You know, you really need to work on your aim.

"Fine. Next time you can be in charge of the teleporting - oh wait, you can't. It's not really possible to accurately teleport with just an image. I can get us within a few miles of the general area, but where we end up is pure chance."

It's just kind of ridiculous that you managed to drop us in the only body of water - and this thing is barely even a pond, by the way - in sight. Damn it. Everything below my shoulders is soaking wet. It's a good thing the pokedex's case is airtight, or it probably would have died.

"Any idea who that belonged to in the first place?"

I turn the scratched red rectangle over, looking at the pair of initials crudely carved into the back. S.O. There weren't many people that this could belong to - even a cursory look through the operating system shows a distinct lack of some of the signature features of the modern 'dex lines. This isn't even a first generation, it's more like a prototype of the whole concept. Of course, to actually find out who this used to belong to I'd have to find out exactly who worked on the project, and frankly, I'm not all that interested.

"Suit yourself. Where are we, anyways?"

Opening the cover of the 'dex, I navigate through the menu until I reach the map function. It's a static display, with no location tracker, but if Seijin brought us to the right area then we should be somewhere on the western slope of Mount Moon. The picture he used is of the local Pokecenter, so I zoom in and scroll around, looking for any bodies of water. There are a couple of places that look like they might fit, but I'm guessing we're off the beaten path, and that puts us in a little valley in the hills. If I'm right, there should be a small entrance to the caverns that run through the mountain about a mile away.

"That should be just a few hops away - I'll just check it and be back in a minute."

Wait - and there he goes. It's times like this that I wish he didn't evolve. Oh well. He's back in around forty seconds, and with confirmation of our location, we decide to head to Cerulean through the caves.

I guess there's a good reason for following the established paths afterall. Wild pokemon tend to stay away from inhabited areas - which this definitely isn't.

"Well, it could be worse, right?"

It's true - instead of a horde of angry clefairy, we could be facing down a pack of wild arcanines.

"Just letting you know, if that ever does happen, you're on your own."

Tch. Getting back to the present issue, the pokemon surrounding us were starting to growl, advancing closer step by step. I retreat to the rock wall at our back, standing over the cause of this whole mess.

It was a black clefairy, covered in wounds and looking fairly malnourished. We ran across the regular clefairy administering a savage beating to this one, and being the kind, sensitive soul I am, I tried to break it up.

"And now you're lying in your own head. Admit it - you walked into this by complete accident." Seijin grumbled. "Looking after you is going to drive me into an early grave."

I love you too. Any chance you could just psychically throw them off the mountain? I note that the line of pokemon is not entirely even - there's a gap where only a few clefairy are standing.

"Is this with or without letting your little health problem flare up?"

What the hell is he talking about? I feel fine. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long while.

"Of course you do - since you haven't been on your medication for sometime, the ensuing side effects are starting to disappear. On the other hand, that means that I have to expend a significant chunk of my power to keep you healthy. Normally, I'm just the stopgap measure until you get medical attention; if I release you now and start diverting enough strength to deal with this pack of clowns, you'd probably suffer an immediate relapse and die. Probably. Stupid human."

Normally I'd find this topic quite fascinating. Unfortunately, this is probably not the best time to discuss alternative medical practices, since it's looking more and more likely that we're going to need doctors for an entirely different reason. Hey, wait. Why is it that they're just surrounding us anyways? From what I've read, most packs of wild pokemon just tear up their targets, not try and intimidate them.

"That would be my fault. All of them are weakly psychic - they can probably tell that I could easily throw them off the mountain. If it weren't for a certain someone, they'd be right, too."

Okay, plan B.

"Since when do you make workable plans?"

See that spot where there are only three or four clefairy? If we run straight through and don't stop, we could probably get away from them. Afterall, it's not like their legs are all that long, right?

"This is really not a good idea. The only thing in that direction is a nest of -"

One two three GO!

"You basta - wait for me, damn it"

I scoop up the wounded black pokemon and dash through the lines of pokemon, ignoring their attempts to grab the legs of my pants. One of them gets close enough to sink their claws into my shoe, only to get bowled over by Seijin's weight.

"They're like puffy pink stress balls. They squish very nicely."

A minute or so of hard running brings the mouth of the cave that Seijin saw earlier into view, and the sight breathes new life back into my weary legs. A final burst of speed later, and I'm standing right outside the cave. For some reason, the clefairy have stopped chasing us and formed up about twenty feet away, as if they don't want to get closer. It's rather odd behavior, but that leaves us with only one way to go. I turn and step into the dark cave.

"Wait, there - nevermind, you found them yourself."

I step into the cave, and look straight into a pair of eyes hanging slightly above eye level. And then another, and another, and another - the whole cave is filled with eyes. As I grow used to the lower level of light, I can make out more details. Small wings, thin blue bodies, sharp fangs. This -

"It's a golbat nest, genius."

"Goddamnit."

A/N: Well, it's not dead. It was just on ... you know, vacation. More like a yearlong sabbatical, but hey, that's just semantics. Also, we have a possible Harry Potter story on the back burner, along with a surprise (no mystery meat, we promise). Anybody have any preferences?