The First Letter

"I haven't left the house. I haven't even left the kitchen except to go to the small bathroom a few steps off of it. I'm in the same clothes I left the Capitol in. What I do is sit by the fire. Stare at the unopened letters piling up on the mantel."

I sit on my sofa, staring off into space when I hear someone. Haymitch. He bursts into my house, startling me. I look up and he is holding a pile of letters. "The boy wrote them to you while he was in District 13 and in the Capitol," he grunts. Haymitch places them on the mantel. "I expect you'll read them soon. The boy still cares about you." He walks out of the house, leaving me entangled with my own thoughts. I sit there, on the sofa, unmoving.

Hours pass and I decide to read a letter, only because Peeta wrote them. I look up and walk towards the mantel. Picking up the stack of letters, I take the first off the pile and rip it open. Once again, my hands have ruined a once perfect item. Just like Peeta. Just like everything I owned. Just like everyone I loved. Slowly, I take the letter out of its ruined envelope and begin to read it.

Dear Katniss,

Dr. Aurelius told me to write letters to you, as a part of my therapy. I can't exactly talk to you since last time I saw you I attempted to strangle you. So, I'm writing letters. How are you doing? I'm not doing well. I am so confused. Everyone tells me you aren't a mutt, but I'm so confident that you are one. Dr. Aurelius told me I shouldn't have tried to kill you. Why shouldn't I? You killed so many, you destroyed District 12, and you left my family dead. Dr. Aurelius says that isn't true. He says you saved so many and that the Capitol destroyed District 12. He also told me that the Capitol is the enemy, that they made me hate you. He also said that I loved you, for my whole life. I don't know if I should believe him or not. Dr. Aurelius says maybe I should ask you, when I get a little better. He says it will feel better, hearing it from you. But I don't know if I should trust you. I can't trust you. Did I really love you? Did you really love me? What happened, Katniss? Why can't I figure out my own thoughts?

Sincerely, Peeta

I sit back on the couch, feeling even worse than usual, if that was possible. I don't understand the Capitol. I never will. Why would they torture Peeta, out of all people? Peeta is so selfless, so kind, and so loving. I am selfish, mean, and a murderer. The Capitol should've tortured and captured me. Peeta doesn't deserve any form of punishment. I do.

A/N: A couple of lines in Mockingjay have inspired this story (chapter 27, page 381, hardback copy). If you don't understand the "switching from letters to reality" part – feel free to PM me. To clarify (even more) between the letters and reality, I put the letters in italics.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games trilogy or any of the characters in it, Suzanne Collins does.