting worried about me, in fact he opened up to me in hope that I could tell him about Naruto, which I haven't. He spoke about how his parents didn't want him and his care taker, some person names Gai, found him signed papers and took him in. Sadly he ended up dying…but Lee looked up to him a lot. The week he was put into this place was the same week of Gai's funeral. That's why I think that maybe the kid has psychological problems…because he doesn't really have a life out of here. He is in here a month and a half after I get out…maybe I could meet back up with him.
But really, I didn't tell him anything major about Naruto. The closest I got to telling him was…how I thought that Naruto was probably different than my normal friend. And I think he understood what I said with my speech problem holding me back.
I am excited for every letter, I worry for him, and I want to know more about him and I love it when I learn those new things about him. I find his personality alluring and…even if I never saw him or met him in person, I at least have a crush on the kid.
This is why I'm worried…I'm worried that something happened to him…or at the very least, something happened to the letter. The guards who read them over, I'm pretty sure it takes them forever to read all of the ones going out and going in, could have lost it or sent it to a different room. Or even my roommate could have taken it, but I doubt that only because whenever I'm here he's sleeping or naming off bugs.
Sighing I threw the piece of crumpled up paper and put it on my bed, it being lunch time.
…
Dead Gaara
I don't know if you are mad at me or if you just never got your letter….or maybe this letter is completely worthless. Hopefully you really aren't mad because I would be sad if I lost a friend…one that had a huge impact on me…but you said that you be out a month from now and I thought I should send a backup letter…just to make sure that you weren't like Sasuke and gone…if you are you won't be reading this anyway…and if you are I will cry for you. I know there wouldn't be anyone else sending me a letter back to tell me if you were dead… you are a special one Red Teddy. I would have sent this earlier, without the hints of suicide, but I was kind of occupied…My mom died in the last month…well a month and a half ago. So that's why I hadn't written earlier if you really are alive. Though…I wouldn't know if I am able to live if everyone is dying off. I have my dad but…he tried to commit suicide after her death and other reasons so…he's being watched by my brother who came back while she was on her death bed. I'm sorry…if you are reading this this must be depressing. But even so, Gaara, if you do read this…even if you are dead, even if you are mad at me, I will be there for you the day you were supposed to be let out… but if you are reading this…then I will still be there for you…anyway this is just a letter to follow you up…seeing as how I never got a reply.
Naruto
I smiled at the letter on mail day. Then I frowned at the fact that the blond had suffered…his mother is dead and his father might have almost died. And he didn't have someone to hug him, but his brother. Which I didn't even know he had a brother…that just shows you how much I don't know about him but wish I could learn.
But damn those guards…for losing my letter to him or I never getting his reply to me…we might never know. What I can think of though is that the last mail day is the next one before I am released… and then I get to see Naruto for the first time… be free too.
Dear Naruto
I am not dead…in fact I am ecstatic to hear from you. My thought would be the guard lost my letter or lost your letter to me. I'm sorry about that…but what I am sorrier for is that you're mom died…I wish I could hug you, no will hug you when I get out. Which it will be soon. I can't wait to see you actually…I have been anxious to see the one who wrote me letters to see if I was okay. You aren't like others who think for themselves…even now when you have such intense family problems you asked about me and tried to care for me and say you're sorry…but Naruto, take a deep breaths…even if it has been awhile since your mom's passing…take some deep breaths. I wish I could truly do more but…hey think about it this way, next mail day will be our last…and then we can see each other in a sappy embrace…There forcing me to finish this up, again, I wish I could write more I truly do. Just remember I am with you, what kind of person would I be if I wasn't?
Gaara
…
Dear Gaara
I will be there for you. Counting down when I will be able to see if your red head is actually real. I'm just kidding…don't take offense to me now my friend. Thank you though...thank you so much for being so kind to me. Thank you for trying to calm me down and caring for me like a true friend…you really are different than others and I can tell by your words that it isn't you just giving me pity, seeing as you seem to care more for me than caring for yourself, which you should by the way. It can't be healthy for you…So here is the big plan, once you get out of here, few weeks give and take a few days, I will be there waiting for you. Don't forget to give me a hug okay? And when we hug we will stay in that hug for possibly three minutes…we will go to your house…and I will slap your brother. Okay maybe I won't slap him…but I will call him out, I am very good at interrogating people and getting what I want…okay the getting what I want part can count as a swing and a miss but at least I try. We will gather your stuff and then take it to my apartment…I'm sorry if it's a long drive but I don't exactly know where you live. And my apartment isn't that big…I just realized that I have one bedroom and one pretty big bath. I'll sleep on the couch until we can get another bed. I…though have to take you to my mom's grave…I told her about you before she died, to tell her I wouldn't be alone even if my dad was there too. You're different from most, even a bit different than Sasuke. Who if you have never sent me his letter…you would never be excited for mail day to come.
Naruto
…
Dear Naruto
This will be the last letter of our escapades…soon we will meet in person and I hope it is easier to speak to you and not just through letters…because truly me speaking my mind is a bit hard. And I hope it won't be creepy for the first time that we do meet. Because I hadn't lied to you…I hope you hadn't lied to me, even though I'm sure you wouldn't. And me judging character can sometimes be easy. I wish us the best to your plan…and I hope you're doing fine. I know I've been better at the thought of getting out of here. There's one person that I will be worried for once I leave, and I hope to meet up with him once he gets out of here too. His name is Lee, I know I mentioned him in earlier letters, probably not with his name but…he has been a good friend. And I'm worried for him but not as much as I worry for you. And as much as I am scared about the future, I know me admitting that I'm scared, I'm happy to share it with you, my new friend. You're different than some others…you truly are. And you have been through a lot too…I will get a job do online classes and we will have a nice future together.
Gaara
…
Two years later
I frowned at the man in front of me, how he says he's perfectly fine with being turned downed constantly is a surprise to me. He just smiled cheekily and I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Lee…"
"Yes youthful of youth!"
"This is a sex shop…you come here in order to buy things for sex, which you don't have." I looked at him from behind the counter before sighing once again.
"Oh shut up…I'm here for you, not your vibrators." He spoke to me and I rolled my eyes. You see…after I got out we did exactly as Naruto had said…he looked at me and I looked at him…and we knew each other right away plus the descriptions written earlier was a big give away. He hugged me and I hugged him and we lived happily ever after.
Or how I wish to see it as.
You see…the blond was perfect, he was also my type, but he was seriously perfect. I thought I had a crush on him for his personalities but everything about him was just…completely and utterly what I thought was beautiful. His blond hair…blue eyes…tan skin and he cute whisker scars on his cheeks…He was without a doubt one of the best men I have laid eyes on. He was crying though, as he hugged me and I rubbed his back to try and calm him down. I wish I could speak…I wish I could say that I spoke like I did in all those letters, but all I could say was, "It's alright…calm down okay." I couldn't say much more than that and he just nodded before smiling and looking at me.
"I like your voice Gaara…I pictured it in so many ways, I hope that doesn't sound creepy." He spoke and it sounded like…heaven ringing in my ears.
Now…this wasn't like a crappy story where the cute blond with brilliant eyes turned out to be a freak with a weird kink or anything like that…it was just that I don't think that Naruto will ever feel the same way of me as I do him. I have even tried to sleep with others to see if I could picture anyone but Naruto to bring me up, but I couldn't. He had taken my heart, and it was for the first time that it felt like this. Though…there have been subtle hints that he does over the past two years…and a few months ago I swear he was checking me out. The problem with it is I don't think that Naruto wants to get hurt again…because of how Sasuke left…and I wouldn't want him to either. But you know of that thing called true love? Well…I might be stuck neck deep in it.
"Why are you here for me?" I looked at Lee who also seemed to be getting psychological help, but at last we became friends on the outside world.
"Because today is anniversary…of you getting out." Lee chuckled handing me a small package, I just rolled my eyes and took it.
"I would rather not think off that mind you." I spoke to him before walking away from the cash register and to a box of merchandise, restocking the shelves.
"I know but…it's the day that you saw Naruto for the first time!" Lee smiled at me and I looked at him.
"And I still can't speak my mind…and I'm scared to tell him how I feel." I spoke honestly.
"But still…hey…isn't your shift over soon?" He asked me and I just nodded, "then why don't you go home to him. I have a special; feeling about today."
"What do you know about today that I don't?" I looked at him with a suspicious glare which he only shrugged his shoulders at my question.
"You know my feelings…sometimes I don't know anything." He responded and I sighed.
"Fine finish up my shift, I'm going home."
.
"Gaara?" I heard his voice call from the kitchen and I smiled slightly.
"Yes."
"You're home already? I thought you were at work…" The blond smiled at me and I just grinned back.
"Yeah lee came by and stole the rest of my shift."
"Oh…well I made you cookies, because today is…special." He looked at me, teeth showing in an all grin smile that I would think he would be known for.
"Oh? Is it because today was the first day we met?" I threw a shot in the dark, only to be surprised that he shook his head no.
"Well…I was thinking…well…I wanted to get a lot of things out lately…" He seemed he wanted to tell me something but didn't as his eyes traced the floor tiles.
"And one of them…is about me and you." He looked at me then, walking closer, him being only two inches shorter than I am.
"And what do you want to talk to me about?" I spoke gently putting a comforting arm around his waist, Naruto has been getting tired…and more tired lately, he even sometimes leaves the apartment without telling me and it makes me a bit worried.
"Well…actually for a while…for a while I mean like. Okay, for maybe half a year…probably, possibly, more…I have fallen for you…I can't help but love you."
At this point in time…I would love to say that I swiped him off his feet and into my arms and into the bedroom we would go, but sadly I cannot say that at all, because at the moment I actually got my wish, I actually got to say 'I love you' back to him, the words leaving my mouth making his eyes light up like a Christmas tree… then his blue eyes turned dull.
He got shaky, and then I found him slump into my arms breathing shallow yet sometimes fast, and I knew something was wrong. Naruto was weakened and he wasn't responding to my words at all.
..
"Gaara…" I jumped at the voice next to me, my hand continuously squeezing the blond laying in the hospital bed, in hope that he would wake up…we need a future together. We need it…he finally confessed and so did I…he can't leave me now.
"Sh…Shukaku…" I looked at my oldest brother who I haven't seen for years.
"Yes…this is my husband Kyuubi." His sand colored hair moved in front of his eyes while he pointed to an orange haired kid to his left. He had stunning blue eyes…just like Naruto. And if I remember correctly Naruto said he had a brother Kyuubi….
"Y-you're…Naruto's brother…"
"And you're Naruto's lover."
"No I'm not…"
"Then why are you here?" He looked at me suspiciously.
"He said I love you…and after I said I love you back to him…he collapsed. He's my best friend…and future lover…I love him so much…" Shukaku looked at me before putting a hand to my back and rubbing it gently.
"I met Naruto…he was a great kid and he talked fondly of you when we met, so you were the one he was sending letters to…"
I nodded at this before looking away from my brother and back at the blond on the bed, his heart monitor being off every few seconds, "then…you're the one that he said to give this too…if this situation happened." Kyuubi spoke, reaching into a bag that was over his shoulder. What he pulled out was an envelope, not wrinkled like normally they would be in the detention center because they would open up and read it…this was new and nobody had opened it.
"What…"
"It's yours I didn't read it…he wanted me to give this to you…like I said if this situation occurred. We will leave you alone…but we will both be back." The orange haired one spoke calmingly.
"I love you little brother…I'm sorry I disappeared from your life." He apologized and kissed my forehead before leaving me in the room with a constant beeping heart monitor.
…
Dear Gaara
I'm sorry…this letter is one my brother is supposed to hand off to you because…remember one of the early letters when lying became one of the subjects…you never lied to me but I have lied to you. I am sorry…my mom didn't have a heart attack. She had Brugada disease…a genetic heart disease with heart failure to an abnormal heart beat. She had a pace maker, to help this, but in the end her heart just failed. Like mine. Pace makers never worked well with me, for some reason my body would reject them, which normally doesn't happen. With this I was doomed from the start…to die. I am sorry I didn't tell you, Red Teddy, because I was scared you wouldn't want anything to do with me. My doctors constantly told me to stop dancing, to basically stop what I called fun, but I didn't want to stop…if I was going to die anyway I was going to get my life how I want it…to find a lover…to get married…to have a family. To be with you. Gaara I have fallen for you…more than I have with Sasuke…but here's my problem, I am scared on what will happen. That you will hate me for dying from heart failure. That it is very possible to not find a lover…to not get married…to not have a family. So if we haven't had a life together, to have a life fulfilled together, if I haven't even said I love you yet…I do love you, I really do. Whatever happens…forgive me please. I wouldn't be able to move on if I couldn't get you to forgive me. And please…by all cost live a life, find true love, find happiness. Because I am not able to do that with you if I'm gone…don't forget me though, Red Teddy, for you were always there for me. And I will watch over you if I don't survive how I am now… I love you Gaara Sabaku…Forever with you, I promise.
Naruto Uzumaki
I couldn't help crying onto the already wrinkled with tears paper. I looked up at Naruto then back down before wiping my eyes, "Of course I forgive you…I always will. You were always there for me, and I really do love you…please stop suffering…yes I want you here, no I don't want you to suffer…to love, move on…and watch over me like you promised…I love you." I spoke silently, kissing the letter before leaning over the blond. And like a sappy movie…I kissed him. I kissed him in his slumber and I thought I felt a small twitch of his lips as he kissed me back…but I'm not that sure…because after I had done so his heart monitor stopped beeping.
…
Dear Naruto
I could never hate you, I could never stop loving you…and I can never move on from loving anyone else more than I do you. You…I wish you would have told me sooner though, that you loved me, and that we could be together. Maybe not forever, but at least long enough for our feelings to grow more than they had. You are a beautiful person and no way is it possible for that to change. You said to live life…I was living a perfect life with you, to find true love, you are my true love and that won't change for a hundred years, and for happiness…for the first time in my life I wasn't alone. I was purely happy and even now…I never feel alone anymore because you are watching over me. You, my dear Naruto, will always be there for me…even in the afterlife. So think of it this way, like I do anyway, think that our life didn't mean anything and I can't forgive you…but imagine that we did get married that we did end up having a kid…think that we had a little family and it will make you live on for life. You don't need sex to know you love someone. But if you can't…that's okay…because you can do that in heaven. Have the perfect wedding, have the perfect kid, and we will be the perfect family. I'm doing great…thinking of you every day…I could never forget you…so never forget me. Fish cake you were always there for me…and so I am there for you. And in years far far away I will stop being your eyes and ears on earth…and I will join you. But like you said, I will be here until life demands it to be taken away from me. For now…don't forget me. Because I know you are watching me, and I take pleasure in that. I love you Naruto Uzumaki… I am so happy that we met.
Gaara Sabaku
I put the opened up letter on his body, his peaceful smile on his face while I left the open coffin…knowing that soon they were going to burn his body in a cremation…and knowing that I will never get a reply from him again.
But he's watching over me…And I can't wait for my mail day to come when I can hear from him again…but that will be for a long time.
I love you Naruto, and you love me…that will never change.
END
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I hope that you liked it Destiny, I wrote it for you dammit! But seriously…I hoped you enjoyed it as well as others if they get through this. Because now that I'm uploading it…I'm not that sure anymore ;_; umm…but yeah…review!