Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji. I am planning on making this a multiple chapter since so many people have asked me for the story. This is the first story I have every written here on FanFiction so I hope you enjoy it. This is based on a drawing I did. Warning if you dont like the pairing CielXSebastian then this isn't a story for you. Hope you enjoy and I will upload Chapter two a little later.

Chapter 1: Falling Snow

Winter

Ciel sat in his plush chair and watched mournfully as the flakes of newly frozen water began to fall onto the windowsill. He sighed under his breath, a rare occurrence. No one was around at that moment so he was able to show what little emotion he still had buried deep inside him. His eyebrows furrowed in pain as he slowly repeated the words his parents had told him on his birthday.

"Our precious little Ciel, our special son with so much joy in his heart" His mother and father were smiling widely as a smaller version of himself smiled back. He looked… so… happy. Something he now felt was unattainable by any stretch of the imagination. " I will never be happy" he replied as softly as possible.

It was a day to remember but in his heart all he could do was feel a tightening in his chest. It was burning now and he immediately believed that an asthma attack was coming on. No, he shook his head. It was just the fact that the pain was trying to collapse his entire body. More flash backs were coming and it shook his entire frame. His hands gripped the chair, digging his nails into the soft luxurious fabric.

He awoke with a startled look on his face. It was… a dream? Of course it was. He would never have been so foolish to show so much emotion even if the demon was not around. It was a fact that Ciel knew very well, that the contract alerted the demon if Ciel was distressed or in trouble. Not that he cared if the demon came to comfort him. Why would he? Ciel shook is head violently, did he begin to have feelings for…. Sebastian?! No, that was a preposterous and ridiculous proposition. Why had the thought even crossed his mind!?

"Young master? Is there something that is troubling you?" Sebastian asked opening the door slowly to reveal a silver try with an ornate teacup. A cup containing what the Earl thought to be his favorite tea, Earl Grey. Ciel jumped at the sudden realization that Sebastian probably had heard Ciel talking in his sleep and came to check on him. Damn that bastard.

Ciel sat in his chair and took a deep breath " why is it that you ask?" Ciel sat forward in his chair putting on his signature smirk in front of the demon. Much to Ciel's surprise the demon did not repay him the same teasing smirk. He looked concerned and for the first time Ciel could actually tell that Sebastian had, in fact, let his guard down. Sebastian walked over and stood right in front of Ciel's ornately carved desk " young master may I not be worried about your well being?" Ciel frowned slightly "why is it that you have a concern for how I feel in the first place, Demon?" Ciel could tell the fact that he did not use Sebastian's name caused his features to falter. Regaining his composure Sebastian merely sighed. "Young master you have been staring into space as of late and I have observed that you have not been sleeping well either" He replied casually caressing Ciel's cheek gently. The young Earl's cheeks flared up immediately at Sebastian's touch. His cheeks turning as red as the strawberries he had consumed that morning. The young Earl's eyes widened in shock and then pulled back to hide his now beat red cheeks.

"Don't toy with me Sebastian…" much to Ciel's dismay his voice became a small squeak at his last words "… please". He sounded as if he were begging. He, the Earl of Phantomhive, was begging to a demon to be kind to him, how pathetic. He hated showing this side of him; even though he acted like an adult on numerous occasions the fact was that he was still a child. A child that deep down was still holding on to a past filled with misery and pain. There was nothing for him to look forward to any longer. He had lost everything yet still kept up his act day after day. Ciel mumbled something into his palms gently that Sebastian barely caught. Damn demon. "Ciel… please tell me what is causing you so much pain, you can not hide it from me I can clearly sense that you are distressed". This was not the Sebastian that Ciel had remembered so many years ago. This Sebastian was trying to comfort him, for whatever reason the Earl was confused as to why. Ciel paused in the middle of his thought to realize… he called him by his… name. That was rare and meant that Sebastian was not messing around, Sebastian wanted answers and would not stop pestering him until he recieved them.

Ciel sighed inwardly; for once he felt tears threatening to pour down his cheeks "you really want to know why?" Ciel heard his voice rise. "Its because I have no desire to live, I have lost everything and your just a reminder that I was desperate in my time of weakness and vulnerability, THAT I SOLD MY SOUL TO SOMEONE LIKE YOU WHO DOESN'T CARE FOR ME AT ALL, THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE HERE IS BECAUSE ALL YOU WANT IS MY SOUL!" Ciel panted slightly. He wasn't really mad as Sebastian at all, his pain was just coming off him in droves and now it was getting out of hand. He knew what it meant to accept Sebastian's proposition long ago. He knew what he was giving up. He began to pace violently avoiding the demon's crimson eyes. For all he knew, the demon was not only frowning at him but also looking at him in disgust. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt a few tears escape his eyes. Why was he being so weak so… emotional? Without any more words he stormed out of his office and immediately retreated to his bedroom and closed the door.

Why me? Why did all this terrible stuff have to befall me? He slid down the doorframe. He didn't deserve all the misfortune that he had to endure. He didn't deserve to have to die at such a young age by… the one person he trusted most of all and still did. Was that why he was so upset? He was going to die by the hand of someone that he-. He paused to find what word would come after this but he just shook his head and slumped against the door. All the happiness in his world was taken from him. His aunt, his parents, even his own life would soon be taken. It was painful enough that he knew he had no one left. Sadly he stood up and brushed off his shorts. He felt awful. He slowly made his way to the mirror. His greyish blue locks were a mess from all the stampeding about in the study. His reflection was ghastly to say the least. His eyes had dark circles underneath them due to all the sleepless nights and his cobalt eye looked as if they had been pushed into his skull. He decided to take his eye patch off gently. He stood there staring at the mark in his eye, without it he would have no one, but he still had Sebastian. Ciel sighed knowing that he again had pushed the demon away. Ciel would not be surprised if the demon began to hate him. He hated himself for the many things he did.

I do deserve it. I deserve everything that befalls me.

Ciel slowly made his way to his large king sized bed. The silky dark sheets looked welcoming from afar. He was tired, exhausted actually. He let his emotions get the best of him and drained his energy by doing so. He gently cuddled one of the nearby pillows and buried his head into it. He knew that going to sleep was a bad and unwelcoming idea but he could not help the fact his eyes were slowly closing. He slowly fell asleep after listening to the ticking of the clock in the corner. He fell into a deep sleep, his pained expression fading from his features.

What is lost will never return

I am really proud that I finally feel confident about my writing. I appreciate all the reviews and follows and will update soon. Thank you so much.

~Ciel