Years. It has been so many years since I last saw anyone, the Titans, the villains, the civilians. I used to feel the cold that comes with winter, I had enough power for it, enough energy, enough senses. Now a days, though, I'm nothing but scrap metal.

Titan Tower is in ruins, and it crumbles apart more and more every day, just as I do. I stayed here because this was the only place left in the city with any type of power that can charge me. As time grew on, I had to merge myself with the Tower, and I know that soon it'll run out.

The city, the Tower, the Titans, everything-it shouldn't be this way, but there's not much that I can do to change it. The city needs somebody stronger, more durable, younger, with fresh ideas and a strong sense of justice if it can be saved at all. Robin-er Nightwing-he's always there to help save the day, so maybe he's what the city needs. Either way, I'm not. I'm not strong enough anymore, on my own, and I can barely move without a systems failure. It's what happens when you're part robot and using old technology.

This use of energy hasn't helped me to stay younger-if anything it's had the opposite effect, and I probably look a lot older than I am. The way I'm living stresses out my body too much, no matter how much energy or sleep I get.

When I think about what happened, it nearly breaks me every time, because it's something that shouldn't have happened, it's something that we should've been able to prevent, but we were helpless to stop it. Always helpless. Raven had warned us though, she had always given us signs and had always tried to remain at a distance. She told us who her father was, had told us who she was, but, damn it, we were just too stupid to listen and think things through. If we had, this mightn't have happened, I might not be stuck in this Tower in this state, Beast Boy wouldn't have stooped to such low standards and self esteem, and Raven... I think she's the one who's had it worse than all of us. At least Starfire didn't have to go through any major changes. Just death.

I still know what's going on with them at all times, I am a cyborg after all, and the internet is still working, sort of. Beast Boy's locked himself in some sort of cage. Terrible isn't it? The one who can change into all animals caged himself up, to be watched and examined and toyed with like some kind of circus freak. Beast Boy's not a freak though, but he doesn't even realize that anymore. Raven's in an insane asylum, has been since just after the incident, will be until she can either find herself again or until she dies. That is, if half-demons do die, I don't know about that. It doesn't look much like she's changed since we were teens, but then, what do I know? All I'm good for is scrap metal.

It was just after we defeated the Brotherhood of Evil, which, looking back now, just figures. It was like we were on a high from the fact that we just took out ninety-nine percent of all our criminals. But that one last percent? He was probably the most dangerous, but we were too arrogant to think things through carefully. That one last percent? Slade? He caused all this. Him and Trigon, Raven's dad.

You'd think Slade would've learned his lesson the first time he worked with Trigon, but no, he just had to be so power hungry. He lured us into a trap that we fell for, damn it, we fell for such an obvious trap, and it was all my fault. I should've noticed the heat signatures in the room. I should've checked all the cameras in the vicinity. I should've done more to save her. I should've saved her and protected her but I damn well didn't do enough. Slade kidnapped her-my little sister, Raven.

Raven had always been the strongest person in our team, though it may not be obvious. She always thought things through, she always double checked, she always helped and made sure everyone else was safe before she checked to see if she was. She had the strongest, yet most dangerous powers, and she had the most control. She was the teams center.

You'd figure torture to a Teen Titan would last days, weeks, months, maybe years, that we'd be searching for my little sister for that long, but no. No, it apparently didn't take that long to break her, to drive her to the point of insanity. Raven was the strongest Titan, but it took a little more than a day for her to break, for her to fall apart, for her to lose her mind. But Raven didn't just lose her mind, she lost her control.

I don't know what Trigon did to Raven, I don't know how Slade somehow brought her to Trigon, I don't know how Raven was transported to hell. That kind of information does not compute with my systems. All I know is that whatever Raven went through, whatever Trigon did to her, I wouldn't wish on anyone, especially not my little sister. But its too late for wishing, isn't it?

When Raven appeared on our doorsteps, she was wearing next to nothing, little pieces of rags that were a miracle to still be hanging on to her body. Raven could barely stand up, she was so weak, and her hair in some places was burnt off to the point where her scalp was peeling, blackened and burned, her hair in others was choppy and slick with sludgy filth. There were large slashes adorning her body that seemed to continuously bleed, and some of the nails on Raven's hand were pulled out or uneven and blue and yellow-green with pus. Raven's body was bruised and swelling almost everywhere, and she had so many broken and splintered bones in her arms and body it was a miracle she could stand at all.

But the worst thing that I saw about Raven that day was the look in her eyes. She was showing emotion, untamed and uncontrolled and wild emotion. I saw something in her eyes like a fear of everything-something so much more than just a fear at the same time. She met my eyes in that last moment, and then I saw something in her gaze snap. I saw Raven's last moment of sanity break. I saw her transition into a monster.

Raven, of course, was taken care of by the team for the first few weeks. She was family, and as far as we knew, had no one else. Starfire helped to change her clothes, but as if to keep old traditions, Starfire never tried to get Raven to wear anything other than her leotard, unlike what she usually would do. Beast Boy and I tried to talk to her, to get her to engage in any kind of conversation of the normal sort. Beast Boy tried to get her to read her "dumb" books, or to drink her herbal tea. Robin tried to get her to meditate or train. None of the Titans ever again heard her signature words-and we all never thought we'd miss them that badly.

Azarath Metrion Zinthos.

One day things really changed, and everything seemed to take a turn for the better before they all took a turn for the worse. Starfire had gotten Raven to talk. Talking led to Beast Boy wanting to celebrate. Beast Boy celebrating led to a video game suggestion. Raven heard that word and before we all knew what was going on, Raven was brutally attacking Starfire. Raven used her black energy to trap us outside the Tower and make us watch as Raven made Starfire scream.

I never thought it was possible for someone to scream so much. I never thought it was possible for there to be so much blood. I never thought Raven would be laughing and smiling the whole time she killed Starfire. Her smile... it was like an innocent child's. Like a little kid who had just been given candy, or someone who was enjoying a new toy. Raven thought the whole thing was... was a game. When it was done, Raven released us, and let us come back inside, slowly, tentatively. Beast Boy was shaking.

Raven looked at us, giving es a toothy smile, Starfire's blood spattered on her face and her teeth stained red, and asked if anyone else wanted to play.

That's when we all knew she lost her mind, when we all knew she could never be saved.

Moments after, Beast Boy and I were talking to her, trying to get her to realize what she'd done, Raven was looking at us oddly, like she didn't understand, and Robin was just standing there looking at Starfire's body. Suddenly, Beast Boy's words seemed to break through to her, and for a moment it was like she lapsed back into sanity.

'Wait, what happened? What did I do? Where's Starfire?' she asked. Beast Boy turned his head away and I just looked over towards Robin. She followed my gaze, then followed Robin's, and I looked back at her to see a look of pure horror adorning her face. 'I did that? St-Starfire's...dead?'

In another second, I heard something break, from her powers, and Robin seemed to come back to his own mind now, and he rounded on Raven, screaming at her. It was the screaming that made it happen again, and I lost my baby sister a second time to a crazed mind. She gripped her head, screaming for him to stop, she kept repeating that word, stop, stop, stop... At one point, her powers came into affect and things started flying around, crashing into the wall, breaking the windows, a large portion of the roof flung off. Raven screamed the word stop, which Robin finally did, but it was too late. When Raven screamed, her eyes turned red and the Tower began burning and breaking and chunks of it began to fall.

It was a miracle the Tower hadn't totally collapsed, that somehow Raven managed to be calmed down, although her scream resounded in my "ears" and was replayed over and over throughout my mind. Looking back now, I realize I still don't know how that happened, how she had suddenly calmed down. In that split second that I heard her begin to scream, my eyes clenched shut and I fell to my knees-the scream was unlike any I have ever heard. It was earsplitting, high and shrilly, demonic and human and predator-like, and caused my systems warnings to go off the charts.

Though it was over in a moment, it didn't feel like that. That scream haunts me to this day, and I hear it often not matter where I am or what I'm doing in the ruins of the Tower. And the funny things about cyborgs? They remember things clearly-all the feelings, all the sounds, everything that happened and that was said. They basically record those instances, both purposely and on accident, to look over and go through later. I know this is true for me at least.

After that second, Raven was on the ground, arms around her knees, rocking back and forth, mumbling to herself. She said something like it was just a game, like daddy taught her, that Starfire had wanted to play. She started saying things like Starfire lost and gave up her life, that it was like with daddy, how she won but gave him her mind as a prize to make him feel better. If she hadn't done that, he would've taken her friends. And her friends are important to her, she takes care of them and they take care of her and they'd never leave her. They'll always be friends-forever.

Those words split my heart in two.

Robin, as we all know, is resourceful. He had some connection with some big shot millionaire named Bruce Wayne. Through him, we were able to get Raven a place at Arkham Asylum, an institute for "special individuals with unique characteristics." With my help, they created a room for Raven to stay in, where she couldn't hurt anyone with her powers, and where she couldn't get out unless they allowed it.

We weren't allowed to see her or look at the room, though. We weren't even allowed in the place. Just Batman, Robin's old mentor, who promised to walk with her and see her off. Standing at the gates, we didn't know where to go from there. We'd need to have a funeral for Starfire, and somehow get word to her family on Tamaran, maybe transport her body there. And the city would need some help, cleaning up after everything that Raven did after she lost control, so we could do something there. After a couple of weeks, though, I think each of us realized we couldn't go on with this. Loosing one of our ranks would've been a big blow to our team, especially to Robin. But two?

We disbanded quietly, Robin going off and changing his name and costume in recognition of the end of the team, and of the loss of two friends. I don't think he realized Raven wasn't dead. She was just... gone. And Beast Boy also did the same thing, changing his name and costume-he became Changling where Robin became Nightwing. They both tried to be solo heroes and do things on their own. But Beast Boy, after everything Raven did, he was completely heart broken, though he never talked about it with me. I think that distracted him too much, he never fought the same again. After losing too many battles, he just gave up, Beast Boy just stopped fighting.

I had stayed here because I knew then like I know now, leaving this Tower means losing all power, losing all life, and even now I'm low on it. My systems don't recharge as easily anymore. My systems are stressed out, becoming overused and overworked and old, and the stress causes me to appear and feel older than I am. But really all I am is a chunk of metal trying to stay conscious, putting off the inevitable, watching the Tower fall into further disrepair and ruin.

But I also don't want to leave because I'm the last Titan. Everyone else is gone.

Without a united us, the city swarmed with criminals. Battles between various criminals and whatever justice force that existed helped to further the ruin of the city. So much money was spent on repairs, funding for the police to catch the criminals, and funding for more medicine for the injured that soon it all caught up with the city. Many of the criminals left after Jump City was worthless and in ruins to terrorize other cities. Robin-er Nightwing-stayed probably because he felt responsible for the city. That's my guess anyway.

When Starfire came from the past, it was like old wounds reopened again, especially since she seemed to think that everything changed because of that battle with Warp. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was dead, so I just played along, letting her connect the dots to a lie. She wanted to find everyone, to see if anyone could help her get back to the past. I couldn't leave, and I felt so useless at that moment, I still do if I'm being honest. I couldn't save Raven, I couldn't save Starfire, I couldn't even save myself. What use could I be to someone who was going to die anyway?

I told her where she could find the others, I gave her more dots to connect. Maybe if she's scared enough by this outcome, she'll leave us in the past and go back to Tamaran, that would be one death avoided.

But I know that won't happen. You can't change you're fate or your destiny, and that wish that Raven had somehow retained her sanity and Starfire didn't die? It's all a fairy tale, something with a happy ending. But if you read the fine print and between the lines, then you'd have to be oblivious to not see the truth. This is life, this is real, and nothing can be done to change it.

Who am I trying to convince, me or you?

I left this hovel I call home for a while, just for old times sake, when I saw that red flash of a communicator. My habit from back then was to just sprint out of there, but I was tied down this time by my life support, and I had to make a choice. If I unplugged my recharger from my systems, I could stay powered for a little while, and risk losing power for good out there somewhere, or causing much, much more stress on my already stressed out body by running around and apparently fighting some bad guy, which I wasn't and still am not in the shape to do. These would undoubtedly bring me closer to my already expected death.

If I stayed here though, I'd get a longer life for sure, but a prolonged death, more drawn out pain, more time to waste away reminiscing all the bad highlights of my life. I'd get to stay alone for more- who knows? -hours, days, weeks, rotting and rusting and slowly decomposing in a pile of rubble that actually used to feel like a home. This Tower used to be a place I felt like I belonged at, and accepted. I was human, I was cyborg, I was a hero, I was a friend, but most of all-I was me.

Now? I'm stuck trying to live in my past, going fast to nowhere at all, trying to live when I can't live.

I'm sure you all know what I chose. I dis-tangled myself from the Tower's mainframe and took off to fight. Warp was beaten easily, and during those few minutes each of us fought, it was like we had some sort of a reunion. I was surprised to see that Raven was there, fighting alongside the rest of us. And for those few moments we could pretend that Starfire wasn't dead, we could pretend that Raven wasn't insane, that Beast Boy wasn't bald and fat, and I could pretend I didn't see the malfunction warnings going off throughout my systems.

When all was said and done, Starfire left us again and we all fell back into the run of things. It was nice to see and remember for a while, but it doesn't change the way things are.

Raven was still insane, you could see it in the way she stood and looked at each of us. She probably thought this was all in her mind. Beast Boy stood there sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck with his hand, looking as if he couldn't believe what just happened. Nightwing took charge as usual, he looked at me and we shared a knowing look. Just because we fought one battle together doesn't mean we're all going to buddy up again. In all honesty, Nightwing was probably the only one of us still fit to fight, and both he and I knew it.

My systems had begun to power down, that fight draining up a lot more power than I thought it would. I nodded to Nightwing and Beast Boy, saying goodbye without actually saying it, and gave Raven a big hug, figuring this would probably be the last time I saw her. Beast Boy followed me for a bit and we talked about how things could've been, how things used to be. He asked me questions about my tech, if I worked on anything new lately, how things were going.

I realized he didn't know about how bad a shape I'm in. So I did what I always did, I lied. If I'm going to die, I'd rather not drag someone else down with me. I acted like this conversation couldn't go on for much longer, like I had an important place to be, things to do. In reality I was relishing those small words with him.

We parted and now I'm at the Tower, waiting out the rest of my days. I wonder if this is how Raven feels at the asylum, chlostophobic and lonely. Or is she off in Nevermore, talking with all those emotions? Or is she deeper into her broken mind than that? I don't know. We each of us are alone, locked away, waiting for whatever's to come.

That is no exception for me, a cyborg. A robotic abomination who couldn't protect his family, who lost his sister. I get a bonus for this wait. I get to remember exactly what happened, how it happened, and what I should've done to save my family. I rechecked my power supply and it's lower than it should be, it looks like there's a leak. Maybe the rats ate away at the cables.

No matter, I'll just be closer towards the end. I'll be closer to being reunited with my family, my whole family. And that's something I could die for.

A.N.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I wrote this a long while ago but lost the heart to do anything with it. In the last ten months, three important people to me had died so it's been tough for me to be inspired for a while. But it's coming back, so I thought I'd get around to posting this. It was asked for, and it seems like a pretty ok one to me at least. Leave me your thoughts, not your sympathy, in your reviews. I've had enough of sympathy, but thanks anyway. It's time I moved on. Yours Truly,

-Wordless Thoughts