Loss and Gain, for gymnasticsbaby

From: Your Secret Snupin Santa (Socks4Dobby)

Summary: On the eve of Harry's seventeenth birthday, a surprise lands in his lap in the form of a werewolf under Veritiserum.

Rated: M

Pairing: James/Remus/Severus

Warnings: mpreg, threesome

Notes: Written for Snupin Santa 2011. Though I had once swore to never write MPreg or any pairing involving James, I was given the challenge, and in no way could back down. Here's hoping that you swore you would never read such, and am giving this story a chance, anyhow. Special thanks to my beta, who improved the quality of this story ten-fold, and helped me through the rough parts.

Word Count: 7,205

It was a foggy night. The yellow lamplights were barely visible through Harry's bedroom window. He learned in Astronomy that when important events happened in the world, it could usually be predicted by the weather.

It was a pity he couldn't predict what that important event was; Divination would never be his forte.

The rest of Privet Drive was sound asleep. Children were finally asleep, after hours of getting up due to 'forgetting' to brush their bottom teeth, or needing glasses of water. None of them cared to stay up to witness July the 30th moving into July the 31st, Harry's birthday.

Harry was used to staying up alone, however. He did it every year.

He looked at his reflection in the window and rubbed at his forehead. Since Voldemort was defeated only a month prior, all pain from the scar had dissipated. It was still there, though, marring any chance he had of getting with Ginny. Seamus always said that girls dug scars, but that was easy for him to say; he didn't have any.

Green eyes looked back at him. They all said that he looked just like his father, save his eyes. Growing up, he had never liked the colour of his eyes because the bright green had been abnormal. It had taken eleven years until he found out that they matched his mum's, to learn to like them.

Sixteen years. It would be going on sixteen years since his parents died. In October, exactly three months in the future, would be the sixteenth anniversary. Harry didn't much like to think about it.

He had nearly lost track of the time when there was a tap on his window.

What the hell? Harry glanced over at the clock; it was a quarter 'til twelve. He was nearly seventeen.

"Remus!" Harry gaped. "What are you doing? What if someone sees you?" Flying on a broomstick in a Muggle neighbourhood was most certainly against the law.

Remus grabbed hold of the windowsill. His boots scraped against the house as he struggled to pull himself inside Harry's room. "It is only against the law if you get caught," he grunted.

Harry had a sick feeling in his stomach that Remus was going to get caught. He tried to aid the man in by pulling him over the windowsill.

Remus fell hard onto the carpet.

Harry froze, waiting for Uncle Vernon to thunder up the stairs at the noise. He didn't.

"Accio broom." Remus summoned the broomstick indoors, before magically shutting the windows. His bones creaked as he tried to get up off the floor. "Your father used to say that."

Harry could only stand in awe. Why was Remus there? Although he was his friend, he had never showed up for years of birthdays. Why now? Seventeen was a special birthday, of course, but he hadn't expected company.

"U-Used to say what?" Harry fed Hedwig a treat to get her to stop squawking at Remus. "H-He used to summon broomsticks?"

Remus' cheeks flushed. "Ah. That too. No, I meant about breaking the..." He pulled a crystal vial out of his waistcoat.

Dubiously, Harry looked at the vial. Potential threats and warnings from Snape rang through his brain. Ah, Mr. Potter... is too good for simple glass vials now, isn't he? Or perhaps, You imbecile! Only the most advanced potions can be used in crystal vials! Begin again!

Remus' eyes landed on the vial and slowly, he withdrew it. "Yes; I suppose I would be better off starting at the beginning."

"That is where most people start." Harry seated himself on his bed, keeping a watchful eye on the clock. "Not to be, uh, rude or anything, but why are you here?"

Remus took a seat on Harry's small bed. "For many years, I have debated whether or not to tell you a story. Believe me, I had half a mind to take you during your fourth Christmas, but Dumbledore and finances intervened." He made a face. "And a lack of courage, at that."

Harry bit his lip. Thirteen minutes until his birthday.

Remus took a scarred hand and reached for Harry, but he shied away.

What is he doing here? Why is he being so touchy-feely all of a sudden?

"I hardly know where to begin. In some ways, I really feel like I should leave it alone and not tell you, but that hardly seems like the ethical thing to do. Then again, had we listened to ethics, we wouldn't have this problem in the first place."

They had a problem? Harry had thought they were free of problems, with Voldemort gone. He thought he would finally be able to settle down in a normal life.

"Your father was a very wonderful man, Harry. He was everything you've heard and more."

'Your father was a swine.' "I would like to think he's not everything I've heard, sir."

Remus gave a smile, but his eyes were sad. "Really. What have you heard?"

Harry looked at Remus carefully, to check that the man was not drunk. They had had many long conversations together in the past, but few had gone this route. "I don't think I want to tell you."

"That he was crude, baseless, and mean-spirited?" Remus shook his head. "I know you have heard it, and I know who you have heard it from. I do not want to encourage you to ignore what Severus says about your father entirely, but I do wish to present to you a less, ah... biased version."

Remus wanted to encourage Snape's point of view. It was apparently a cold day in hell.

Harry stood. "Um, you need some water? Or maybe a puking pasty? Would that help?"

"I've had no Firewhiskey, Harry, though I may want to have one after this. Sit." The scarred man pointed back to the bed, before downing the contents of the crystal vial

"I can't do it." Remus ran his fingers down the man's side. "I would if I could, but it is anatomically impossible. It is why there are very few werewolf children in the world; my kind cannot breed the way humans can. Our monthly change would kill the foetus in the first month of its development, inevitably."

James wouldn't look at him. He had his back turned against him, facing the wall. "I could do it."

Remus sighed. "I will not have you risk it. What would happen during the full moon? We do not know how the change would affect it; fingernails are fully formed in humans in a short amount of time. I dread to think of what a werewolf child could do to you. No, studies of werewolf children growing in human women are limited, but werewolf children growing in men? That has never been studied, and I refuse to let you be a guinea pig."

He was not going to budge on the issue. In a perfect world, they would have children, and plenty of them. In a perfect world, the Dark Lord Voldemort would not be on the rise, threatening everything they held dear. In a perfect world, Remus would be employed. In a perfect world, Remus would not need to be employed; he could care for their small children while James worked, or while they lived off the money in the Potter vault.

Their world was far from perfect.

"When the war is over - and it will end someday - we will look into adoption. Gay couples cannot adopt, of course, and werewolves are excluded from adopting anyone but fellow werewolves - but you could. We could raise him as if he were ours by blood."

Remus' attempt to comfort James did little good; James stood and began to dress.

Remus sat up. "No? Okay, let me try again. Perhaps we can ..."

"If we don't do it soon, it'll never happen." James pulled on his dressing gown. "I don't make the rules; if we wait until we're old - like, thirty - we won't be able to have kids of our own."

"If you're so desperate for children then perhaps you should rethink your sexuality," Remus quietly said. He knew many young gay couples like themselves, and many bemoaned the fact that they could not bear children naturally like their heterosexual counterparts. It was simple biology for Remus, and he was perhaps unsympathetic about it. He had always known he would never have children.

"Can't we try?" James pleaded. "We'll get a private potions company to do it, and if there's any sign that the baby is in distress around the full moon, we'll terminate it. I promise."

Remus shook his head. "Don't lie to me, James. You could never do that, and never would." Terminating babies often had messy results involving Azkaban, if not done by a Healer.

He watched James pace the flat. The slender black-haired man was not yet twenty, and already fretting about children. He had long ago stated his desire to have a house full, but Remus had dismissed it, not knowing about James' sexuality, not knowing that they would someday become intimately involved.

They had been together for three years, but when you knew that a Death Eater could end your life at any moment, it felt like an eternity. They had already exchanged rings (pure gold, no silver) as a private promise. Remus did not have doubts about how well they could raise future children, but he was wise enough to know that at nineteen, they were hardly ready.

James stopped his pacing and looked up. "Remus, if I find a way to get us a baby - totally legally - would you agree?"

Remus was afraid of what his partner had in mind. "Perhaps."

Harry had his back up against his bedroom wall. He found himself groping for his the door handle. "Get out of here."

The wrinkles on Remus' face seemed to stand out more than usual. "Harry, would I lie to you?"

Harry's mind raced. My dad's not gay! My dad wasn't - not with Remus! Not with Professor Lupin! Not with - no! Harry had never seen his parents' wedding portraits, or his own birth certificate, but he knew certain things about his life as fact, and was unwilling to have said facts altered.

Like the time they died in a car crash. That was a fact, too; remember?

"I realise that all of this is hard to hear, however, you are nearly seventeen. You deserve to know these things as you enter adulthood, and if I do not tell you, no one will." Remus did not blink. "I assure you, no one will."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "You didn't date my dad."

"I was practically married to James. Come over here; I need to finish telling you what happened."

"I know what happened; my dad went to my mum and made me. End of story. I don't need to know more." He didn't want to think about his parents having sex, or anything like that. Oh, God. Sex. My dad had sex with Remus. Guy sex. He had- uggh.

"That is not what happened. Lily's involvement in this story is minimal. She was very good friends with-" Remus growled impatiently. "Just let me finish."

Harry looked at the clock. They had seven minutes.

Remus pulled off the heavy knit cap he wore outdoors during the colder seasons. "I hate autumn," He moaned, as he accepted the cup of tea from James.

"Don't be stupid, Moons; you always say stuff like that. When it's summer, you want winter. When it's winter, you want summer. When it's fall, I'd bet you'd be happy with either one." James was smiling a bit too wide as he rambled. He did not sip the tea he held in his own hand.

"Did Sirius slip something into your Butterbeer this afternoon?" Remus tried to act casual.

"Sirius slips something into my Butterbeer every afternoon; you'll have to be more specific than that." James beamed, sitting his cup on the coffee table. "July."

Remus blinked. He tried to recall their conversations earlier that day, trying to place what James was referencing. "Come again."

"July. That's when the baby is born."

Remus dropped his cup of tea, but did not feel the hot tea scorch his lap. "Baby?"

James could hardly sit still. "Yes! You won't believe how I-"

His hands were shaking. He was shaking, though the house was in fact quite warm. "Y-Y-You what?"

"You said that if I could find a way to get us a baby that didn't involve stepping through Ministry loopholes - legally - it was fine by you. I found it." James beamed.

. They were having a baby. James was having a baby. He was pregnant. They were pregnant. "You're pregnant?"

James shook his head. "No - see, I was talking to Lily about-"

"You spoke to Lily about this?" Remus was aghast. He was a very private man, and preferred to keep his personal issues just that. The sexual life that he and James shared was meant to be private. It wasn't meant to be shared with even the closest of friends.

"Well, I couldn't very well talk to Sirius or Pete about it, and Lily knows all about, you know, bodily fluids and babies." James rambled. "She is a woman, you know."

"I didn't realise." Remus gripped the edge of the sofa so tightly, his knuckles were white. "Tell me; what did you do?"

"I went to go see Snivellus."

Remus locked Harry's bedroom door with a complex charm.

"You have to let me out!" Harry clawed at his door.

"You're hyper-ventilating." Remus stood.

"Well, if I am, it's your fault!" Harry pointed his wand at Remus. "Stay away from me."

It was pointed out very early on in a young wizard or witch's education that same-sex magical couples could have children. Provided that the couple had enough money to obtain expensive potion ingredients, were young and fertile enough to have a child together, and fit into various other molds, it was possible. A student several years below Harry had two mothers.

But Harry wasn't like that. Lily Evans Potter was his mother. James Potter was his father. They were straight, and completely in love. They died because of their love for each other, and for Harry.

"James was a wonderful man, but very impulsive. I will never forget what he said to me when I demanded to know why he did not consult me first."

"I knew if I had asked, you would have told me 'no'," James quietly said.

It was three days later, and Remus had finally brought himself to speak to James again.

When he and James had promised that they would always be together, Remus had only one requirement; fidelity. He needed to know that James was with him, and only with him. It did not matter that James had not had sex with Severus to create the baby; they had still made a baby together. And had left Remus utterly uninvolved.

"It's a boy." James added. He did not look up. "Snivellus rambled on and on about chromosomes."

"Men cannot have girls; it's to do with the testosterone." Remus tried to remain calm as he moved around their small flat, preparing for bed. "What did you have to pay Severus to carry your child?"

"Our child," James insisted, gripping Remus' hand as he climbed into bed.

Remus pulled away.

James sighed. "I didn't, actually. I think he wanted to prove he was magically capable of doing it. I think he wanted to prove it to Dumbledore, how adept he is at potions. We didn't talk about it much."

Remus kept his back turned from James. "You should have."

It was a long time later that James sighed. "Yeah, we should have."

Harry lied in bed awake that night. How could he sleep, with the words Remus had left him with?

The crystal vial had had the words 'Veritserum. July 22nd, 1980' scribbled onto it with unmistakable handwriting. It was the same cramped handwriting that covered Harry's entire Potions essays, correcting even the most insignificant things. Remus explained how Snape had brewed that shortly before Harry's birth, 'just in case', and given it to him.

Remus had saved it, for seventeen years, for that night. He had held nothing back.

Harry couldn't look at himself in the glass any longer. Behind his glasses were no longer the green eyes, as the glamour had dissipated as the clock struck midnight. He now had dark brown eyes. It wasn't his dad's eyes, or his mum's eyes.

Did that mean Snape was his mum? Fuck.

He felt like his mum had died a second time. He grieved for her in a way he had been too young to the first time. He wanted her to come back, to hold him, and tell him everything would be all right. He knew he was seventeen now, and too old for that sort of thing, but he didn't care. He needed her like he never had before.

Was it a terrible thing that he didn't particularly feel like seeing his dad? Why had he done that? Snape? Of all people?

Then again, Remus said it had been his mum's idea. Or Lily's idea, as she was not his mum anymore.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He cried for days on end. He was an adult, and spent his first hours or so of his seventeenth crying like a baby. And he didn't care.

Harry almost didn't go back to Hogwarts after that. He couldn't face everyone, knowing what he knew. It was hard enough living in the Dursley home; he couldn't look Aunt Petunia in the eye any longer. How could he go back to Hogwarts, pretending that the woman who famously died for him was his mother? How could he sit in Snape's class, knowing that-

To be honest, he felt more miserable over the fact that he lost his mother than the fact that Snape was her replacement. He hated Snape now more than ever, but loved his mother more than that.

So many thoughts ran through his head. He kept wondering what his mum's - no, Lily's - motivation was to save him. How had he never noticed that both Remus and Snape were gay? Harry couldn't imagine Snape pregnant pregnant with him. Harry had grown inside Snape. Snape gave birth to him. Who else knew that? Was there another glamour hiding nasty Snape-like features on him? Why did Dumbledore insist on him posing as his mother's son? Remus had skimped on a lot of the details at the end of the story.

In the end, his motivation to go back to Hogwarts was simple; he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't. Not only did he need to take his NEWTs to get a respectable career in the future, but he needed to see Snape again. He needed to find out what happened.

After returning to Hogwarts, he noticed that Snape seemed to be looking his way. A lot. Every time Harry glanced his way, he noticed Snape staring at him. Had Snape always done that? Or did Snape know Harry knew, and stare at him as a result of that?

"Stop grinding your teeth, Harry." Hermione elbowed him. "It's a terrible habit. Not only is it bad for your teeth, but it can misplace your jaw, much like-"

"-yes, Hermione, you're the daughter of dentists. We know." He couldn't confront Snape about it. What if he did, and Snape denied it? What if Snape didn't know that Harry was the baby he had, and thought Harry was a lunatic? What if he got mad and threw another jar of cockroaches at him or worse?

Part of him felt like an idiot for believing Remus; the story was preposterous. But combined with the Veritiserum, and everything else - no wonder Remus and Snape hated each other so much. If Harry's dad had been with Remus, and then had a baby with Snape ...Harry was still a little foggy on the details, but he was pretty sure that was why Snape thought his dad was a swine.

Harry gulped. Snape was his dad, too. Or his mum - he was his parent. It was a good thing Harry was of-age, because he didn't want Snape to have some sort of authority over him.

"Nice eyes, Harry," the Patils commented as they walked by. Most people didn't even notice the colour of Harry's eyes changing, but those who did attributed it to a charm. Harry had said he felt like a change, but he had a feeling those closest to him didn't believe him.

He spent his spare time trying to find a glamour to make his eyes appear green again.

Harry didn't have the nerve to go to Snape until October. He waited until Halloween, when he could pass it off as a prank if it went horribly wrong, before creeping down to the dungeons.

It was late at night, nearing eleven, when he arrived to the large ornate door that marked the Head of Slytherin's quarters.

He looked around, to make sure there were no Slytherins creeping around. And then he knocked.

Snape opened the door promptly. His limp black hair hung in his face. He wore old-fashioned spectacles, perched on his long nose, which seemed longer than ever in the flickering lamplight. "Ah, Potter. What brings you here this Ö fine evening? Out for a midnight stroll?"

He's not yelling at you for being out past curfew. Harry had prepared himself for that. "I, um, need to talk to you. It's, um, important."

Snape's eyes narrowed. He surveyed Harry slowly, carefully. "Does it concern your grade in Potions?"

It was a P, because Harry's concentration had been piss poor since the start of school. "No."

"The upcoming Slytherin versus Hufflepuff Quidditch match I will be refereeing?"

"No."

"I believe I have made it abundantly clear to those around me that I will not discuss what happened with the Dark Lord."

"I know that." Harry wiped at his forehead. "I wanna talk about something else."

Snape seemed to stand there forever, saying nothing. Finally, however, he stepped aside. "Come in."

Snape's quarters were boring. They were made of one stone room, with an ornate double-bed in one corner, and a sofa and armchair facing the lit fireplace. There was a wardrobe and a chest of drawers against the walls, with a trunk at the end of the bed. Harry couldn't help but noticed the initials, 'S.A.S.', on it; it was Snape's school trunk.

This is it. This is Snape, as he is. This is the guy who-he quickly inhaled. He had promised himself he wouldn't panic.

Snape motioned to the sofa. "Sit."

Harry took the offered seat. "Sorry to bother you so late, sir. It's just, um, well-"

Snape did not sit, but stood looking down at him. "I was not sleeping."

That much as obvious, because Snape was fully clothed. Except shoes; he wasn't wearing the pointed boots he normally wore, but simple grey stockings.

He's human. Harry gulped as his throat began to swell. He had thought and wondered a lot about Snape the past several months, but he had never seemed like a human to him. He had never seemed like a normal man, that you might meet at a shop or a party. He had never considered that Snape might have saved his school trunk, wore reading glasses, or walked around at home in his socks.

It made what he was about to do either much harder or easier.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Are you going to sit down, or ..."

"I will stand." Snape said.

Harry bit his lip, trying to buy time. He looked around the room, wondering what to say. Without being able to segue into defending himself into knowing his parentage, like he had planned, he was lost.

Finally, he found something to say. "You don't have any pictures on your mantle."

Snape did not turn around and look at his bare mantelpiece. "I do not."

"Sure would liven the place up. Maybe a picture of your mother, your owl ...your wife."

That had the desired effect; Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. "What is this about, Potter?"

"I know." Harry blurted out.

Snape slightly inclined his head. "What is it that you know?"

"I know that you're gay. I know that you had a thing with my dad, and with Professor Lupin. I know that you were friends with my-my-" Harry stopped.

Snape's expression didn't change. "I see."

Harry wiped away the tears from his eyes, hoping Snape didn't notice them. "I know you were a spy for Voldemort, and that's why-"

This time, Snape interrupted. "We agreed not to discuss the Dark Lord."

"Sorry." Harry wiped his nose on his sleeve. Voldemort had such a place in Harry's life that it was hard not to talk about him sometimes.

Snape handed Harry a handkerchief. "Who told you?" He quietly asked.

Harry blew his nose, a loud honking sound filling the room. "Lupin. On my birthday."

A sigh escaped Snape, and he moved to sit on the sofa, beside Harry.

Harry brought his knees up to his chest, and leaned sideways against the arm of the sofa.

Snape was quiet, staring into the flames of the fire. "I took advantage of James' impulsive behaviour, I admit it. He had a keen desire to have a child, and I had something to prove. At the time, it did not matter who we hurt in the process."

Harry wiped his nose with the handkerchief again.

"I do not know what the source of James' desire was. I suspect he knew he would not be on this earth for much longer. Remus and I thought we had plenty of time. When you are young, you make plans for the future, and in a blink of an eye, you are old and never did any of them."

Snape and Remus both looked especially old to Harry, but they weren't, not really. "Remus took Veritiserum he said you made."

Snape snorted. "The whole vial? The baboon must have been babbling truths for days afterwards."

There was a chill in the room that the fire did not seem to take off. Goosebumps were rising on Harry's arms. "So, what happened, exactly? I mean, my dad almost kind-of cheated on Remus."

"He did not." Snape corrected, for the first time since sitting on the sofa, looking at Harry. "He gave me samples of his sperm, sweat, blood, hair and saliva. He went behind his back, thus betraying him, but did not commit adultery. He never would have done that."

"Because you knew him well?" Harry wanted to know.

"Oh, God!" James moaned as Severus' hand massaged him. "Oh, God!"

Severus stroked James' cock, trying to pay full attention to James as he enjoyed attention from Remus. Remus' warm breath against his sac was almost too much to bear.

Remus' tongue traced the vein on the underside of Severus' penis, before he wrapped his mouth around the organ. He suckled it, teeth lightly grazing the delicate skin; Severus involuntarily bucked his hips.

A groan from James brought Severus' attention back to him. He began stroking James' erection with earnest, enjoying how every movement of his hand gave James such satisfaction.

Severus sat up quite suddenly. He did not cease movement on James' cock, but the sharp movement caused Remus to stop what he was doing quite abruptly.

"Is something wrong? Is someth-" Remus amber eyes were filled with worry.

Severus shook his head. He would never get used to having what was the size of a football inside his stomach. The organs and cords artificially made and adapted to work inside a male's body could get most uncomfortable when one's blood pressure rose, and lying down tended to cause an irritating bout of acid reflux, but it was nothing to whine about.

His neglected cock, however, was.

James came with a shout that surely all the neighbours heard. Severus climaxed only a few moments after.

Harry nodded. "So, um, can I ask a dumb question?"

It struck him how hard it must be for Snape to retrain himself from making mean comments. "Yes."

"How did that work?" At Snape's raised brow, he hurriedly added, "I mean, not the sex and stuff! I don't wanna know about that! But the - relationship."

Snape shook his head. "We had no intentions of me interfering with the relationship between James and Lupin. However, one thing led to another, and we found that we all quite liked what we had between us."

"Like what?" Harry wanted to know.

Snape looked at him, levelly. "That is personal. However, I will say that we collectively were very excited for your birth, and loved you very much."

Loved.That was past tense. Because Snape didn't love Harry any more.

And why should that bother you? Nothing has changed. He's always been one of your parents, and as long as you've known him, he's treated you badly.

It did bother him, though. He just wasn't going to say anything.

"So if the three of you lived happily together, then how did my mum ...I mean, Lily, get involved?"

"Harry, look at me." Snape pulled off his glasses, and for the first time, it occurred to Harry exactly how much Snape's eyes looked like his own un-glamoured ones. He didn't have the eyes of James Potter, but Severus Snape. "Lily was a dear childhood friend of mine. She befriended James and Remus both as we got older, and was very supportive of how we chose to not only have a child, but raise him. She was one of the only people who were supportive, as a matter of fact. She could not have loved you more were you hers and she would be proud that you think of her as your mother."

"But but she's not. You are." Harry was confused.

Snape shook his head, a chuckle escaping him. "Please do not call me that. I understand that is our biological relationship, but even had I been the one to raise you, I would have insisted on a more proper term. 'Father', perhaps."Snape's eyes became serious again. "No; Lily Evans will always be your mother to you. I expect nothing less, and I am sure the same applies to Lupin."

Relief flooded through Harry. He hadn't expected that. He was allowed to refer to the red-headed woman as his mum. Even though she was not really, he had such an attachment to her he was not willing to give up.

"It is too late for the details of what happened between James, Lupin, and I." Snape stood. "The least you must know is that everything we have done for you was an investment into your future, and under Professor Dumbledore's orders. We've no expectations of you to be a child to either of us, but if you ever need anything, or wish to pursue-" Snape stopped, but Harry understood.

"Okay. Goodnight, um, Professor."

"Goodnight, Potter."

"How did he take it when you told him?"

"Well, he didn't jump out his window like I suspected he might."

"Ah, he took it well, then." Severus sipped his tea.

Company between he and Remus had been stiff for many years, and it was no wonder. There had always been tension between the two of them when James was absent, and after he died, it hadn't taken long for things to come to blows. It was so easy to blame each other for what had happened; it had hurt too much to lie in bed without a particular third party.

Remus was staring into his tea, as if he expected to see his tea leaves spelling his future with the liquid still inside the cup. "I don't suppose he is ready to hear the whole story, then."

"Should he ask, I will provide the information. He is hardly a child, and has a right to know." Severus had prepared himself for years to tell Harry his parentage. In the child's third year, when Remus had arrived on the scene, Severus had even made an effort to cross Harry's path in private multiple times, in case Harry would bring the subject up.

He had no expectations. Though years ago, his heart broke over the loss of his child, he had long ago accepted it. It would only cause more pain to force a bond, at this point. Whatever would make Harry happiest, he was willing to go with.

Remus sighed. "He won't want to talk to either of us now. He doesn't see me as one of his parents, so-"

"Don't be thick, Lupin - surely you didn't think I let the blame lie on only James and I? I made sure he knew you were involved."

Remus sat his tea aside. "Have you ever considered what might have happened had we been allowed to keep Harry, the both of us? What might have happened had we not broken apart?"

Severus stiffened. He had long considered how the three of them might have lived. It could have been beautiful, but they had been cowards, too afraid of dealing with the pain at hand to reach that point. "I have. And I blame James."

"I know you do." Remus sighed. "We loved him, strengths and weaknesses. His impulsiveness brought so much pain to our lives, but it brought joy, too. Surely you do not regret Harry."

He felt his breath catch. He suspected he had a connection with the boy that neither James nor Remus had. It was blindingly painful to even be in the same room with him, without being able to acknowledge their relationship. "I will never regret him, although knowing what I know, I very well may not have not-"

"Can't we forget about James, just for a night, though?" Remus leaned forward.

Severus' bed had been cold for many years. With the rise of the AIDS epidemic, and the full attention that went towards Harry during the early 1990's, he had had less than a handful of partners during that time.

But Remus. As much hate as he tried to muster, as much as he tried to put a wedge between them, Remus always came back with a cheerful smile. He never stopped calling him by his name, Severus, even when nearly everyone else did. Remus had never stopped loving him, despite how James' death had driven them apart.

"What are you implying, Lupin?" He guardedly asked.

Remus didn't answer. He just leaned forward, and planted his lips on Severus'. The stubble on his cheeks scratched Severus' cheek. His tongue prodded Severus to open his lips, but just as he did, Remus pulled away, leaving Severus desperate for more.

As he always did.

"I miss you." Remus was quiet. "We've got nothing to hide from him now. It has been nearly two decades. It is a pity we never were able to look past it all, and form a relationship between only the two of us."

Two decades. Had it really been that long since James had died? The body that had kept the two together had been underground for so many years, was stone cold and likely fully decomposed. It was ridiculous, when one thought about it that way.

"It has." Severus acknowledged. "And we can try."

He gasped as Remus carefully inserted his fingers into him. It had been very long since he had a patient, caring lover, who drew out the preparation in the names of both safety and pleasure.

Severus felt Remus' finger brush his prostate; he bucked his hips involuntarily at the sensation.

Remus chuckled. "Another finger, Severus?"

"Now," he breathed, intending to feel Remus' cock position behind him.

Remus inserted another finger into him.

Severus clenched his teeth as Remus began to twist his wrist, so that the three fingers were horizontal at their widest point. His muscles clenched tightly around them.

Breathe, Severus. You're full, but of fingers. Relax, he willed his muscles to relax around Remus' fingers.

Remus leaned forward, as to speak into Severus' ear. "Are you ready, love?"

"Yes." Severus growled at the pet name.

How he had missed Remus' cock in all the years they had been apart! There was something to be said for the cock of a man who was bit by a werewolf in his pubescent years; or perhaps Remus would have been an exception to the rule, anyhow.

His moans mingled with Remus' as Remus rocked against him. When he felt Remus climax and fall against him, he did not stop seeking pleasure, however; he moved so that Remus could easily suck his cock whilst lying down.

"You're not going to give me a moment's rest; we're not twenty any longer." Remus did not sound the least bit sorry as he accepted the end of Severus' cock into his mouth.

Severus leaned back and groaned. He felt an urge to put himself deep into Remus' throat, but didn't risk choking him. He twitched as he straddled Remus, as Remus slowly accepted more of him.

It was just like old times, only without James. And without the strength to immediately go a second time around; they were each getting older, after all.

"Severus, I hear a knock on the door." Remus nudged him.

Severus growled. It was nearing Christmastime, and all the Slytherin students were to be boarding the Hogwarts Express that morning, to go home. Severus had been looking forward to some private time with Remus, who he had been reunited with for slightly over a month.

He reached for his dark dressing gown, and wrapped it around himself. "Stay here; no one needs to know you're here."

Remus didn't answer; he kept his eyes shut, and snuggled deeper under the covers.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Bloody werewolf; would sleep all day if I let you." It was important that Remus remained out of view when he opened the door, as Severus had not revealed to the staff at large that he was once again in a relationship with Remus Lupin. He was not in a hurry to make that public knowledge, either; they were working it out on their own, and did not need help.

He opened the door, strategically positioning himself in the crack of the door. "Yes?"

It was Harry. Harry Potter. Eyes that had once shone so brightly green had darkened to a glittering brown. Ears that mirrored Severus' own. No one besides the two had such long fingers quite like that, that Severus knew; the fingers were what made Severus such an excellent Potions Master, and Harry a Seeker.

His grip tensed on the doorknob. "Can I help you?" He spoke shortly. He had been very careful to not reveal emotions to him in the past, to distance himself from the boy. He was not going to let the fact that Harry knew now stop him; it wasn't Harry's fault he knew, after all. Harry wanted nothing to do with Severus, and he knew it. Severus had never had any attention of waltzing into his life, and informing him that his life was nothing like he thought it was.

Harry had not stopped by since that Halloween night, nearly two months ago. Aside from a quiet "yes, sir" in class, they had not spoken. Severus was not oblivious to how much he stared, however; he had been tempted multiple times to use Legillimency, just to know what he was thinking.

"I'm, um, not allowed to go back to the Dursleys, y'know." Harry shifted on his feet. Dressed in his full Hogwarts uniform, Severus found the fact that the boy was staying at the school abundantly obvious.

"I was not aware of that." Severus wasn't surprised by it; of course the Dursleys did not want him back in their home. He was a legal adult now and not even related to them. Not that they knew the latter.

Harry rubbed at his forehead, mussing his hair. "Yeah. And I've had a long time to think over what happened, you know, and I was wondering, if you're not busy, if maybe we could ...talk?" He held up a gaudy wrapped package. "I brought you a Christmas present."

He thinks he needs to buy your attention with a Christmas gift. He thinks he needs to bribe his way inside.

It was for Severus' own emotional health that he would refuse to let the boy in. It hurt him too much to have Harry in front of him, and to not be able to hold him. But Harry needed answers, and Severus was not going to deny him them.

Perhaps he wants to pursue a relationship. The chances were laughable, but they were there; that made it worth it.

Severus opened the door. "Ignore the creature in my bed; the gift can go under the tree. Take a seat on the sofa. I will make us tea."

Severus sat quietly in the chair, letting Harry talk. Remus was equally silent (and thankfully dressed), as he sat beside Harry on the sofa.

"So finally, I figured out it didn't really matter, you know? Your mum is your mum, even if you're not really related. Some kids get adopted and go away for a long time, and make the person who raised them their mum; that's like me with mine."

Harry had ranted on for nearly an hour about how much he had thought about their current situation. He had asked dozens of questions, and Severus had granted them all, save one; he was not inclined to show anyone, Harry included, his bare stomach.

"Some kids who are adopted, though, get to meet their old parents. That's me - even though I think of my mum as my mum, and my dad as my dad, I can have other parents, too. Especially if they were there to begin with, and didn't want this to happen."

It was very hard to follow Harry's train of thought, but Remus kept nodding as if he understood. Severus did not care exactly what Harry was saying at the time, but what it led to.

"So now, it's like I have four parents. I've got my dad, who is by blood, and my mum, who isn't. And I've got you," he pointed to Severus, "who is a parent by blood, and you, Remus."

"Harry, you don't need to feel obligated to have either of us fill parental roles as your father, " Remus gently said. "We understand that-"

Harry shook his head. "I know that. But we can get to know each other better, can't we?" He looked at Severus. "I know you've never liked me much, sir, but I think you might like me better once you get to know me. Lots of people do."

Severus forced himself to breathe evenly. He swallowed hard, and put his years of practice to use in order to avoid tears. "I would like that very much, Harry."

The End